My Life, The Realest Shit I ever Wrote: March 2009

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Massive Bipolar and depressive episode captured on webcam.

Listen to the order of progression, a night of really crazy things that just came, like pictures in my mind as I was playing. Trust me, you want to hear real Bipolar Down at the bottom, this is an example. Toward the end I just go off into a different world, it gets really trippy.

Ok, So I switched my blog...

Over from windows live spaces, its better here. I hope you will all check it out and feel free to comment, I leave everything the way it is written, so if there are senseless posts, its because that was my state of mind at that point. I have now copied all the old shit so we can start new :)

Psych Appt tomorrow, cant wait.

March 29 Talkin to my boy Dik

Just talking to Dik , AKA Dik Boy, AKA Little Daddy, AKA Dikke ,AKA Likka, AKA, Whoresmen Rida.

Talking bout the old times, Rdingk shots of vodka, catch up, drink the bottle. To my trues hommie ever in live. Never decived, never lied, never didn't have my back, never there to tell me I'm wrong.

Tonighs zone is for you.

Mother Pink Floyd

mother do you think shes good enough for me????? High, Drunk, Cafine

Xanax, Pain Pills, Slleping pils. sunday, almost aptil. Momma do ya think shes dangourous, to me.

Mamma will she break my heaRT

Momma will always fing out where ya beeb

ohh bazby

ohhh baby

youul always be baby to me.

Fucked up.

Mother did it mean to ne so high?

Tripping ..... a lot of Floys anfd trip mucic.

a lot of Floys anfd trip mucic. Throwning myself into panic. Manac depredssive. lowest of the low swing, bi polar... shained from above. the clapscame definig roar\of the strings o f lifecheeres You better run

lwft ear male run'

the focuse is so great.... you better run. The detail, on everyone. you better run.

in a cardboard box, run run run run run sssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.............................csclashi ng cars,, agressive

youy better run,l,,,,

tripeedm out, cat see keys. zoned yto the floysd... loiste nto the different sides of the phones. typing upsode down.. seems so..'

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THE LUNITIC IS ME..... PILLED OUT. SOMKED. WASTE OF LIFE. SEE YO U ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.

lunatic IN HY HEAD you rearange till Im same.

key

its nit me

Mad

I been mad for fucking years..... mommas a liar

Ive always been mad....

shifts in music

laughing to church bells

2 pac... can you get away.....

Very low the other night.... Playing guitar Frestyle

tO HOW WILL i LAUGH tOMOWWOR, MOSTLY EM cHORDS

Wrote on a Bipolar Donwslide. To a remake of HWILT.

Part 1,

The Robin Stood deep on the poll.

Sat and Wondered

Whatever happend to that Sparrow

Wonder where he went

Guess we'll never know

Cause the Sparrows song always dies.

and eveyone in this world they just try to get

but everybody knows

you cant laugh at Death

but there is one think you can do,

smile at the rest

so All you Fuckin Haters

You Wanna Laugh I don't Give a shit

Thats Why I laugh.

Shit.

In Em Tune of HWIL Part 2

Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down

I Cry, No Bodys around

Silently, Screamin as I bang my head, bang it against the wall

Seems like nobody cares

nobody at all.

Its always Emotions, But no ones ever to blame.

Its always them pickin on me, there is the flame

The flame of the anger

Biting back on me

Why you want to try to push me,

Just let me be, just let me be

Let me be oh nooo

Its always an emotion

staring at me,

never any reason for you let me be

I try to contain it

But its outside of my grasp

Now the walls all painted,

painted black

Ohhhhh Yeahhhh

Ohhh Yeahhh ohhhhh

Always an emotion how can I explain, how can I explain

Kinda like the Scent of a rose words I cant explain

same with my pain

Caught up in emotion, goes over my head, goes over my head.

Sometimes gotta think am I livin

or am I Fucking Dead

I'm Fucking Dead ohh.

Yo,

if Im gonna smile tomorrow

Got Damit will you wipe away my fucking tears

and if I'm gonna bow my head in sorrow

tell me would you rub up on my ears

It makes me feel better that way

more love than any day

gonna call up all my posse

that way we can come together and play

ohhhh yeah

Have a Play date

Little jimmy, all your uncles

we'll get you a cake

it'll be a blast

If I'm gonna cry

will you wipe away my tears

if I'm gonna die

lord take away my fears

I drown here in sorow but I, I just want to say

How will I laugh tomorrow if I cant smile today, I can't smile today

I can't fuckin smile

Smile today.

How do you smile when theres so much going on in life

and it makes you feel like you want to slit them wrists, watch it all pour away in the cup

Got our little babies at home.

Got to look out for them ones.
Its the Future of our life you see.
All of Em, Looking out for you and me,
We Got to look out for them.
Make Em Raised, Make Em Raised , Make Em Raised
Make Em Raised Properly
Whats it feel like when you stair in the Camera
And you know there's only one person lookin back
Whats it feel like when you take A Knife and you just peel skin back
What does it feel like to bust somebody's head open with a baseball bat
Whats it Feel like to have that cold steel from the shank in your back
How can everybody tell me yo I got you from here
How can you look at me and say Man I'll Be Here
I know its all bullshit, and I know its a lie.
There aint none of y'all down to fuckin ride when its time to die
Except for the boy that I know well
Ha Ha Throw the 4, its One for Me, one for him, and two for fucking hos yeah!
How Will I laugh Tomorrow When I Can't Smile
How Will I laugh Tomorrow When I Can't Smile
How Will I laugh Tomorrow When I Can't Smile
How Will I laugh Tomorrow Tuck my Thumb for Awhile
As I look outside My Room
I see the world I don't see the reason
Locked inside my little self
Don't Give a fuck if its now a treason
Sit here and Bang the Guitar
Like it was My Bitch
Change up every fuckin word in a song, cause I got a little itch
Maybe I'll Go Back to Em, Maybe I Wont
Nothing seems to matter anymore
These songs that I wrote
The Clock Keeps Ticking but nothing seems to change, seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think of all those times, those Times we've had
Some were good but most were bad, most were always fuckin bad.
FUCKING BAD
So If I'm Going to cry will you wipe away my tears
If I'm gonna die, lord, take away my fears
I'm drowning in sorrow and I, I just wanna say
Will I laugh tomorrow when I can't Cant fucking smile today, smile today, cant fucking smile, smile today.
Here those Notes here?
Shhhht...
Listen, All Together as One, E Minor Note
Sit Down Man, Lets ya Float away
Leave your problems for another day
Sometimes it can bring ya back though
Sometimes it sees inside you
Cause you see Music is just waves,
Waves that pulse our bodies
You Hear what Goes in
But you Feel what Comes out
like Kinda I'm givin it A Little bit of Lovin
Brings a little smile to my face
I can Make a little bit of an up-beat
for a happy day
Try to snatch the rock mother Fucker
Getting a little angry now Ha Ha
All Those Bitches, wanna act like you don't know me
That one special bitch, your fucking life you owe me
All Them Fake Homies Bow to the ground
With their little pills, Needles, weed and Crack, Cocaine, about it, a Little bit of meth,
Xanax, and Alcohol
All Of Em All y'all
When you choose the drugs, and you don't choose me,
You Know What that Means? ha Fuck you Homie
Hope you hear me over hear laughing,
Cause its funny you see
I go through my live livin shit, that might not even been intended for me
Like Some other Body shoulda got some other soul
Like I should of Flown away
Somewhere Alone
Cause that's how I feel inside normally
And Nothing to go
Nothin to live for Except my son you Know?
I got nothin I own, That can't be replaced
Got nothing to show for it, But these lines on my face.
This is my freestyle, I hope you like it
If you don't, you know, I Mean, send it over
Turn it into a dildo, Stick it in your girls shit and light it on fire
You Can watch
It ain't gonna hurt her. You just got to know better,
See you always wanna fucking laugh at me
All Y'all You always wanna Laugh so you take your falls
See Karma's A Bitch Kid
And There aint no rich kids
On The Karma Ride oh no
When you go for a slide down a road
Never get back up you'll see me
Standing at the top ready with E
He's my Big Daddy
Friend of my Family
Father of my Boy Dikkie
Every one of you mother fuckers who knows me
When I throw that Thumb Up
Behind 4 fingers strong
Remember its respect my Dude
For all those nights so long,
Throw the 4 High in the air
One for me and One for you
Now there's 2 left
For mother fuckers that don't know what they about to do
They See us coming down yeah
Let us out of the car
Why, Why you wanna stop now?
That Dude was looking at Crishawna wrong
We Don't need to stop Chris, we can keep going
I Don't Believe it, do my ears deceive me?
STOP THE CAR BITCH
Hey there fella I see ya walking along there it seems that we just passed you on the other side of the road.
How ya doing? Can I get ya A Smoke? My Names the Dog, They Call Me SutDog.
Yeah, there ya go, I quit smokin myself but maybe it will help you out
See this is my boy Dikkie, and I don't know if your from these parts bitch but let me tell ya something
Its about to get a little bit sticky. Cause you looked at his girl wrong, Throwin up your signs
Wanna throw those evil looks, ya Fuckin KKK spineless bitch ya
Hows it feel to have two men, Fuckin Whoresmen Ride
Going tear your arms out baby, and stick em in your fucking eyes
Dont Worry It'll be the finger side first, that way it hurts really good
But if you wanna fuck with me baby, better be nice and good ha ha
Cause you don't want to Ride, You don't want to decide, you have no decision in this life
I look at Dikkies Eyes
And All I know, is that,
When It all it all goes down, he's gonna look again
And Throw thumbs up or down
Only thumbs we throw in this place Any other life such disgrace
to throw that thumb down low so better let ya know right now
Its Gonna be thumbs up tucked behind the 4 fingers about to ride your whore
See this aint ancient Rome its mother fuckin every place that we call home
It aint got a little C or a B or a Letter T Aint no mother fucking town in this whole family
We all over every mother fuckin thing if you see the two of us better fucking hear the Click Clang
Now when you see it go down throw that Thumb in the air Mother Fucker wanna Clown now?
What still wanna Laugh? Thumbs up doesn't mean your gonna live you dumb ass what?
Thumbs up Means I'm Gonna Kill you and every mother fuckin one of your fuckin crew
They Wanna Stick around and get the fuck shot up
Little Dik has got the Fuckin Truck and hes loading up the dead bodies
We're going to put em down at your mommies
And Let em Lay there and rot and Die
Mother Fucker take a look in my Mother Fucking Eyes
Does it look like I'm Playin with you? I got some Bi-polar, Agoraphobic too
Little bit of Paranoid schizophrenic all the other ones the Fuckin medic wanna to disprove
Try to tell me I aint Screwed
I Don't give a Fuck Pop the pills and the Juice And
I'm Certifiably mother fuckin insane
Talk to Dik and Ask him how some brains look
hangin out the back of a mother fuckers head cause he wanna run away
but still he got his Brains Shed.
At The hospital we didn't know, if hes gonna live
Mother Fucker you Kid Better Hope that ya don't cause if ya get the steel plate
in the back of your head it means I'm gonna haft ta Navigate around another block
Get us Clear shot in the mother fuckin Glock for face shot I'm Barely fucking roll
Mother Fuckers we want to let ya Know
So Now this was a Sutdog Freestyle
And I'm geting a little bit sick all the while
My stomach turning inside out ya see because I don't give a fuck if you aint my homie.
Ha Ha You want to Fucking Laugh At Me?
Ha Ha I'd go ahead and Fuckin see
Ha Ha I'll fucking laugh along with you
Ha Ha I wont ever fuckin miss you
Zupped Up

There was once A little boy who used to laugh a lot growing up playing with his GI Joes,
He would sit out back in the yard, He would laugh and Laugh
But then something happened I Don't Know it seemes
Later on in life he moved up Maybe now were looking at 8 years old or so
Maybe were looking at life?
You know It all Depends on where your at where you want to be down where ya got sat
Its the Diffrence if your gonna laugh at me or if you wanna laugh at my family
See if we are straight Ima Let you Know That I'm goinna tell ya by your little toes
That I'm 4 Whoresmen Legit I don't quit so if you wanna laugh at me then bitch laugh at this
Laugh at this
You Wanna Laugh?
Laugh at this
Laugh at this
Laugh at this
Laugh at this
So When I look outside my room I see the world
But Fuck the Reason
Cause its got to be out there
But instead I'm callin treason
Cause I don't know what to do
You Won't decide so Fuck it whatever
If you want me Here I am
Ha, Guess I can't sing Forever
I Tried to Hold you, But you Just, you Just Turned away,
And I tried to tell you love but nothin more to say
You Shouldn't have laughed so Loudly
That I had to Cut your skin
I Gave you all the signs
But you said you were through with me again
so as you lie here waiting
Waiting to see the fade
Shoulda Known Bitch Don't Fuck With Me
Its a Little bit too late now see.
You Can't keep us sitting hereto expect me to come up with some way of life for you
See I already Cut your wrists and your Neck, Nothin much you can do
Free style guitar playing
Its a way of life
When you mix the 4 Whoresmen together Make it Twice
So if you want to Cry
Will you wipe away my tears
If I'm going to die well
Lord, Lord, take away my fears
I'm drownin in sorrow but
I just want to say
How will I Laugh tomorrow
When I can't fucking Smile Today.

Little Drunk Tonight,.

March 30

Tomorrow, I will start the cronicalling of my bi-polard andd other diseases like panic and agraphobia. I am alone now. Lisitienin gto raido... I miss Jimmy... Need to figure out the future, Get hie hr=ere, 4 tucked 4 life, fuck all you ho's

Panic Disorder - A Reall Hell for me.

Panic attacks often strike when you’re away from home, but they can happen anywhere and at any time. You may have one while you’re in a store shopping, walking down the street, driving in your car, or sitting on the couch at home.

The signs and symptoms of a panic attack develop abruptly and usually reach their peak within 10 minutes. Most panic attacks end within 20 to 30 minutes, and they rarely last more than an hour.

A full-blown panic attack includes a combination of the following signs and symptoms:

Shortness of breath or hyperventilation
Heart palpitations or a racing heart
Chest pain or discomfort
Trembling or shaking
Choking feeling
Feeling unreal or detached from your surroundings

Sweating
Nausea or upset stomach
Feeling dizzy, lightheaded, or faint
Numbness or tingling sensations
Hot or cold flashes
Fear of dying, losing control, or going crazy

Is it a heart attack or a panic attack?

Most of the symptoms of a panic attack are physical, and many times these symptoms are so severe that people think they’re having a heart attack. In fact, many people suffering from panic attacks make repeated trips to the doctor or the emergency room in an attempt to get treatment for what they believe is a life-threatening medical problem. While it’s important to rule out possible medical causes of symptoms such as chest pain, heart palpitations, or difficulty breathing, it’s often panic that is overlooked as a potential cause – not the other way around.

Signs and symptoms of panic disorder

Many people experience panic attacks without further episodes or complications. There is little reason to worry if you’ve had just one or two panic attacks. However, some people who’ve experienced panic attacks go on to develop panic disorder. Panic disorder is characterized by repeated panic attacks, combined with major changes in behavior or persistent anxiety over having further attacks.

Signs and symptoms of panic disorder

You may be suffering from panic disorder if you:

Experience frequent, unexpected panic attacks that aren’t tied to a specific situation.
Worry a lot about having another panic attack.
Are behaving differently because of the panic attacks, such as avoiding places where you’ve previously panicked.

While a single panic attack may only last a few minutes, the effects of the experience can leave a lasting imprint. If you have panic disorder, the recurrent panic attacks take an emotional toll. The memory of the intense fear and terror that you felt during the attacks can negatively impact your self-confidence and cause serious disruption to your everyday life. Eventually, this leads to the following panic disorder symptoms:

Anticipatory anxiety – Instead of feeling relaxed and like yourself in between panic attacks, you feel anxious and tense. This anxiety stems from a fear of having future panic attacks. This “fear of fear” is present most of the time, and can be extremely disabling.
Phobic avoidance – You begin to avoid certain situations or environments. This avoidance may be based on the belief that the situation you’re avoiding caused a previous panic attack. Or you may avoid places where escape would be difficult or help would be unavailable if you had a panic attack. Taken to its extreme, phobic avoidance becomes agoraphobia.

Panic disorder with agoraphobia

Agoraphobia was traditionally thought to involve a fear of public places and open spaces. However, it is now believed that agoraphobia develops as a complication of panic attacks. With agoraphobia, you’re afraid of having a panic attack in a situation where escape would be difficult or embarrassing. You may also be afraid of having a panic attack where you wouldn’t be able to get help.

Because of these fears, you start avoiding more and more situations. For example, you might begin to avoid crowded places such as shopping malls or sports arenas. You might also avoid cars, airplanes, subways, and other forms of travel. In more severe cases, you might only feel safe at home.

Situations or activities you may avoid if you have agoraphobia:

Being far away from home
Going anywhere without the company of a "safe" person
Physical exertion (because of the belief that it could trigger a panic attack)
Going to places where escape is not readily available (e.g. restaurants, theaters, stores, public transportation)
Driving
Places where it would be embarrassing to have a panic attack, such as a social gathering
Eating or drinking anything that could possibly provoke panic (such as alcohol, caffeine, or certain foods or medications)

Although agoraphobia can develop at any point, it usually appears within a year of your first recurrent panic attacks.

taken from:http://www.helpguide.org/mental/panic_disorder_anxiety_attack_symptom_treatment.htm

Self Medication
Got

to Love it.

BURN

My life is over now
The black clouds are drifting down
I want you to come home, and hold you in my arms
But you’re no longer there.
My Time has come and gone
I wish you were here now so I wouldn’t be alone
But you no longer care.
Oh why has my time come
Sooner than I hoped
I go to my room
And all alone I sit and moap
My memories of you come crashing trough
As I sit here in My Room, And Burn
I want you to come to my room
And watch me as I burn
Burning up with anger
With nowhere to turn
I wish that you could save me
Save me from Despair
How Am I supposed to Live
When You Don’t even Care.
I Burn up in my anger
My anger and my Hate.
I want you to come to my room
No Time Left it’s too late
I wish that you could save me
Save me from my fate
If only it were different
If only not so late
I want you to come to my room
And put out all my fire
Hold me forever in your arms
Make me burn with desire
I wish that you would hold me
And wipe away my tears
Hand in hand forever
In Love Throughout the years.
I hate Life
So I hate you too
I’m going to burn
There’s nothing left for me to do
All I loved is Gone
There’s nothing here for me
I’m going to end the pain now
This pain and Misery

“In A Life with No Meaning, even Life is Meaningless”

“A Confused state of reality sometimes clouds Confusion “

The Sparrows Song

A Pain Stricken Robin
With A Bitter Song
As The Days and Nights
Grow Ever Long
Yearns For Peace
And Comforts Of His Home
With Another Bird
To Call His Own
The Sands of Time Slip By
The Pain Now Stronger In His Eyes
With A Single Tear He Starts To Cry
His Time Has Come
It’s Time to Die
His Pain Is Over
He Is No More
A Desperate Sparrow
Knocks at His Door
Waiting To Be Loved
For Ever More.
His Body Lays and Rots Away
The Sparrow Has Since Flown Away
He Missed His Chance at Happiness
In This World.

The Dream

The Dream to Be With You Again
The Thoughts of Love Fill Up My Head
I Rub Your Hair
And Kiss Your Lips
Gently Caressing Your Finger Tips
Your Skin So Soft
Your Rounded Breast
To You I Give My Life and Death
I’ll Take You To
New Heights Unknown
We Dim the Lights, Unplug The Phone
I Kiss Your Neck
And Free Your Mind
All Your Thoughts Now Left Behind
Our Bodies Hot, the Passion Soars
Someone Knocks Upon My Door
As I Awake the Dream Is Gone
The Ticking Clock Says 3:01
You’re No Longer by My Side
Bitter Tearz Roll from My Eyes
My Stomach Cramps in Utter Pain
I Yearn To Be With You Again.

Bitter Tearz

In My Dreams I See Your Face
It Takes Me to another Place
Where Everything I Ever Felt Was Real
The Times We Shared Now Mean So Much
Remembering Your Gentle Touch
Can You Please Come Home and Take Away My Fears
When I awake The Dream Is Gone
The Night So Cold Now Seems So Long
As I scream you’re Name to Take Away the Pain
How Will I Know If You Still Care
When I Need You Most Will You Be There
To Help me Wipe away My Bitter Tearz.

Rebirth

All the Bad I Ever Did
Now Lays Exposed No Longer Hid
In Plain View of Judgment Eyes
That Are Not Happy Till I Die.
My Spirit Lives, Free From Chains
No More Sorrow, No More Pain
I Must Now Go To a Different Place
And Watch My Body Laid To Waste
For I Am Free, No Longer Trapped
In Hell on Earth and Lover Spats
My Spirit Free To Live Again
Another Place, another Man.

Poetry Part 1

Tomorrow

When I Look Into Your Eyes I See
The Pain Inside You Hide So Deep
So Darlin Come and Take My Hand
I’ll Lead You to Familiar Lands
I Remember All the Times We Shared
How You Laughed and How You Cared
Beside Me through the Good And Bad
Through Times So Rough
And Times So Sad
And I Need You Here with Me
And I’ll Love You Every Step You Take
Together Only Me and You
Our Love Will Know Just What To Do
And The Love I Have For You
Is The Light That Shines The Sun So Bright
To Lighten Up Your Darkest Days
Come With Me Babe We’ll Run Away To Tomorrow.
When The Tears Rolled Down Your Face I Cried,
To See How Bad You Hurt Inside
So Baby Let Me Dry Your Face
We’ll Meet Again Some Other Place
I’ll Remember How You’ld Hold Me Near
And Try To Fight Away My Fears
My Life So Good Is Now So Bad
Cause Ya Left Me Here And I’m So Sad
And I Need You Here With Me
And I’ll Love You Every Breath You Take
Forever Only Me And You
Our Love Will Know Just What To Do
And The Love I Hold For You
Is The Light That Shines The Sun So Bright
To Lighten Up Your Darkest Day
Come With Me Babe We’ll Run Away To Tomorrow
I Will Hold You In My Heart So Tight
As I Look At Stars That Light The Night
And Take Me To A Different Land
Where Me And You Walk Hand In Hand
When You Sit And Wonder Why I’m Gone
Listening To This Love Sick Song
Let Me Back Into Your Heart
We’ll Try Again A Brand New Start
Tomorrow.

Feelings

The Feelings That I Have For You
Can Not Be Said or Felt So True
Until I Gaze Into your Eyes
And See My Feelings From Inside
With you I Feel There Are No Chains
My Soul Is Free To Soar Again
And Leave Behind That Karmic Debt
That I once Had Before We Met.
I Feel Our Souls Are Intertwined
My Feelings Clear To Read Your Mind
How Can I Tell You How I Feel
And Show You That Those Thoughts Are Real
I See Us in My Dreams At Night
Talking By the Candlelight
While Holding You in My Arms So Tight
To Kiss Your Lips and Say Goodnight
So Why Then If the Feelings True
Can I Not Say That I Love You?

Misery

Sitting Here Lying Alone
Hurting Cause You Are Gone
Reminisce About the Time We Shared
If You Only Knew How Much I Cared
Pictures Bring Back the Pain
Of The Times When I Was Sane
I Need You Here With Me
No Escape from What Will Be
Take a Trip to Exstacy
In My Life of Misery
Images Cloud My Mind
Now Our Time Is Left Behind
Pictures Bring Back the Pain
Another Time When I Was Sane
I Need You Here With Me
Can’t Escape From What Will Be
Take a Trip To Exstacy
In My Life of Misery
Tripping Brings Back The Pain
Of My Life This Fucked Up Game
I Need You Here With Me
No Escape from What Will Be
Take a Trip To Exstacy
In My Life of Misery
Take a Trip To Exstacy
No Escape for You And Me
No Escape for You And Me
From Our Lives of Misery
No Escape for You and Me
From Our Lives of Misery.
Number 2
How Can You Leave Me Here This Way
With So Much More I Have To Say
All The Pain I Feel In Inside, I Can't Hide
These Twisted Thoughts Consume My Mind
And I'm Feeling Cold
Like That Long Winding Road
That Leads Me Back To You
How Can You Say You Love Me Too
When In Your Heart I'm Number Two
How Could I Have Been So Blind
To Think That One Day You'd Be Mine
I'm So Alone I Hope I'll Wake Up And Find
It Wasn't All Just One Big Lie
And I'm Feeling Cold Inside
Like All The Times I Cried
When I Was Away From You
And Everything I've Done
Don't Seem To Mater None
Cause I Am Still Just Number Two

Sometimes

Sometimes the pills, the alcohol, the anger, the fear, the panic

All Builds so high, a tolerance to everything

A Tolerance to life, that makes me sit back

and wonder what did I do right?

Nothing.

Except my son, I would not change that, but The depression is bad.

Help I scream, but others don't hear.

Ones that I love, live many miles from here

A girl that I miss a friend to the end

a Boy in the south that would ride to the death

all these things I feel so numb, shott myself to watch it bleed, its funny the redness fades to gray.

March 30 Psycharitrist appt wed.

Well, Wednesday I will see the Psyc for the second time, (this one) So far im on 100 MG of lamectial, 2 MG Klonopins, 4 MG Xanax, 20 MG Lexapro, 10 MG of Ambien to sleep. we will see what happens. my mood kinda stabalized, but it stabilized on the down turn.... The bad side of the cycle, but yesterday I did have a hypomanic day. Cooked 7 meals to freeze for the week, grocery shopped, cleaned the kitchen all after driving back from dubuque, a 2.5 hour drive in the AM. I have a regular dr appt tomorrow. I self medicated witha 1/2 bottle of vodka last night.

How I Feel

Bipolar Disorder and Depression Symptoms

The dramatic mood swings of bipolar disorder do not follow a set pattern. Depression does not always follow mania. A person may experience the same mood state several times -- for weeks, months, even years at a time before experiencing a change in mood. Also, the severity of mood phases can differ from person to person.

The periods of depression can be equally intense. Sadness and anxiety affect every aspect of life -- thoughts, feelings, sleeping, eating, physical health, relationships, ability to function at work. If depression is not treated, it only grows worse. There may seem to be no way out of this overwhelming mood.

These depressed feelings have been described this way:

Depression: I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless... . [I am] haunt[ed] ... with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all. Others say, "It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it," but, of course, they haven't any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can't feel, move, think, or care, then what on earth is the point?

An episode of depression involves five or more of these symptoms most of the day -- nearly every day -- for two weeks or longer:

Symptoms of depression:

Sadness, anxiety, irritability ----Yes
Loss of energy ----Yes
Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, or worthlessness ----Yes
Loss of interest or enjoyment from things that were once pleasurable ----Yes
Difficulty concentrating ----Yes
Uncontrollable crying
Difficulty making decisions ----Yes
Increased need for sleep
Insomnia ----Yes
Change in appetite causing weight loss or gain ----Yes
Thoughts of death or suicide ----Yes
Attempting suicide

When a person with psychosis is depressed, there may be delusions of guilt or worthlessness -- perhaps there is an inaccurate belief of being ruined and penniless, or having committed a terrible crime.

If untreated, episodes of depression tend to come closer together and are harder to treat. They may switch into mania. But treatment can prevent this from happening. With medication and therapy, its possible to live normally -- to have a happy, productive life.

Life.

This is a test. Is anyone out there?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Astrology Reading For Me

The Sun - The Creating Self
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Every chart reading should begin with the Sun as the primary focus of astrology. The Sun's position in the zodiac is very important, and most agree it deserves first consideration. It's the core of the individual; the overriding nature and will. This is the influence that describes the "you" that is trying to be in this lifetime. This is your "awake" side, your consciousness and outer-directed individuality. Thus, the Sun is the most important single indicator, fueling the total personality. The nature of your Sun sign is your true colors that you display to the world day in and day out.

The Sun is referred to as the star at the center of our solar system. It is a sphere, around which the Earth and the other planets rotate. an elliptical orbit which causes the distance between the two to vary. The Sun is enormous in relation to the planets, approximately 700 times larger than all the planets put together. Although from the Earth, the Sun seems to cross above us symmetrically from East to West every day, it only appears to be so. Following the Vernal Equinox the Sun moves to the North until the 21st of June (in the northern hemisphere the day with the shortest night) when it reaches its climax in Cancer. It changes directions turning south continuing past the autumnal equinox until reaching its turningpoint in Capricorn on the 22nd of December, in the northern hemisphere the day with the longest night.

The Sun was naturally the first and most important celestial body to be observed by man and therefore plays an import role in mythology. The Sun is personified by Apollon (in Greek mythology) and by Helios (in Roman mythology). This god brought life energy, enlightenment and healing. In Astrology the position of the Sun describes our personalities. People who are not yet well aquainted with Astrologoy refer to themselves as Pisces if the Sun was in the sign Pisces at the time of their birth. Naturally the Sun is a very important part of the interpretation but it remains merely one factor among many. A well placed Sun enables us to radiate joy, confidence and strength as well as fight off disease. The Sun corresponds to the sign Leo, which has the same attributes.

Your Sun in Aries
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The so-called `children' of ARIES take on the solar-tone of being the first sign in the Zodiac. When the Sun comes up over the equator, on the first day of Spring, and on the first degree of Aries, it brings with it that powerful dynamism that motivates the life force in all things. They are thought to be endowed with the eternal Fires of Spring.

Arians love to lead the way. They are often forceful, and eager to get ahead. They appear often to be self-centered, which is not necessarily so, just eager to forge ahead to new things, with real pioneering spirit.

They should remind themselves now and then to think first and then act, and build up their patience with others. Most often they are filled with their own ideas that flow at a terrific pace. They always seem to overflow with vim and vigor.

They are nearly always courageous, often venturing in many new directions.

Aries is a fire sign, ruled by Mars --- sheer energy. They seem to have endless drive and the desire to get things started, wanting always to do things on their own. And add to this their great enthusiasm, which makes them often charge headlong into activity. Most often they are aggressive and determined to get their own way, and nearly always look for a challenge.

They are capable of inventing new ideas and activities which they seem to know others will enjoy. These people are bored with routine and certainly don't like to be told what to do, but more often than not they like to tell others what to do.

They are impulsive, outgoing, sometimes short with others, and seemingly hot-tempered (Mars influence). But they do forgive easily and rarely remain angry, sad or sorry for long. They are too busy getting on with living, in their own vibrant I-know-best way.

Aries represents the beginning of development and does not concern itself with the past. The Aries prefers to move forward without looking back. An Aries personality has enormous potential for energy and motivation. People born under this cardinal sign, are constantly on the lookout for new directions in which they can pioneer. The disadvantage is a lack of endurance and interest to stay with a task for an extended period of time.

If you could learn to concentrate your energy potential to accomplish a specific goal, you would find it easier to be successful. Instead of taking the time to think and plan you want to act on impulse. Consider the needs of others more carefully, if you want to avoid ending up alone at the top because nobody was able to keep up with you. You tend to overlook important details and then later wonder what went wrong. This should motivate you to plan your actions thoroughly or include others in the planning. Don't be too quick to discount the advise of others; listen to well intended suggestions, you' ll find that it can be to your advantage.

The Sun is in this first sign of the zodiac from March 21 to April 20 each year. The symbol for Aries is the Ram, because of the headlong, direct, and assertive nature of the sign. The sign is also symbolized by seeds shooting out of the ground in the springtime, suggesting a time and spirit of renewal.
In Aries, the Sun is highly action oriented. You like to do your thing, and you are opinionated and direct in doing it. Your Aries personality constantly wants to charge ahead, and insists on being the one who organizes, rather than ever allowing yourself to be led or organized by others. You have a hard time recognizing any point of view except your own. Highly action oriented, when an idea strikes you, you are off quickly to carry it out. Yet you are not so good in seeing projects through to a conclusion. Follow-up and finish work are not matters that suit your style. You constantly need new goals, new projects, and new challenges.
You are a quick learner and a self-starter; enthusiastic and curious. The main challenge for an Aries Sun sign native is the control of impulses. You must avoid scattering forces, for if you can learn to think before taking action, your energetic nature will enable you to do much. Natural impulsiveness and inability to listen to the advice of others sometimes involves you in difficulties. To succeed, you must learn to think everything through carefully before you proceed. Patience and the ability to plan are areas in which you may have to apply extra effort. You must reflect on the total effect of your actions to grow and progress in life.
You may have a sharp temper and a quick fuse as Aries is ruled by Mars, the planet associated with war and combat. Fortunately, you get over anger as quickly as it comes, and you never hold a grudge. You are neither devious nor subtle in your actions. Many Aries Sun natives are down right blunt. Only with concentration and attention can you ever acquire much diplomacy and tact.
With your natural Aries inclinations, you have a true adventurer's or pioneer's spirit; a longing for independence and a tendency to fancy yourself as a free soul. Born to lead, but not born to handle the mundane responsibility or bureaucratic red tape. When faced with complex details, you become very frustrated. Fully matured, your Aries spirit aspires to a gallant "never say die" attitude, and a willingness to take advantage of each new opportunity that comes along

You are challenged by your own ambition. Because your leadership qualities are undisputed, you receive recognition which is essential for you.
If you are able to develop more sensitivity and treat others with diplomacy, nothing will stand in the way of your success, because the really positive aspect of Aries is that they never give up.

Your Firery inner drive makes you the motivating force in any relationship. You tend to have so much physical and sexual energy that you can awaken all sorts of feelings in your partner, even feelings that have long been dormant.

It would be a good idea, however, to bank your fires a bit. Even though you may be overflowing with energy, your partner may tire more quickly, both physically and emotionally, which you must take into consideration. A Calmer approach would be good for you personally as well, because your appitite for experience is voracious; Over indulgence prevents you from savoring each valuble moment of a love affair.

It is wise to learn about sexual technique or learn the ins and outs of lovemaking with a highly skilled lover, because in your eager enthusism, you often brush past many of the finer points of sex. You will find a wealth of pleasure in lovemaking if you can slow down and linger over each step, even though your high energies are pushing you to go faster. That inner intensity flame can heighten the details of love if you govern it. Few people have your ability to etch every experience into your mind and body.

Your Sun in the Seventh House

This placement denotes a public personality. Your life is strongly integrated and influenced by those close to you; the marriage partner, the business partner. These connections make or break you as you have a propensity to react to the people around than to initiate projects on your own. You are particularly adept at public relations as you know how to cooperate and deal with others. This is a good position for most careers in sales and promotion. The power of this position will always be in relationships, and it will be necessary for you to help others in order for you to shine. Your keen sense of proportion permits you to become an arbitrator, called on to balance one person or faction against another, to maintain an equilibrium.

The Sun in the seventh house helps you to develop your friendships, partnerships, your self confidence and your character. Common activities will raise questions which will inspire you to get to know yourself and to express yourself better. Putting more effort into making honest and upright friendships will improve your character. Surely you know that usually things become clearer by comparison. This is also true for character, it will receive definition through contact to others.

Watch out that you don't hide behind someone else, if you are looking for someone you think will compensate for your weaknesses or for someone to give you direction. You may attempt to gain status or power by attaching yourself to someone powerful who you can worship. Seen psychologically, you may be actually searching for your father. You will never find fulfillment anywhere but within yourself. Anyone else you try to burden with this will probably just leave.

In humanistic Astrology the test of co-operation is ascribed to the seventh house. Here your relation to the environment is structured. You need to be around people and should choose a profession which will bring you into contact with a lot of people.

With this position, it is most important to choose a partner who can be your equal in all ways, because you are iclined to be quite dependent on him or her.

This position is ideal for becoming involved with another person at all levels. Unless a lover evolves into a friend, busniess partner or close companion in some way, you are likley to lose intrest. Anything less than a full relationship tends to become wearisome or to fall apart from inattention.

Marriage in and of itself may be very important for you, But a strong personal partnership is essential and means more than any legal contract. You should choose a partner very carefully, for you are likley to be dependent on him or her, particulary when the chips are down. Similarly, your partner must be able to rely on you fully; the relationship must be entirely mutual if it is to sustain itself.

This should come quite naturally, because relationships are generally the primary focus of your life. Indeed, much of your reputation is based on your ability to get along well with others and you desirability in a relationship.

SUN SEXTILES MARS
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This sextiles strengthens the vital life forces and adds to natural incentive and enthusiasm. The individual is confident and decisive within the dictates of sign characteristics. Fruitful opportunities for constructive self-expression and productive use of physical energies are indicated in the affairs influenced by the Sun and Mars.

The sextile between the Sun and Mars makes you an energetic person. You have many creative ideas, and a constant drive to express them. You use your intellectual abilities effectively, and you rarely charge off on a project without thinking it through first. You have a forceful personality, but you readily accept the ideas of others. Communication is one of your finest assets. Although you can be pushy in expressing yourself, you relate in such a polished way that you neither threaten nor offend. Your effective method of communicating makes you an excellent tutor or advisor, especially with young people. You stay abreast of affairs, not because you are interested in reading, but because you must remain informed.

You probably have a rather even flow of energy, and once you begin an activity, you work at it more steadily and consistently than many others. Because of this, you are an especially dependable lover, particularly in physical stamina, and you are capable of fairly lengthy sessions of lovemaking. However, you are not likely to be too demanding in lovemaking but will abide by your lover's physical limits, for you are quite adaptable. For this reason, you should let your lover know that he or she should signal you when to begin or end your lovemaking. By clearly defining the situation, you will not let it trail on meaninglessly for lack of communication. You have plenty of energy in reserve, but you are not likely to use it except when motivated by an active partner who draws out your capabilities. Therefore, you would be happiest with a fairly demanding lover who can bring you up to your highest level of ability; otherwise, you might not make the effort. Once activated, you are capable of expending strong physical and emotional energies
that are even and dependable. Your lover may rely upon you in love as well as in other areas of life.

Sun Opposite Uranus
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The Sun opposes Uranus suggesting a situation in which self-will and independence is strongly marked. You sometimes act to create excitement and controversy. You can be hard to deal with because of sudden changes in behavior, eccentric notions, and viewing everything from a personal point of view. This confrontation with Uranus will set off times in your life when you will be high-strung and have a nervous disposition. You are very original, but also a little impractical.

You may find that your energies come in rather sudden spurts and that you are either very insightful in matters of love or don't understand it at all. But that is quite natural, and if you channel this trait properly, you can reach unusual heights of sexual experience and discovery. This on-and-off quality can be a problem if your lover has the same style and if the two of you aren't quite coordinated. However, when you both are on the same wavelength, you can go to extremes of originality and intensity in sexual and emotional expression. Of course, at other times, nothing at all will happen. In the long run, you may be most content with a more regular lover who can inspire you when you are low and ride your energies when you are at a peak.
You should be careful, however, to commit yourself only to what you are capable of
carrying out and not jump in and out of a relationship once you have begun. It is all
right to honestly change your mind about an affair, but don't make a final commitment
until you have given it a lot of thought. You may change your mind several times before you really know whether you want to stay with it.

The Moon - The Emotional Attitude
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The Moon's position in your chart is almost as important as the Sun, but the influence is different. The moon is your emotional life. It relates to immediate emotional responses. It's those reactions instilled by conditioning; the memory and learned habit patterns. The influence of the Moon is more subtle, for it relates to personality beneath the surface; your feelings and your subconscious self. It shows how you react to those around you based on the sum of your conditioned viewpoint and unguarded self-projection. Often, the Moon's place in the chart shows a considerably different side of the nature, a side fostered by emotions, upbringing, and habit patterns that have developed over time.

The Moon does not travel around the Earth in an exact circular orbit but moves elliptically. Its diameter is approximately 3500 kilometers making it a tiny speck of dust in the universe. People have found its constantly changing form fascinating, giving rise to innumerable myths, legends and tales. While the Sun is associated with male consciousness, the Moon is seen as female. Women's menstrual cycles are in accord with the 28-day Moon cycles. Mood goddesses have been described diversly; as moody, dark and cruel or as life giving and sensitive. They have been called Demeter, Hera, Artemis, Hekate or Persiphone. Even the Virgin Mary has been often portrayed as a Moon crescent.

The Moon's influence on the Earth and its inhabitants should not be underestimated. If it is responsible for the changes in tide, why shouldn't it also alter our body fluids?

The phase of the Moon at the time of birth is a very important facet of Astrological interpretation. The waning Moon is a period for concentration and gathering, with all energies turned inward. The new Moon is the climax of this development. The waxing Moon is the opposite, a time for growth and allowing emotions to be expressed freely. Everyone has at least once in his or her lifetime spent restless or even sleepless nights on a full Moon. Quite a few locations like Koh Phangan in Thailand or Goa in India have institutionalised 'Full Moon Parties' which attract thousands of people at a time.

In a horoscope the Moon is associated with the sign Cancer and represents the subconscious, emotional disposition, fertility, creative energies, the home, family, mother and the reception of other people's moods. You can tell if someone tends to be moody or emotionally stable.

Your Moon in Sagittarius
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The Moon represents your needs, habits, emotional security, among other things, and therefore the sign your Moon is found in reflects and colors some of your innate tendencies, and even the abilities you are won't to develop.

A Sagittarius Moon is restless and lacking in continuity. Unsettled in both mind and body, you need activity and a good deal of exercise. You want to always feel free to roam and wander, both physically and mentally.

In Sagittarius, the emotions are jubilant, enthusiastic and highly optimistic. You are socially naive and blissfully unaware of real human differences. You meet people on your own terms, merging and melting into relationships with them. You are open and friendly as a puppy. Your good-natured and fun-loving manner generally produces many friends and acquaintances. Yet few of your friends are really intimate.
Rarely will you feel the need for group movements or organizations to provide you with a sense of who you are. You know who you are and where you're going. Although you may change your mental directions and modify your goals a number of times, you are quite comfortable with yourself, and where you're headed. Optimistic and idealistic, you can see the silver lining inside every cloud, and believe things will turn out for the best. Usually they do. You bounce back easily from setbacks and immediately start again. Unfortunately, you often fail to learn from your mistakes.

Your sense perceptions are accurate, but you often speak before you think. You seem to be able to form a clear picture of the world around you. Decisive in manner, you are outspoken, buoyant, and ever interested in both learning and spreading knowledge. Thus, you're a natural teacher or preacher.

As a child, your parents were probably very lenient with you, and encouraged your aptitude for adventure, both physically and mentally. Quite likely, you will encourage your children in much the same way, becoming more of a friend than an authority figure. When it comes to discipline, however, you may be a little lax. Sometimes the Sagittarius influence views children as inhibitors of freedom.

Your love relationships probably are romantic friendships rather than deep emotional commitments. You can be affectionate and enthusiastic, but your emotions are shallow, and you probably are happiest with a partner who will play, socialize and go places with you, without making heavy demands. Being free and unfettered is one of your deepest needs. Intimacy poses a certain threat to this need. As soon as you begin to care for someone, you start feeling emotionally trapped, usually choosing to regain your freedom by making an exit.
You need physical outlets for your restlessness and energy. Running, skiing, dancing and bike-riding in particular might appeal to you. Exercise can also help you keep your weight down, since you have a tendency to overindulge in food and/or drink sometimes.

You're prone to make many changes in your life; changes of residence, changes in careers, or just changes of ideals and goals. This is because you are able to maintain a great deal of control over your life, skillfully combining business and pleasure. Adventure and travel are strong urges in your makeup and you are likely to travel a great deal. You may have some reluctance to buy a home and begin collecting physical possessions because you believe these would merely tend to tie you down.

Your Sagittarian Moon contributes a kind of charm and enthusiasm, to your personality that most people like. It makes you seek to enjoy life, like good food, like to be around jolly people.

You have a real good sense of humor. You want people to laugh. You are an optimist. You usually bounce back from bad times with a fresh outlook. When it doesn't come easy you really search for that possible something that will make the future look bright and cheery.

You have a need to be around positive people, because pessimists and the like will drain off your vitality, thus leaving you kind of listless and cross.

Sometimes your spontinaety goes to an extreme. Emotionally you tend to be freedom-loving, perhaps slow to follow through on deep commitments.

There is this tendency to need space around you, and the desire to roam, because you have this restless delight in variation.

What you seek most in a relationship is a sense of humor, adventure, and a strong personality that can be your best friend. The challenge and the chase are more valued than the prize. Try to note if you look upon love as just a pleasurable activity, not only for yourself, but for the other too.

Experience and growth do bring wisdom and generous warmth of feeling, and deep thinking. You are a perpetual student, always wanting and needing new ways of viewing ways to be.

Fine living, travel, impromptu love affairs attract you. You're probably fond of sports and outdoorsy activities, and are always interested in recreational pursuits.

People like to be around you because you generally are good-natured and fun-loving.

The Moon in Sagittarius makes you want to take on important goals and explore the meaning of your human existence. Your higher principles bring you to search for a religion which is right for you. It could be that the search is more important to you than reaching the goal, nothing appeals to you more than an adventure. You love the feeling of being able to let go at any time and won't enter a binding relationship until later in life. The world is a challenge for you; explore it. You love your spiritual freedom above all else and hate nothing more than fanatism and dogmatic rules. You go through life confidently and are anxious to see whatever the future has in store for you.

If you haven't yet found inner harmony because your parents placed too many restrictions on you or if they simply weren't available, it may be difficult for you to act tolerantly towards others who have a different opinion. You have the tendency to waste time fantasizing about the future instead of working on solving the problems facing you here and now. Your responsible nature will help you get your feet back on the ground during this lifetime.

Your Most distinctive trait may well be your sense of humor. Even in scenes that would cause others to be downhearted or discouraged, you can find a spark of laughter and mirth that brightens up the situation and makes it more enjoyable.

This can be a problem only if it is overdone. People who take life too seriously may not appreciate having their homemade tradigies belittled with humor, so you should find a lover who shares your easy going and broad approach to life.

Probably you have a very rich fantasy life, which some people may consider overabundant. But you create fantasies for their own sake basically, and you enjoy creating them as much as fulfilling them. Acting out sex fantasies is always desired, but it can be more troublesome than just cooking them up, because the acting out process tends to get in the way of enjoyment.

In the long run, your style of loving is more in the spirit of a warm, friendly fireplace on a late fall night: merry, conforting, the essence of happy comradeship. Like good wine, your love relationship will grow mellower and fuller with age. The more you partake of it, the more you will treasure it.

The Moon in Sagittarius interjects a need for emotional independence and freedom. There is a natural inclination to avoid ties that impinge upon personal liberty. You love travel and feels a need for movement and activity. This placement produces high ideals, optimism, daring and recklessness. Your mother's spiritual and religious qualities may be admired or resented by you, but in either case they leave a lasting impression. You are adverse to household routine, tends to form loose-knit family ties and like to change residence frequently.

Your Moon in the Third House

The Moon in the third house projects its influence by giving a studious temperament, especially relating to history, archaeology and subjects generally dealing with the past. There is a strong intellectual curiosity and an emotional need for continual mental growth. You have a good memory; your mind is filled with a huge variety of miscellaneous details and facts. You find it difficult to handle routine or dull jobs because you must be moving about and keeping your mind occupied. You are frequently prone to daydreaming and fantasy.

You are so receptive to the thoughts of the people around you, that you have had difficulties distinguishing between your own convictions and the ones you hear from others. It's also difficult for you to maintain distance in some situations and to discipline your rational thought processes because you spontaneously react emotionally. Everyone agrees that you let yourself be swayed by emotion. It would be best for you to concede, accepting your way of dealing with reality. Your feelings determine how you are going to perceive a given situation. Your moods can be as inconsistent as the phases of the moon. The positive aspect of this is that you can relate to nearly everyone you talk to on a personal level and express your sympathy sincerely.

You are very imaginative and have a phenomenal memory. If you approach a science such as archeology or ancient history you should be prepared to stick with it even if you let yourself be distracted and give up easily.

When communicating you express your emotions with every utterance. You could probably write expressive poetry or heart wrenching stories. In any case people will love to listen to you once you get your stories structured.

The relationships to your siblings are probably very important to you. Especially your female relations will have influenced you, because you felt safe with them and experienced compassion which you were then able to pass on to your brothers and sisters.

You usually express your loving feelings verbally, and you should not hesitate to let your lover know just how you feel. The more you can discuss your feelings, the deeper they will be, and the more understanding and contact you can have with your emotions. It is also a good idea to talk out personal problems extensively with your lover, because for you, that is the best way to deal successfully with them. Indeed, words may be your primary method of transmitting love and understanding at all levels. Even telephone calls and letters are important channels for keeping a love relationship alive, even when there is no physical contact. In any intimate situation,
your words of love and encouragement will heighten the sexual experience, so don't hold back; let them flow freely. In most cases they serve as an ever-increasing stimulant to love. Your best relationship with a lover is one that is chummy and casual, with much of the intimate informality of a brother-sister, "old pals" relationship. Too much formality creates a block between you and your partner; you are much more comfortable when
you can enjoy an easy, offhand communication of your love for each other.

MOON SQUARES VENUS
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The square formed between the Moon and Venus shows you are apprehensive about forming close emotional ties because of the responsibility they bring. Something in your upbringing or experiences makes it hard for you to admit your feelings. This aspect doesn't make you reject companionship, but instead you form connections that are not desirable or for some reason not workable. It may be preferable for you to be independent for some time until you have learned to understand people and have an accurate sense of their motives. A high degree of emotionalism and sentimentality must be understood and overcome before entering into a binding commitment.

Personal love and affection are very important to you. You value devotion, friendship, family and marriage above all else. You may also feel confused about your strong interest in personal love, feeling it to be a weakness rather than a gift.

At times you may have conflicting styles in love, so that you are physically attracted to a partner who does not suit you emotionally, but you are not sexually excited by someone whom you get along easily, with. To resolve this dilemma, you can take one of two approaches: either learn to get along with someone you desire, or learn to desire someone you get along with. Although your immediate response may be the former, it will probably be more profitable to find a lover whom you get along with well, unless you can enjoy a relationship that presents lasting difficulties.

Another possibility, if you and your partner can work it out, is to have an open-
marriage arrangement, allowing you to live with someone you get along with and take
more desirable lovers now and then. Even without such an arrangement, you will find it easier to develop desire through mutual exploration than to confront the emotional problems that arise with someone who is sexually exciting but is otherwise not in tune with you.

Moon Square Jupiter
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The square formed between the Moon and Jupiter shows a state of emotional excess. This aspect causes you to make hasty, sometimes regrettable decisions. Often, you have a lack of concern about what others think when you make snap judgments and irresponsible decisions on too few facts. You are self-indulgent, and frequently too indulgent of others, as well. You can be generous to a fault, periodically finding yourself short of needed funds. Your happy-go-lucky demeanor makes you popular, but not always stable. Mood swings vacillate between periods of intense enthusiasm and periods of nonproductive apathy. This is a difficult aspect that requires constant restraint and effort to gain balance and moderation. This placement has a dampening effect on any ambitions shown elsewhere in the chart, and must be overcome before success can be attained.

You should take care to restrain your emotions somewhat, for reactions that you feel are appropriate to the occasion may appear overstated to those around you. Your view of the world tends to be quite positive and optimistic, but not always entirely realistic. Because of your too-bright outlook, you may get into situations over your head. This applies especially to commitments in a love relationship, which you are likely to walk into without really watching where you are going. This habit can get you into affairs that weigh you down with responsibilities, thus spoiling your innocent pleasure in loving, which was your initial inspiration. You will be most compatible with a lover who has both feet on the ground, a trustworthy person whose advice you can listen and adhere to. As you gain experience, it will become less necessary to depend on your lover. In any case, it is valuable to see yourself as others see you. You are usually cheery and jovial, no matter what the circumstances, which is a real asset for attracting potential lovers. As you get older, your optimism will give you a special kind of magnetism because of the vibrant inner tension of controlled emotional extravagance.

Moon Conjunct Neptune
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The conjunction of the Moon and Neptune shows daydreaming, or at least a highly imaginative and sensitive nature. You have strong psychic abilities that makes you aware of stimuli others fail to detect. You're the type who is willing to help anyone. Yet somehow you end up getting blamed for their failures and rarely get much credit for their successes. Because your mind wants to wander, you need stimulating challenges and you must avoid boring and repetitive tasks. You are a little idealistic in accessing people, and you often get fooled and disappointed. You're very much the romantic, and it's hard for anyone to measure up to your expectations.

You are a rather idealistic person, and you require a lover to live up to very special standards. However, you must be sure to outline exactly what you do want, so that your partner won't unknowingly fail to fulfill your desires. This may be difficult for you at times, for your ideals tend to be rather vague and hard to express in words. But remember that it will be much harder to get what you want from love if you do not define for your lover exactly what that is.
However, your vagueness will make you something of a mystery to your lover, which
can be quite nice, especially at the beginning of a relationship, giving you the upper hand quite often. But in the long run, it is a good idea to let your partner know where you stand, in order to balance the affair. You may be capable of carrying on quite a lofty platonic relationship. Physical expression does not always have to accompany love, even in a very close relationship. In some affairs, spiritual qualities may take the lead and force sexuality into the back seat. In any case, spiritual communication will always be important to you in a relationship, and sex for its own sake is not so appealing, although you may do it on that level to please a friend.

Moon Sextile Pluto
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The sextile between the Moon and Pluto generates emotional understanding in your nature. You are deeply emotional, but controlled. You enjoy personal contact with others, yet you will not waste time with casual relationships. Occasionally, you may withdraw into yourself, and alienate others. You are an excellent manager because you can remove the nonessentials in your life. You have the innate ability to understand and respond to others.

Your emotional responses have a fundamental security that will see you through the
most difficult times. You know that in the end everything will turn out all right. It is not so much that you are sure your current affair will work out well, for indeed it may not, but that you have a kind of universal faith. Your long-range emotional security comes from within yourself and is not dependent upon your partner or the relationship, so difficulties in that area may trouble you but will not cause irreparable damage.

At times you may seem somewhat detached from a relationship, because you are not so
dependent upon your partner as others often are. Your detachment does not indicate a lack of love or commitment in any way, and you should assure your partner of that, so that he or she will not worry. You are fortunate to be emotionally self-sufficient so that you can enter into a relationship as an equal partner. If there is any dependency, it is more likely that your lover will lean on you. This may be flattering, but you should help your lover outgrow this dependency, for without it you will have a much easier and richer relationship. In any situation, your inner strength will buoy you up, so despite any difficulties that arise, you are assured of a relatively happy ending.

MOON SEXTILES THE ASCENDANT
� (10�13'48'' ¨) Æ Ž (11�20'34'' ¦)

These aspects denote harmonious relationships with the general public and with close associates. This person is able to create a receptive emotional climate under most conditions unless the Moon is badly afflicted or in its detriment.

You Probably Find it relatively easy to communicate your emotions when you choose to, and you are never at a loss for words. In general, you are quite communicative, with a rather easy and open approach to people.

Just because you express yourself well, however, do not assume that everyone
understands you perfectly. People may tend to listen selectively and interpret your
words according to their own assumptions and desires. You may have to reevaluate your friends or partner in this light and attempt to find out how they see you so you can take this into account when dealing with them. That should defuse any jealousies or misinterpretations that have arisen from your honesty, which can sometimes work against you. You do not need to rely on words alone to get your messages across, for you have a natural command of body language; Even when words fail, you can make your responses clear just by the way you move. The emotional ambiance you create subconsciously gives a clear picture of how you feel.

Mercury - The Mental Expression
‚

From the Earth, the planet Mercury seems to travel about as fast as the Sun. This is an illusion. Mercury orbits around the Sun in approximately 88 days. Its distance from the Sun is 59 million kilometers. With its diameter of 4840 kilometers it is smaller than the Earth. Mercury can be either a morning or an evening star. In a horoscope, it can be at most 28 degrees away from the Sun, so that the only possible aspect to the Sun for Mercury is a conjunction.

Mercury's sign describes your thought processes and projection. It's closely associated with its natural home, the third house of learning and communication. Mercury relates to your general intellectual orientation, and the expression of your thoughts and ideas. In other words, it describes the way you think and communicate, and the way you get information. Mercury also shows how you like to travel through life. Are you a speedster who takes the most direct route, or do you amble and get side-tracked sometimes?

In mythology Mercury or Hermes served as a messenger to the gods, responsible for conveying news. His intelligence and his silver tongue allowed him to become the god of commerce. He enjoyed cheating others so much that thieves and other 'riffraff' honor him as a god. In Astrology he represents our ability to communicate, analytical reason, business sense, common sense and wit. As morning star it is associated with the sign Gemini, as evening star with Virgo.

Your Mercury in Pisces
‚ (28�55'11'' «)

Mercury doesn't feel at ease in Pisces. The foggy atmosphere here inhibits clear thinking. You like to let your wishful thinking color your perception of reality and then make decisions which defy logic. Usually you are lead by a feeling. Success and failure depend on how well your intuition is functioning at the moment. You're aware of great passions within you, but these are usually too vague to allow concrete goals to develop. You should find an honest and reliable ‚counsellor', who can get your head straight once in a while. Pay special attention to language, express yourself clearly, otherwise misunderstandings are inevitable. By the way, you don't have to interpret all the events happening around you according to their relation to yourself, some things happen which have absolutely nothing to do with you.

If you are moved by lyric and prose, you should definitely follow up your interest and get your thoughts down on paper. Others may be intrigued by your writing. You will get a better grip on your life when you start taking a hard look at reality, even if you'll never be an Einstein.

You Don't talk about sex very much, Not Because you are inhibited or uninterested, but because words don't seem necessary and can't really express your feelings on the subject. Your style of loving is very tender, and in expressing it you give yourself totally to your lover. All you really need for fulfillment is a quiet understanding of the love you share.

Although giving of yourself is your clearest expression of love for your partner, do not give, particularly sexualy, unless you really feel like it. If yo udo, sex will become a task and an obligation rather than a free and open expression of loving. If you want to be heavily sel sacrificing sexually, express it in bedroom games for that purpose rather than in emotional servitude, which will only hurt your relationship.

You don't necessarily need to be in a relationship all the time, because you are able to sublimate your sexual energies through a variety of other channels when the right lover isn't around.

It may take time and care to find just the right person, but when you do make up your mind, it will probably happen in a flash. Ideally, in such a partnership you both will use sexuality to uplift and transcend your personalities, making your oneness greater than the sum of its parts.

Your Mercury in the Sixth House

Mercury residing in the sixth house produces an association with this house of service and health affairs. This position shows an ability to be methodical and efficient in handling work of a mental nature. You're likely to become involved in work requiring specialized mental or physical skills, such as working with computers or electronic devices. Sometimes you are too precise, and you can easily become too much of a worrier. You may be too concerned with duty, health or proper diet. You have a critical nature that can be upset by disorder in your environment.

You develop your intellect by contemplating everyday life. The planet Mercury in the sixth house, the area where it is at home, leaves you open for disturbances in your environment and cause you to worry excessively and unnecessarily. Begin practicing various relaxation techniques. They will help to compensate for overexertion. Developing a positive attitude toward yourself will improve your health and help you to avoid illness.

The planetary positions in the sixth house can tell a lot about the way you use time and plan your day. Mercury in this house may indicate that you expect too much of yourself because you try to be a part of everything.

It would be good if your profession included a higher intellectual level or accommodated your need to move freely, this can also protect you from your colleague's mobbing, which may arise if Mercury should have challenging aspects. You will probably react to them the same way you respond to your brothers and sisters.

Depending on how flexible you are, your carefully considered approach to sex can be either a help or a hindrance to you and your lover. In terms of sexual technique, you cannot become too skilled--every new idea that might enhance lovemaking is worth learning for future enjoyment. On the other hand, do not become too technical about lovemaking and lose sight of the open communication that is at the heart of every
successful love affair. You find it quite natural to analyze your feelings and emotions about a relationship,
which is necessary up to a point; it can help you understand what you are doing and thus avoid many pitfalls. But do not let your analysis get in the way of spontaneity or keep you from expressing your natural feelings for fear of upsetting the situation. Better to follow your true emotions and let the relationship restructure itself accordingly. This is important, because you have a natural inclination to go out of your way to
please your partner, even bending over backward to make everything come out right. This is very laudable and gives you a real sense of accomplishment, but don't neglect your own pleasures and desires. Repressing your own needs will only backfire later, but if you express them to your lover, it will warm and further develop your intimacy.

Mercury Square Mars
‚ (28�55'11'' «) Â „ (24�26'9'' ¢)

The square formed between Mercury and Mars produces an overactive, energetic mind. You can become overheated, argumentative, and highly partisan in view. Guard against coming to conclusions before giving careful consideration to all the facts and viewpoints. You enjoy arguments and debates. You need to bear in mind that your judgment is not always infallible. Even when your reasoning is correct, you may have not received all the facts needed to arrive at the correct conclusion. This aspect may cause frequent headaches and also can produce nervous disorders. The virtues of patience and verbal restraint are necessary to learn, as these are not natural traits.

For you, unclear communication can be a real source of irritation, and you may be overdemanding of your partner when he or she doesn't say exactly what is meant or what you want to hear. You should resist the temptation to argue just to make your feelings known and exercise as much restraint as possible. In the short run this may mean considerable frustration from resisting the urge to contradict your partner when you believe he or she is wrong.
However, in the long run you will have a much clearer view of the truth, and you will see where you and your partner have strayed from it. Practicing restraint will also teach you the inadvisability of haste, and you will learn to be far more patient, controlled, and accurate in your speech. One way to work toward this goal is by employing self-awareness techniques, such as leaving a tape recorder on when you and your lover are together and later reviewing what was recorded. This will show when to check your tongue and wait patiently for the problem to resolve itself. Basically, these problems will fade Gradually as you continue to mature emotionally.

Mercury square Saturn
‚ (28�55'11'' «) Â † (29�22'36'' ¢)

The square between Mercury and Saturn suggests mental restraint and strong ties to traditional ways of thinking. Mental processes are on the pessimistic side. You worry too much, often about unimportant details. You have much concern about succeeding or failing to succeed. Your education may have been rigidly disciplined and conforming to traditional doctrine. There is a tendency because of this, to uphold the established order and resist change.

You may have some difficulty in communicating your needs in love to your lover. This may be because you lack verbal talents, but more likely it is because you feel inhibited about your desires or worried that your lover may not approve. Usually, if you say what you mean in spite of your doubts, you will be rewarded rather than scorned, and the more often you do this, the fewer communication problems you will have. Your ideas may sometimes be rather heavy, but love has room for a wide range of emotions and needs, not just hearts and flowers. However, you should resist the temptation to criticize your partner repeatedly in love matters. If your lover won't deal with a problem after you have mentioned it several times, it may go deeper than you realized. To keep on attacking it from the same point of view will be counterproductive and seem like nagging. When you do have an important criticism, say it and be done with it, but let the details iron themselves out without harping on them.

Mercury Opposed Pluto
‚ (28�55'11'' «) Á ‰ (5�3'5'' ¦)

When Pluto and Mercury meet in dynamic aspects, there is a real possibility for ideological obsession met with strong confrontation. As the individual finds himself compulsively trying to dominate others, the Plutonic Forces will most likely ensure his or her growth by the types of ideological confrontations/difficulties the individual will face. The interesting thing is that this "beam" if intellectual and psychological activity can in some cases be turned inward, thus preventing confrontation and actually allowing for such deep self-analysis that the individual may gain tremendous insight onto himself.

The depth of such insights can indeed favor great positive transformations, or at least initiate a chain reaction of self-awareness. The capacity of the individual to probe and continuously examine the self and others under this transit is formidable. The challenge is to use this energy to transform the self, to confront the self, to gain insight into the self, rather than confronting the world with obsessed analysis and preconceived ideology of any kind. If the individual does choose the later, most likely than not he or she will be met by strong, and intense opposition.

The thematic material of Pluto and Mercury interchanges always deals with issues of communication, as Mercury's archetype is one of such vein. The opposition however presents an interesting aspect on the manipulative form such interchange can assume. Mainly, that conversations are bound not to be spontaneous in their true and inner motives. The individual with such aspect tries to manipulate the conversation, either by imposing in a variety of ways his or hers views (obsession), by controlling the material allowed in the conversation (censorship), or by leading the conversation, although unaware of the consequences of his or hers words (compulsion). Such patterns or verbal communication bound by control are learned from the family, from childhood experiences. There is no reason why the simple awareness of such patterns cannot break them. This is an intellectual issue of Pluto that can be resolved with awareness.

The opposite positions of Mercury and Pluto shows mental tension. You may become the repository of confidential information and problems of a personal nature by persons with whom you associate. This is a difficult aspect because you have a tendency toward harsh and abrupt speech. When challenged, you become emotionally and intellectually arrogant, as if your credibility is being questioned. You are impatient with yourself and others, demanding that projects get done immediately.

You may have a wide range of basic beliefs about love that encompass seemingly opposite views. Or you may have gone through a series of radically different stages of belief, each of which has transformed you. You may fear that you can't keep a firm grip on what is right and wrong in your beliefs, but you do understand that everyone's needs are different, and that's that. Because of this attitude, you are a very understanding and tolerant lover who can get along with someone who feels very differently about life than you do. But resist the
youthful temptation to entirely grasp whatever belief system you have at the moment, rejecting all others, particularly those you held previously. Going to such extremes does you no credit and can be instrumental in breaking up a perfectly good relationship.
By going through such phases, however, you will eventually broaden your view of the world and stabli]ize your concepts of love. You will be able to embrace and enjoy myriad contradictory views.

MERCURY SQUARE NORTH NODE AND SQUARE SOUTH NODE
‚ (28�55'11'' «) Â Œ (22�37'50'' ¨)

These aspects place the individual at an intellectual disadvantage in the areas activated by Mercury, the North Node and the South Node. Ideas are either ahead of or behind the times. Misconceptions arise because of the inability to correctly phrase thoughts.

MERCURY SEXTILES THE PART OF FORTUNE
‚ (28�55'11'' «) Æ � (0�53'0'' ¢)

This sextiles indicates success through the utilization of intellectual abilities. The ability to communicate with persons involved in the affairs influenced by the sextile opens the doors to opportunities in those areas.

Venus - The Way of Loving
ƒ

The planet Venus requires about 224 days to orbit the Sun. It is about the size of the Earth. We can often observe Venus with the naked eye because it shines like no other planet. Like Mercury, it can be either a morning or an evening star and can be maximally 48 degrees away from the Sun, producing the only possible aspect to the Sun, a conjunction.

The planet Venus has an influence centered on the expression of emotions in personal relationships. It is especially associated with love, marriage, and the ability to attract others. Its placement in the chart shows how you express yourself in romantic relationships and marriage. In mythology, Venus is the goddess of love, and in astrology that link is the same. The planet placement suggests your sense of esthetics, and how you perceive art and beauty. In the various signs, the nature of how you deal with people is modified and clarified by Venus. Venus is often in the same sign as the Sun since it can never be more than 45° from the Sun. When it is in the same sign, there is a consistence in behavior that extends to dealing with people and in romantic situations. When Venus is in a different sign, the character of the Sun is often overcome by the romantic tug of Venus.

The radiant beauty of this celestial body caused Venus or Aphrodite to be honored as goddess of beauty and love. After Zeus threw his sperm into the sea, she arose having been born of foam. Her beauty did not only bring harmony, but provoked the Trojan war. In Astrology, Venus stands for everything which we find beautiful and desirable. Its place in the horoscope tells us about our requirements for peaceful, harmonious surroundings, our love life and our ability to sacrifice. The arts, especially music are associated with Venus, as is our sense of aesthetics and our preferences in the art of seduction or being seduced. As evening star Venus is associated with the sign Libra, as morning star with Taurus.

Your Venus in Pisces
ƒ (4�24'44'' «)

If Venus is in Pisces in your chart it may show a very compassionate and tender-hearted nature. You have a strong need for love and understanding, and without this you can feel lost. Thus, you may much of your time falling into and out of love. No one can experience the extreme highs and low lows faced in the love life of the Venus in Pisces. This emotional sensitivity marks you as a most understanding person, but one who is highly dependent and in need of a caring partner. This vulnerability is a very attractive and attracting trait. With your warmth and graciousness, you have little trouble establishing close relationships. You are inclined to become somewhat emotionally dependent. If this is not the case, then you may attract a partner who becomes emotionally dependent on you. This sign, more than any other, is called on to make sacrifices for the sake of loved ones. You are more likely than most to be attracted to people who take advantage of you. Your heart rules your head, and there is little that can be done about this. You have a talent for collecting those who are downtrodden, unfortunate, or in some sort of need. Using good judgment in matters of the heart will have to be a learned trait, as it doesn't come naturally. Extreme sensitivity can leave you open to hurt. There is a tendency to suffer in silence and become very reticent. When affairs don't go well for you in a relationship, you act and feel like a martyr, and you may sometimes push this attitude a little too far. You have a fear of rejection that can make it hard to express feeling that are so deep in this placement. Strong emotions sometimes cloud reality. Your intuition is highly developed, and you relate deeply and emotionally to art, poetry, nature and music. You may have special talents or just a wonderful sense of appreciation.

With Venus in Pisces you may be one of those people who are in love with being in love. You are sensitive, compassionate, and romantic. Relations with others provide you with much happiness and fulfillment. You are extraordinarily empathetic. Your emotions are so real and powerful to you that you may have the tendency to see only what you feel, and miss or ignore the more objective realities of the relationship. You are easily hurt, possibly due to your eagerness to give and receive a very soulful kind of love. For you, love must contain elements of spirituality. After all, what is love but complete transcendence and bliss? You are expressive and sincere, but you may generate confusion because you can easily deceive yourself, and then express this to another person. You will be happiest in relationships with others who appreciate your tender, often misunderstood soul.

In Pisces Venus can unfold a love which can hardly be equaled. When you look at your lovelife you may be reminded of old Hollywood films where good taste gives way to ‚kitsch'. You are also capable of a pure, selfless love, never expecting recompense for your efforts.

What you would like the most is to melt together with your beloved or to dissolve in your emotions. You are prepared to give yourself completely and expect the same of your partner. Romance plays an important role in your relationships, you want to chase and be chased. If you haven't yet found your center you will want constant confirmations of acceptance making yourself more vulnerable than you are.

You are very sensitive and have great understanding for other peoples' burdens. If you are able to help someone out, it makes you feel good. You can let yourself be used, because you don't always see the interrelations realistically. You can get involved on all social levels, running the risk of overloading yourself. Take care that the strain doesn't affect your health.

You are probably a creative person with an active imagination, inspired to actively create. If you haven't done anything in this area, it's high time to let your hidden talents come to the light. Don't forget to take care of yourself too, and don't give up your dreams. You could lead an emotionally satisfying life.

You most enjoy the attentions of a lover who gives the utmost in love and devotion and holds nothing back from you. Under such conditions, you can acheive a total communion in love that is matched by nothing else. Sex in itself is not so alluring to you, but with the right lover, it can be a powerful vechicle for deep communication.

Because you prefer not to be too verbal about your needs, you appreciate a lover who can intuitively plumb your feelings and discern your most intimate desires without asking. But that is alot to expect of anyone all the time, so try to meet your partner halfway and help him or her get to know you well.

Your sexuality may become mixed with religious feelings and to that extent may elude physical manifestation entirely for periods of time. There is some advantage to being able to attatch the power of sexuality to higher spiritual goals, but unless you are careful , this tendency can degenerate into sexual confusion or religiosity without trancendence. Doing this successfully requires considerable self awareness, and you should think very carefully before turning your sexual energies in this direction, it takes great strength of mind to make abstinence pay off spiritually and not simply end up as frustration.

Your Venus in the Fifth House

Venus in the fifth house produces an attractiveness to the opposite sex, a very appealing romantic nature, and a general love of life. You are popular and well liked. This Venus position gives a deep love of children, and you should make an excellent parent or child advocate. You are likely to gain through dealings with young people in some form of service or occupation; teaching, psychologist, etc. Creative talent in the performing arts is often associated with this placement.

You long to express your perceptions and ideas in a creative medium and should go ahead and do it in order to preserve your inner harmony. In unpleasant moments, following your imagination and artistically expressing your emotions especially helps to clear your thoughts. Unless a challenging aspect to other planets prevents it, the expression of your individuality and your radiance should touch those around you.

Love may be the most important thing in life for you. You can take pleasure in romance like no one else, although it may include tragic situations. Sometimes you don't take it as seriously as you should because the fifth house is the house of play.

You also like to go to cultural events such as exhibits or concerts, because you can meet people and like to be seen.

A harmonious aspect to the planet Venus in this house can allow you to have fun with children even if they aren't your own. As a parent you will always encourage your children's talents. Just don't make the mistake of projecting your determination onto your children.

Sex can be a source of limitless entertainment for you, if you have a lover who is active and energetic enough to provide the variety and delight you desire. For you, love is a happy, joyful experience, and your partner should share your optimistic approach.

You also prefer to get right down to business, so you would be impatient with a lover who insists on elaborate social courting rituals and the like. Whatever you want, you want it then and there. You will be happiest with someone who doesn't beat around the bush.

Although you value close personal communication with a partner, you feel that it is better achieved on a mental plane rather than through sex. Lovemaking is pure joy and recreation and need not be burdened with extraneous meanings or motives other than the simple pleasure of physical contact.

You enjoy an artful lover, but one who retains a sense of youthful innocence, for whom experience and technique are not ends in themselves. Love must always have the purity and beauty of a flower. Therefore, many of the more compulsive and unusual forms of loving in which others find pleasure are of little interest to you. Anything that taints the sunny radiance of love is to be avoided, and anything that furthers it is a joy.

Venus Conjunct Jupiter
ƒ (4�24'44'' «) À … (7�26'40'' «)

A conjunction of Venus and Jupiter produces an optimistic and generous disposition. You display a friendly and cheerful attitude toward those with whom you come in contact. You can be indulgent of others, even when they don't deserve it. You are orderly and artistic by nature, possessing a sense and appreciation of beauty in everything. You are very open-handed in your aim to help your fellow man. If there is a negative side to this aspect, it's that it can create too much of a sense of ease. You become indolent and fail to attain as much as you should.

You probably have considerable sexual capacity, and you do not appreciate a lover who is stingy with affection. You regard sex in a very positive light; in a love affair, you feel, the more the better. You are a very giving person and will go out of your way to please a lover who gives you the kind of love you appreciate. You may find, however, that when you are without a lover for an extended period, sexual desire may be sublimated into
compulsive eating. Then, if you gain too much weight, it will be more difficult to attract a lover, so watch it.
In general, sexuality is a source of real happiness and delight for you, and you are likely to be luckier in love than most. Your positive attitude toward your desires enables you to engage in sexual experimentation with good results, even in areas where others might be emotionally hurt. In most cases your good will brings you through when things go awry.

Remember, however, that your lover may not be as stable or optimistic as you are, and you may push your partner further than he or she is ready to go. Make a special effort to be sensitive to your partner's insecurities and sexual inhibitions, even though they seem foolish or puzzling to you.

Venus Trine Saturn
ƒ (4�24'44'' «) Ã † (29�22'36'' ¢)

The trine between Venus and Saturn shows that you have good judgment about people, and you know who to turn to when you need help. Because of this understanding, you refrain from projecting yourself toward others unless you are sure of being welcomed. In a romantic sense you are very cautious. You evaluate the object of your affections in a reserved manner, assessing the adjustments you must make in the relationship. You are so self-sufficient that your emotions are always controlled (in some individuals this aspect creates the appearance of being cold). Good, sound business judgment is shown by this placement.

Your views about what you want from a relationship are quite clear. Your style is not flamboyant and you may lean toward the conservative, but you are sure of your pleasures and derive much long-term satisfaction from them. You are not usually taken in by passing fads or trends in love. In general, you get the greatest enjoyment from
tried and true methods. This approach makes love a very easy and mellow experience, from which you derive a
great deal of security. However, you should make a special point of observing whether your partner is getting the same satisfaction. It's quite possible that your lover will want some variety now and then to liven things up. Although you may not be that interested in experimentation, you will certainly not find it harmful in moderation, and both your lover and your relationship will benefit. In this area, you have the ability to help your lover choose successful directions, avoiding any that might be frustrating.

It is a good idea to plan your experiments together ahead of time, rather than trying them out without warning. The more thought that goes into developing them, the more successful they will be in providing you both with a maximum of new pleasure.

Venus Square Neptune
ƒ (4�24'44'' «) Â ˆ (9�22'50'' ¨)

Venus is square Neptune in your horoscope. This aspect may show subconscious difficulties in close interpersonal relationships. It's hard for you to maintain close relationships because of defense mechanisms that go up when you sense that you are being challenged. Rose-colored glasses or blinders may affect your judgment in matters of the heart, and perhaps also to your financial affairs, as well. You are likely to be shy and retiring with the opposite sex, at least more so than shown by other indicators in your chart. Often this aspect shows a lack of direct or a degree of dishonesty or subterfuge associated in marital affairs.

You should make a particular effort to examine your motives in your sexual and emotional desires before pursuing them actively. This is not a question of honesty or morality but of making sure that you really want what you think you want and that you will be satisfied ff you get it. It is really important to stand back and take a second look at relationships or partners that seem, at first glance, to promise everything you want. You would be wise to look every gift horse in the mouth. By examining an affair realistically, you can avoid wrapping your lover and the affair in your own dreams and wishes, bestowing on them much that is not really there, which will subsequently prove disappointing to you.

This does not mean that every seemingly golden situation is rotten underneath, but that you should be aware of that possibility. More than most people, you would be likely to miss it until too late, unless you are careful. By being scrupulously honest with yourself and by asking the opinions of trusted friends, you may gain a much more realistic viewpoint and avoid becoming enmeshed in affairs that will surely go awry. This is especially important, because once into an unsatisfactory situation, you find it quite difficult to extricate yourself, and your efforts to rectify the situation frequently make it worse.

Mars - The Will to Survive
„

Mars orbits the Sun in 687 days. It's smaller than the earth and has a diameter of 6800 kilometer. It is known for its red color which has always been associated with aggression. For this reason Mars is honored as the god of war, called Ares by the Greeks, was renown for his courage and bravery and threw himself into every battle. Traditionally, Mars symbolizes the warrior who has to till the fields in time of peace to feed his family. Mars symbolizes the male and Venus personifies the female energy. Fortunately it's becoming increasingly difficult to work with these outdated concepts in Astrology. It makes more sense to equate Mars with our energy drive, which both men and women posses in some form. Mars rules the sign Aries as well as together with Pluto the sign Scorpio.

The sign in which Mars resides in the birth chart shows the expression of energies. Mars suggests the projection of self. This planet is linked to the sex drive, so its placement shows the approach to matters of pursuing the opposite gender. The key element of Mars is assertiveness, and its placement in the different signs qualifies and quantifies this trait. Because of this, Mars has much to do with the projection of personality. The Mars position suggests whether your energies are going to be largely physical (fire signs Aries, Leo, Sagittarius), material (earth signs Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn), mental (air signs Gemini, Libra, Aquarius), or emotional (water signs Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces).

Your Mars in Gemini
„ (24�26'9'' ¢)

In Gemini, Mars produces mental assertiveness. You have an active and critical mind that may be inclined toward going off in many directions at once. You love to debate and engage in all types of intellectual contests.

A satirical wit is often a hallmark of this Mars in Gemini. Frequently, this placement attracts persons to careers as reporters, journalists and critics. Periodic job changes or handling a variety of jobs simultaneously, are not uncommon with this placement since there is a much restlessness in your nature. Since so much energy is channeled into mental and verbal activity, you are apt to be quite a talker. You may make use of this strength by becoming a teacher, a lecturer, or a related field that takes advantage of your ability to express yourself. You pride yourself on your intelligence and verbal dexterity. To you, a persons worth is based on their intelligence, and you want to be respected as a formidable thinker. Several your romantic relationships may be superficial. You eagerly pursue new experiences in romance, but it may be difficult for you to remain constant to any one special partner. You're apt to be an incurable flirt. Your mind, however, is your most active erogenous zone.

It's no problem for you to approach strangers. You always want to know what is going on because you have learned that knowledge is power. There is hardly a topic which doesn't interest you and about which you don't have something to say. You love a heated discussion and don't back away from conflicts. A good fight can even bring you into your best form. Your quick retorts make you unbeatable in discussions, you should listen to the arguments of your opponents more carefully and not resort to unfair means such as sarcasm. You may say things which you regret later. Some things can't be fixed with an apology. It's better if you keep your tongue in check.

You spend a lot of Energy collecting information for your general education. If you work in the media, your creativity will make you very successful. It would do you good to reduce your interests to a single area, at least for a limited time, otherwise you may end up tired, out of breath and with nothing to show for your efforts.

You are quite sensitive, and you learn the delicate art of lovemaking very quickly. For that reason you need a lover who responds to a rather gentle touch, who is ready to search for every possible means of sexual expression. You easily translate thought into action, and therefore you can become quite an expert with a minimum of physical experience as long as it is backed up with a maximum of knowledge.

However, you can be too knowledgable, trying to pack too many diffrent techniques into one night of love so that each individual expression is less meaningful. Better to savor each technique and reserve some for later enjoyment. Theres alot of life and love ahead of you.

On the opposite side, however, although you value the emotional communion of love, you grow bored if the physical expression is always the same. Your lover should be willing to experiment or at least go along with whatever you devise for varietys sake.

You may enjoy using props and mechanical embellishments in lovemaking, particularly in acting out sexual fantasies. Such expression can be quite fuilling, as long as it is not a substitute for emotional communication.

You are quite sensitive, and you learn the delicate art of lovemaking very quickly. For that reason, you need a lover who responds to a rather gentle touch, who is ready to search for every possible means of sexual expression. You easily translate thought into action, and therefore you can become quite expert with a minimum of physical experience as long as it is backed up with a maximum of knowledge.

However, you can be too knowledgeable, trying to pack too many different techniques into one night of love so that each individual expression is less meaningful. Better to savor each technique and reserve some for later enjoyment4there's a lot of life and love ahead of you.

On the opposite side, however, although you value the emotional communion of love, you grow bored if the physical expression is always the same. Your lover should be willing to experiment or at least go along with whatever you devise for varietys sake.

You may enjoy using props and mechanical embellishments in lovemaking, particularly in acting out sexual fantasies. Such expression can be quite fulfilling, as long as it is not a substitute for emotional communication.

Your Mars in the Ninth House

The Mars ninth house placement in your chart shows an active interest in travel, outdoor sports and religious or philosophical causes. You always have the courage of your convictions and a forceful approach to promoting your ideas. You can sway others to your beliefs with sheer enthusiasm, and you become very upset and impatient when you can't. When it comes to travel, you are adventurous, and if the means are available, you will spend a good deal of time traveling abroad. You are aggressive in your pursuit of education and personal development.

The ninth house represents the area of ethics, philosophy, travel to distant lands and education. You invest all your energy in these areas. You have firm ethics and defend them vigorously. At worst, you tend toward religious fanaticism or completely reject contrary opinions. You should exercise tolerance and approach the search for truth more relaxed. Don't forget that everyone has a claim to their own truth, as long as it isn't misused as a legitimization for hurting people.

You love to travel and sometimes decide to change your destination spontaneously. Foreign people exercise a great erotic attraction on you. You may find yourself in a relationship with a foreign person. Professionally, you may be a writer, work in publishing or in education. You will always devote some of your energies to learning and probably won't have any negative experiences because your vitality comes from your immense curiosity.

You may have developed a rather externalized approach to sexuality in which you decide on your moves and expectations ahead of time; then physical fulfillment depends upon each partner properly playing a predetermined role. This is one of the surest roads to sexual satisfaction if both you and your partner understand each other's expectations beforehand. If you share the same general concept of how sexuality should be externally expressed, then there is much ready-made enjoyment in store for you and your partner.

However, you may find that much-played roles become less interesting after a while, and then you both should decide upon a new direction before launching into it. In this way you can find endless adventures in the realm of sexuality, limited only by the creativity and imagination you put into it.

You may become a connoisseur of special sexual roles, developing a number of fairly well-defined relationships through which to express myriad forms of sexual communication. It is a kind of sexual adventurism in which you retain control of what is going on so that you have both variety and the security to express yourself freely.

Mars Conjunct Saturn
„ (24�26'9'' ¢) À † (29�22'36'' ¢)

The conjunction of Mars and Saturn shows that you can use your energies constructively. Any tendency shown elsewhere in your chart to act on impulse is tempered with restraint. You rarely waste energies on unproductive activities. You are a physical person, but you know how to control and use of your physical energies. This aspect produces the capacity for hard work, enduring strength, and resourcefulness. Often this conjunction marks a tendency toward anger or hard feelings that you must control, if you can. You must avoid the negative attitudes and resentments that sometimes develop.

You may be slow to make the first move in love, but once you have committed yourself to action you will not give up until you have achieved your goals. To this extent it is good to have an encouraging partner who lights a fire under you, actively drawing you into sexual expression. Once lit, you burn more steadily and continuously than most people. Try to avoid feeling obligated to please yourself or your partner. Sex should not be a duty but rather a spontaneous occurrence that gives pleasure to both partners. Total spontaneity may be difficult at times, but in that case it can be just as stimulating to plan ahead and, in a manner of speaking, make an appointment for sex. Stepping up the anticipation has a heightening effect on your pleasure and also gives you a sense of security, which may be desirable at certain times. But if this approach leads to anxiety about performance, it should be discontinued. In general, however, it may be best for you to plan ahead for sex without letting your
lover in on the plans, which will allow you both to have your cake and eat it, too.

Mars Trine Uranus
„ (24�26'9'' ¢) Ã ‡ (25�58'25'' ¦)

The trine formed between Mars and Uranus shows originality and enthusiasm in your actions. You are very energetic and freedom loving. You are an impatient person who always has several irons in the fire. Your impulsive and restless nature needs to concentrate more on moderation. In fact, you may demand freedom to exploit your potentials, and you actually feel sorry for those that are trapped in limiting circumstances. This is not a good aspect for someone with a boring 9-5 job. You do need to focus on learning moderation, and especially in romantic affairs, you need to be less restless and impulsive. The limiting ties of marriage and convention may not be your cup of tea.

You have a native talent for sexual innovation that needs to be actively tapped. You tend to be quite open and free in your approach to a lover and to loving in general. However your sexual creativity may come to be based on habit, instead of on true and exciting departures from the norm. Once involved with a partner, however, your happy, positive energies will sweep the two of you into an affair that bubbles with enthusiasm and joy. Because opposites attract, you may be involved with a more moody or melancholy person. Although you can teach such a person a great deal about loving life, the relationship could be a drain on your resources. It might be better to share your creativity with someone who will augment rather than sap your energies.

MARS OPPOSITE THE NORTH NODE AND CONJUNCT THE SOUTH
„ (24�26'9'' ¢) Á Œ (22�37'50'' ¨)

These aspects motivate willful actions that defy socially accepted standards. These people deliberately flaunt the rules of society; in so doing they stir resistance and animosity that hinders development in the areas influenced by Mars and the Nodes.

Jupiter - The Guide to Higher Insight
…

The planet Jupiter requires almost 12 years to orbit the Sun and is the largest planet known to us. Its diameter is 143,000 kilometers, making the Earth seem tiny in comparison. Its size and brilliance lends itself to comparison with the Roman father of the gods of the same name, called Zeus in Greek mythology. He takes care of the lesser gods and those people, who submitted to his levying ample expression of respect. He was also known to be furious or arrogant on occasion and had numerous affairs, thus his wife, Hera, was not to be envied.

It is the largest planet in our solar system, and in mythology, Jupiter was the king of the gods. The dominate theme and its size may account for the theory of expansion associated with the planet. The nature of Jupiter in a horoscope relates to the expansion of horizons or growth in higher understanding. The sign placement of Jupiter helps define ones higher level of thinking. Since Jupiter stays in the same sign for about one year, many people born while Jupiter is in a given sign will have similar views on ideas and beliefs of that period. Often this placement gives clues as to your views of the weightier issues of life such as religion, philosophy and social issues of the day. Jupiter also rules optimism in living, prosperity, and growth, both mentally and physically.

In Astrology Jupiter signifies higher religious, philosophical moral and ethical knowledge. Its position in the chart tells us how to expand our horizons, because it represents expansion in all areas. Justice, Law and doctrine also belong to this field. In addition Jupiter can offer a little luck. Wherever Jupiter appears, one should be careful not to become dogmatic, arrogant or excessive. The sign Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter as well as the sign Pisces.

Your Jupiter in Pisces
… (7�26'40'' «)

Jupiter is in Pisces in your chart. This position suggests that you are in some ways a good Samaritan type, wanting to help others in some quiet and unassuming way. You are more or less a behind the scenes player, not really wanting to be in the spotlight. You are easygoing, but at the same time sensitive. You do not possess much worldly ambition, but you are the type that doesn't ever seem to need much to be content. Mystical tendencies or emotional religious convictions often accompany this position. You tend to champion the underdog and may be too compassionate for your own good. You have a need for periodic seclusion

You are prepared to be active for your beliefs and often sense vague longings. You may be very religious and actively participate in your religious community. You would love to be able to work on realizing your dreams of a better world and devote your time helping people who aren't as well off as you are. Your concern for others due to your unusual sensitivity leads you to place priority on social work. If you don't consciously keep yourself thinking prudently, you run the risk of letting your altruism be abused and then getting depressed about it. You should help people develop the capacity to stand on their own and not become dependent on your help. Don't make a pair of rose colored glasses to a staple part of your wardrobe. Take them off once in a while and be careful not to drown in your emotions. If you want to truly offer useful assistance to others, you must be able to maintain some distance.

You have a lot of powers which can also be used for meditation. Perhaps you have some type of sixth sense or telepathy. You should make an effort to avoid drugs and set concrete goals for yourself in order to make regular progress in realizing your dreams and ideals. Your sensitivity and imagination can bring you success; especially in the arts.

If Jupiter's aspects in Pisces are challenging, you will have to be wary of false gurus out to exploit your naivety. You may not achieve independence until later and have problems getting a grip on your life.

You are happiest when love follows its own course and takes you along for the exhilarating ride. Questioning or examining your motives in an affair tends to interfere with its natural rhythem and direction. Such close examination may cause you to lose the thread of your affections.

Although you are happiest when you follow your intuition and feelings, do not act entirely blindly. Set certain limitations, then stop to take a second look before going on. This procedure still encourages spontaneity but at the same timeprotects you from occasional predatory lovers who may try to take advantage of your easygoing nature and generous style.

Do not be suprised if letting yourself go leads you into unusual or unexplored areas of the imagination. You should not restrict yourself sexually on the basis of other styles or moralities. Your criterion should be whatever gives you and your lover the most enjoyment.

You may enjoy letting yourself be carried along in a love experience, taking emotional and psychic inspiritation from your lover. Your sexuality is not actively aggressive but subtle, uncovering the little known hidden areas of sensuality. These secret recesses are a reminder to both of you the infinite complexities to be enjoyed when body and spirit are entwined in the physical and emotional act of love.

Your Jupiter in the Fifth House

Jupiter in the fifth house shows that the planet plays an important part shaping an ability to proceed through life very much on the strength of your character. You are apt to live a privileged life, which you are able to accept as your rightful due. You have much good fortune, and you enjoy yourself as a result of this planet, known as the greater benefic. While life is essentially an enjoyment for you, Jupiter is also a planet with a higher purpose, and you are apt to feel an inner drive for personal expression and the need to make a contribution to society. Jupiter in the fifth house often produces success in teaching, politics, the ministry, or in the entertainment business. Often, this placement denotes a rather large family or a significant association with children.

The fifth house is a suitable stage for Jupiter's performance. It can tear around and turn life into one big adventure. It is constantly in search of anything new, which will inspire creativity and expand its horizons. It takes on every challenge and doesn't let failure bring it down for very long.

You keep yourself active, without taking life seriously. Your playful nature will engage your creativity and imagination to creatively stage countless love affairs. You don't live by the dry, serious and philosophical Jupiter principle, but prefer to give in to all the pleasures which life has to offer. Your art reveals signs of openness and joy, which is why good humored people show appreciation for your works. Naturally you are in danger of becoming decadent, but you could deal with dying from a heart attack at 40 for a satisfying life up til then.

At sports you give everything and you like to compete. You are good with children and are more than prepared for all sorts of childish nonsense which they are likely to think up.

You are a natural entertainer who can turn any social gathering into a party just by your attitude. As a result, your happiest times with a lover are probably when you are in the company of good friends. You tend to diffuse your feelings of love for your partner and share them with others. Conversely, you draw on the good feelings of others in your crowd to enhance and heighten your love for your partner. Your loving style is not overly serious but fun-filled and jovial. For you, love is an experience that is closely linked to comradeship. Its nature is spreading and sharing rather than concentrated and all-consuming. There may be a close relationship between your love activity and your external creativity, with one encouraging the other. A profitable, active day leads you into a happy, loving night, whereas an argument with Your lover slows you down the next day. When there is a hiatus of creativity in your life, loving seems somehow fruitless. You may have considerable talent in the creative arts, and you will certainly surround yourself and your lover with beautiful music and gracious surroundings. These enhance your relationship and are really quite necessary to maximum fulfillment. both for your own sake and for the pleasure of your partner.

Jupiter square Neptune
… (7�26'40'' «) Â ˆ (9�22'50'' ¨)

The placement of Jupiter and Neptune form a Square aspect in your chart. This aspect shows a tendency toward exaggeration and confusion. There is a likelihood of being deceived or deceiving others. In any event, there are emotional excesses and impractical behavior. This aspect is often associated with religious idealism lacking discipline. There is a degree of self-indulgence associated with this placement, and this can result in a failure to attain potential success.

You should try not to cling to illusions within a relationship but to enjoy them while they last and be willing to move on when reality intervenes and dissolves them. Essentially, you must learn the difference between knowingly living in a fantasy world and chasing endlessly after impossible dreams that can lead only to continuing disappointment. The key concept is learning to let go willingly and start anew. At times this may be quite difficult, because your inclination is to doggedly pursue your image of a relationship in an attempt to make it real through the force of will. Unfortunately, such efforts usually fail when reality intrudes, and you find that you have wasted much emotional commitment, time and energy. In a long-term relationship, therefore, you should learn the art of self-observation and be willing to change your views now and then to sustain it. As time passes, you will have a clearer and clearer view of what you and your partner mean to each other, which will make the relationship increasingly solid. However, in a short-term affair, you can feel quite free to fantasize in any pleasurable manner, as long as you are willing to let go of the affair when the fantasy is over.

Saturn - The Necessity of Responsibility
†

The planet Saturn has a diameter of approximately 110,000 kilometers and circles the Sun at a distance of 1426 million kilometers. Its orbit takes an average of 29 years, which causes it to travel slowly through the Astrological chart. Mythology reports that Chronos (Saturn) ate his children because he thought their power hunger would drive them to murder him, as he dethroned his father by killing him.

Saturn is associated with restrictions and obstacles. These frustrating or inhibiting aspects of life are expressed through the sign that Saturn occupies in your chart. Since the planet remains in each sign for two and a half years, these are traits you may share with most of your contemporaries. The traits described become more pronounced when Capricorn is on the Ascendant or when Saturn is in the first house of the chart. Saturn is the natural ruler of the tenth house of the professional life, honor, fame, and success in the eyes of the world at large. Thus, the placement of Saturn denotes the approach to climbing the ladder of success, or the difficulties encountered on that ladder.

In Astrology Saturn is considered the karmic planet. Karma is the law of cause and effect. Saturn makes sure that we are confronted with the consequences of our actions. This is especially true of the Return of Saturn, around the age of 29, when the natal Saturn forms a conjunction with the transiting Saturn. This is the time to reflect on life with all its mistakes and regrets, which may force some corrective actions. Saturn is the past, tradition, the father and restrictive principle. Where Saturn is found, there are regularly problems to be solved, as challenges can be found in every horoscope. We have to overcome fear and inhibitions. As seen positively, Saturn brings consistency, perseverance, diligence and responsibility. It rules the sign Capricorn.

Your Saturn in Gemini
† (29�22'36'' ¢)

Saturn in Gemini shows adaptability, and a systematic and logical approach. You face problems with a cool and rational sense of control. Reasoning and problem solving abilities are exceptional, and this placement is excellent for the scientific or mathematical fields. Many with this placement experience problems with their early education of with some aspect of communicating. Saturn is Gemini may make if hard to learn lessons, but retention is good when the lesson is learned. Speaking before groups is especially difficult, so you don't waste words. Despite the difficulty you may have in learning, you have a common sense head for business. You cut through detail and get to the facts. You produce tangible results with little discussion.

Quite possibly, you are excessively working yourself up to sense an unhealthy distrust of everyone. You always look for depth and the sense in something and are not capable of laughing over a simple joke. Social circles where people just play around and enjoy each other don't interest you. This makes it difficult for you to meet people and leaves you feeling frustrated. Problems with neighbors and siblings can prove to be inevitable because you haven't mastered the art of light conversation. This may be due to a speech disorder or you may not feel confident enough to say a lot in a group. You think of yourself as uneducated and admire people who have lots of friends and get to know people easily.

No matter which problems arise, your experiences won't be in vain. The lessons of life will discipline your thinking so you can solve the most complicated problems. Logical thinking is one of your strong points, enabling people to trust your judgment. Because your knowledge was acquired through a lot of work, it would make sense for you to put it to sensible use. The natural sciences, teaching or bookkeeping may interest you. Continuing education could give you the confidence you need to relax when approaching people.

You tend to be succinct in telling your partner about your needs and problems in a relationship. Your few words have great intensity and impact, conveying the essence of your thoughts with no need for elaboration.
Depending on how perceptive your partner is, this approach may solve the problem immediately, or it may overwhelm your lover with the intensity of your message. You may even miss your mark entirely by choosing the wrong words to touch your lover's understanding. Therefore, when you realize that your words haven't had the effect you intended, elaborate and define the problem more clearly. On the other side, you may take your lover's remarks too seriously, interpreting them as being as intense as your own. Before deciding on the seriousness of a criticism, wait to see if it is repeated; that is a more usual expression of emphasis than your intensity.
You tend to ponder matters in a relationship and spend much time clarifying the aspects that seem most critical. Therefore you may be the one who makes the long-range decisions, while your partner handles more of the day-to-day matters.

Your Saturn in the Ninth House

Saturn in the ninth house of higher education, philosophy, religion and travel denotes a stable and practical philosophy of life. The placement explains the chief reason that you are probably not one who can easily accept concepts such as astrology. You are highly orthodox in religion, education, and business. You hold to both the letter and spirit of the law. You are very exacting and focused, possessing very strong administrative skills, especially in the fields of religion, education, publishing, or the law. You are likely to be politically conservative.

When you look into religion, philosophy or higher education, you have a dogmatic approach. That can go so far that performing a specific ceremony may be more important than its actual content. You would make a good fanatical missionary, who wants to spread the faith without considering the consequences or who finds fulfillment in ascetic behavior. Never forget the principle of brotherly love, which in one way or another is a part of every religion.

Your convictions could lead you to push your outdated morality onto yourself and others, because you reject our present social development and its accompanying individualism. You may have never come to know the spiritual freedom which is associated with the ninth house, because your parents had fixed ideas about how their child should go through life. Unfortunately, you have a tendency to see future developments in a negative light and deny yourself opportunities.

Possibly you have developed in the opposite direction and reject belief, moral, ethics and law, because you live by your own rules. It would do you good to clear your head and address the basic questions of existence, whereby the character trait, tolerance, would suit you well.

You are not likely to rush into new sexual territory until you have thoroughly explored the old ground. In this respect you know how to conserve your love energy and experience, treasuring every ounce of pleasure from each lovemaking technique. At the same time, you may be reluctant to move into new areas of technique while you are still enjoying the old. This does not mean you will turn down a sexual experiment; indeed, with an active lover you may enjoy many new approaches to sex. A real, in-depth appreciation of them, however, may come slowly as you climb the ladder of love. Once you understand the pleasure potential of a particular method, you perfect it in order to bring yourself and your lover to special heights of fulfillment. For this reason,
you are most comfortable with a partner who doesn't try to rush you from one experience to another. Such frantic activity could leave you frustrated, missing the depth of experience that you want and need. While others may become bored or jaded from shallow dabbling in many varieties of sexual experience, your own relationships will continue to grow in depth and intensity. As life goes on, they will become even more rewarding, giving you youthful vitality when others are losing theirs.

Saturn Trine Uranus
† (29�22'36'' ¢) Ã ‡ (25�58'25'' ¦)

You are courageous and resourceful. You tend to take full responsibility for what happens, and are confident that you can improve them. You feel free in a simple atmosphere, and feel more restricted and inhibited in crowds.

You are able to feel comfortable with any form of sexual experimentation that you choose, and you choose those that have real substance, not just passing whims. Once you have decided on a new direction, you stay with it long enough to derive the maximum pleasure.

Your lover should let you choose new styles and techniques, because your judgment is so good about which ones have the most potential. You need a partner who will go along with you in your explorations, even though it may take some time and practice to get the most out of each one. Very often, sophisticated sexual techniques require some time to master physically before your minds are free enough of technical distractions that your emotional communication flows easily and without interruption. Although you do not seem like a sexual adventurer, your style is quite innovative. It is just that your pace is slower, but in time you will have covered as much ground as many
others. You do it much more thoroughly, so you know in great detail just what pleasures may be found in the varieties of sexual expression.

Saturn Square Pluto
† (29�22'36'' ¢) Â ‰ (5�3'5'' ¦)

You must make a point of never trying to force your lover's hand or impose any form of expression that he or she is not definitely sure about. You should discuss this quite clearly, because you may be very tempted to physically or emotionally blackmail your lover into doing what you want if you feel that you are being deprived of some sort of sexual expression. When you feel that your partner is neglecting you, bring it out into the open verbally and leave it up to your partner. Often this amends the problem instantly. However, if your partner does not want to move in the direction you indicate, you should not on any account try to railroad your lover into it, assuming that it will turn out to be pleasurable after all. The chances are it won't, and almost certainly your partner will resent and distrust you.

You must make a point of never trying to force your lover's hand or impose any form of expression that he or she is not definitely sure about. You should discuss this quite dearly, because you may be very tempted to physically or emotionally blackmail your lover into doing what you want if you feel that you are being deprived of some sort of When you feel that your partner is neglecting you, bring it out into the open verbally and leave it up to your partner. Often this amends the problem instantly. However, if your partner does not want to move in the direction you indicate, you should not on any account try to railroad your lover into it, assuming that it will turn out to be
pleasurable after all. The chances are it won't, and almost ce. rtainly your partner will resent and distrust you.
If this situation arises often, the two of you may simply be sexually incompatible and should end the relationship. The only occasion where force should exist in sexual expression is in playing out a mutually agreed-upon fantasy that is pleasurable and exciting to both partners.

Uranus - The Process of Emancipation
‡

The planet Uranus was first discovered in March 1781, at a time when in Europe old structures were breaking down and France stood on the verge of revolution. Its diameter is 49.000 kilometers and it takes 84 years to orbit the sun, taking about 7 years to cross through an astrological sign. In Mythology Uranus was Saturn's father, who castrated him and produced many terrible children.

The characteristics of each of the outer planets are social rather personal, and you are linked to those contemporaries born in the same Uranus time span. Its influences appears in the way that the group born during a period display their rebellious spirit, desire for freedom, and need to effect change as they grow older.

In Astrology Uranus denotes a break with tradition as well as new development, it is spirit, intuition and spontaneity. Its position in the chart tells us about our relationships with our friends as well as our attitude toward authority. Uranus can also bring about a revolution and can destroy that which it can't improve. The sign Aquarius is ruled by Uranus.

Your Uranus in Libra
‡ (25�58'25'' ¦)

With the planet Uranus in Libra, you belong to a generation of people who formulated new concepts of relationships and coexistence. You make useful experiences with various partners. A marriage license is no longer important. One belief which is becoming more common is that a man and a woman no longer need a bureaucratic blessing in order to be permitted to love each other. You also accept other forms of sexual preferences because your parents have begun to put taboos to rest.

To get a more individual interpretation of Uranus, consult its house position and its aspects to other planets in the chart. Your generation is between 21 and 27 years old today and is interested in alternative living cultures. Some of you live in communes and most have equal relationships.

During this position of Uranus there were great changes in popular music. Computer software has largely replaced orchestras and new styles of music, for example Jamaican reggae, which is oriented on the values of Libra (justice and equality) have come up in this area (Bob Marley is better known today, years after his death than ever before).

You will probably find that personal self-discovery lies in understanding and becoming involved in other people's lives, either directly or indirectly. That is quite evidently the direction taken by many others of your age, at any rate. In general, relationships tend to be quite volatile and not very private, resulting in less stability than might be desired. You must decide whether you want to go along with this view of life and how much of yourself will be on view or open for change by others. Your contemporaries are likely to be somewhat active and changeable in love, which may not fit your personality.

But whether or not it does, you should explore and understand this view of life, so that a lover's changeableness or curiosity will not be seen as fickle or prying, necessarily. Conversely, you will find it particularly rewarding to try out various social and sexual roles in relation to your lover. You can gain considerable insight from learning about your partner's personality and motivations in detail. Indeed, it may be important for your development to understand that an emotional situation can have many facets. Learning to stand aside and see yourself as others see you can be most beneficial.

Your Uranus in the First House

Uranus resides in the first house exerting its erratic behavior in the personality. This placement suggests that you may often be said to "march to a different drummer." Individuality is very strong in your nature, and you want freedom in your personal behavior. People may view you as eccentric, very unusual, or preferably, somewhat advanced. You are eccentric in many ways, and common sense doesn't always figure in your actions. The positive side of this placement is that you are very inventive. Yet all too often, a willful nature and impulsiveness restrict your progress and effectiveness.

Doing almost everything differently than everyone else has become your trademark. You always seem to be on the go and are constantly thinking up crazy new ideas. How many of them are put into practice is another question; which doesn't have anything to do with Uranus in the first house. Being very unconventional and always conspicuous, traditional ties like marriage and family don't especially attract you. It would be best if you were allowed to find your own way and not have to suppress your individuality. The technical fields are where your greatest talents lie. Because Uranus is associated with electricity, you will also be able to repair an iron. Sometimes you aren't able to see lurking dangers. Some people can be hurt due to your fear of responsibility. In spite of which you have high ideals and run onto the battlefield with flags flying under the motto, "freedom, equality and brotherhood". Your ideas concerning cohabitation should be decidedly modern and you have mostly good intentions. If you manage to give in some situations without providing commentary, at least once in a while, you should have no social problems.

You have a flair for the original and unusual, and through your dress or attitude you often appear rather different from the people around you. Similarly, your approach to the opposite sex is not ordinary, and you can expect that potential partners will consider you something of an enigma. Your energies may be rather irregular; either you throw all your effort and attention into a relationship, or you neglect it entirely. Although this means that you are capable of great intensity at times, it would be better to make your energy cycle more even to avoid alternately overwhelming and neglecting your lover.

In lovemaking you are often the one who initiates and invents new directions; certainly you will leap at them when presented. But you should avoid pursuing originality for its own sake. Use new techniques primarily to heighten the excitement of love and intensify the resulting communication. It is easy sometimes to become preoccupied with the newness of an idea and to lose perspective of its effectiveness in a relationship. You will probably leap into and out of relationships quite suddenly and spontaneously. This taste for variety creates stimulating affairs, particularly in the beginning, but be careful not to duck out of an affair too quickly. You might look back and realize that you have lost a good thing forever.

Neptune - The Cosmic Consciousness
ˆ

Neptune was first discovered in the year 1946 by an astronomer in Berlin who noticed that Uranus often deviated from its orbit. The cause had to be an unknown planet, which was then called Neptune. Neptune orbits the Sun every 165 years and has a diameter of 47,000 kilometers. It is invisible to the naked eye.

The sign in which Neptune resides may perhaps denote the depth of imagination, the intuitive faculties, and the mystical leanings of a whole generation of individuals.

In mythology, Neptune or Posidon, the god of the sea and lord of the water, the element which forms the basis of all life. The depth of the sea often distorts vision creating the illusion of a surrealistic world. In Astrology Neptune represents deception, mysticism, imagination, dreams, extra sensory capabilities, a foreboding and inspiration. It symbolizes creative energy. With Neptune's help creative abilities can find expression. Neptune stays in one sign for 14 years, therefore its individual interpretation, house position and aspects of other planets should be considered. Neptune is assigned to the sign Pisces.

Your Neptune in Sagittarius
ˆ (9�22'50'' ¨)

In order to interpret this planet position for yourself you should consult its house position as well as its aspects to other planets. Neptune resided in Sagittarius from 1970 until 1984. Its generation is today, in the year 1997, between 13 and 27 years old.

At the time of your birth the tourism industry began to boom. Long trips were within almost everyone's reach and the world was rapidly getting smaller. Contact to people in foreign lands was made possible, even though many people today still don't take advantage of the opportunity to broaden their horizons. Far Eastern philosophy made its entry into people's minds and enjoyed more popularity. At the same time dubious cults or sects came into existence which held their victims captive.

Your generation will increasingly integrate fields like Astrology into their lives. You have understood that it provides a context for people to envision themselves within larger relationships. It is possible that this will lead to an increased respect for our environment.

You have grown up in an age group that has fairly uncomplicated, simplistic ideas about love and sexuality. But these ideas may not apply to you personally if you are involved in a very complex or subtle relationship. Love cannot always be approached directly and straightforwardly, but you may subconsciously feel that something is amiss in an affair that gets too tricky or involved. The problem is that it does not fulfill the relationship ideal that you have grown up with.

Thus, you Should think quite carefully about your peers' idea of a good relationship and then decide whether that suits your personal style. If it does not suit you, reject it; otherwise you will be striving to achieve what is impossible for yourself. However, you may be very much in tune with the feeling of those around you in this
respect. The straightforward notion of enthusiastic and exciting romantic love may be rewarding and uplifting to your relationships. In that case you should find a partner of like views rather than someone who will slow you down with too many extraneous details or causes for self-doubt.

Either way, you should carefully compare your own Style and expectations in love with those of your peer group before judging your own relationships.

Your Neptune in the Third House

Neptune in the third house imposes an influence on your mental processes and your communication with others. This placement shows a very intuitive mind, and sometimes, an ability to communicate on a higher plane. It often suggests involvement in some way with mass media or with advertising. In your youth, your mind may be subject to drifting and wandering, and a practical channeling of ideas and information must be developed and maintained. Insecurities in the early part of life are likely.

Use your intellect and reason for greater goals. The challenge for you is to integrate your limitless imagination into your thought processes and still come up with clear, logical conclusions. If you manage to avoid getting caught up in clouded thought patterns, you will develop an intuitive understanding for latent changes in your environment.

Expressing yourself by means of conventional information transfer has proven itself to be problematic for you. Artistic expression better lends itself to your impressions and inner turmoil, as you find the apparatus of language too restrictive. Maybe you have already had enough problems stemming from disturbances in communication. Accept the fact that language is the number one means of communication and you have no other choice but to work on alleviating any deficits you may have in this area.

Poetry should make you capable of beautiful expression, because it allows you to describe your dreams and fantasies without being restrained by closed structures. Possibly psychotherapy would be a good profession for you, or work with learning disabled children because you intuitively grasp the meaning of a word and are sensitive enough to understand body language.

You put a great deal of emphasis on understanding love intellectually, even to the point of overlooking the non cerebral aspects. As a result, you may take a lover who talks knowingly about love but is somewhat disappointing when it comes to physically realizing it. In fact, because of the nature of love, with this placement you are not likely to find any concrete answers, although you will expend many words in the attempt.

This intellectual approach may be a problem if you try to explain why a specific form 0f sex is arousing, particularly if it is an unusual form. It is far better simply to accept the fact that it is enjoyable; if you debate it at length, you are likely to kill the enjoyment.

The best way to handle this inclination is to simply experience love without question in a sexual situation, and then intellectually explore the details. The subject of sex lend itself to all kinds of fascinating discussions, but preferably after the fact.

NEPTUNE SEXTILES PLUTO
ˆ (9�22'50'' ¨) Æ ‰ (5�3'5'' ¦)

This sextile, the only major aspect formed between these two planets in the twentieth century, concerns the spiritual development of the generation born while it is in effect. It represents opportunities that, if utilized by society, can produce the highest level of spiritual development.

Under the influence of this aspect, high-minded concepts transcend base human desires. If Neptune or Pluto occupies the first house, rules the Ascending sign or disposits the chart ruler, the Sun or the Moon this sextile has personal significance in the natal hororsocpe.

Activities that are influenced by this aspect provide opportunities for personal spiritual development. These people are able to promote idealistic movements through the affairs governed by Neptune nd Pluto. If other factors in the horoscope confirm, this aspect generates interest and some ability in science, metaphysics and the occult.

Neptune Sextile Ascendant
ˆ (9�22'50'' ¨) Æ Ž (11�20'34'' ¦)

In communicating with a lover, you may find words unnecessary, relying on your intuitive feelings to make communication flow between you. This will make for very
easy love affairs, as long as your partner shares this ability. Otherwise, your own needs may be virtually ignored, while you intuitively sense how to satisfy your partner's needs and desires. For this reason, you should not become too dependent on your intuitive ability, because the more complex problems in a relationship must be dealt with in clearly spoken words. Although intuition is probably the best way to deal with the positive aspects of loving, it may only confuse the situation when difficulties or conflicts arise.

You may not require sexual expression in order to become quite close to semeone. A
long-lasting platonic relationship may prove richly rewarding and in some ways much
closer than any sexual relationship that you are involved in at the same time. Friends of your own sex or brothers and sisters may be much dearer to you in a special way than the person whom you are living with. Whatever the nature o£ your relationships, in the long run you will have the most success if you let your inner feelings and intuition guide your decisions in love.

Pluto - The Unavoidable Change
‰

With 2400 kilometers of diameter Pluto is the smallest known planet. It was discovered on the 18th of February 1930 in Flagstaff, Arizona. Pluto requires 247 years and 7 months to circle the Sun. It remains in each sign about 20 years. It is circled by a moon, Charon, which according to Greek mythology, brought the souls of the dead across the river to Hades the antique underworld. Pluto is the Roman god of the underworld which everyone will meet someday. In Astrology it symbolizes the masses and stands for sudden change, destruction, regeneration and transformation. It can be interpreted in context with the actual happenings in the world. In personal horoscopes one should concentrate on the position of its houses and its aspects. Together Pluto and Mars rule the sign Scorpio.

Your Pluto in Libra
‰ (5�3'5'' ¦)

Pluto should be interpreted for individuals by its house position and its aspects to the other planets because it moves very slowly. It was in the sign of Libra from 1972 until 1984.

Pluto was first discovered in 1930 in Flagstaff, Arizona. During its stay in Libra, the sign of harmony and justice, people started seriously reconsidering their ideas about human relationships. People discovered that consensus is more effective than armed conflict. To avoid destroying all life on the planet, made possible by atomic weapons, new ways of reaching agreements have to be developed. Hopefully, the consciousness developed during this era will prove to meet the demands of the future. The world needs standards which can be accepted by everyone, human rights for example, which in many cases were formulated for the first time during this era. Strangely enough, a third world war could be prevented with the aid of weapons of mass destruction. The principle of deterrence has in turn left us with atomic waste which has proven very difficult to get rid of. Political groups, which are working to reestablish the ecological balance of our Earth have drawn enough attention to themselves to establish themselves in our political landscape. Many people have recognized that the only way our civilization is going to survive is if we manage to increase our willingness to compromise.

Your generation may seem to be obsessed with relationships that change continually. Constant change may make you more creative in dealing with changing roles in life, but it can be rather unsettling for those whose style of loving is more regular and consistent.

Certainly, it is possible to gain greater equality and wider experience, both emotionally and sexually, in this way. However, if you prefer fairly direct and steady communication with your partner, with unchanging images of each other, the pressure to change your way of relating may be unnecessarily trying. You will encounter this attitude quite generally, so you should either learn to enjoy it or simply avoid it. This generational point of view is not one that can be easily resisted. You are part of a generation that is making the greatest possible contribu'tion toward
real balance and equality between the sexes. Although that is not an easy or always pleasant task, it will make relationships far easier and more fruitful for generations to come. If you are heavily involved in this movement, you will eventually derive much reward and credit for being in the vanguard, reforming the nature of male-female
relationships for generations of future lovers.

Your Pluto in the Twelfth House

Pluto is in the twelfth house denotes a preoccupation with the mysteries of life and death, and matters relating to a higher consciousness in life. This placement sometimes shows association with social outcasts or subversive elements. At its worse, it can show force your will upon others, while at its best it may make you a champion of people who are very unfortunate. Karmic influences over which you have little control may affect your life

Pluto in the twelfth house demands you to confront your inner conflicts and to learn how you can overcome yourself and detach from material possessions or even your own life. Delve deep into your subconscious and ask how you can conquer your inhibitions and live out everything currently slumbering within you. Maybe you are afraid to admit to your less positive side and fear being overwhelmed by emotions and passions. If placed under pressure you tend to escape into isolation and will never get to know yourself and miss a lot of opportunities. Become aware that the potential for many creative acts is hidden within you and could have a positive influence on the people around you.

The way to this consciousness leads you to the dissolution of out dated behavior and personality structures. Go after greater ideas and forget your ego in order to tap into energy sources. Maybe you are suffering from an overpowering fear of death as an eternal sign of your fear of self annihilation, this offers an approach to the task of clarifying yourself and bringing your hidden qualities to light.

Like no other, you are capable of learning through pain and crises and arising like a phoenix out of the ashes.

It is quite important for you to be completely honest in a relationship, for if you or your pertner keeps secrets from each other, your relationship will be damaged much more than someone else's would.

You both may have to make a considerable effort to understand each other's personality in depth, for some areas of your character or your partner's may be unintentionally hidden, coming to light only after the harm has been done.

Similarly, you may deliberately hide something from your partner in order to spare him or her harm or embarrassment, but in your case that is not wise. When the secret is r~vealed, as it eventually will be, its negative impact will be even greater.

However, you will develop excellent personal insight into your own and your lovers character, as well as into people who are not quite so honest with themselves. For this r~ason, you can help those who cannot resolve their problems because they can't see the hidden roots of their difficulties.

Just be careful never to use your knowledge of others' weaknesses to take advantage of them. In your case, they would be likely to turn around and do the same to you. If you cannot actively help someone, just enjoy your special knowledge as a widening of your experience.

Pluto Conjunct Ascendant
‰ (5�3'5'' ¦) À Ž (11�20'34'' ¦)

Your personality has a strong impact on others in one-to-one situations, which can be a tremendous asset if you are careful in the way you use it. You can overwhelm people
quite easily, which will not lead to successful relationships unless you learn when to pull back and give your partner freedom for personal assertion and communication.
The lesson you must learn is to use the power of your personality for the good of both partners in a relationship and not merely to serve your own goals. You may need to watch yourself carefullly, for it is easy for you to step in and take control of the situation, especially if a less assertive partner seems to accept it at the time. But you may be stepping on your partner's toes without realizing it. The unspoken resentment that builds up will eventually explode and destroy the whole relationship.

You must be very careful to give your partner plenty of room and enough time to make decisions uninfluenced by you, even ff you feel an urgent need to step in and make the decision yourself. If power games or attempts at domination must exist in the relationship, it is better to fulfill this need through bedroom fantasies. In that way both you and your partner can learn more about your inner needs and drives without interfering with the external course of the affair.

Chiron - The Social Attitude
Š

Chiron is a relatively small celestial body discovered on the 1st of November, 1977. Its orbit lies between Saturn and Uranus. Chiron takes between 50 and 51 years to orbit the Sun. Its elliptical orbit causes it to spend a varying duration of time in each sign. Chiron travels through Libra in no more than 18 months while it remains in Aries for eight years. Some Astrologers let Chiron rule the sign Virgo, others opt for Sagittarius.

The preliminary interpretations of Chiron have understandably not progressed too far. Its Astrological exploration is just beginning. As with all the planets discovered in modern times, the general mood and the situation of the entire human race at the time of the discovery are taken into account in Chiron's interpretations. Chiron's symbol resembles a key.

A second indication to its interpretation is its role in ancient mythology. Chiron was a Centaur, half human and half horse. He was a healer, Astrologer, teacher, musician and warrior in one. The great heroes like Heracles. Achilles or Orpheus where all taught by him. He also founded the Asclepeion, a center where the sick were healed and medicine was taught. Interestingly enough, Chiron was wounded by an arrow shot by Heracles, which was dipped in a poison he himself discovered. Chiron suffered great pain, but him being immortal, could not die. He withdrew to a cave and wasn't freed from his agony until he willingly ascended to the underworld, Hades, in exchange for Prometheus' freedom.

As mentioned above, Chiron orbits the Sun between Saturn and Uranus; between the last inner planet and the first outer planet. This key position has granted Chiron the role as a bridge between the inner and outer planets. Through Chiron's experience the mysterious planets, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto, become more accessible. The collective energies of these planets can be experienced and utilized with Chiron's help.

A closer look at the time since Chiron's discovery reveals an intensive search for meaning. More and more individuals have come to understand the necessity of united insight and action. Thus Chiron appears to be an inner guide offering light in the midst of darkness, opening the spirit for experiences beyond daily routine.

The development of a positive collective consciousness which alone can bring about the necessary upheaval to create a peaceful and secure future may, due to the discovery of Chiron, not remain merely a dream.

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, its best to start thinking about the position of Chiron in your own horoscope. You may discover key experiences which altered your thinking and perception. Special attention should be paid to Chiron's square aspects while in transit, which, according to the position of Chiron in the natal chart, may take place at different ages.

Lilith - The Supressed Femininity
‹

Lilith is not a planet but a calculated so called 'sensitive' point. Its position on the chart is determined by the elliptical orbit of the Moon around the Earth. First the points on the Moon's orbit furthest from the Earth are connected by an axis. Lilith is found at the point along this axis directly across from the Earth at the same distance from the center of the ellipse. Next to the Earth, this point is the second focal point on the Moon's orbit. Lilith's orbit takes 3232 days, about 8.9 years.

To interpret its position in the chart, it is important to know Lilith's history. She was Adam's first wife and was thrown out of Paradise because she refused to surrender to him on the grounds of her sex. She then lived with demons, with whom she bore innumerable children at the Red Sea. The angels sent from God eventually found her and demanded that she return to Adam. Lilith refused. As punishment one hundred of her children were killed each day. Lilith went mad with grief and commenced killing others. Her victims were women in childbed, small children and men, who she first seduced and then killed. Apart from that, she was also supposed to have appeared as a serpent in Paradise and offered Eve the apple from the tree of knowledge, which led to their expulsion from Paradise.

Also an additional name for Lilith offers insight into its meaning in the horoscope: Lilith is also called the Black Moon (and is illustrated as such) becoming the other, unseen side of femininity. She is not only the creator of life but also brings death, pain and disaster. She played an important role in the ancient Astrology of Babylon and Assyria, which was rediscovered as women in the sixties and seventies emancipated themselves, demanding the rights to regulate their own sexual behavior, birth control, abortion and demanded equal treatment. It is not surprising that women were attracted to Lilith nor that the literature on Lilith-interpretations was written mainly by women.

In light of modern psychology, interpretations of Lilith's position tells us about unfulfilled wishes, the suppressed shadow-side of our personality, painful experiences, privation and darkness. As with Pluto, the processes triggered here should lead to self-recognition and the acceptance of our dark side. Good and bad shouldn't be differentiated from each other, but human existence should be seen as many-faceted.

In a man's horoscope, Lilith can reveal what type of woman he fears most and which type of woman can drive him to despair.

The Moon's Nodes - The Carmic Component - Where Do I Come From - Where Am I Going To?
Œ

The Moon's Nodes are points where the moon's orbit around the Earth crosses the Earth's orbit around the Sun. The points are calculated and lie directly across from each other. When these two points are connected, the Moon Node Axis crosses the entire chart. It runs backwards, from Aries into Pisces, then into Aquarius, etc.

The Moon Node Axis can travel through the horoscope in 18.5 years, which leaves 1.5 years in each sign. The people our own age have their Moon Nodes in the same sign as we do, but not necessarily in the same house.

The rising Moon Node is referred to as the northern Moon Node or Dragon's Head. The falling Moon Node is called the southern Moon Node or Dragon's Tail. In Indian Astrology they are called Rahu and Ketu.

The meaning of the Moon Node Axis is tied closely to Karmic Astrology and is easier to understand in this context. It begins with a premonition that we are not on planet Earth for the first time, but that we have brought experiences from previous lives with us. In a horoscope the principle of reincarnation is described by the Moon Node Axis, whereby the falling Moon Node shows where the soul is coming from while the rising Moon Node describes where it is going to and our goals in this life. The Axis is the path we walk in this life. It can also be seen as a horoscope compressed into one line, which is expounded on by the remaining factors.

The rising Moon Node contains the sum of all the experiences from our past lives. This is why it seems more familiar to us than its complement. It represents all our favorite habits, which we can't manage to free ourselves from but which hamper our development, in other words our personal 'way of least resistance'. It is our duty to overcome our inner obstacles and pave the way for new experiences which go in a completely different direction, as we see on the opposing sign. We should endeavor to free ourselves from the chains of habit and look forward to unexplored harbors. The houses containing the Moon's Nodes tell us which areas we should further develop and where we are caught by transmitted behavior patterns.

One of the most interesting ways to see the personal horoscope is to look at how far we have come and then image what may lie in store for us.

NORTH NODE IN SAGITTARIUS AND THE SOUTH NODE IN GEMINI
Œ (22�37'50'' ¨)

The North Node in Sagittarius and the South Node in Gemini point out ethical action based on high-minded principles as the key to growth. Clever or cunning habits that stand in the way of honesty must be overcome.

Your task in this life is to overcome your indecisiveness and take a firm standpoint. Before, you approached strangers and freely exchanged ideas with them. The problem arose when you tended to let yourself be convinced too easily, and ended up repeating what was being said to you in order to gain approval. That was no problem for you because you were unable to establish a personal relationship to the contents of the conversation. Thus you earned a reputation for being superficial, never taking anything seriously. You suffered from your own inner conflicts and your ability to see everything from every perspective. Frequently, you had no idea what you actually wanted, searching for your own well being in a multitude of activities. Still you were unable to commit yourself, always choosing to remain on the sidelines.

Now is the time to begin your search for truth. Silence is preferable to joining a discussion with an offhand comment which you may regret later. If you want to gain deeper insights, you're going to have to be more honest with people. It may be necessary to withdraw for a while until you have found yourself. Expand your horizons and don't be satisfied to occupy yourself with trivialities. Better alternatives would be to take a long trip or to study sophisticated literature. You will learn your lessons and develop firm opinions through patience and determined effort.

NORTH NODE IN THE THIRD HOUSE AND SOUTH NODE AIN THE NINTH

The North Node in the third house gives a selling flair based on fluid personal contacts, persuasiveness and high articulateness in expression, but it requires the backing of a solid formal education (South Node in the 9th) or its equivalent in reading and other forms of self-improvement available to the intellectually curious.

The flaw is to generalize about people and affairs based on superficial knowledge.

Occasioally, disrespect for formal educational procedures can make school dropouts out of intellectually gifted people. Or he may go for way-out cults and unconventional moral standards.

In a positive reading of the S node in the 9th, it could mean that the person might be a student all his life, always seeking meaningful solutions and answers, with an open mind, rejecting all forms of bigotry. He may be easily taught and have a curiosity about faraway places.

Think about how you get along with the people around you. Don't allow yourself to become distant to friends, neighbors and family, especially brothers and sisters. And don't give in to the temptation to lose yourself in long winded theoretical explanations. The challenge is to communicate on an everyday level and present your knowledge in a way that can be utilized. Don't believe that you are intellectually superior to others, but be willing to consider their ideas and suggestions.

In relationships, your need for freedom gives you a feeling of being chained or even oppressed before very long. It's important to be able to find workable compromises to reconcile your concept of freedom with the needs of your partner. Get down to the fundamentals of spiritual reality; don't let anyone convince you that spiritual development is only possible in distant places.

The Ascendant - Gate to The External World
Ž

The Ascendant is the rising sign in the East at the time of birth. It metaphorically channels our expectations of life. The first impression stays with us throughout the day, influencing each contact and every event. The Ascendant channels all the other energies in the chart actively working to express themselves. It describes the way we live our natal chart and how we confront our environment, making up an important part of our identity.
As to the question of the differentiation between the Ascendant and the role of the Sun keep in mind how difficult it is for us as well as for others to differentiate the expression of our personality from our personality itself. This question can therefore only be partially resolved. It is much more important to live the positive aspects of your sign and to bring it into harmony with all the other energies and influences.

Your Ascendant in Libra
Ž (11�20'34'' ¦)

Your Ascendant point is the image or personality that you project ot the world, a picture of your temperament, physical appearance, bodily vitality. It is the third most sensitive point in tyour chart. Libra was rising on the day you were born, and this endows you with its coloration.

You have a Libra ascendant which gives you a highly developed sense of justice, honor, and peace. You can be deceptively easy going and have a good sense of humor and an easy wit.

You do know when to make points by your own courteous manner (especially if Venus, which rules Libra, also rises.) You
are endowed with grace and charm.

You are a orn diplomat, with a way of utilizing words that take any sting out of criticism.

You are likely to be socially oriented. You certainly have a strong need for partnership. There is a balance here you have to maintain, between the need for other people and self direction.

You have a natural reasonableness. You do have to be careful to avoid the extremes of accomodation always to what others want. Under affliction, you could vaccilate back and forth, and this others may find annoying.

Sometimes this causes an internal conflict, caring too much what others want or think, and this frustration can be overcome by seeking help to channel your energies into positive directions, trying assertion, which is not aggression, and compromise without becoming to compliant.

Therefore being direct and charmingly impressive, as well as diplomatic, you are capable of being exactly who you are, and not what you may feel someone else would like you to be.

Your Libra Ascendant gives you a pleasant exterior and a friendly, charming personality. You decorate your surroundings tastefully. It's no wonder that where ever you go people are glad to see you and so many people, especially the opposite sex, are attracted to you.

You're actually seething under this pleasant facade. This is because your high ideals demand a tranquil environment. You are making it difficult for yourself. You don't realize that you are chasing a dream and are preparing yourself for more and more frustration. You must learn to accept certain unpleasant truths. Consider how much you do for others to gain their acceptance and to raise your own self-esteem.

To achieve contentment with your life, you need to balance your needs with those of others, as the symbol of the scale suggests. Don't simply compromise with your bad feelings but examine their cause at its root. Become aware of your own needs to avoid assuming the needs of others as your own. You can give with astounding selflessness, once you have learned to take just as naturally. Remember that you don't have to make amends to anyone.

When trying to reach a goal, you shouldn't battle frantically, but wait it out calm and collected. Unity and harmony cannot be forced. When you have realized this, you will become the most valuable gift you can give to anyone. Your willingness to sacrifice will leave no one untouched.

You are very social, have many friends, and will take advantage of any excuse to talk. You always give the other person the benefit of the doubt and will avoid an argument if at all possible. Fairness and equality are strong traits also.

With your Ascendant in Libra, you have almost an addiction to physical beauty and
grace in sexuality. You are happiest when surrounded by all the props that make
lovemaking more sensual and beautiful -- fine clothes, incense and perfume, elegant
sheets, anything to set the stage for a ballet of love. If there is a disadvantage to this position, it is that you idealize love so much that it is difficult for any partner to live up to your expectations, both physically and emotionally. Ocasionally you must come down to earth, for otherwise you may set your sights too high for any realistic relationship. In most relationships, you are the one who develops ideas rather than the one who thinks of them. Your talent lies in turning a love affair into an artistic mode of self-expression for both of you. However, you must give your lover plenty of room for personal development and avoid the temptation to be manipulative in order to get your way. Although you may modify and refine the relationship, you cannot choreograph it all yourself; that requires an equal effort and contribution by both partners. If the relationship is well balanced, you can shape and articulate it to the point that others will see you both as "beautiful people."

Libra rising produces a personality that is naturally diplomatic and sociable. Graciousness, compatibility, and sociability are your obvious personality traits. This is the sign of the scales of balance and justice. The primary quality associated with Libra is a strong sense of fair play. You can see both sides of nearly any issue, and there is always a demand in your nature that justice be served. Perhaps because of this latter trait, an amazing number of the world's most famous political leaders have had Libra on the rise. With Libra on the rise, you are good at debate, but you are not likely to be too argumentative. You strive to win your points in ways that are shrewd and politically careful. Your fixed nature
is well hidden by your cooperative demeanor. You don't function well in discordant environments as there is an overwhelming need in your nature for harmony. Neatness
and order must be maintained if you are to remain comfortable in any situation. You may constantly find yourself readjusting to align yourself to the forces around you to get an inner sense of balance. You have such an even disposition, and so much charm, that you can usually please nearly everyone. You usually try to do just that. You are one who reacts to others, and you are better suited to making your way by being agreeable and taking what comes your way almost naturally.
On the negative side of Libra rising is the tendency to maintain the status quo. You want to avoid the disruption of change and avoid making waves. You may give in sometimes to the temptations of indolence. You may have a natural tendency to say what you think will please others, rather than what you really feel. The object being to hide your true feelings for the sake of winning approval and maintaining
order and harmony. Because of your inborn peace-loving and diplomatic tendencies, you are sometimes prone to fail in the primary job of taking care of number one. You are not very good at aggressively advancing yourself. You need to concentrate on learning how to stick up for yourself and realize your identity..

The MC (Midheaven) - The Societal Position
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The Medium Coeli also called MC or Midheaven refers to the highest point on the chart. It is the point of culmination where the planets reach the point on their apparent orbits highest above the horizon. This point also forms the summit or the beginning (cusp) of the tenth house. Directly across, the lowest point of the chart is found at the beginning (cusp) of the fourth house, the Imum Coeli or IC. The MC generally symbolizes the consciousness while the IC represents the subconsciousness.

The position of the MC on your chart can reveal how you conduct yourself in the outside world. This includes your role in public, your professional career, your social position and in some cases also your rate of success. The MC describes your professional orientation, where your talents lie and how you go about planning your career. There is also information about the relevance of other people's opinions and tells if you are persistent and/or determined.

A precise interpretation of your professional ambitions must include the positions of the planets in the tenth house and the aspects between the rest of the heavenly bodies.

The interpretation contains a listing of professions associated with the MC in classical Astrology. Whereby you shouldn't consider the name of the profession as it appears in the list, but the abilities which are relevant to each of the professional fields.

Your Midheaven (MC) in Cancer
� (13�4'32'' £)

You will choose your profession by feeling it out. Planning and strategy aren't your style. You bear the responsibility for everything you do and want to devote yourself to it with all your heart and soul. Of course you greatly prefer working with people to working with machines. You do your best to avoid competition. If you don't feel accepted, you simply leave your position. Not pursuing any particular goal, your career may well be marked by interruptions and changes of direction. The most important criterion is that you feel at ease with the atmosphere at work, the career is secondary. You may not have enough energy for career goals because your private life takes so much out of you. You also suffer from a lack of confidence.

If you should get into a leadership position in spite of all this, you'll have to be careful not to let your moods confuse your employees and cause frustration. On the other hand your convictions and your inherent sense of responsibility will always motivate you to find time for the embetterment of humankind. With the MC in the sign Cancer you could be a successful nutrition consultant. Work with children, nursing or the food industry would probably also interest you.

Take a closer look at the position of the Moon and the Aspects between the other planets in your chart to determine the influence of these character traits.

The Part of Fortune - Your Personal Key for True Contentedness
�

Everyone asks themselves once in a while what they can do to be happy and finding an answer to this question isn't as easy as it may seem, because many people have wrong impressions about their real needs. They might be convinced that they need something, are oriented on inappropriate role models or let themselves be influenced by other people's ideas while possibly they are already on the wrong path. Usually they aren't aware of it until it's too late. If you know how to make someone really happy, usually you are prepared to make an effort or to make difficult decisions. This makes the Part of Fortune something like a personal code of ethics, which has to be remembered in every circumstance. It is one of the sensitive points and is derived from Arabic Astrology.

The Part of Fortune is calculated by subtracting the Sun position from the Ascendant position. We add the number of degrees of the moon to this result. A simple formula would look like the following:
Part of Fortune = Ascendant – Sun + Moon

The position of the Sun, the Moon and the Ascendant are not randomly used for calculating the Part of Fortune. It's is based on the consideration that the energy of these three bodies are what characterize people and gives them their individual personalities:
The Sun as the symbol of identity and ambition, the Moon for its emotionality and its conscious and subconscious reactions, and finally the Ascendant as the visible personality, which expresses the energies of the Sun and the Moon. The position in the horoscope where Sun, Moon and Ascendant are most harmoniously working together is called the Part of Fortune. The energies of a sign and the affairs of the astrological house concerned will show you how to reach a state of true happines.

Your Part of Fortune in Gemini
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To you life means always adjusting to new circumstances and observing them out of varying perspectives. You need movement, intellectual challenges and to be surrounded by people, who constantly provide you with new insights. This is why you need to communicate, keep yourself well informed and think about everything which is important to your existence and society. You are happy when you can communicate, discover interesting fields or analyze situations. Maybe you aren't very adept at understanding the emotional side of people, but have no problem follow their way of thinking.

It may sound paradox, but you like to be in the center of things without being so intimately involved that you can't easily withdraw at any time. Your consciousness of reality tells you that it isn't very useful to place a lot of importance on something you have no control over, and so you are often the observer who draws conclusions which make everything a little clearer without putting you in danger of being hurt. You feel intimacy not through emotional but through spiritual closeness, which is why your partner can only make you happy by creating an atmosphere in which interesting and practical conversations are possible.

The Part of Fortune placed in Gemini gives one great joy through communication and learning, and the connection with people these engender. This person is seeking and gleaning new understandings from everyone he meets. The people in his life are more important for the ideas they convey than for who they are. Here, too, there is an attempt to keep things on a light level without becoming enmeshed in emotions. Many people come and go in his life, and he receives stimulation and information from all of them. As such, he becomes a veritable walking encyclopedia of data and knowledge culled from the experience of others. The more he gathers, the more he comes to realize the many different facets of life that often contradict each other.
This person tries to be non-committal, not because of a fear of commitment, but because he would rather not be the judge of which idea or thought is better or more correct. Thus he attempts to straddle two positions. If there were ever an individual who wanted to have his cake and eat it too, it would be the person with the Part of Fortune in Gemini. He seeks to reap the benefits of two camps, without truly forming an alliance with either. Sometimes he succeeds. This allows him freedom of movement, which adds scope and color to his life. He is able to act and react swiftly to each change of "wind" in his life. Great joy and genuine pleasure is experienced as the individual revels in the multiplicity of ideas, theories and impersonal observations. This is augmented by the Sagittarius IC that seeks to find the common thread or basic principle that links them all together.
Through the Sagittarius Part of Impersonal Consciousness, he sees truth in its brightest light. Seeing this truth allows him to relate to all people and situations freely with the joy and gusto of the Jupiter ruled IC. The chameleon like Mercurial energy allows him to change in an instant, as the situation makes a new demand. He knows there is a need for an expansion of consciousness, but if he over-emphasizes this he will lose the close contact to life and people he needs. He is happiest when intimately involved with everything going on around him, without personally judging the duality of situations.
Negative use of the Sagittarius Part of Impersonal Consciousness can cause one to become judgmental. One must learn to not identify with the authoritative attitudes that lead to this. The more one judges, the sooner one will lose the companionship so strongly sought. The Mercury/Jupiter axis relates to the power of observation and wisdom. Positive expression of the IC here will allow one to remember that to be human implies certain temporary limitations. The point of view must be wide enough to allow for the greatest expansion on the mental level, and at the same time allow for the understanding of the present human condition.
The greatest joy in the Gemini Part of Fortune comes from an ability to deal with immediate reality. If the individual permits himself to be swept along with the distant callings of the Sagittarius IC, there is a strong Possibility of losing the ability to function in the here and now. The very clear sense of presence, and the idea of the present, inherent in the Gemini Part Of Fortune is the most fulfilling source of joy to this individual. Their very personal pot of gold comes from knowing how to live with that which is temporary.

Your Part of Fortune in the eighth house

As opposed to those who have their Part of Fortune in the seventh house and find happiness through giving, you will be able to take joyfully, which is actually a quality which isn't so common. You are able to appreciate the true value of what is given to you, without feeling guilty about it and becoming obsessed with finding a way to repay it. Frequently you are occupied with thoughts on how to put the resources at your disposal to the best use. We can say that it makes you happy to make good use of the energies or materials which you acquire through professional contacts or your partner. This provides motivation to keep up the relationships which are most important to you, whereby you make an effort to notice what various people close to you value in order to behave likewise.

Possibly it won't be easy for you to restrain yourself and accept that your moral standards aren't the only ones. In the course of your life, you will experience that people's hopes and dreams are similar, regardless of whether they are material or spiritual values. The only difficulty is recognizing true values, as opposed to useless possessions which eventually take possession of their owner. Once you can differentiate between the two, you won't hesitate to draw the consequences and get rid of that which is worthless, because the eighth house and its attached sign, Scorpio, represent transformation.

In the end it will make you happy to discover for yourself that you are capable of letting go and developing yourself further, of coming to terms with life's cycles and sensing a deep connection to life on this planet.

This house generally refers to rebirth and regeneration. But it deals as much with the use being made of the energies which are born out of all types of relationships, and particularly with those which result from contractual agreements--the later being the very substance of "business."

Our modern world is basically resting upon contracts made by individuals, and/or groups; but these contracts are frequently changing, made, dissolved, remade. This applies even to modern marriages and to those partnerships of work which, in the past has a permanent character.

The person with the Part of Fortune in the eighth house may be greatly involved in problems of management; but this term, management, has gazined an immense field of application, that of many levels, mundane, spiritual, etc.

This individual will reach his greatest joy through what is bestowed upon him by others. Here, value systems, which are seemingly beyond the personal framework ultimately, show themselves as the best. This person is continually shown "another way." Each time there is an opening up to try another way, there are new, personal discoveries. This person examines the values of others, desiring to know what it is that other people treasure so much. The more he can discover and apply these external values to his personal life, the richer his experience becomes. His own values, particularly those that seemed to have outlived their usefulness, can be re-examined and given new life and meaning in the light of these external stimuli. This person now learns the great virtue of flexibility.
In order not to hamper this growth, the Second House Part of Impersonal Consciousness must be allowed to show that all of the values believed to be personal are not one's own. Instead, they are an impersonal expression of the desire nature to acquire and possess. The Second/ Eighth House polarity is a powerful tug of war between that which one must hold onto, and that which must be released. The dearest possessions for this individual should be values, which are real and everlasting. That which has outlived its usefulness and meaning must be released. This is not an easy lesson to learn.
Through the Eighth House Part of Fortune people in this person's life show him all of the things, which weigh him down as well as the values, which transcend the temporary qualities of momentary desires. All that is of no value will be destroyed by those who love him, leaving room for the Second House Part of Impersonal Consciousness to express the real values and possessions which the Divine nature has intended for man.

Perhaps more than with any other zodiacal position, this individual must surrender much of his ego in order for his Eighth House Part of Fortune to work to his best advantage. He is seeking a personal legacy. Whether it comes in the form of money, ideas, new values, enrichment of sexuality or the conscious fulfillment of the essence of his being, he must come to understand that he is not an island unto himself.
Because his greatest personal fortune will always come through another person, he must learn humility and know that the values he chooses to express may ultimately be less valuable than those given to him by others. For this reason he should not be possessive of his own values. Rather, he should allow himself to be open to a flow of value systems and ideas which may seem foreign to his principles, but which in fact give him the joy of regenerating his soul.

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