Thursday, October 16, 1997

Journal Entry


I Talked to Steph on Tuesday. I love that girl so much it is truly driving me insane being without her. It’s been almost exactly two years since I got to hold her, but it seems like it was only yesterday I was wiping tears from her eyes because she had to move in with her dad.

Ok So Here it is… I talked to gena today……. She was like Stephanie told me to call.. She really wants to see you and talk to you again… And that she thought it would be so cool if we got back together… It’s kinda funny, cause I have been thinking about her more lately since her birthday is tomorrow… She turns 20… It seems like it has been so long… So much stuff has happened in that time frame… I sit and think a lot about how I should have just said ok when Steph wanted to run away the night before she left… Maybe it would have all been different.. I Really went crazy without her… It’s hard to try to explain it to anyone because I don’t think they can comprehend what I am talking about, or what I fell and felt for those years, and still to this day. So yeah, gena said all that after telling me last time she was here that steph Didn’t want to ever see me and she didn’t want to talk to me at all.. That really hurt me inside.. just the thoughrt that she didn’t even fell like she could talk to me… All I ever wanted ever was for her to be happy, and to be her friend.. to be honest I gave up on the getting back together thing like 2 years ago… Not that I still haven’t thought about her everyday, it’s just I Really couldn’t make myself believe it anymore… I didn’t even think I would ever even see her again.. And so I tried to get on with things…… Started Dating Someone And now, With steph being so close to the picture.. All I want to do is be there for her… As her friend and someone she can depend on… You know, I don’t even think about dating her.. I guess one thing I have learned and am still learning from my relationship with her is Fate. Whatever Happens, Happens.

Ok, Well.. It’s been a week or so…… Hummm.. I talked to Steph yesterday for hours, which seemed like minutes… It’s hard to believe We can still just talk like that. She called me like 3 times… She was washing clothes at her dads. Then today she came over and stayed for a couple of hours and we talked about a lot of shit. Like her Mom, Joey, The Babies, And about us.. I don’t know what it is about that girl, But I just melt when I’m around her.. I did the Day I met her, and I still do to this day, even after everything that has happened.. I love the Girl, I can’t really come right out and tell her that, we I mean I do say I still love you and shit like that, but its not with all the feelings I have that I say it. I Feel things so much, music, art, smells, Thoughts, dreams, everything I perceive comes through in feelings first then the other senses. I Can feel Steph like no one I have ever known before.. I can read her story, Tell when shes happy, sad, I know what she likes, and dislikes. There is just a bond there that I have.. The thing is, I know she has it too… Even if we are only friends for ever and we never dated again, I would Be there for her over anything and anyone… She deserves the best, and maybe it isn’t my place, But I want to try to help her get it anyway she can…. If it means Talking to her when shes having Boyfriend problems, or Marrying her, or anything in between… Some people may read this and Say It is obsession.. I feel this and say it is true love, a karmic connection, And Fate, We are ment to be together for something.. Our Natal, Synastry, and composite charts say it to.. I just Haven’t Figured out how were supposed to be together yet, Just as friends, Or as Lovers again, Or is this just a closure to an earlier experience where we will grow apart again? I guess only God Knows, and Fate Will led the way.