I added a poll to The Right

It is about how long you have been off meds either on purpose or by other problems, Lack of insurance, away from home and forgot, etc. Please post your answers so we can discuss the effects of quitting abruptly and the effects it has.

The Breakup.

K Just broke up with me, and is moving her stuff from the house. We were supposed to get married june 20th, now shes moving her stuff out. Crazy how life works, It was weeks she went without saying I love you. Jimmy didn't get any attention while he was here. So I have my dad with abnormal brain scans, my mom with lumps in her head we dont know what they are my son got sexually and physically abused, and hher reason was she can't deal with the drama. Can't deal with me and the X fighting over the kid, or all my family drama, and family IM, cant deal with my probblemws, or attitudes. Well fuck it. She admitted she is self centered, and Vain, and just cant be involced in all my life problems to help me fix them.......


Anyway write more later when I can see.......

Video Above

This what right after dropping J-dog off. I had a major breakdown in the car, I had to sit for about 5 minutes until I could calm down. I will write tomorrow about everything that happened during the visit.

Last Night trip to Pick up J-dog for Easter Break

Wow......

Bad I thought I was going to be all happy, and I was, I got him in the car and he kept telling me how much he loved and missed me which made me feel great. Then he started talking about how the Ex's new boyfriends son beats him up, and they have to share a bed in a small room, they have a small tv, his grandma J yells at him, and burnt him, (he does have a mark across his back the same as from thanksgiving. He called me the X's BF's name, which about killed me. I started breaking down, and although I was VERY happy he was with me, I was so sad, and felt so not in control of the life he lives with her. Everything he said for a 2 hour drive was either, I love you daddy, I miss you and want to live with you forever. and the rest was all the bad things like GMA is mean, Chris is mean to him, the other kids beat him up. He had to give away all his toys and the ones he didn't got broke by the other kids. Mommy is never home. Chris bit him. At this point I took 2 xanax to calm down, I felt I couldn't breath, and fear and anger was over taking me. It just kept going on and on. I had a massive depressive swing and cried all the way home trying to not let him see or hear, until he fell asleep and then I lost it. I got home, took my night time Klonopin, and a Xanax and we played for about an hour and a half, then went to lay down in his bed. I stayed with him so he wouldn't be scared, and we fell asleep watching tv.


Rough Night. Monday when I take him back will be worse.

Rough night.

How I Feel

Bipolar Disorder and Depression Symptoms

The dramatic mood swings of bipolar disorder do not follow a set pattern. Depression does not always follow mania. A person may experience the same mood state several times -- for weeks, months, even years at a time before experiencing a change in mood. Also, the severity of mood phases can differ from person to person.

The periods of depression can be equally intense. Sadness and anxiety affect every aspect of life -- thoughts, feelings, sleeping, eating, physical health, relationships, ability to function at work. If depression is not treated, it only grows worse. There may seem to be no way out of this overwhelming mood.

These depressed feelings have been described this way:

Depression: I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless... . [I am] haunt[ed] ... with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all. Others say, "It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it," but, of course, they haven't any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can't feel, move, think, or care, then what on earth is the point?

An episode of depression involves five or more of these symptoms most of the day -- nearly every day -- for two weeks or longer:

Symptoms of depression:

• Sadness, anxiety, irritability ----Yes
• Loss of energy ----Yes
• Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, or worthlessness ----Yes
• Loss of interest or enjoyment from things that were once pleasurable ----Yes
• Difficulty concentrating ----Yes
• Uncontrollable crying
• Difficulty making decisions ----Yes
• Increased need for sleep
• Insomnia ----Yes
• Change in appetite causing weight loss or gain ----Yes
• Thoughts of death or suicide ----Yes
• Attempting suicide

When a person with psychosis is depressed, there may be delusions of guilt or worthlessness -- perhaps there is an inaccurate belief of being ruined and penniless, or having committed a terrible crime.

If untreated, episodes of depression tend to come closer together and are harder to treat. They may switch into mania. But treatment can prevent this from happening. With medication and therapy, its possible to live normally -- to have a happy, productive life.