Saturday, April 2, 2005

The Trance Of Ages

The writings contained within this thesis are combined from experiences within the life of one man, of whom the ultimate goal is Trancendence to a path of spiritual bliss, and the combining of mind body and spirit, or god state. The elements of this path are explained here only as a story of how this trancendence was sought, not as a roadmap of how to achieve the state yourself. The life of this man will be explained good along with bad, remember, yin and yang, with good there is always bad, with light there is always darkness. The existence without ego is the ultimate experience of spirituality of higher vibrational levels, but ego centricism is the ultimate experience on the lower vibrational level. With no concept of time on the astral plan, the student can exisit on one plan at any given time, and move to the other instantly at any moment. With this in mind, any attempt at reaching this state of bliss is thwarted by greed, lust, ego, or personal self gain. The only way to discovery is through love, not love of self, but universal love of everthing in existence, from the spider on the wall, to the wall itself, to the one who killed the spider. Man cannot pass judgment, man can only be judged. With this begins the journey of a lifetime.

Instead of beginning at the beginning of life, we will start at the beginning of the new life. The life being sought through love.

Love

By far this is the hardest human emotion to understand. It is also the most complex. This one emotion can send a person to a state of euphoria, or to a state of total depression. We will start with a brief definition of what I believe love to be, Split into three catagories.

Physical love: This type of love has little, if any emotional ties. Love is actually all sexual, with just a small emotional tie. The tie is actually just to the sex. Physical love is basically a very close friendship with a sexual attatchment. These relationships are transitions between relationships and are usually one night stands with the participants remaining friends, but not always. There is no commitment with physical love.

Emotional Love: This is the most common form of love in our society. This is the love that many marriages are based on. There is an emotional attatchment with this love that builds over time. Relationships could be very good, but also may be very bad. Sometimes the partners are not at all compatible but stay together because of other factors such as, fear of being alone, having strong physical love of the other partner, having love for the other person, but not being in love with them, not wanting to hurt the other partner, etc. This is very detrimental to the relationship as well as to both participants individually. If you find yourself fighting more than kissing, your not in love, even if you think you are, and must either solve the problems quickly so you can “fall in love” or call it quits and start over in another relationship.

True Love: The exact definition of love. Unfortunetly, not many people experience this love. When involved in a true love relationship, you are happiest doing things for your partner. Everything in life revolves around you as a couple, all you live for is to make your partner happy and all your partner lives for is to make you happy. Buying flowers for your girlfriend just to see her smile is true love, and her happiness is all you need to receive in return.

Love is learned through experience, not sexual experience, but the experience of loving other people, and mainly loving yourself. In other times people would remain virgins until marriage, many more marriages worked out better then because of the fact that the relationship was not based on sex, but on the happiness of each other. Cheating while dating was not an issue, so jealousy was minimized. Today kids as young as 12 are sexually active and many of their relationships are based on sex alone, and usually don’t work out. This is especially detrimental to young girls for they develop feelings of being used or worthlessness because that is what they are being told. This may later inhibit them from trusting the opposite sex, and may make them miss out on a true love relationship just becausethey can’t understand when someone is loving them from the heart, and believe if they get too close they will be crushed and allow themselves to be played. In this example the result would actually be totally opposite. This person may actually treat them better than anyone else and truly love them for who they are. The fear of being used for sex and their distrust in men inhibits them from trying the relationship, and in turn they will miss their chance at happiness. These girls will most likely end up in relationships where they are very unhappy, and their marriages probably will end in divorce.

An Older Journal Entry

I have reached the Lowest point, the point of most understanding. See I live life in pictures, stored as memories of tims that past. I look at this and see my life. But it seems All I can see is bad. I see my father leaving for the mine One night. Me and my youngest sister in our pajamas, them He picks me up and hugs me, gives me a kiss and tell me he loves me like he always does, then turn and leave. I guess my next memory is him in traction in the hospital, I never really knew exactly what was happening, being a kid and all. So My father braking his back in the Coal mine didn't seem as serious as it turned out to be. I spent many nights crying in my bedroom because my dad was in the hospital and I missed him so much. My mom never really showd affection at all when I was a kid. My memories Of her were times of yelling at me and nitpicking everything I did. My mother was very dominate, and also pessimistic. She used to make us crowd in the stairs whenever there was a bad thunderstorm so we didn't get struck by lightning. It's funny how terrible the storms seem when I was little but since I've grown I have never seen one that even comes close. Maybe that is why I'm so intreguied with storms, and tornado chasing. I'm trying to live that memory with the most vicious storm I can find, just so I can face my fears of it as a child.

The next memoriy I have is calling the ambulance to come because My father was having a heart attack. I was so scared. Me and my father were extreemly close, I used to have to here him talk about dying all the time. Like he would tell me things like I probably won't be here long anyways, So down on life, and I can't judge him for that because I haven't been in his shoes, but for me to hear it that young was like programming something In my head. The psychological damage that can be done to a kids just by what is said to them is enormous. Many people will never realize why They do things like they do, but I think it is just getting back to the core of your emotions, the root of all, your spirit. I am trying to free myself from these fears by getting to the root of everything that has happened to me and see how it has changed my life.

My Fear of Death. I think it Stems from the pessimistic attitidude of my mom reinforcing my father saying he wasn't going to be here long.. And the fact he was hospitializedso much, I used to never Know if I would see him again.. The fact that My mother used to make Us hide from storms. All This on top of getting almost electroucuted by a Leaky water faucet when I was like 10, add up to me being So afraid of dying now, Like I have this mortality complex where I used to think I was never going to die, I was Immortal. Well now I know its true, and it scares me because I don't think I have been living life the way I should have been. Now I realize Every minute counts, I wast so much time it is unreal.. Like My life has no direction. as A kid I always saw myself Married with kids, A house, New cars, Everything I wanted. Now I see myself as A maytr for the cause. I don't think I am ment to have that life. I think I am ment to suffer hardships. Through these mY creativity flows. Everything I believe comes from these feelings. Iwould still love to have A big house, and all that family life, but I don't think I am meant to Have it. Everyone I'm ever interested in isn't interested in me, They always go for my friends. And Everyone I have dated has never lived up to what I need. For me everything I do is base dOn relationships. I can't see myself living life with the house, and cars and 9-5 happy go lucky life by myself. I've been so unfair to stephanie. I've lived a dream world since we broke up. That was when I grew up. I guess. I mean I was always a loner, I dated and had sex with 1 girl before her with A girl I knew my whole life, and just thought that was all there was, Like i was just going to grow up marry her and live vally life. Well stephanine showeed me true I have reached the Lowest point, the point of most understanding. See I live life in pictures, stored as memories of tims that past. I look at this and see my life. But it seems All I can see is bad. I see my father leaving for the mine One night. Me and my youngest sister in our pajamas, them He picks me up and hugs me, gives me a kiss and tell me he loves me like he always does, then turn and leave. I guess my next memory is him in traction in the hospital, I never really knew exactly what was happening, being a kid and all. So My father braking his back in the Coal mine didn't seem as serious as it turned out to be. I spent many nights crying in my bedroom because my dad was in the hospital and I missed him so much. My mom never really showd affection at all when I was a kid. My memories Of her were times of yelling at me and nitpicking everything I did. My mother was very dominate, and also pessimistic. She used to make us crowd in the stairs whenever there was a bad thunderstorm so we didn't get struck by lightning. It's funny how terrible the storms seem when I was little but since I've grown I have never seen one that even comes close. Maybe that is why I'm so intreguied with storms, and tornado chasing. I'm trying to live that memory with the most vicious storm I can find, just so I can face my fears of it as a child.

The next memoriy I have is calling the ambulance to come because My father was having a heart attack. I was so scared. Me and my father were extreemly close, I used to have to here him talk about dying all the time. Like he would tell me things like I probably won't be here long anyways, So down on life, and I can't judge him for that because I haven't been in his shoes, but for me to hear it that young was like programming something In my head. The psychological damage that can be done to a kids just by what is said to them is enormous. Many people will never realize why They do things like they do, but I think it is just getting back to the core of your emotions, the root of all, your spirit. I am trying to free myself from these fears by getting to the root of everything that has happened to me and see how it has changed my life.

My Fear of Death. I think it Stems from the pessimistic attitidude of my mom reinforcing my father saying he wasn't going to be here long.. And the fact he was hospitializedso much, I used to never Know if I would see him again.. The fact that My mother used to make Us hide from storms. All This on top of getting almost electroucuted by a Leaky water faucet when I was like 10, add up to me being So afraid of dying now, Like I have this mortality complex where I used to think I was never going to die, I was Immortal. Well now I know its true, and it scares me because I don't think I have been living life the way I should have been. Now I realize Every minute counts, I wast so much time it is unreal.. Like My life has no direction. as A kid I always saw myself Married with kids, A house, New cars, Everything I wanted. Now I see myself as A maytr for the cause. I don't think I am ment to have that life. I think I am ment to suffer hardships. Through these mY creativity flows. Everything I believe comes from these feelings. Iwould still love to have A big house, and all that family life, but I don't think I am meant to Have it. Everyone I'm ever interested in isn't interested in me, They always go for my friends. And Everyone I have dated has never lived up to what I need. For me everything I do is base dOn relationships. I can't see myself living life with the house, and cars and 9-5 happy go lucky life by myself. I've been so unfair to stephanie. I've lived a dream world since we broke up. That was when I grew up. I guess. I mean I was always a loner, I dated and had sex with 1 girl before her with A girl I knew my whole life, and just thought that was all there was, Like i was just going to grow up marry her and live vally life. Well stephanine showeed me true Love. Every minute I spent with her was special. Every minute I spent without her was devastating. I became so fixed on the fact i Thought she was My soul mate and we were going to be together again someday, that I lost touch with anyone that has followed. I can't connect on that level with them, so I don't want them. I have been judgmental of others because I was comparing them to Stephanie. For that I am sorry.

I need a girl I can click with emotionally . Some one who knows wht I feeling and I know how she is feeling.
Someone who will love me unconditionally for who I am, Never try to change me, but make me change just because Of the Positive influence they have on me. Some on I can hold at night. Must be cuddly. Someone I can take care of money wise, but takes carde of me emotionally. I guess I'm looking for the mother I never had, but keep geeting all the ones that are just like her.
Love. Every minute I spent with her was special. Every minute I spent without her was devastating. I became so fixed on the fact i Thought she was My soul mate and we were going to be together again someday, that I lost touch with anyone that has followed. I can't connect on that level with them, so I don't want them. I have been judgmental of others because I was comparing them to Stephanie. For that I am sorry.

I need a girl I can click with emotionally . Some one who knows wht I feeling and I know how she is feeling.
Someone who will love me unconditionally for who I am, Never try to change me, but make me change just because Of the Positive influence they have on me. Some on I can hold at night. Must be cuddly. Someone I can take care of money wise, but takes carde of me emotionally. I guess I'm looking for the mother I never had, but keep geeting all the ones that are just like her.
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