I'm starting the spiral of depression that goes with my Bipolar. Major depressive disorder I guess. It just sux, I want to be alone, do nothing, I have no ambitions, no feelings, nothing that matters when these strike. I had a panic attack the other day. Trix66 helped me out awesome, she just grabbed me up and held on to me tight telling me it was all going to be ok. That is what I tried to tell Kate back in the day, it works really good, Kate just didn't give a fuck I guess, she never acted like she Was doing it to help, it was more like she felt obligated, or it was a burden to her. I guess I learned lessons through it all though. I am in a better place, I am close to Jimmy, and She never really knew me anyway. T^he plan to jet, so calculated. All I miss from Iowa is my job.
Hanging out with Trix is awesome, she feels me, she understands, and is there for me.
Crystal is a bitch. I haven't talked to my son since August 5th, his birthday, except for 2 times. Another major trigger for the downslide. I notice it already, all I want to do is sleep, be in quiet places and not think, emotionless, white paper is all I think of. Trix will see a major swing, I guess we will see how she handles it compareds to my past experiences. Someone has to accept it and help me. I can't take having everyone from crystal to my family not understanding what I'm going through. The Manic stage ended yesterday with me buying 2 instruments with money I shouldn't have spent. Its all downhill from here!
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