Me according to my doctors.

I am, Bipolar Type II with Psychotic tendencies, massive depression disorder, agoraphobic, paranoia disorder, anxiety disorder with extreme panic.

My Meds now are Xanax, Klonopin, Lamictal, Lexapro, Lithium, Seroquel. Oxycontin and oxycodone.

This is according to my doctors.

Dr Appt Today.

Kinda went OK. A little sad, we didn't move any further just cause I had my sleeping pills switched. He wants to work me off of xanax and move to 400 MG of Lamictal. And 2 MG of Klonopin only.

We will see how it goes, next time he wants Kate to come and talk to him also. I think he talks down to me sometimes and thinks I'm making things up. Maybe Kates talk will help, maybe not, whatever, fuck it.

Sometimes

Sometimes the pills, the alcohol, the anger, the fear, the panic

All Builds so high, a tolerance to everything

A Tolerance to life, that makes me sit back

and wonder what did I do right?

Nothing.

Except my son, I would not change that, but The depression is bad.

Help I scream, but others don't hear.

Ones that I love, live many miles from here

A girl that I miss a friend to the end

a Boy in the south that would ride to the death

all these things I feel so numb, shott myself to watch it bleed, its funny the redness fades to gray.