Talking bout the old times, Rdingk shots of vodka, catch up, drink the bottle. To my trues hommie ever in live. Never decived, never lied, never didn't have my back, never there to tell me I'm wrong.
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Tuesday, March 31, 2009
March 29 Talkin to my boy Dik
Talking bout the old times, Rdingk shots of vodka, catch up, drink the bottle. To my trues hommie ever in live. Never decived, never lied, never didn't have my back, never there to tell me I'm wrong.
Mother Pink Floyd
Tripping ..... a lot of Floys anfd trip mucic.
Mad
Very low the other night.... Playing guitar Frestyle
Its the Future of our life you see.
All of Em, Looking out for you and me,
We Got to look out for them.
Make Em Raised, Make Em Raised , Make Em Raised
Make Em Raised Properly
Whats it feel like when you stair in the Camera
And you know there's only one person lookin back
Whats it feel like when you take A Knife and you just peel skin back
What does it feel like to bust somebody's head open with a baseball bat
Whats it Feel like to have that cold steel from the shank in your back
How can everybody tell me yo I got you from here
How can you look at me and say Man I'll Be Here
I know its all bullshit, and I know its a lie.
There aint none of y'all down to fuckin ride when its time to die
Except for the boy that I know well
Ha Ha Throw the 4, its One for Me, one for him, and two for fucking hos yeah!
How Will I laugh Tomorrow When I Can't Smile
How Will I laugh Tomorrow When I Can't Smile
How Will I laugh Tomorrow When I Can't Smile
How Will I laugh Tomorrow Tuck my Thumb for Awhile
As I look outside My Room
I see the world I don't see the reason
Locked inside my little self
Don't Give a fuck if its now a treason
Sit here and Bang the Guitar
Like it was My Bitch
Change up every fuckin word in a song, cause I got a little itch
Maybe I'll Go Back to Em, Maybe I Wont
Nothing seems to matter anymore
These songs that I wrote
The Clock Keeps Ticking but nothing seems to change, seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think of all those times, those Times we've had
Some were good but most were bad, most were always fuckin bad.
FUCKING BAD
So If I'm Going to cry will you wipe away my tears
If I'm gonna die, lord, take away my fears
I'm drowning in sorrow and I, I just wanna say
Will I laugh tomorrow when I can't Cant fucking smile today, smile today, cant fucking smile, smile today.
Here those Notes here?
Shhhht...
Listen, All Together as One, E Minor Note
Sit Down Man, Lets ya Float away
Leave your problems for another day
Sometimes it can bring ya back though
Sometimes it sees inside you
Cause you see Music is just waves,
Waves that pulse our bodies
You Hear what Goes in
But you Feel what Comes out
like Kinda I'm givin it A Little bit of Lovin
Brings a little smile to my face
I can Make a little bit of an up-beat
for a happy day
Try to snatch the rock mother Fucker
Getting a little angry now Ha Ha
All Those Bitches, wanna act like you don't know me
That one special bitch, your fucking life you owe me
All Them Fake Homies Bow to the ground
With their little pills, Needles, weed and Crack, Cocaine, about it, a Little bit of meth,
Xanax, and Alcohol
All Of Em All y'all
When you choose the drugs, and you don't choose me,
You Know What that Means? ha Fuck you Homie
Hope you hear me over hear laughing,
Cause its funny you see
I go through my live livin shit, that might not even been intended for me
Like Some other Body shoulda got some other soul
Like I should of Flown away
Somewhere Alone
Cause that's how I feel inside normally
And Nothing to go
Nothin to live for Except my son you Know?
I got nothin I own, That can't be replaced
Got nothing to show for it, But these lines on my face.
This is my freestyle, I hope you like it
If you don't, you know, I Mean, send it over
Turn it into a dildo, Stick it in your girls shit and light it on fire
You Can watch
It ain't gonna hurt her. You just got to know better,
See you always wanna fucking laugh at me
All Y'all You always wanna Laugh so you take your falls
See Karma's A Bitch Kid
And There aint no rich kids
On The Karma Ride oh no
When you go for a slide down a road
Never get back up you'll see me
Standing at the top ready with E
He's my Big Daddy
Friend of my Family
Father of my Boy Dikkie
Every one of you mother fuckers who knows me
When I throw that Thumb Up
Behind 4 fingers strong
Remember its respect my Dude
For all those nights so long,
Throw the 4 High in the air
One for me and One for you
Now there's 2 left
For mother fuckers that don't know what they about to do
They See us coming down yeah
Let us out of the car
Why, Why you wanna stop now?
That Dude was looking at Crishawna wrong
We Don't need to stop Chris, we can keep going
I Don't Believe it, do my ears deceive me?
STOP THE CAR BITCH
Hey there fella I see ya walking along there it seems that we just passed you on the other side of the road.
How ya doing? Can I get ya A Smoke? My Names the Dog, They Call Me SutDog.
Yeah, there ya go, I quit smokin myself but maybe it will help you out
See this is my boy Dikkie, and I don't know if your from these parts bitch but let me tell ya something
Its about to get a little bit sticky. Cause you looked at his girl wrong, Throwin up your signs
Wanna throw those evil looks, ya Fuckin KKK spineless bitch ya
Hows it feel to have two men, Fuckin Whoresmen Ride
Going tear your arms out baby, and stick em in your fucking eyes
Dont Worry It'll be the finger side first, that way it hurts really good
But if you wanna fuck with me baby, better be nice and good ha ha
Cause you don't want to Ride, You don't want to decide, you have no decision in this life
I look at Dikkies Eyes
And All I know, is that,
When It all it all goes down, he's gonna look again
And Throw thumbs up or down
Only thumbs we throw in this place Any other life such disgrace
to throw that thumb down low so better let ya know right now
Its Gonna be thumbs up tucked behind the 4 fingers about to ride your whore
See this aint ancient Rome its mother fuckin every place that we call home
It aint got a little C or a B or a Letter T Aint no mother fucking town in this whole family
We all over every mother fuckin thing if you see the two of us better fucking hear the Click Clang
Now when you see it go down throw that Thumb in the air Mother Fucker wanna Clown now?
What still wanna Laugh? Thumbs up doesn't mean your gonna live you dumb ass what?
Thumbs up Means I'm Gonna Kill you and every mother fuckin one of your fuckin crew
They Wanna Stick around and get the fuck shot up
Little Dik has got the Fuckin Truck and hes loading up the dead bodies
We're going to put em down at your mommies
And Let em Lay there and rot and Die
Mother Fucker take a look in my Mother Fucking Eyes
Does it look like I'm Playin with you? I got some Bi-polar, Agoraphobic too
Little bit of Paranoid schizophrenic all the other ones the Fuckin medic wanna to disprove
Try to tell me I aint Screwed
I Don't give a Fuck Pop the pills and the Juice And
I'm Certifiably mother fuckin insane
Talk to Dik and Ask him how some brains look
hangin out the back of a mother fuckers head cause he wanna run away
but still he got his Brains Shed.
At The hospital we didn't know, if hes gonna live
Mother Fucker you Kid Better Hope that ya don't cause if ya get the steel plate
in the back of your head it means I'm gonna haft ta Navigate around another block
Get us Clear shot in the mother fuckin Glock for face shot I'm Barely fucking roll
Mother Fuckers we want to let ya Know
So Now this was a Sutdog Freestyle
And I'm geting a little bit sick all the while
My stomach turning inside out ya see because I don't give a fuck if you aint my homie.
Ha Ha You want to Fucking Laugh At Me?
Ha Ha I'd go ahead and Fuckin see
Ha Ha I'll fucking laugh along with you
Ha Ha I wont ever fuckin miss you
Zupped Up
There was once A little boy who used to laugh a lot growing up playing with his GI Joes,
He would sit out back in the yard, He would laugh and Laugh
But then something happened I Don't Know it seemes
Later on in life he moved up Maybe now were looking at 8 years old or so
Maybe were looking at life?
You know It all Depends on where your at where you want to be down where ya got sat
Its the Diffrence if your gonna laugh at me or if you wanna laugh at my family
See if we are straight Ima Let you Know That I'm goinna tell ya by your little toes
That I'm 4 Whoresmen Legit I don't quit so if you wanna laugh at me then bitch laugh at this
Laugh at this
You Wanna Laugh?
Laugh at this
Laugh at this
Laugh at this
Laugh at this
So When I look outside my room I see the world
But Fuck the Reason
Cause its got to be out there
But instead I'm callin treason
Cause I don't know what to do
You Won't decide so Fuck it whatever
If you want me Here I am
Ha, Guess I can't sing Forever
I Tried to Hold you, But you Just, you Just Turned away,
And I tried to tell you love but nothin more to say
You Shouldn't have laughed so Loudly
That I had to Cut your skin
I Gave you all the signs
But you said you were through with me again
so as you lie here waiting
Waiting to see the fade
Shoulda Known Bitch Don't Fuck With Me
Its a Little bit too late now see.
You Can't keep us sitting hereto expect me to come up with some way of life for you
See I already Cut your wrists and your Neck, Nothin much you can do
Free style guitar playing
Its a way of life
When you mix the 4 Whoresmen together Make it Twice
So if you want to Cry
Will you wipe away my tears
If I'm going to die well
Lord, Lord, take away my fears
I'm drownin in sorrow but
I just want to say
How will I Laugh tomorrow
When I can't fucking Smile Today.
Little Drunk Tonight,.
Tomorrow, I will start the cronicalling of my bi-polard andd other diseases like panic and agraphobia. I am alone now. Lisitienin gto raido... I miss Jimmy... Need to figure out the future, Get hie hr=ere, 4 tucked 4 life, fuck all you ho's
Panic Disorder - A Reall Hell for me.
Panic attacks often strike when you’re away from home, but they can happen anywhere and at any time. You may have one while you’re in a store shopping, walking down the street, driving in your car, or sitting on the couch at home.
The signs and symptoms of a panic attack develop abruptly and usually reach their peak within 10 minutes. Most panic attacks end within 20 to 30 minutes, and they rarely last more than an hour.
A full-blown panic attack includes a combination of the following signs and symptoms:
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Is it a heart attack or a panic attack?
Most of the symptoms of a panic attack are physical, and many times these symptoms are so severe that people think they’re having a heart attack. In fact, many people suffering from panic attacks make repeated trips to the doctor or the emergency room in an attempt to get treatment for what they believe is a life-threatening medical problem. While it’s important to rule out possible medical causes of symptoms such as chest pain, heart palpitations, or difficulty breathing, it’s often panic that is overlooked as a potential cause – not the other way around.
Signs and symptoms of panic disorder
Many people experience panic attacks without further episodes or complications. There is little reason to worry if you’ve had just one or two panic attacks. However, some people who’ve experienced panic attacks go on to develop panic disorder. Panic disorder is characterized by repeated panic attacks, combined with major changes in behavior or persistent anxiety over having further attacks.
Signs and symptoms of panic disorder
You may be suffering from panic disorder if you:
- Experience frequent, unexpected panic attacks that aren’t tied to a specific situation.
- Worry a lot about having another panic attack.
- Are behaving differently because of the panic attacks, such as avoiding places where you’ve previously panicked.
While a single panic attack may only last a few minutes, the effects of the experience can leave a lasting imprint. If you have panic disorder, the recurrent panic attacks take an emotional toll. The memory of the intense fear and terror that you felt during the attacks can negatively impact your self-confidence and cause serious disruption to your everyday life. Eventually, this leads to the following panic disorder symptoms:
- Anticipatory anxiety – Instead of feeling relaxed and like yourself in between panic attacks, you feel anxious and tense. This anxiety stems from a fear of having future panic attacks. This “fear of fear” is present most of the time, and can be extremely disabling.
- Phobic avoidance – You begin to avoid certain situations or environments. This avoidance may be based on the belief that the situation you’re avoiding caused a previous panic attack. Or you may avoid places where escape would be difficult or help would be unavailable if you had a panic attack. Taken to its extreme, phobic avoidance becomes agoraphobia.
Panic disorder with agoraphobia
Agoraphobia was traditionally thought to involve a fear of public places and open spaces. However, it is now believed that agoraphobia develops as a complication of panic attacks. With agoraphobia, you’re afraid of having a panic attack in a situation where escape would be difficult or embarrassing. You may also be afraid of having a panic attack where you wouldn’t be able to get help.
Because of these fears, you start avoiding more and more situations. For example, you might begin to avoid crowded places such as shopping malls or sports arenas. You might also avoid cars, airplanes, subways, and other forms of travel. In more severe cases, you might only feel safe at home.
Situations or activities you may avoid if you have agoraphobia:
- Being far away from home
- Going anywhere without the company of a "safe" person
- Physical exertion (because of the belief that it could trigger a panic attack)
- Going to places where escape is not readily available (e.g. restaurants, theaters, stores, public transportation)
- Driving
- Places where it would be embarrassing to have a panic attack, such as a social gathering
- Eating or drinking anything that could possibly provoke panic (such as alcohol, caffeine, or certain foods or medications)
Although agoraphobia can develop at any point, it usually appears within a year of your first recurrent panic attacks.
taken from:http://www.helpguide.org/mental/panic_disorder_anxiety_attack_symptom_treatment.htm
My life is over now
The black clouds are drifting down
I want you to come home, and hold you in my arms
But you’re no longer there.
My Time has come and gone
I wish you were here now so I wouldn’t be alone
But you no longer care.
Oh why has my time come
Sooner than I hoped
I go to my room
And all alone I sit and moap
My memories of you come crashing trough
As I sit here in My Room, And Burn
I want you to come to my room
And watch me as I burn
Burning up with anger
With nowhere to turn
I wish that you could save me
Save me from Despair
How Am I supposed to Live
When You Don’t even Care.
I Burn up in my anger
My anger and my Hate.
I want you to come to my room
No Time Left it’s too late
I wish that you could save me
Save me from my fate
If only it were different
If only not so late
I want you to come to my room
And put out all my fire
Hold me forever in your arms
Make me burn with desire
I wish that you would hold me
And wipe away my tears
Hand in hand forever
In Love Throughout the years.
I hate Life
So I hate you too
I’m going to burn
There’s nothing left for me to do
All I loved is Gone
There’s nothing here for me
I’m going to end the pain now
This pain and Misery
“In A Life with No Meaning, even Life is Meaningless”
“A Confused state of reality sometimes clouds Confusion “
The Sparrows Song
A Pain Stricken Robin
With A Bitter Song
As The Days and Nights
Grow Ever Long
Yearns For Peace
And Comforts Of His Home
With Another Bird
To Call His Own
The Sands of Time Slip By
The Pain Now Stronger In His Eyes
With A Single Tear He Starts To Cry
His Time Has Come
It’s Time to Die
His Pain Is Over
He Is No More
A Desperate Sparrow
Knocks at His Door
Waiting To Be Loved
For Ever More.
His Body Lays and Rots Away
The Sparrow Has Since Flown Away
He Missed His Chance at Happiness
In This World.
The Dream
The Thoughts of Love Fill Up My Head
I Rub Your Hair
And Kiss Your Lips
Gently Caressing Your Finger Tips
Your Skin So Soft
Your Rounded Breast
To You I Give My Life and Death
I’ll Take You To
New Heights Unknown
We Dim the Lights, Unplug The Phone
I Kiss Your Neck
And Free Your Mind
All Your Thoughts Now Left Behind
Our Bodies Hot, the Passion Soars
Someone Knocks Upon My Door
As I Awake the Dream Is Gone
The Ticking Clock Says 3:01
You’re No Longer by My Side
Bitter Tearz Roll from My Eyes
My Stomach Cramps in Utter Pain
I Yearn To Be With You Again.
Bitter Tearz
It Takes Me to another Place
Where Everything I Ever Felt Was Real
The Times We Shared Now Mean So Much
Remembering Your Gentle Touch
Can You Please Come Home and Take Away My Fears
When I awake The Dream Is Gone
The Night So Cold Now Seems So Long
As I scream you’re Name to Take Away the Pain
How Will I Know If You Still Care
When I Need You Most Will You Be There
To Help me Wipe away My Bitter Tearz.
Star
But time goes by another year
Without someone to share it with
Or give that gentle little kiss
Why are you so blind to see
The love for you that comes from me
If only I could express in words
The artistic beauty in the flight of birds
When you come outside your house to play
And bask in warming sunshine rays.
The squirrels run down the streets and cheer
The coldness of winter no longer here
Your heartfelt smile makes roses bloom
In Multi Colors like Cartoons
A More elegant creature than a swan
Yet childish like the youngest fawn
You deserve to reach the greatest heights
And see your name surrounded in lights
Potential mates knock at your door
And Hope to be the one with more
You Hide your feelings and turn away
The clouds roll in and end the day
None of them can understand
Or Even Begin to comprehend
When you sit inside your room and cry
Hang your head and wish to die
But I’m still here throughout your tears
To comfort you and quench your fears
Your Beautiful Like the morning sun
The Tempting lioness who’s Lots of fun.
Although I’m just a friend today
I care more for you than words can say
And Love you for your mind and soul
And not for things like money and clothes
So As I end this sweet Goodbye
No Other Star could catch My Eye
I’ll sit alone and tempt my fate
I’ll sit alone, alone and wait.
“Even the Brightest Stars eventually fade to nothingness”
Rebirth
Now Lays Exposed No Longer Hid
In Plain View of Judgment Eyes
That Are Not Happy Till I Die.
My Spirit Lives, Free From Chains
No More Sorrow, No More Pain
I Must Now Go To a Different Place
And Watch My Body Laid To Waste
For I Am Free, No Longer Trapped
In Hell on Earth and Lover Spats
My Spirit Free To Live Again
Another Place, another Man.
Poetry Part 1
When I Look Into Your Eyes I See
The Pain Inside You Hide So Deep
So Darlin Come and Take My Hand
I’ll Lead You to Familiar Lands
I Remember All the Times We Shared
How You Laughed and How You Cared
Beside Me through the Good And Bad
Through Times So Rough
And Times So Sad
And I Need You Here with Me
And I’ll Love You Every Step You Take
Together Only Me and You
Our Love Will Know Just What To Do
And The Love I Have For You
Is The Light That Shines The Sun So Bright
To Lighten Up Your Darkest Days
Come With Me Babe We’ll Run Away To Tomorrow.
When The Tears Rolled Down Your Face I Cried,
To See How Bad You Hurt Inside
So Baby Let Me Dry Your Face
We’ll Meet Again Some Other Place
I’ll Remember How You’ld Hold Me Near
And Try To Fight Away My Fears
My Life So Good Is Now So Bad
Cause Ya Left Me Here And I’m So Sad
And I Need You Here With Me
And I’ll Love You Every Breath You Take
Forever Only Me And You
Our Love Will Know Just What To Do
And The Love I Hold For You
Is The Light That Shines The Sun So Bright
To Lighten Up Your Darkest Day
Come With Me Babe We’ll Run Away To Tomorrow
I Will Hold You In My Heart So Tight
As I Look At Stars That Light The Night
And Take Me To A Different Land
Where Me And You Walk Hand In Hand
When You Sit And Wonder Why I’m Gone
Listening To This Love Sick Song
Let Me Back Into Your Heart
We’ll Try Again A Brand New Start
Tomorrow.
Feelings
The Feelings That I Have For You
Can Not Be Said or Felt So True
Until I Gaze Into your Eyes
And See My Feelings From Inside
With you I Feel There Are No Chains
My Soul Is Free To Soar Again
And Leave Behind That Karmic Debt
That I once Had Before We Met.
I Feel Our Souls Are Intertwined
My Feelings Clear To Read Your Mind
How Can I Tell You How I Feel
And Show You That Those Thoughts Are Real
I See Us in My Dreams At Night
Talking By the Candlelight
While Holding You in My Arms So Tight
To Kiss Your Lips and Say Goodnight
So Why Then If the Feelings True
Can I Not Say That I Love You?
Misery
Sitting Here Lying Alone
Hurting Cause You Are Gone
Reminisce About the Time We Shared
If You Only Knew How Much I Cared
Pictures Bring Back the Pain
Of The Times When I Was Sane
I Need You Here With Me
No Escape from What Will Be
Take a Trip to Exstacy
In My Life of Misery
Images Cloud My Mind
Now Our Time Is Left Behind
Pictures Bring Back the Pain
Another Time When I Was Sane
I Need You Here With Me
Can’t Escape From What Will Be
Take a Trip To Exstacy
In My Life of Misery
Tripping Brings Back The Pain
Of My Life This Fucked Up Game
I Need You Here With Me
No Escape from What Will Be
Take a Trip To Exstacy
In My Life of Misery
Take a Trip To Exstacy
No Escape for You And Me
No Escape for You And Me
From Our Lives of Misery
No Escape for You and Me
From Our Lives of Misery.
Number 2
How Can You Leave Me Here This Way
With So Much More I Have To Say
All The Pain I Feel In Inside, I Can't Hide
These Twisted Thoughts Consume My Mind
And I'm Feeling Cold
Like That Long Winding Road
That Leads Me Back To You
How Can You Say You Love Me Too
When In Your Heart I'm Number Two
How Could I Have Been So Blind
To Think That One Day You'd Be Mine
I'm So Alone I Hope I'll Wake Up And Find
It Wasn't All Just One Big Lie
And I'm Feeling Cold Inside
Like All The Times I Cried
When I Was Away From You
And Everything I've Done
Don't Seem To Mater None
Cause I Am Still Just Number Two
Sometimes

March 30 Psycharitrist appt wed.
How I Feel
Bipolar Disorder and Depression Symptoms
The dramatic mood swings of bipolar disorder do not follow a set pattern. Depression does not always follow mania. A person may experience the same mood state several times -- for weeks, months, even years at a time before experiencing a change in mood. Also, the severity of mood phases can differ from person to person.
The periods of depression can be equally intense. Sadness and anxiety affect every aspect of life -- thoughts, feelings, sleeping, eating, physical health, relationships, ability to function at work. If depression is not treated, it only grows worse. There may seem to be no way out of this overwhelming mood.
These depressed feelings have been described this way:
Depression: I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless... . [I am] haunt[ed] ... with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all. Others say, "It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it," but, of course, they haven't any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can't feel, move, think, or care, then what on earth is the point?
An episode of depression involves five or more of these symptoms most of the day -- nearly every day -- for two weeks or longer:
- Sadness, anxiety, irritability ----Yes
- Loss of energy ----Yes
- Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, or worthlessness ----Yes
- Loss of interest or enjoyment from things that were once pleasurable ----Yes
- Difficulty concentrating ----Yes
- Uncontrollable crying
- Difficulty making decisions ----Yes
- Increased need for sleep
- Insomnia ----Yes
- Change in appetite causing weight loss or gain ----Yes
- Thoughts of death or suicide ----Yes
- Attempting suicide
When a person with psychosis is depressed, there may be delusions of guilt or worthlessness -- perhaps there is an inaccurate belief of being ruined and penniless, or having committed a terrible crime.
If untreated, episodes of depression tend to come closer together and are harder to treat. They may switch into mania. But treatment can prevent this from happening. With medication and therapy, its possible to live normally -- to have a happy, productive life.

