Sunday, August 23, 2009

Everyday Normal....Valley (mothafuckas)

NoOne says:

bout to watch a scarrrrrry movie
bout this boy who had a mom that lived by the high school
and he had a friend named The Dog
that would always come over to play
and cut grass
and cool shit like that
While all the time, he's banging moms ass
(Love, Sutton)

dik-4 says:

sounds epic

NoOne says:

dik-4 says:

wait till u see the end

NoOne says:

I got your boyfriend

dik-4 says:

we were both banging her
that's good
romantic movie night

NoOne says:
Then, his uncle came over...
And the farm sheep broke through the fence
And all was good in Connersville

dik-4 says:


Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Blast on me homie, lets see the last stance
A Mental ass Killer alone in the sand
I draw the line, just cross it and see.
I'll fuck you up fagot as easy as can be.
Maybe I'm crazy gives me strength under fire
I'll blast with my fist leave you body in tires.
Vickey redmens is calling I ready lets go, stand on my feet and like lightning I throw
My face is all bloody It must be the mind
this war in my head made me cross the line.

Too bad it was against myself. Mentally insane, Sutdogs fucked up self.

Words to my killer

Hey baby whats going on?
I love you is your day going good I hope?
I logged into the bank account, I see you made two new accounts only in your name and moved all the money?
Whats up honey? Did something happen? Why is my name not there? I know I'm in Chicago, thats why I'm calling there. Why is this turning into a screaming match while Im here. Im far away your say things I'm not tryin to hear. I'll take the plan back tonight, fuck the test I'll be alright. I dont give a fuck about a job My girl, my love is tripping.
I need to get home quick to see what has happened. You broke up with me? what the fuck do you mean? We been together 3and a half years, we were supposed to get married in Nune, oh wait, thats why you kept trying to push the wedding, you had this all planned. You stay away from home at a friends I never even get to say a word. I try to text you, but there is no answer. My son is calling, I'm crying trying to tell him. Yes buddy, Iowa is off, Kate broke up with daddy the weddings off. I still want to take you to the water park it will be ok. We will just have to do it alone, I don't know what to say, my worlds falling apart in front of a 4 yr old, asking the questions hopin he has the answers. I love you son run off to bed. Daddy will see you soon If its here or if its there.

I cant sleep the night I stay awake till down. Away for 4 days from work, I have to try to go on. I walk into some bullshit, Kate showed them my blog, said I made threats to her, Now I'm called to HR. Fired I know its all I can get, not 2 words from me no one cares about my side. I grab all my personals a few side items too, leave the building go back home and see the uhual moving things. I pull in they all leave so I try to help them out. I take all inside throw it in the street so they dont have as far to walk. Next thing I know 2 cops arrive, to make me come with them, no warrant, no nothing takes me by ambulance to the mental ward. 48 hr judge ordered stay. Seems Kate told the cops I was going to kill myself so she could unload as I sat in the jacket, begging to get out. All that runs inside my head is her words I cant take it. So much drama in your life, with crystal, your family, yourself, or the courts. Well fuck you bitch, my son was molested. You tun on me in my time of need no one there to catch me. I sat Alone in a ball on the floor waiting for family to take me back home. Back to ohio I keep up the meds, A psychotic Bi-polar Acrophobic, I got the panic disorder and drug problems to boot, hitin the pain pills the immortal sin. Ill pay for it later now I cant move, all I can do is sit in the dark. I get the order, sherif at the door, I'm served with the papers, a no contact order. How the fuck can this happen? all in 3 days, now I'm back in ohio, mind in a haze. No one to talk to, live in a hole. My moms house is calling, jimmy come home. I'm flipping in my head, talking to voices inside, images of death. I wrap my arms around it and cover it with drugs, for 2 and A half months months I have my world, Make sure he is alright. Now he's gone, I'm back alone this hole in the ground, my life revolves, never an end. Some one to help, dikkie calls keeps me better, but I'm still fucked inside, no one understands, my life was crushed in 3 Days.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Just so everyone knows, The following posts

About Kate were copied from another blog and posted here. So they are really from early may except for the timing one.

Oh well, I'm seeing more and more how that bitch burnt me, but that a whole other story that will be coming, its a BIG part of whey I am now, sitting in the valley, fucked up, with only my 4.

4-54 Crowned King $UTTDOGG

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Friday, August 7, 2009

Shit, Its been so Long....

With no way to get a hold of her without calling her work, which will get me in legal trouble I'm sure. With Jimmy here for the summer, Dr appts, court, everything, its been so long since I talked to Kate or heard her voice. I miss her so much which is odd because she walked away so easy, like she didn't have feelings, like it was all planned, it hit me so hard. from sending me to the hospital, (i'll post the complaint from her and police report later, it all seems so planned and like a fuck you. I though we were in love, I though we were going to be married, our families were intertwined, Jimmy spent the summer here talking about he wanted to go to Iowa and see Kate, he wanted to go to the water park she showed him. How do I explain to a 5 yr old? I though I was doing everything ok, except I realize now I did become a little detached, but she did too, it got to where we wouldn't do anything because every day became packed. I just can't believe its been 4 months.

I Miss her.

Kate, The Book I gave you.

I never meant for you to take it bad, its crazy 1 word in a title changes a life. (not directed at you but) I lost my job, house, cat, finance everything for 1 word, well and a fight I'm still trying to figure out. I'll post the whole story and see if I was wrong, just lost her interest, pissed her off, what? P.s. Kathryn Miller... If your reading this, I miss you, I wish I could talk to you, I still have your stuff, I am sending (you know me with mail) I'm just still looking for your daughters power cord. I'll send without for now. You know my email address, please email me if you read this.

Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart

It was a NY Times Best Seller on relationship help so Don't take it offensive.


Make him chase you...Until you catch him.

Never shy and always laugh-out-loud funny, Sherry Argov's Why Men Marry Bitches is a sharp-witted manifesto that shows women how to transform a casual relationship into a committed one. With the grittiest of girlfriend-to-girlfriend detail, Argov removes the kid gloves and explains why being extra nice doesn't necessarily mean he'll be more devoted. The guide shares real-life "no holds barred" interviews with men who answer the following in raw detail:

* How do men manipulate a relationship to keep it casual?

* Do men deliberately push women's emotional buttons?

* How can she convince him commitment was his idea?

* How can she invite a proposal without saying a word?

Whether you are single, married, recently separated, or just fed up with your family members telling you to fetch a husband because time is running out, Why Men Marry Bitches is the must-have guide that will show you how to exude confidence, win his heart, and get the love and respect you deserve.
Library Journal

Freud may have wondered what women want, but these two authors let readers know the wants and desires of most men. Argov (Why Men Love Bitches), a radio personality and contributor to the Fox News channel, holds that men want competent women who can think for themselves, handle most situations, and keep their men in line. She busts the myths that a woman has to be perfect, be his sex toy, and be whatever he wants her to be, before spending the bulk of the text advising readers on how to obtain a commitment without even having to say the word. Her 75 relationship principles cover everything from sex to finance and apply to readers of all ages. E! News anchor DePandi also delves into the male psyche, letting women know what turns men on (having aspirations and career goals) and off (nagging them to validate the relationship). Her 66 tips fall in line with Argov's principles but involve more nitty-gritty advice, such as hiding the astrology books and taking the yeast-infection cream out of the medicine cabinet when one's date comes over. Both authors emphasize the importance of a woman's having self-confidence, developing her own life, and learning to perceive herself through a man's eyes. Recommended for all libraries. Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.

Thank Yous to Kate

Thank Yous

The Reality of what happened is starting to sink in, we are pretty much done no going back. they got my meds pretty good so far, doubled everything, and added 600 mg of litithum.

I just wanted to thank/tell you some things I miss and appreciated:

1) Im in the valley again, so I am the valley trash, thats are there is, I have some govt papers and law papers going on so there is no move to get another job right now. That sux, You turned me to non cheap, now I'm yard salling and hitting the dollar store, that sux. Thank you for showing me the other side of life.

2) I came back to all the valley Hos, including crystal all trying to get with me, I can't even look at them, its ike get the fuck out of my face your a skank, Like seriously Ponderosa is a good dinner to them. I miss The High maintenance girl that made sure her nails and hair were done, wearing $500 dresses, or outfits. Here its like the girl in the hospital, thats the only way to explain.
Thank you for showing me valley trash is just that, maybe eventually I CAN HAVE ANOTHER HIGH CLASS WOMAN LIKE YOU.

3) Places here suck like bars / food. Places I'll miss especially with you:

Burbon street
The Casino
All Downtown
Becks, (we had some good times, Karaoke, just early on alot of fun)
Cedar Falls .
The Water Parks
The Trails for biking / hiking
Our 2 Shitty Malls
The Place we saw The Piano Man Show
The Cedar Rapids Airport - Lots of memories both happy and sad from leaving or coming.
The Mall Of America
The Deck
The Back Yard, _ I bet its starting to look nice now
The Living Room - I felt safe there
High Class Food and entertainment, Now its all Low class, as far down as Mc Donalds is a date - seriously.
I'm sure I missed some but you get the idea,

4) I wanted to thank you for trying to help me, you were there for my panic attacks alot and would walk with me or rub my head. Thank you for that, not many people care, No one here has yet to do anything but make my attacks worse. It was Odd I never had hardly 0 out there, you know in a while, but here, I've had a few so far, but its been a rough time so maybe thats why. Anyway taknk you for putting up with that part of me.

5) All the firsts you either had me experience or experienced with me. Flying for the first time, Going further west then ever, then again to vegas furthest ests, Vegas itself as my first. My first ever tailired Suit, my firdt $100 pair of Jeans, My first taste of fashion, multi products to get ready, My first cat, I hope he is ok I miss him so much. My first self owned Business, My first Self Owned Condo, First trip to Mall of America, First 3 some, first woman that was exactly that, a woman through and through, Well dressed, well mannered, Well Presented compared to what I'm used too. Lots of Firts for events, likr the Jsmres Tye party, the Party at the country club where we met Paco, etc. All those things I was never used too.

6) Thank you for scheduling to have the pictures taken, They turned out awesome.

7) Thank you for the things you did for me when I lived there like Laundry, cleaning, etc. I should have cooked more. I miss those dinners like at convair with the steaks and crab on top beranaise!

8) Thank you for teaching me the fine points of wine. I never liked it at all befor coming out there. I am glad I actually got involved and tried wine with you. We had some fun parties, and fun Wine nights just watching TV.

9) I miss playing cards, and making up our own games. That was fun.

10) Thank you for the good excercise habits, I'm down below 200 now. :)

Kate, Thank you for evertyhing. I know you say you dont hate me, and maybe you don't but I feel that you do, I mean you filed a restraining order, won't give me your phone number, I can't have your address, to send you anything. Thats all fine, but don't tell me you don't hate me when thats how it is, I gave you my cell and Address as soon as they changed. I understand we are over period. So I know why wou wouldn't want me to have it I guess, you don't even log on IM, or you changed addresses.

Anyway I'm posting thins on the blog also, that you still never even looked at.

Kate Thanks for all the high class things and that side of life so I got to see it. I would never have seen it here before I left, aand really wont see any of it now so thank you for all those things.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Kathryn (Kate) Miller I Miss You

I wish things didn't end the way they did. I'm still not even sure what happened.

I miss you Kate Miller

Jimmy Just left from summer break here to go back to his moms

More after I quit Crying...