Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Note to a Loved One

I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I would have answered the phone last night if you called me. And I can answer it whenever. I feel bad that your so frustrated too, but I am too. I went through the same thing when trying to setup the rest of this stuff, half the time you couldn't talk. I know your busy with everything going on but I don't understand how you can be so upset with me. You can forward all the calls to me, I can take them but eventually you have to be able to do that too. I can't do all of it myself. When it picks up, I'll be in the feild at customer sites, and I won't be able to talk to people that call while I'm out. You get so mad at me, but I've been busting my ass for this to work out. And I get frustrated too, I mean look, you can get off work to run Jason around but not when I'm there. Not your fault but that sux. I really don't want this to be so fucked up right now, Your asking me to quit and come there, take the jump, are you willing to quit too and get right into it? There is no way either one of us can do it. I will be there to do this as soon as possible, unless you are just done, If you don't think its going to work, we need to figure that out now. I won't come this weekend if you don't want me too. I was set to but I understand. I feel like you are growing apart from me, like everything that is going on that has nothing to do with me you are upset with me for. I'm sorry that things are so fucked up right now, and I really wish I was there to be there for you. All I want is for you to be happy so you tell me what we should do.

From Loved One:


Hey, I just got back from Vicki's. It restarted and is running the rest of the install. I am going to go over there in the morning around 8 a.m. Can you please try to make yourself available if I have any problems?

Also, I don't think it is a good idea if you come here this weekend. I am so frustrated that you can't be here for me personally and for the start up of everything. I don't think that I can take you leaving me again when we still have no definate plan in place for your return.

Whenever you are here things seem like they are the way the should be and then I turn around and you are leaving me again. I want the next time that you come here to be the time that you don't have to leave me yet one more time.

Please understand. I hope you are available in case I need your help. Miss you.

From Me:

If you don't want me to come I won't. But, R you sure this is why you don't want me to come? Usually you can't wait for me to come out. I just want to be straight, If you had other plans or something its ok. I know it is halloween, so If your going out cool, just tell me.

From Loved One

You know that I am going out for Halloween. I have been talking about it forever. I realize that you are frustrated too and that you have had to do a lot of this on your own. I just don’t want to come across as a dumb ass and lose business because I cant answer questions. Yes, I realize that I am going to have to help when business picks up. Look at what I have learned so far…I plan on learning more but can’t learn when you are 10 hours away.

You can’t answer the phone whenever. If you are at work, you can’t answer. If you are at home, you could answer a customer call but you could not answer mine. We have been together (or whatever you want to call it) for 8 months and you are still hiding me from your family and living with your girlfriend. She has come in the way of us seeing each other so don’t even bring up the Jason thing. Maybe now you know how bad it hurts! Also, I am not taking full days off. I am taking him somewhere on my way to work and taking him home over my lunch hour.

If you come here I will see you for all of 12 hours before you have to leave again. Those 12 hours will be spent thinking about how I don’t want you to go. That IS the reason I don’t want you to come. I don’t want to give up on the business; I want it to work. I just think that you should have continued to try to find something here so that you were closer and we could have accomplished so much more together.

Yes, I am growing apart from you. What do you expect? I am the person that you talk to when another woman is not around, or you are not at work, or you can sneak away to the store. I can talk to you when it is convenient for you, not when I want to or need to. The holidays are getting close and I am not going to have to answer the question of why isn’t Jim here – or why didn’t you go with him to his family’s. I would rather just not have a boyfriend – then it would not hurt so bad to have to go thru the holidays alone.

From Me:

I knew you were going out holloween I just thought you wanted me to go to, but thats ok. I will start looking for a job there and an apt. I also am going to look for an IND contractor to do some of the work untill then, I'll pay them myself untill we can get money in. Hopefully I'm wrong, But I just have a gut feeling like you have the opportunity to go out with some other guy. (Like halloween) My whole point of that in the last email was if thats the case just say so. I'm sorry you are growing away from me, I never intended for that to happen. I'll start looking tonight for someone who can do the work.

From Loved One

1st of all, I am going out with (My Best Fried)(Name Protection) and would like for you to go – I DON’T WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME AGAIN. That is it!

An IND Contractor is not the answer, Sutdog(Name Protection). I do not want to get one and don’t think it is a good business decision. Do whatever as it relates to coming here. I will move forward with the mailers and just do the best I can. You have to be able to take my calls day or night. I realize that you have a family and that there are times that you may have to call me right back – but you can’t not take my calls because I am a woman calling and it might upset your girlfriend.

Again, I am not going out with a guy. In fact, I am about to give up on your gender altogether. As far as the Jason thing; he is MY DAUGHTERS FATHER and that is it. I am his last chance and you know what, I am going to try to help this person in need. Part of the reason he went down hill was because I left him fast and hard and I have to do this. You plan on supporting SHE (Name Protection) after (of if) the two of you break up – what is the difference? Most people that I know are proud of what I am doing and give me praise for being such a good person. At least when I talk to you when he is around, I tell you I love and miss you. When your wife is around you act like I am nothing other than a business call.

If you can promise me that you will have the balls to talk to me when I have to go on a call when SHE (Name Protection) is around, then fine, let’s just move forward as planned.

From Me:

Wow,. Ok.

Alright, I am canceling the plans for this weekend. I don't know why an Ind contractor isn't a good Idea, as long as you can find the right one. We used them at CS and rescucomm is an entire company built on Ind contractors in every state. But ok if you don't want one.

Send out whatever you want to send, 5, 10 90. I will have my phone, when I'm at work it may be hard, The same as when I call you at work and you can't talk. But other than that I will have it.

As far as J (Name Protection), I really don't care. It is good you are helping him, I just don't want to be around it the same way you don't want to be around SHE (Name Protection).

I'm all done fighting and getting yelled out for what "I" am doing or have done wrong. I get enough of that at home.

Loved One

ALL I HAVE SAID IS THAT I DON’T WANT TO FUCK UP SOMETHING THAT WE HAVE WORKED THIS HARD TO GET. I am not fighting with you and would appreciate it if you would not compare me to SHE. I am not some fucking piece of shit that sits on the couch all day, not helping to support the family and capable of being nothing more than a slob.

I am not saying that you are doing anything wrong. I am afraid of screwing this up. It is my name that is going to be known in the community right now and I don’t want to tarnish it because I am not as good at this as you are.

This is our baby and I don’t want to hand it over to some person that neither of us knows and hope he does not screw something up. We don’t even have the invoicing and billing figured out for the two of us. Adding someone else in the mix is not a good idea. Trust me on this. CS and wherever else may have been a little more established before hiring a contractor or known them threw someone. We will not have the luxury. We are in A State (Change for Protection) , dude. Not necessarily the capital of capable computer geeks.

From ME:

Ok, That is fine.

I will mail out office tonight USPS says if it leaves tomorrow you should get it Saturday, Monday at the latest.

I never compared you to SHE either, and honestly, the same things you said about her can be said the other way.

Loved One:

I have never compared you to her – this is what you said:
“I just don't want to be around it the same way you don't want to be around SHE .”

You don’t know that I would not want to be around her – you have never given me that option. Yep, J has been a piece of shit –but here are a few things that the recovering drug addict has done:

Painted Living Room
Painted Living Room Trim
Painted Hall, Hall Trim, Hall Door
Laid Carpet in Office and Hall
Painted Office
Painted Office Trim
Raked the Leaves
Helps Sky with homework
Dished daily

I guess the point is that at least my lazy slob knows about you….

I am proud of you…

My family knows about you….

My daughter knows about you…

I am nothing but a secret in your life and a business partner. I am a little frustrated with it.

Be ready for your phone to ring. I will auto ring both your number and mine at the same time. Whoever is available to answer it – wins. If I can’t answer the question, I will take a message and have you call them back. Done.


We need to talk about this, We may need to rethink this whole thing.

Ok, Now I'm going to lunch.

Loved One:

We have to get along for the biz. If we are both done, then let’s move on….

Post cards will go out.

I will ring your phone, my phone, and the BIZ phone all at the same time.
If you take a call and I need to go on a call, schedule the appointment for late afternoon (4 or after) and make sure that you can be there if I need you.

We should start using the calendar in Outlook that is on the server so we are aware of each other’s schedules (if you have something for the kids or SHE or something, make sure it gets on there so I don’t schedule an appointment that you can’t be available for.

Don’t forget to put Office in the mail (regular mail). I will put my time in by tomorrow evening and get her invoice out.


The calendar won't work until I can get the server setup at your house. I will make myself available for anything you schedule.

I will send office out tomorrow also, We still need the bank account setup so you may have to see if your mom will do it since I won't be there.

Loved One:

I thought there was a Bank there…


There is, Its an hour away, I need all those original papers to do it.

Loved One:

Never mind. I will talk to my mom about it. Won’t she need to be added to the articles of organization or something or can I just type something up on letterhead?

OK, I will try to schedule everything after 4:00, if possible. I think we should come up with a checklist of questions that I could ask prospective clients (what OS do they have?, Do they have a Network, etc). That way, you know a little bit going on…


I think you just appoint her treasurer, have a doc that shows she is appointed, and then take all the originals.

I'll work on a checklist

Loved One:

OK, Cool. I will try to get as much information as possible from people if I take the call. Maybe if people call for the 1 hour onsite visit, we should schedule them all for the week of November 6 and if we get enough of them, you could quit and be here then????

I hope we are OK. I don’t think it is fair for me to ask you to move here – I just thought that you wanted to. Let’s get this thing going and get you to wherever you want to be. I want you to be happy too.


Ok. I'll make the checklist.I'll try to set it up tonight. Can you get me a list of apartments out there so I can start calling around? There arent many listed on rent.com

Loved One:

No response to me wanting you to be happy? Or to the fact that I want you here??? I will send you an apartment finder or get a link that should be helpful.

I do miss you, Sutdog.


Sorry, The happy part is cool, I'm glad you feel that way. Just not sure when that is going to happen no matter where I'm at. I'll be fine though, I'll move there, We'll get it all going and get a bunch of biz and figure things out. At this point I just need to figure out getting there before anything or else its not going to work. Your right, you can't go do the jobs, so I need to get there. I also have to work on a car before I can come out so I need to figure that out too with my spectacular credit.

Loved One:

I think you should rent a car that you can drop off here and then we can share mine until we can get a shitty car in the company name.


I will still need one, I'll have to drive back and forth to see the kids and rentals will get expensive, and you will need yours, plus If I need something in the middle of the night I need to be able to go get it so I'll try to get one here before I come out. The worst they can say is no.

Loved One:

Tomorrow will be fine. I am really sorry about yesterday.


Its all good. You had valid points on everything.

We have to make a lease agreement between you and ITR for the space in your house in order for it to be valid. I read it in the book. So figure out what you will charge ITR for space, with utils and all and we have to specify the space, (like your office) and sq ft etc. I have a template I will edit later tonight and then we will have to add in the rest of the stuff. So try to figure that out if you can.


So whats on your agenda for Halloween. The last time I talked to you you had your costume but weren't sure where you were going. Did you find someplace fun and exciting? You get the time change to so you'll get an extra hour Saturday night.

Loved One:

That is right. Not what I will need tho J

I really wish you were here – I just hate having you leave. I don’t enjoy all of the visit because you have to sneak off to call the kids and SHE and then leave a few hours later…
Please tell me you understand.


I don't sneak off to call the kids. I've told you when I call them.

Its totally fine, I understand. I just didn't understand when you have always wanted me to come b4 but then didn't yesterday. But its ok. I'm fine with it now.
Just not sure when I'll be there now. Unless it picks up right away it could be months.

Loved One:
Why would things change like this. You are not making any sense?


What do you mean? I was just saying I'm ok. What isn't making sense? I just said the months thing because it could be. If we don't get a bunch of calls right away off the mailers, and honestly in the 10 years I did consulting, its tight at this time of the year for biz because of taxes. Most put off anything if they can until Jan/Feb. Unless its an emergency.

Loved One:

I just don’t understand you. You preached to me that we needed to put the biz first, now because I hurt because you can’t be with me – you are all worked up. You need to call me when you can so we can get this worked out…

I am sooooo confused right now, Sutdog. What do you want from me? What are we? Are we together? Are we business partners? Are we either? What do you want?


We do need to get the biz up. And we will, I'm not going to not come because I said I would do it. I just didn't understand the whole thing. You wanted me to come, and always have before, then you didn't. Yes I would be there for a short time, More than 12 hours but still short. I was about to drive 17 hours for that short time. It just kinda hurt my feelings, Then everything else, your growing apart from me, all the bad ways I make you feel because I have to Sneak to call you, I don't know... I just really feel like shit right now. Then I mean if that's the case, I won't be coming back until I can move there for good so who knows when I'll be able to see you.

Loved One:

Then I would like you to come back this weekend. I did not realize that you would be like this. I cry all of the time because I can’t be with you. I just wanted you here for good. I sent you the apartments. What happened in the meeting.


I'm not going to come out, I was just telling you how I felt about it, I'm not Whining to get my way. I understand why you don't want to come, and I respect that. it just kinda hit me out of nowhere cause I was all pumped up to.

Thanks for the apartments, I will check them out. and yeah the meeting sucked. A bunch of crap really.

I'll call you in a few.. got to reboot a server.

Loved One: