My Life, The Realest Shit I ever Wrote

2011-09-24T02:36:00.000-04:00

Take Me in Your Arms(Miss Heroine)So now, little man, you've grown tired of grassLSD, goofballs, cocaine and hash, and someone, pretending to be a true friend,said, "I'll introduce you to Miss Heroin."Well honey, before you start fooling with me, just let me inform you of how it will be.For I will seduce you and make you my slave, I've sent men much stronger than you to their graves.You think you could never become a disgrace, and end up addicted to Poppy seed waste.So you'll start inhaling me one afternoon, you'll take me into your arms very soon. And once I've entered deep down in your veins, The craving will nearly drive you insane.You'll swindle your mother and just for a buck.You'll turn into something vile and corrupt. You'll mug and you'll steal for my narcotic charm,and feel contentment when I'm in your arms.The day, when you realize the monster you've grown,you'll solemnly swear to leave me alone.If you think you've got that mystical knack, then sweetie, just try getting me off your back.The vomit, the cramps, your gut tied in knots.The jangling nerves screaming for one more shot. The hot chills and cold sweats, withdrawal pains, can only be saved by my little white grains.There's no other way, and there's no need to look, for deep down inside you know you are hooked.You'll desperately run to the pushers and then, you'll welcome me back to your arms once again.And you will return just as I foretold! I know that you'll give me your body and soul.You'll give up your morals, your conscience, your heart.And you will be mine until, "Death Do Us Part"

For You

2011-03-17T19:55:00.000-04:00

The touch of your hands,
things that I miss
Holding you close, on your forehead a kiss
for the one I love.
My special one, never outdone
I give me to you,
this battered ball of fears
if I could Break away, Id wipe the tears
Take the time that you needed and give it in years
for all I want is you, all I dream about, is you

Selfish

2011-02-17T00:59:00.000-05:00

Sitting in Sadness and I'm looking down the road
Looking for everyone and everything there is to know
Listen for the Freight train coming down, yeah
Take a little ride around inside my head
ohhhhh ooohhhh
You see me crying but you don't seem to care
The sun keeps shining down on you through your pretty hair
When you gonna open up and let me back inside
Lock up emotions that I just want to hide
ohhhhh ooohhhh
Running away from me it seems how its got to be
never even took the time to care when you checked on me
so I lay here in my utter despair
Now you laugh about it, how is that fair
ohhhhh ooohhhh
Lies your telling me oh, you tell yourself
Lies your telling me oh, you tell yourself
Lies your telling me oh, you tell yourself

Lies your telling me oh, you tell yourself
Lies the only things that come out your mouth
You don't even care about those things in life
Sit there standing on the side as I take my life
Go along now and I'll see you on the other side
crushing soul and twisting fears all come inside
ohhhhh ooohhhh
ohhhhh ooohhhh
ohhhhh ooohhhh
ohhhhh ooohhhh

The Insider

2011-02-11T01:26:00.000-05:00

Dressed in this sadness dress
sculpted from clay
with utter despair

rests the insider
always emotions, never one good
locked in tranquility
forever, for good.

Time

2011-02-11T01:16:00.000-05:00

Time taken away, should have stayed
can't go on living this way
Left for places far away to buy the time to spend with you for days
the harder I worked the quicker I could be there for you
But time, passes, and slowly it seems,
time is catching up on me
moved back home to see you every weekend
still no time, always a rush

Daddy come play with me,
Its time for bed son maybe in the morning before your gone,
again out of my life,
your voice twinkles when I hear you through the phone
The time that I Had now has gone

washed away with my tears
and all these years stuck in the Vally
But Daddy Didn't see you enough when he lived in Iowa
so even though there were no jobs here
I came back to have Time with you.

The days now go on forever and the nights seem perpetually dark
to much time, to much alone since you've been gone.
eight hours away, my baby boy, I'll be with you soon
please understand it may be months, maybe a few
Saint Louis is the start point to get me back to you.
I love you with all my heart.
MY BABY BOY

Occupied Time

2010-12-27T16:02:00.000-05:00

Time passes by further away from you
This one part desire drives me to terror
This one goes out to you
The one I can never have.
To know me is to love me
but something else has occupied my time
so in darkness you sit, with a knife on your wrist

yearning for affection
receiving aflection
hoping for the best but something else has occupied my time
again in shame, I'm laid to blame
yearning for affection
receiving affliction
never had the time for you
at times I'd stay and cry
but something had to occupy my time
my mind is fucked can't take much more
punching holes and kicking doors
bullets in had load the 44
yearning for affection
receiving affliction
never had the time for you

Album 12/26/2010, by James Sutton

2010-12-26T22:04:00.001-05:00

I'd like to share my Walgreens Photo Center photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.

The One I Love REM Acoustic

2010-12-26T19:13:00.000-05:00

2010-12-26T17:46:00.001-05:00

All I ever needed was for you to love me.
All I ever needed was for you to hold me,
All i ever wanted was for you to hug me.
All I ever wanted was for you to love me,
I sit in the 4 walls, blood runs down as I slit my wrists, pain, a sense I feel no more.
I see the otherside, still watching the ground fill with blood.
All I needed was you.

All I need by James A Sutton| Lulu Poetry

2010-12-26T17:45:00.000-05:00

All I need by James A Sutton| Lulu Poetry

Princess

2010-12-26T17:43:00.002-05:00

by James A Sutton

Sometimes it seems as if the weight of the world bears down
Endlessly pushing, more and more untill it seems all is about to break
Evrything rushing, no time for yourself, The wonderful person you are
always putting eveyone else ahead, The helping hand that is always there.
Not everyone appreciates your selfless giving, or understands the needs that you have
While everyone is caught up in what can be done for them, pushing untill you can do no more
When you finallay crash, Unappreciated, and feeling alone.
Always remember, your never alone. I want to be that pillar of light
Off in the distace like a lighthouse steering ships to port
The one who you can count on to always be there when your in need, not for myself,
but for you.
To hold you through the night, and wipe away your tears.
To Gently rub your hair while you tell me all your fears,
To help you through your day so your not so overwhelmed,
and laugh and talk and cry together so you know how appriciated you are
At many times in this life, the battles need to be chosen,
You are but 1 person who cannot accept demands from everyone
Some things in life are meant to be done for the self, and the happiness it brings,
Slow down and enjoy while it lasts, it all goes so quickly,
I will be here for you, Forever and always
I Promise to always love you,
And care for you,
and be someone you can escape the hectic world to
so that I can make you happy, and show you how special you really are
and do the things for you that you deserve,
My Love, My Life,
My Princess.

Report this poem

Alone by James A Sutton| Lulu Poetry

2010-12-26T17:42:00.000-05:00

Alone by James A Sutton| Lulu Poetry

Alone

by James A Sutton

I feel so alone
without you by my side
I was addicted to seeing you everyday
and now your far away
I yearn for you
and die inside each day
I cannot stand this
Like being ripped away from the only happiness
you are my one
and without you I am empty
and alone.

REM The one I love Chords

2010-12-24T23:17:00.001-05:00

REM--The One I Love

Chords used (as they come up):
Em7   : [0 2 2 0 3 0]
Em    : [0 2 2 0 0 0]
Dsus2 : [X X 0 2 3 0]
G     : [3 2 0 0 0 3]
D     : [X X 0 2 3 2]
 
 
Intro: Em7
Em                Dsus2         Em   Em7
This one goes out to the one I love 
Em                Dsus2      Em        Em7
This one goes out to the one I’ve left behind 
G        D        Am        C
A simple prop to occupy my time
Em                Dsus2         Em   Em7
This one goes out to the one I love 
Em                Dsus2         Em   Em7
This one goes out to the one I love 
Em                Dsus2      Em        Em7
This one goes out to the one I’ve left behind 
G        D        Am        C
Another prop has occupied my time 
Em                Dsus2         Em   Em7
This one goes out to the one I love 
Em  Dsus2 Em Em7
Fire (she’s comin’ down on her own, now)
Em  Dsus2 Em Em7
Fire (she’s comin’ down on her own, now)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
For each of the;
      Em  Dsus2 Em Em7
      Fire!
pieces, play 2 downstokes Em, one down of Dsus2, one down of Em,
and then down up down for Em7, before repeating for the second "Fire"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Em                Dsus2         Em   Em7
This one goes out to the one I love 
Em                Dsus2      Em        Em7
This one goes out to the one I’ve left behind
G        D        Am        C
Another  prop...  occupied  my time 
Em                Dsus2         Em   Em7
This one goes out to the one I love 
Em  Dsus2 Em Em7
Fire (she’s comin’ down on her own, now)
Em  Dsus2 Em Em7
Fire (she’s comin’ down on her own, now)
Em                Dsus2         Em   Em7
This one goes out to the one I love 
Em                Dsus2      Em        Em7
This one goes out to the one I’ve left behind 
G        D        Am        C
Another prop has occupied my time 
Em                Dsus2         Em   Em7
This one goes out to the one I love 
(4X)
Em  Dsus2 Em Em7
Fire (she’s comin’ down on her own, now)

Good Links for lifes musical

2010-12-24T00:18:00.000-05:00

This one goes out to the one I love _REM
You Know your right_Nirvana
How you remind me_Nickleback

In The End

2010-12-24T00:06:00.000-05:00

Why the pain, why so fast.
Troubles come but never seem to pass

All I can see are the difficulties
all I see is the struggle
Evey need is in your soul
no need to wonder just let go

It all blows away in the end.

Hurts

2010-12-23T23:50:00.000-05:00

Im trapped in this life of mine
Created by failures and disappointments
But they say everybody hurts
Just really didn't think I had enought
but just as I cherish the precious joy
still everybody hurts, just some more than others.

If I leave tonight, will I be missed?
constant struggles, cut myself to watch me bleed
maybe I can purify this tainted body
The tainted mind and feelings that I hold inside.

Everybody hurts
Why does it have to hurt like this.

This one goes out to the one I love.

2010-12-23T23:39:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7oQEPfe-O8

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I've left behind

A simple prop to occupy my time
This one goes out to the one I love
Fire. Fire.

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I've left behind

A simple prop to occupy my time
This one goes out to the one I love
Fire. (she's comin' down on her own, now)
Fire. (she's comin' down on her own, now)

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I've left behind

Another prop has occupied my time
This one goes out to the one I love
Fire. (she's comin' down on her own, now)
Fire. (she's comin' down on her own, now)
Fire. (she's comin' down on her own, now)
Fire. (she's comin' down on her own, now)

SimpleMan

2010-12-22T21:28:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPVDj-wqgP4

 C       G          Am
Mama told me, when I was young 
         C         G        Am
Come sit beside me, my only son
           C       G         Am
And listen closely, to what I say.
            C
And if you do this
         G           Am 
It will help you some sunny day.

C  G Am
 
            C    G               Am 
Take your time... Don't live too fast,
                C   G               Am
Troubles will come,  and they will pass.
          C     G                Am   
Go find a woman, and you'll find love, 
               C
And don't forget that,
          G          Am  
There is someone up above.

(Chorus)
          C     G         Am
And be a simple  kind of man.
       C     G             Am
Be something  you love and understand. 
      C     G         Am
Be a simple  kind of man.
           C       G    
Won't you do this for me son,
        Am 
If you can?

(Alright, its the same three chords throughout the entire song. So, use the same chord
pattern from the above verse and chorus throughout the rest of the song.)

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold 
All that you need is in your soul, 
And you can do this if you try. 
All that I want for you my son, 
Is to be satisfied.

(Chorus)

Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself. 
Follow you heart and nothing else. 
And you can do this if you try. 
All I want for you my son, 
Is to be satisfied.

(Chorus)

This one goes out to the one I love.

2010-12-22T21:17:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7oQEPfe-O8

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I've left behind

A simple prop to occupy my time
This one goes out to the one I love
Fire. Fire.

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I've left behind

A simple prop to occupy my time
This one goes out to the one I love
Fire. (she's comin' down on her own, now)
Fire. (she's comin' down on her own, now)

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I've left behind

Astrology Glyphs and symbols

2010-11-02T01:39:00.000-04:00

Acoustic remake of how will I laugh tomorrow with a Doors Verse

2010-11-02T01:20:00.000-04:00

Epic Fail

2010-11-02T01:19:00.000-04:00

Freestyle Acoustic Jam

2010-11-02T00:35:00.000-04:00

Yellow Led Better Acoustic Jam

2010-11-01T23:56:00.000-04:00

Milk - Massive Attack

2010-11-01T22:32:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAbJcH950N0

i AM JUST A WORTHLESS lIAR, i AM JUST AN IMBICLE.

2010-10-29T21:05:00.000-04:00

wHY CAN'T WE NOT BE SOBER, WE CAN'T WE SLEEP FOREVER, i JUST WANT TO START THIS OVER.
Sober.........................................................

No one knows what its like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes.
My love is vengence thats never free
I blame you
My dreams aren't as empty as my concience seems to be.
uhhh to late down goes another nigger.

Still they call me CODEPENDENT SOMEHOW YOU LAYED THE BLAME ON ME.
Still they call me CODEPENDENT sOMEHOW YOU LAYED THE BLAME ON ME
sTRAIGHTEN UP LITTLE SOLDIER
DADDYS WITH YOU IN YOUR PRAYERS

hUSH LITTLE BABY DON'T YOU CRY,EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT STIFFIN UP THAT UPPER LIP lITTLE LADY

I am milk, I am cool, cool as the deep blue oceans.
Id be love and sweetness if I had you.

Day Trippin

2010-07-27T16:32:00.000-04:00

Emptiness is godliness and god is empty just like me.
take you to the edge of life now tell me what you see
a long narrow road to nowhare
the path to travel
addiction, abuse, mind fucks,
the evil inside, what you give to me.
fuels the fire, lights up desire
a sin unto another, never let to mature.
day 4, I got a bad diesease, the anger you bring me
time to tell me, how long will you hold me
Screaming in torment
Life like a doormat
wiped feet on my soul thats shattered
oxy blues, do you want to wear the shoes
never letting go,
holds on to your soul,
a puppet among men.

Eminem Space Bound, My Theme song right now in life.

2010-06-22T21:00:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFbdvUCCcwE

[Verse 1]
We touch I feel a rush
We clutch it isnt much
But its enough to make me wonder whats in store for us
It's lust its torcherous
You must be a socerous cause you just
Did the impossible
Gained my trust dont play games itll be dangerous
If you fuck me over
Cause if I get burnt imma show you what its like to hurt
Cause I been treated like dirt before ya
And love is evil
Spell it backwards ill show ya
Nobody knows me im cold
Walk down this road all alone
Its noones fault but my own
Its the path ive chosen to go
Frozen as snow I show no emotion whatsoever so
Don't ask me why I have no love for these mufuckin hos
Bloodsuckin' suckubusses what the fuck is up with this
Ive tried in this department but I aint had no luck with this
Its sucks but its exactly what I thought it would be
Like tryin to start over
I gotta hole in my heart im some kind of emotional roller-coaster
Somethin I wont go on til you toy with my emotion so its over
Its like an explosion everytime I hold ya wasnt jokin when I told ya
Ya take my breathe away
Your a supernova.. and im a

[Chorus]
I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's to the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I aim it right at you
Right at you
Right at you

[Verse 2]
I do whatever it takes
When im with you I get the shakes
My body aikes when I aint
With you I have zero strength
Theres no limit on how far I would go
No boundries no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks
Gonna be that one and then once we get em its never the same
You want them when they dont want you
Soon as they do feelings change
Its not a contest and I aint on no conquest for no mate
I wasnt lookin but I stumbled onto you mustve been fate

But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take
Lets cut to the chase
But a door shuts in your face
Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open
That I wont be makin a mistake

[Chorus]
I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's to the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I aim it right at you
Right at you
Right at you

[Verse 3]
So after a year and 6 months its no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts
Never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you
Let down my guard swear to god
I'll blow my brains in your lap
Lay here and die in your arms
Up to my knees and im bleedin
I'm tryin to stop you from leavin
You wont even listen so fuck it
I'm tryin to stop you from breathin
I put both hands on your throat
I sit on top of you squeezin
Till I snap ya neck like a popsicle stick
Aint no possible reason I could think of
To let you walk up out this house and let you live
Tears streamed down both of my cheeks
Then I let you just go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple
I told you this:
And I would do anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But its over now
Its too late to save our love
Just promise me youll think of me everytime you look up in the sky and see a star cause imma

[Chorus]
I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's to the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And im so lost without you
So lost without you
Without you
Without you

Link to all my published poetry

2010-06-19T23:15:00.002-04:00

http://www.poetry.com/user/james-a-sutton/13997602/

Things have never been so swell, I have never failed to fail.

2010-06-18T21:28:00.000-04:00

Hate

2010-06-18T21:24:00.001-04:00

I hate what you did to me
I hate how It feels
I hate that I can't get over you
I hate my heart never heals
I hate the way I treated you
I hate the things I did
I hate that I didn't cuddle more
And sleep with you in bed
I hate how I miss you
Each and every day
And how I can't quit thinking about you
After over a year apart
I hate the way My mind works
It always fucks things up
I hate the way my mind thinks
Never wanting to give up
I wish I could just tell you
Everything you meant to me
But you disregard every attempt
Like I do, you must hate me.

My Gift to you.

2010-06-18T18:03:00.000-04:00

There you were, my precious, not long ago.
Hidin' behind the shadows of your broken soul.

Why is it always you want something you can never have?
Why did you try to tempt me?
How could you be this way?

Your throat I take grasp.
Then your eyes roll back.
Love racing through my veins.
Your heart stops beating.
Black orgasms.
I kiss your lifeless skin.

There you were, my precious, with your broken soul.
Rubbing my crotch elated, taking control.

Why is it always you fuck up something you've always had?
Why did you try to tempt me?
How could you be so cold?

Your throat I take grasp.
Then your eyes roll back.
Love racing through my veins.
Your heart stops beating.
Black orgasms.
I kiss your lifeless skin.

Here I am, just a man.
Feeling pain, gives me life.
Relieving yours is my plan.
I'd do anything, just to see through your eyes.

Just to see through your eyes. (x8)
Just to see through your...

I hate you! Can't you feel the pain? (x7)
I HATE YOU!

Your throat I take grasp. Can't you feel the pain?
Then your eyes roll back. Can't you feel the pain?
Love racing through my veins. Can't you feel the pain?
Yes, you feel the pain.
Your heart stops beating. Can't you feel the pain?
Black orgasm. Can't you feel the pain?
I kiss your lifeless skin. Can't you feel the pain?
Can't you feel the pain?

Lifeless skin. Can't you feel the pain? (x4)

OXY

2010-06-18T17:30:00.001-04:00

Cut the lines, the powder fills the rows
Cut the ties , the fire of life grows cold
Take another smell, its all the same to me
Rest in pieces knowing it was me
Burning cold inside, taste me till you die
The love you have for me, will break you till you cry
Twitching legs, cold sweats, mentally fucked
One more smell it all passes, one more taste it all smashes
Life as you know it, never to be the same
Let me introduce myself Oxy is the name.

The Incident.

2010-04-29T15:42:00.000-04:00

How fucked up... Where my TRU Hommies at. Musik to Ride by.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgqffCyLtac

(Master P)
Don't make me call the dogs (use my ghetto code)
Oh we got beef? (Hoody Hoo)
I represent the dirty south
For all my thugs and thugettes out there
To the world
Get rowdy rowdy bout it bout it (Where they at?)
Where the tru thugs at?

4 or 5 hummers Burban Jag for the summer
SS sittin 20's but I ain't no muthafuckin stunter
Grab the gat where they at rat tat tat tat
I represent the 3rd ward
You a rookie, I'm a vet, you the captain, I'm the crunch
You got that dinner, I got the lunch, hit the weed, pass the blunts
Your eyes red, you got the munchies
How you like me now, gold teeth when I smile
Try to take me out the ghetto but I'm still buckwild

(Chorus)
So buckle up nigga, knuckle up nigga
(Hoody Hoo!) That's the code for them killas
(Hoody Hoo!) Buckle up, knuckle up (What you wanna do?)
(Hoody Hoo!) Buckle up, knuckle up (What you wanna do?)
(Hoody Hoo!) Buckle up, knuckle up (What you wanna do?)
(Hoody Hoo!) Buckle up, knuckle up (What you wanna do?)
(Hoody Hoo!) Buckle up, knuckle up (What you wanna do?)

(Silkk the Shocker)
One for the money, two for the show
Three for my niggaz, four to go
When I hear hoody hoo it's time to ride
Let nothin slide, let nothin go
If you bout your paper then scream (Hoody Hoo!)
If you don't fuck with them haters scream (Hoody Hoo!)
If you about big thangs then scream (Hoody Hoo!)
If about havin thangs the scream (Hoody Hoo!)

(Master P)
Whoa, hold on lil daddy, watch my feet
I know you gettin rowdy and everything
KL, bring that beat back

(Silkk the Shocker)
Drop the hot shit
So I can cop the new shit, the blue six
Niggaz hatin these days
So guess what, I bulletproofed it
N-O-L-I-M-I to the T nigga
TRU is who we be nigga
Then scream if you with me nigga

(Chorus)

(C-Murder)
Straight from the South, got them golds in my mouth
Converse on my feet
Thug girls bounce dat ass to the beat
We be No Limit niggaz, and we rowdy
We come to the club and get the motherfucker wildin
Fuck, I been to the streets
Rest in peace to my peeps
Stay at home if you weak, gotta hustle just to eat
And the pound put it down, all them girls can't tell
TRU niggaz make mail, all them haters go to hell
Throw 'em up Uptown, all the way to Downtown
You might get clowned, so you better pack a round
TRU niggaz want it all, we gon' ball till we fall
Put my tank on the wall, Hoody Hoo be call, nigga

(Chorus to fade)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWPnDdj2lLo

[Tupac - speaking]
The only way, for me to come back, is by Makaveli
That's it! All these motherfuckers stole from me
I'm takin back what's mine

[slowed down voice]
[laughing] You motherfuckers can't stop me
Even if I die, I'm gon' be a fuckin problem
Do you believe in ghosts, motherfucker?
Real live black... ghosts
Feel me?

[Verse One: 2Pac]
Some say I'm crazy, these punk-ass cops can't fade me
Mama tried to raise me, but had too many babies
Papa was a motherfuckin, joke
Used to find dope in his coat
And nearly choked when he'd tell me not to smoke
Daaamn, don't get me started
My mama smoked so God damn much
when she was pregnant I'm surprised I ain't retarded
At night I can't sleep, count sheep
As they pass through the glass of my neighbors five deep
Starin at the wall, heard a scream
Wake up in the mornin
See the blood in the hall from the murder scene
Don't cry, just ask why, and try not to die
As I take you through a ghetto nigga's lullabye
On the corner, where the niggaz slang they crack
And the undercovers jack those that don't watch they back
(Five-OH!) I daydream about the dope world
Take a puff from the blunt and watch the smoke swirl
My mausberg goes BOOM, what's another plug
Snatchin drugs, pumpin slugs in these other thugs
(GIVE IT UP NIGGA) Don't run out of breath
Every step could be death 'til you blast
And be the last nigga left, then I'll be ghost

[Chorus: 2Pac]
Don't cry, just ask why, and try not to die
As I take you through a ghetto nigga's lullabye
Don't cry, just ask why, and try not to die
As I take you through a ghetto nigga's lullabye

[Verse Two: 2Pac]
A seven-deuce full of niggaz goes by
Thought I was trippin the second time they rolled, by
Recognized the plates, the faces looked familiar
Everybody swear they know the nigga that's gonna, kill ya
Don't murder me murder me, killa a nigga in his sleep
Let me die as I rest in peace, deep
Back to these niggaz in the seven-deuce
A mac-10 out the window bout to let it loose, what could I do?
Run for cover and return fire
DIE MOTHERFUCKIN DIE, hope yo' ass fry, don't ask why
But I let off everything I have
An empty clip, hit the ground as a nigga dash
On my ass was the motherfuckin cops now
Barely breathin tryin to keep from gettin shot down
BOO-YAOW is the sound, bullet whizzed by
Still runnin like a nigga got nine lives
Don't know why but I'm runnin to my fuckin block
Took a shot, tired of runnin from the niggaz and the cops
Time to be a ghost
(HEY MAN, COME THE FUCK ON!)
And then we'll be ghost

[Chorus]

[Tupac - speaking]
FUCK THE POLICE NIGGA! [laughing]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxFdHb58ZGU

[First Verse (SPM):]
Another deadly ceremony,
In a sacred territory,
It was all done for the glory,
You bitches ain't got nothin' for me
O-G, from the H-I, double L, W, double O, D
Live the life of the lowly,
Movin' white ponies, still puttin' in work for the dead homies,
Show me the way out, stayin' ready for anything under the sun,
Under the moon, under the stars, God I'm lookin' for somewhere to run
Dumpin' my gun, as soon as I'm done,
Leavin' 'em numb, with one in his lung,
Livin' fast and dyin' young, always business never for fun

[Chorus (Marilyn Rylander):]
Tell me what it is
Tell me what you want
For your 3rd Wishhhhhhhh
This is your last wishhhhhhh
Tell me what it is
Tell me what you need
For your 3rd Wishhhhhhh
This is your last wishhhhhhh

[Second Verse (SPM):]
Bussin' our teflon, at the red dawn,
I ain't fuckin' with nothin', get stepped on
The purest, I'm the surest, playin' a tourist walkin' through Saigon,
Been a hustler servin' up big bricks,
And livin' my life to hit licks,
Trip on a G like me and see the beads of banana clips Trick
Stamina cannot be duplicated,
Bite on the dust, you get faded,
So many wannabe criminals up in the game of drug-related
Open up, open up your dopehouses
Turning you men into mouses
Saggin' my burgendy trousers,
Letting you know how the South is

[Chorus]

[Bridge One (Grimm & SPM):]

[phone rings]
[SPM:] "Dopehouse Records"
[Grimm:] "Say man Los, man it ain't go right man, I'ma tell you man, Lil' Drugs
dead man."
[SPM:] "What?"
[Grimm:] "Yeah, he's dead man"
[SPM:] "Fuck"
[Grimm:] "And I got big Jon with me man, he got hit bad on the side, it don't
look good bro, it don't look good, he bleedin' bad. We can't go to the
hospital man, we ain't goin' to the hospital."
[SPM:] "Yeah"
[Grimm:] "We headed straight to the Dopehouse. Call Doc, tell him we need him."
[SPM:] "Alright my nigga, are you sure about Lil' Drugs?"
[Grimm:] "I'm sure man, he's gone baby, he's gone. We gotta get these
muthafuckas."
[SPM:] "Alright, hurry up."
[ends phone conversation, SPM starts talking to himself]
[SPM:] "Okay, this is it, I've wished for money, and I've wished for fame, but
what good is it, if I'm still stuck in this game? So, for my 3rd wish...I
just wish for all this shit to stop. Just please make it stop."

[Third Verse (SPM):]
I'm back once again for revenge,
In an all-black bulletproof Benz,
How will I get 'em? It just depends,
Hook his ass up with all his dead friends,
Here ye, here ye, sincerely,
Why so many haters fear me?
Dearly departed, y'all started some shit, and struck but couldn't come near me
We're the odyssey, young prodigy, runnin' the top notch properties,
Where snitches get shot in they arteries, but gettin' nobody's apologies
Follow me how do we master the first jack?
Since the day I was born I was cursed Black,
H-Town's where I'm doin' my dirt at,
Robbin' you hoes on horseback

[Chorus]

By The Way

2010-04-22T16:09:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7uHHqrFJj4

A note by the door
Simply explains, It's all that remains
It's no wonder why I have not slept in days.
Dust on the floor
Piled up from the years, all those scars + souvenirs
Now that you're gone it's easy to see
But so hard to believe

By the way, you left without saying goodbye to me.
Now that you're gone away, all I can think about is
You and me, you and me

It's not like before, you've left nothing here.
It's all disappeared
It hurts me to see that we've been a lie.
Would it have hurt you to try?

By the way, you left without saying goodbye to me.
Now that you're gone away, all I can think about is
You and me, you and me

It's sad to say that this pain
Is killing me inside
But it's sad to say that this pain
Is keeping me alive
Twisting and turning it rips
Through my heart.
It's been tearing me apart

By the way, you left without
Saying goodbye to me.
Now that you're gone away,
All I can think about is
You and me, you and me
All I can think about is you and
Me, you and me
All I can think about is you and me, you and me

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/theory_of_a_deadman/#share

All or nothing

2010-04-22T16:04:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRz8A8PJWXM&feature=related

When I first saw you standing there,
You know, was a little hard not to stare.
So nervous when I drove you home,
I know, being apart's a little hard to bear.
Sent some flowers to your work, in hopes
That I'd have you in my arms again.
We kissed that night before I left, still
Now it was something I could never forget.

You've got all that I need

Looking at all or nothing
Babe it's you and I, with you I know that
I'm good for something so let's go and give it
A try. We've got our backs against the ocean,
It's just us against the world. Looking at
ALL or nothing, babe it's you and I. Looking
At ALL or nothing, babe it's you and I.

Let's take a chance, go far away, today
And never look back again. Since I
Said I loved you in Las vegas. It's
Never been the same since then.

You've got all that I need

Looking at all or nothing
Babe it's you and I, with you I know that
I'm good for something so let's go and give it
A try. We've got our backs against the ocean,
It's just us against the world. Looking at
ALL or nothing, babe it's you and I. Looking
At ALL or nothing, babe it's you and I.

This is it, nothing to hide, one more
Kiss, never say goodbye. This is it, baby you're all mine.

Looking at all or nothing, babe it's you and I,
I know that I'm good for something so let's
Go and give it a try. Got our backs
Against the ocean, it's just us against the world

Looking at all or nothing
Babe it's you and I, with you I know that
I'm good for something so let's go and give it
A try. We've got our backs against the ocean,
It's just us against the world. Looking at
ALL or nothing, babe it's you and I. Looking
At ALL or nothing, babe it's you and I.

Babe, it's you and I

So...

2010-03-31T20:42:00.000-04:00

I believe in astrology enough to help people by reading charts and interpreting them. All except my own. I don't head the warnings, I knew it was real but I just brushed it off as "I read it wrong) Just cause I wanted the outcome to be different. well,, Its ALWAYS right and true no matter how much you want it to be different. So as I charted my move to Waterloo Iowa I did a progressed chart and a transit chart for the event (move date). Well it said alot, some good some bad, but the one thing I brushed off as I read it wrong has haunted me everyday of my life since that decision point in the vast reality of Consciousness, these 10 words, "IT WILL BE THE WORST DECISION YOU WILL EVER MAKE."

I should have listened.

AURA COLOR MEANINGS

2010-03-31T20:29:00.000-04:00

RED AURA COLOR: Relates to the physical body, hart or circulation.The densest color, it creates the most friction. Friction attracts or repels; money worries or obsessions; anger or unforgiveness; anxiety or nervousness

Deep Red: Grounded, realistic, active, strong will-power, survival-oriented.
Muddied red: Anger (repelling)
Clear red: Powerful, energetic, competitive, sexual, passionate
Pink-bright and light: Loving, tender, sensitive, sensual, artistic, affection, purity, compassion;new or revieved romantic relationship. Can indicate clairaudience.
Dark and murky pink: Immature and/or dishonest nature
Orange Red: Confidence, creative power
In a good, bright and pure state, red energy can serve as a healthy ego.

ORANGE AURA COLOR: Relates to reproductive organs and emotions.The color of vitality, vigor, good health and excitement. Lots of energy and stamina, creative, productive, adventurous, courageous, outgoing social nature; currently experiencing stress related to apetites and addictions;

Orange-Yellow: Creative, intelligent, detail oriented, perfectionist, scientific.

YELLOW AURA COLOR: Relates to the spleen and life energy. It is the color of awakening, inspiration, intelligence and action shared, creative, playful, optimistic, easy-going.
Light or pale yellow: Emerging psychic and spiritual awareness; optimism and hopefulness; positive excitement about new ideas.
Bright lemon-yellow: Struggling to maintain power and control in a personal or business relationship; fear of losing control, prestige, respect, and/or power.
Clear gold metallic, shiny and bright: Spiritual energy and power activated and awakened; an inspired person.
Dark brownish yellow or gold: A student, or one who is straining at studying; overly analitical to the point of feeling fatigued or stressed; trying to make up for "lost time" by learning everything all at once.

GREEN AURA COLOR: Relates to heart and lungs.It is a very comfortable, healthy color of nature. When seen in the aura this usually represents growth and balance, and most of all, something that leads to change.Love of people, animals, nature; teacher; social
Bright emerald green: A healer, also a love-centered person
Yellow-Green: Creative with heart, communicative
Dark or muddy forest green: Jealousy, resentment, feeling like a victim of the world; blaming self or others; insecurity and low self-esteem; lack of understanding personal responsibility; sensitive to perceived criticism
Turquoise: Relates to the immune system.Sensitive, compassionate, healer, therapist.

BLU AURA COLOR: Relates to the throat, thyroid. Cool, calm, and collected. Caring, loving, love to help others, sensitive, intuitive.
Soft blue: Peacefulness, clarity and communication;truthful; intuitive
Bright royal blue: Clairvoyant; highly spiritual nature; generous; on the right path; new opportunities are coming

Dark or muddy blue: Fear of the future; fear of self-expression; fear of facing or speaking the truth
INDIGO AURA COLOR: Relates to the third eye, visual and pituitary gland.Intuitive, sensitive, deep feeling.
VIOLET AURA COLOR: Relates to crown, pineal gland and nervous system.The most sensitive and wisest of colors. This is the intuitive color in the aura, and reveals psychic power of attunement with self.Intuitive, visionary, futuristic, idealistic, artistic, magical.
LAVENDER AURA COLOR: Imagination, visionary, daydreamer, etheric.
SILVER AURA COLOR: This is the color of abundance, both spiritual and physical. Lots of bright silver can reflect to plenty of money, and/or awakening of the cosmic mind.
Bright metallic silver: Receptive to new ideas; intuitive; nurturing
Dark and muddy gray: Residue of fear is accumulating in the body, with a potential for health problems, especially if gray clusters seen in specific areas of the body

GOLD AURA COLOR: The color of enlightenment and divine protection. When seen within the aura, it says that the person is being guided by their highest good. It is divine guidance. Protection, wisdom, inner knowledge, spiritual mind, intuitive thinker.

BLACK AURA COLOR: Draws or pulls energy to it and in so doing, transforms it. It captures light and consumes it.Usually indicates long-term unforgiveness (toward others or another) collected in a specific area of the body, which can lead to health problems; also, entitities within a person's aura, chakras, or body; past life hurts; unreleased grief from abortions if it appears in the ovaries

WHITE AURA COLOR: Reflects other energy. A pure state of light. Often represents a new, not yet designated energy in the aura.Spiritual, etheric and non-physical qualities, transcendent, higher dimensions. Purity and truth; angelic qualities.
White sparkles or flashes of white light: angels are nearby;can indicate that the person is pregnant or will be soon
EARTH AURA COLORS: Soil, wood, mineral, plant. These colors display a love of the Earth, of being grounded and is seen in those who live and work on the outdoors....construction, farming, etc. These colors are important and are a good sign.
RAINBOWS: Rainbow-colored stripes, sticking out like sunbeams from the hand, head or body: A Reiki healer, or a starperson (someone who is in the first incarnation on Earth)

PASTELS: A sensitive blend of light and color, more so than basic colors. Shows sensitivity and a need for serenity.

DIRTY BROWN OVERLAY: Holding on to energies. Insecurity.
DIRTY GRAY OVERLY: Blocking energies. Guardedness.

New Astrology reading

2010-03-28T12:12:00.000-04:00

The Sun - The Creating Self

€

Every chart reading should begin with the Sun as the primary focus of astrology. The Sun's position in the zodiac is very important, and most agree it deserves first consideration. It's the core of the individual; the overriding nature and will. This is the influence that describes the "you" that is trying to be in this lifetime. This is your "awake" side, your consciousness and outer-directed individuality. Thus, the Sun is the most important single indicator, fueling the total personality. The nature of your Sun sign is your true colors that you display to the world day in and day out.

The Sun is referred to as the star at the center of our solar system. It is a sphere, around which the Earth and the other planets rotate. an elliptical orbit which causes the distance between the two to vary. The Sun is enormous in relation to the planets, approximately 700 times larger than all the planets put together. Although from the Earth, the Sun seems to cross above us symmetrically from East to West every day, it only appears to be so. Following the Vernal Equinox the Sun moves to the North until the 21st of June (in the northern hemisphere the day with the shortest night) when it reaches its climax in Cancer. It changes directions turning south continuing past the autumnal equinox until reaching its turningpoint in Capricorn on the 22nd of December, in the northern hemisphere the day with the longest night.

The Sun was naturally the first and most important celestial body to be observed by man and therefore plays an import role in mythology. The Sun is personified by Apollon (in Greek mythology) and by Helios (in Roman mythology). This god brought life energy, enlightenment and healing. In Astrology the position of the Sun describes our personalities. People who are not yet well aquainted with Astrologoy refer to themselves as Pisces if the Sun was in the sign Pisces at the time of their birth. Naturally the Sun is a very important part of the interpretation but it remains merely one factor among many. A well placed Sun enables us to radiate joy, confidence and strength as well as fight off disease. The Sun corresponds to the sign Leo, which has the same attributes.

Your Sun in Aries

€ (2041'22'' )

The so-called `children' of ARIES take on the solar-tone of being the first sign in the Zodiac. When the Sun comes up over the equator, on the first day of Spring, and on the first degree of Aries, it brings with it that powerful dynamism that motivates the life force in all things. They are thought to be endowed with the eternal Fires of Spring.

Arians love to lead the way. They are often forceful, and eager to get ahead. They appear often to be self-centered, which is not necessarily so, just eager to forge ahead to new things, with real pioneering spirit.

They should remind themselves now and then to think first and then act, and build up their patience with others. Most often they are filled with their own ideas that flow at a terrific pace. They always seem to overflow with vim and vigor.

They are nearly always courageous, often venturing in many new directions.

Aries is a fire sign, ruled by Mars --- sheer energy. They seem to have endless drive and the desire to get things started, wanting always to do things on their own. And add to this their great enthusiasm, which makes them often charge headlong into activity. Most often they are aggressive and determined to get their own way, and nearly always look for a challenge.

They are capable of inventing new ideas and activities which they seem to know others will enjoy. These people are bored with routine and certainly don't like to be told what to do, but more often than not they like to tell others what to do.

They are impulsive, outgoing, sometimes short with others, and seemingly hot-tempered (Mars influence). But they do forgive easily and rarely remain angry, sad or sorry for long. They are too busy getting on with living, in their own vibrant I-know-best way.

Aries represents the beginning of development and does not concern itself with the past. The Aries prefers to move forward without looking back. An Aries personality has enormous potential for energy and motivation. People born under this cardinal sign, are constantly on the lookout for new directions in which they can pioneer. The disadvantage is a lack of endurance and interest to stay with a task for an extended period of time.

If you could learn to concentrate your energy potential to accomplish a specific goal, you would find it easier to be successful. Instead of taking the time to think and plan you want to act on impulse. Consider the needs of others more carefully, if you want to avoid ending up alone at the top because nobody was able to keep up with you. You tend to overlook important details and then later wonder what went wrong. This should motivate you to plan your actions thoroughly or include others in the planning. Don't be too quick to discount the advise of others; listen to well intended suggestions, you' ll find that it can be to your advantage.

The Sun is in this first sign of the zodiac from March 21 to April 20 each year. The symbol for Aries is the Ram, because of the headlong, direct, and assertive nature of the sign. The sign is also symbolized by seeds shooting out of the ground in the springtime, suggesting a time and spirit of renewal.

In Aries, the Sun is highly action oriented. You like to do your thing, and you are opinionated and direct in doing it. Your Aries personality constantly wants to charge ahead, and insists on being the one who organizes, rather than ever allowing yourself to be led or organized by others. You have a hard time recognizing any point of view except your own. Highly action oriented, when an idea strikes you, you are off quickly to carry it out. Yet you are not so good in seeing projects through to a conclusion. Follow-up and finish work are not matters that suit your style. You constantly need new goals, new projects, and new challenges.

You are a quick learner and a self-starter; enthusiastic and curious. The main challenge for an Aries Sun sign native is the control of impulses. You must avoid scattering forces, for if you can learn to think before taking action, your energetic nature will enable you to do much. Natural impulsiveness and inability to listen to the advice of others sometimes involves you in difficulties. To succeed, you must learn to think everything through carefully before you proceed. Patience and the ability to plan are areas in which you may have to apply extra effort. You must reflect on the total effect of your actions to grow and progress in life.

You may have a sharp temper and a quick fuse as Aries is ruled by Mars, the planet associated with war and combat. Fortunately, you get over anger as quickly as it comes, and you never hold a grudge. You are neither devious nor subtle in your actions. Many Aries Sun natives are down right blunt. Only with concentration and attention can you ever acquire much diplomacy and tact.

With your natural Aries inclinations, you have a true adventurer's or pioneer's spirit; a longing for independence and a tendency to fancy yourself as a free soul. Born to lead, but not born to handle the mundane responsibility or bureaucratic red tape. When faced with complex details, you become very frustrated. Fully matured, your Aries spirit aspires to a gallant "never say die" attitude, and a willingness to take advantage of each new opportunity that comes along

You are challenged by your own ambition. Because your leadership qualities are undisputed, you receive recognition which is essential for you.

If you are able to develop more sensitivity and treat others with diplomacy, nothing will stand in the way of your success, because the really positive aspect of Aries is that they never give up.

Your Firery inner drive makes you the motivating force in any relationship. You tend to have so much physical and sexual energy that you can awaken all sorts of feelings in your partner, even feelings that have long been dormant.

It would be a good idea, however, to bank your fires a bit. Even though you may be overflowing with energy, your partner may tire more quickly, both physically and emotionally, which you must take into consideration. A Calmer approach would be good for you personally as well, because your appitite for experience is voracious; Over indulgence prevents you from savoring each valuble moment of a love affair.

It is wise to learn about sexual technique or learn the ins and outs of lovemaking with a highly skilled lover, because in your eager enthusism, you often brush past many of the finer points of sex. You will find a wealth of pleasure in lovemaking if you can slow down and linger over each step, even though your high energies are pushing you to go faster. That inner intensity flame can heighten the details of love if you govern it. Few people have your ability to etch every experience into your mind and body.

Your Sun in the Seventh House

This placement denotes a public personality. Your life is strongly integrated and influenced by those close to you; the marriage partner, the business partner. These connections make or break you as you have a propensity to react to the people around than to initiate projects on your own. You are particularly adept at public relations as you know how to cooperate and deal with others. This is a good position for most careers in sales and promotion. The power of this position will always be in relationships, and it will be necessary for you to help others in order for you to shine. Your keen sense of proportion permits you to become an arbitrator, called on to balance one person or faction against another, to maintain an equilibrium.

The Sun in the seventh house helps you to develop your friendships, partnerships, your self confidence and your character. Common activities will raise questions which will inspire you to get to know yourself and to express yourself better. Putting more effort into making honest and upright friendships will improve your character. Surely you know that usually things become clearer by comparison. This is also true for character, it will receive definition through contact to others.

Watch out that you don't hide behind someone else, if you are looking for someone you think will compensate for your weaknesses or for someone to give you direction. You may attempt to gain status or power by attaching yourself to someone powerful who you can worship. Seen psychologically, you may be actually searching for your father. You will never find fulfillment anywhere but within yourself. Anyone else you try to burden with this will probably just leave.

In humanistic Astrology the test of co-operation is ascribed to the seventh house. Here your relation to the environment is structured. You need to be around people and should choose a profession which will bring you into contact with a lot of people.

With this position, it is most important to choose a partner who can be your equal in all ways, because you are iclined to be quite dependent on him or her.

This position is ideal for becoming involved with another person at all levels. Unless a lover evolves into a friend, busniess partner or close companion in some way, you are likley to lose intrest. Anything less than a full relationship tends to become wearisome or to fall apart from inattention.

Marriage in and of itself may be very important for you, But a strong personal partnership is essential and means more than any legal contract. You should choose a partner very carefully, for you are likley to be dependent on him or her, particulary when the chips are down. Similarly, your partner must be able to rely on you fully; the relationship must be entirely mutual if it is to sustain itself.

This should come quite naturally, because relationships are generally the primary focus of your life. Indeed, much of your reputation is based on your ability to get along well with others and you desirability in a relationship.

SUN SEXTILES MARS

€ (2041'22'' ) Æ „ (2426'9'' ¢)

This sextiles strengthens the vital life forces and adds to natural incentive and enthusiasm. The individual is confident and decisive within the dictates of sign characteristics. Fruitful opportunities for constructive self-expression and productive use of physical energies are indicated in the affairs influenced by the Sun and Mars.

The sextile between the Sun and Mars makes you an energetic person. You have many creative ideas, and a constant drive to express them. You use your intellectual abilities effectively, and you rarely charge off on a project without thinking it through first. You have a forceful personality, but you readily accept the ideas of others. Communication is one of your finest assets. Although you can be pushy in expressing yourself, you relate in such a polished way that you neither threaten nor offend. Your effective method of communicating makes you an excellent tutor or advisor, especially with young people. You stay abreast of affairs, not because you are interested in reading, but because you must remain informed.

You probably have a rather even flow of energy, and once you begin an activity, you work at it more steadily and consistently than many others. Because of this, you are an especially dependable lover, particularly in physical stamina, and you are capable of fairly lengthy sessions of lovemaking. However, you are not likely to be too demanding in lovemaking but will abide by your lover's physical limits, for you are quite adaptable. For this reason, you should let your lover know that he or she should signal you when to begin or end your lovemaking. By clearly defining the situation, you will not let it trail on meaninglessly for lack of communication. You have plenty of energy in reserve, but you are not likely to use it except when motivated by an active partner who draws out your capabilities. Therefore, you would be happiest with a fairly demanding lover who can bring you up to your highest level of ability; otherwise, you might not make the effort. Once activated, you are capable of expending strong physical and emotional energies

that are even and dependable. Your lover may rely upon you in love as well as in other areas of life.

Sun Opposite Uranus

€ (2041'22'' ) Á ‡ (2558'25'' ¦)

The Sun opposes Uranus suggesting a situation in which self-will and independence is strongly marked. You sometimes act to create excitement and controversy. You can be hard to deal with because of sudden changes in behavior, eccentric notions, and viewing everything from a personal point of view. This confrontation with Uranus will set off times in your life when you will be high-strung and have a nervous disposition. You are very original, but also a little impractical.

You may find that your energies come in rather sudden spurts and that you are either very insightful in matters of love or don't understand it at all. But that is quite natural, and if you channel this trait properly, you can reach unusual heights of sexual experience and discovery. This on-and-off quality can be a problem if your lover has the same style and if the two of you aren't quite coordinated. However, when you both are on the same wavelength, you can go to extremes of originality and intensity in sexual and emotional expression. Of course, at other times, nothing at all will happen. In the long run, you may be most content with a more regular lover who can inspire you when you are low and ride your energies when you are at a peak.

You should be careful, however, to commit yourself only to what you are capable of

carrying out and not jump in and out of a relationship once you have begun. It is all

right to honestly change your mind about an affair, but don't make a final commitment

until you have given it a lot of thought. You may change your mind several times before you really know whether you want to stay with it.

The Moon - The Emotional Attitude

The Moon's position in your chart is almost as important as the Sun, but the influence is different. The moon is your emotional life. It relates to immediate emotional responses. It's those reactions instilled by conditioning; the memory and learned habit patterns. The influence of the Moon is more subtle, for it relates to personality beneath the surface; your feelings and your subconscious self. It shows how you react to those around you based on the sum of your conditioned viewpoint and unguarded self-projection. Often, the Moon's place in the chart shows a considerably different side of the nature, a side fostered by emotions, upbringing, and habit patterns that have developed over time.

The Moon does not travel around the Earth in an exact circular orbit but moves elliptically. Its diameter is approximately 3500 kilometers making it a tiny speck of dust in the universe. People have found its constantly changing form fascinating, giving rise to innumerable myths, legends and tales. While the Sun is associated with male consciousness, the Moon is seen as female. Women's menstrual cycles are in accord with the 28-day Moon cycles. Mood goddesses have been described diversly; as moody, dark and cruel or as life giving and sensitive. They have been called Demeter, Hera, Artemis, Hekate or Persiphone. Even the Virgin Mary has been often portrayed as a Moon crescent.

The Moon's influence on the Earth and its inhabitants should not be underestimated. If it is responsible for the changes in tide, why shouldn't it also alter our body fluids?

The phase of the Moon at the time of birth is a very important facet of Astrological interpretation. The waning Moon is a period for concentration and gathering, with all energies turned inward. The new Moon is the climax of this development. The waxing Moon is the opposite, a time for growth and allowing emotions to be expressed freely. Everyone has at least once in his or her lifetime spent restless or even sleepless nights on a full Moon. Quite a few locations like Koh Phangan in Thailand or Goa in India have institutionalised 'Full Moon Parties' which attract thousands of people at a time.

In a horoscope the Moon is associated with the sign Cancer and represents the subconscious, emotional disposition, fertility, creative energies, the home, family, mother and the reception of other people's moods. You can tell if someone tends to be moody or emotionally stable.

Your Moon in Sagittarius

(1013'48'' ¨)

The Moon represents your needs, habits, emotional security, among other things, and therefore the sign your Moon is found in reflects and colors some of your innate tendencies, and even the abilities you are won't to develop.

A Sagittarius Moon is restless and lacking in continuity. Unsettled in both mind and body, you need activity and a good deal of exercise. You want to always feel free to roam and wander, both physically and mentally.

In Sagittarius, the emotions are jubilant, enthusiastic and highly optimistic. You are socially naive and blissfully unaware of real human differences. You meet people on your own terms, merging and melting into relationships with them. You are open and friendly as a puppy. Your good-natured and fun-loving manner generally produces many friends and acquaintances. Yet few of your friends are really intimate.

Rarely will you feel the need for group movements or organizations to provide you with a sense of who you are. You know who you are and where you're going. Although you may change your mental directions and modify your goals a number of times, you are quite comfortable with yourself, and where you're headed. Optimistic and idealistic, you can see the silver lining inside every cloud, and believe things will turn out for the best. Usually they do. You bounce back easily from setbacks and immediately start again. Unfortunately, you often fail to learn from your mistakes.

Your sense perceptions are accurate, but you often speak before you think. You seem to be able to form a clear picture of the world around you. Decisive in manner, you are outspoken, buoyant, and ever interested in both learning and spreading knowledge. Thus, you're a natural teacher or preacher.

As a child, your parents were probably very lenient with you, and encouraged your aptitude for adventure, both physically and mentally. Quite likely, you will encourage your children in much the same way, becoming more of a friend than an authority figure. When it comes to discipline, however, you may be a little lax. Sometimes the Sagittarius influence views children as inhibitors of freedom.

Your love relationships probably are romantic friendships rather than deep emotional commitments. You can be affectionate and enthusiastic, but your emotions are shallow, and you probably are happiest with a partner who will play, socialize and go places with you, without making heavy demands. Being free and unfettered is one of your deepest needs. Intimacy poses a certain threat to this need. As soon as you begin to care for someone, you start feeling emotionally trapped, usually choosing to regain your freedom by making an exit.

You need physical outlets for your restlessness and energy. Running, skiing, dancing and bike-riding in particular might appeal to you. Exercise can also help you keep your weight down, since you have a tendency to overindulge in food and/or drink sometimes.

You're prone to make many changes in your life; changes of residence, changes in careers, or just changes of ideals and goals. This is because you are able to maintain a great deal of control over your life, skillfully combining business and pleasure. Adventure and travel are strong urges in your makeup and you are likely to travel a great deal. You may have some reluctance to buy a home and begin collecting physical possessions because you believe these would merely tend to tie you down.

Your Sagittarian Moon contributes a kind of charm and enthusiasm, to your personality that most people like. It makes you seek to enjoy life, like good food, like to be around jolly people.

You have a real good sense of humor. You want people to laugh. You are an optimist. You usually bounce back from bad times with a fresh outlook. When it doesn't come easy you really search for that possible something that will make the future look bright and cheery.

You have a need to be around positive people, because pessimists and the like will drain off your vitality, thus leaving you kind of listless and cross.

Sometimes your spontinaety goes to an extreme. Emotionally you tend to be freedom-loving, perhaps slow to follow through on deep commitments.

There is this tendency to need space around you, and the desire to roam, because you have this restless delight in variation.

What you seek most in a relationship is a sense of humor, adventure, and a strong personality that can be your best friend. The challenge and the chase are more valued than the prize. Try to note if you look upon love as just a pleasurable activity, not only for yourself, but for the other too.

Experience and growth do bring wisdom and generous warmth of feeling, and deep thinking. You are a perpetual student, always wanting and needing new ways of viewing ways to be.

Fine living, travel, impromptu love affairs attract you. You're probably fond of sports and outdoorsy activities, and are always interested in recreational pursuits.

People like to be around you because you generally are good-natured and fun-loving.

The Moon in Sagittarius makes you want to take on important goals and explore the meaning of your human existence. Your higher principles bring you to search for a religion which is right for you. It could be that the search is more important to you than reaching the goal, nothing appeals to you more than an adventure. You love the feeling of being able to let go at any time and won't enter a binding relationship until later in life. The world is a challenge for you; explore it. You love your spiritual freedom above all else and hate nothing more than fanatism and dogmatic rules. You go through life confidently and are anxious to see whatever the future has in store for you.

If you haven't yet found inner harmony because your parents placed too many restrictions on you or if they simply weren't available, it may be difficult for you to act tolerantly towards others who have a different opinion. You have the tendency to waste time fantasizing about the future instead of working on solving the problems facing you here and now. Your responsible nature will help you get your feet back on the ground during this lifetime.

Your Most distinctive trait may well be your sense of humor. Even in scenes that would cause others to be downhearted or discouraged, you can find a spark of laughter and mirth that brightens up the situation and makes it more enjoyable.

This can be a problem only if it is overdone. People who take life too seriously may not appreciate having their homemade tradigies belittled with humor, so you should find a lover who shares your easy going and broad approach to life.

Probably you have a very rich fantasy life, which some people may consider overabundant. But you create fantasies for their own sake basically, and you enjoy creating them as much as fulfilling them. Acting out sex fantasies is always desired, but it can be more troublesome than just cooking them up, because the acting out process tends to get in the way of enjoyment.

In the long run, your style of loving is more in the spirit of a warm, friendly fireplace on a late fall night: merry, conforting, the essence of happy comradeship. Like good wine, your love relationship will grow mellower and fuller with age. The more you partake of it, the more you will treasure it.

The Moon in Sagittarius interjects a need for emotional independence and freedom. There is a natural inclination to avoid ties that impinge upon personal liberty. You love travel and feels a need for movement and activity. This placement produces high ideals, optimism, daring and recklessness. Your mother's spiritual and religious qualities may be admired or resented by you, but in either case they leave a lasting impression. You are adverse to household routine, tends to form loose-knit family ties and like to change residence frequently.

Your Moon in the Third House

The Moon in the third house projects its influence by giving a studious temperament, especially relating to history, archaeology and subjects generally dealing with the past. There is a strong intellectual curiosity and an emotional need for continual mental growth. You have a good memory; your mind is filled with a huge variety of miscellaneous details and facts. You find it difficult to handle routine or dull jobs because you must be moving about and keeping your mind occupied. You are frequently prone to daydreaming and fantasy.

You are so receptive to the thoughts of the people around you, that you have had difficulties distinguishing between your own convictions and the ones you hear from others. It's also difficult for you to maintain distance in some situations and to discipline your rational thought processes because you spontaneously react emotionally. Everyone agrees that you let yourself be swayed by emotion. It would be best for you to concede, accepting your way of dealing with reality. Your feelings determine how you are going to perceive a given situation. Your moods can be as inconsistent as the phases of the moon. The positive aspect of this is that you can relate to nearly everyone you talk to on a personal level and express your sympathy sincerely.

You are very imaginative and have a phenomenal memory. If you approach a science such as archeology or ancient history you should be prepared to stick with it even if you let yourself be distracted and give up easily.

When communicating you express your emotions with every utterance. You could probably write expressive poetry or heart wrenching stories. In any case people will love to listen to you once you get your stories structured.

The relationships to your siblings are probably very important to you. Especially your female relations will have influenced you, because you felt safe with them and experienced compassion which you were then able to pass on to your brothers and sisters.

You usually express your loving feelings verbally, and you should not hesitate to let your lover know just how you feel. The more you can discuss your feelings, the deeper they will be, and the more understanding and contact you can have with your emotions. It is also a good idea to talk out personal problems extensively with your lover, because for you, that is the best way to deal successfully with them. Indeed, words may be your primary method of transmitting love and understanding at all levels. Even telephone calls and letters are important channels for keeping a love relationship alive, even when there is no physical contact. In any intimate situation,

your words of love and encouragement will heighten the sexual experience, so don't hold back; let them flow freely. In most cases they serve as an ever-increasing stimulant to love. Your best relationship with a lover is one that is chummy and casual, with much of the intimate informality of a brother-sister, "old pals" relationship. Too much formality creates a block between you and your partner; you are much more comfortable when

you can enjoy an easy, offhand communication of your love for each other.

MOON SQUARES VENUS

(1013'48'' ¨) Â ƒ (424'44'' «)

The square formed between the Moon and Venus shows you are apprehensive about forming close emotional ties because of the responsibility they bring. Something in your upbringing or experiences makes it hard for you to admit your feelings. This aspect doesn't make you reject companionship, but instead you form connections that are not desirable or for some reason not workable. It may be preferable for you to be independent for some time until you have learned to understand people and have an accurate sense of their motives. A high degree of emotionalism and sentimentality must be understood and overcome before entering into a binding commitment.

Personal love and affection are very important to you. You value devotion, friendship, family and marriage above all else. You may also feel confused about your strong interest in personal love, feeling it to be a weakness rather than a gift.

At times you may have conflicting styles in love, so that you are physically attracted to a partner who does not suit you emotionally, but you are not sexually excited by someone whom you get along easily, with. To resolve this dilemma, you can take one of two approaches: either learn to get along with someone you desire, or learn to desire someone you get along with. Although your immediate response may be the former, it will probably be more profitable to find a lover whom you get along with well, unless you can enjoy a relationship that presents lasting difficulties.

Another possibility, if you and your partner can work it out, is to have an open-

marriage arrangement, allowing you to live with someone you get along with and take

more desirable lovers now and then. Even without such an arrangement, you will find it easier to develop desire through mutual exploration than to confront the emotional problems that arise with someone who is sexually exciting but is otherwise not in tune with you.

Moon Square Jupiter

(1013'48'' ¨) Â … (726'40'' «)

The square formed between the Moon and Jupiter shows a state of emotional excess. This aspect causes you to make hasty, sometimes regrettable decisions. Often, you have a lack of concern about what others think when you make snap judgments and irresponsible decisions on too few facts. You are self-indulgent, and frequently too indulgent of others, as well. You can be generous to a fault, periodically finding yourself short of needed funds. Your happy-go-lucky demeanor makes you popular, but not always stable. Mood swings vacillate between periods of intense enthusiasm and periods of nonproductive apathy. This is a difficult aspect that requires constant restraint and effort to gain balance and moderation. This placement has a dampening effect on any ambitions shown elsewhere in the chart, and must be overcome before success can be attained.

You should take care to restrain your emotions somewhat, for reactions that you feel are appropriate to the occasion may appear overstated to those around you. Your view of the world tends to be quite positive and optimistic, but not always entirely realistic. Because of your too-bright outlook, you may get into situations over your head. This applies especially to commitments in a love relationship, which you are likely to walk into without really watching where you are going. This habit can get you into affairs that weigh you down with responsibilities, thus spoiling your innocent pleasure in loving, which was your initial inspiration. You will be most compatible with a lover who has both feet on the ground, a trustworthy person whose advice you can listen and adhere to. As you gain experience, it will become less necessary to depend on your lover. In any case, it is valuable to see yourself as others see you. You are usually cheery and jovial, no matter what the circumstances, which is a real asset for attracting potential lovers. As you get older, your optimism will give you a special kind of magnetism because of the vibrant inner tension of controlled emotional extravagance.

Moon Conjunct Neptune

(1013'48'' ¨) À ˆ (922'50'' ¨)

The conjunction of the Moon and Neptune shows daydreaming, or at least a highly imaginative and sensitive nature. You have strong psychic abilities that makes you aware of stimuli others fail to detect. You're the type who is willing to help anyone. Yet somehow you end up getting blamed for their failures and rarely get much credit for their successes. Because your mind wants to wander, you need stimulating challenges and you must avoid boring and repetitive tasks. You are a little idealistic in accessing people, and you often get fooled and disappointed. You're very much the romantic, and it's hard for anyone to measure up to your expectations.

You are a rather idealistic person, and you require a lover to live up to very special standards. However, you must be sure to outline exactly what you do want, so that your partner won't unknowingly fail to fulfill your desires. This may be difficult for you at times, for your ideals tend to be rather vague and hard to express in words. But remember that it will be much harder to get what you want from love if you do not define for your lover exactly what that is.

However, your vagueness will make you something of a mystery to your lover, which

can be quite nice, especially at the beginning of a relationship, giving you the upper hand quite often. But in the long run, it is a good idea to let your partner know where you stand, in order to balance the affair. You may be capable of carrying on quite a lofty platonic relationship. Physical expression does not always have to accompany love, even in a very close relationship. In some affairs, spiritual qualities may take the lead and force sexuality into the back seat. In any case, spiritual communication will always be important to you in a relationship, and sex for its own sake is not so appealing, although you may do it on that level to please a friend.

Moon Sextile Pluto

(1013'48'' ¨) Æ ‰ (53'5'' ¦)

The sextile between the Moon and Pluto generates emotional understanding in your nature. You are deeply emotional, but controlled. You enjoy personal contact with others, yet you will not waste time with casual relationships. Occasionally, you may withdraw into yourself, and alienate others. You are an excellent manager because you can remove the nonessentials in your life. You have the innate ability to understand and respond to others.

Your emotional responses have a fundamental security that will see you through the

most difficult times. You know that in the end everything will turn out all right. It is not so much that you are sure your current affair will work out well, for indeed it may not, but that you have a kind of universal faith. Your long-range emotional security comes from within yourself and is not dependent upon your partner or the relationship, so difficulties in that area may trouble you but will not cause irreparable damage.

At times you may seem somewhat detached from a relationship, because you are not so

dependent upon your partner as others often are. Your detachment does not indicate a lack of love or commitment in any way, and you should assure your partner of that, so that he or she will not worry. You are fortunate to be emotionally self-sufficient so that you can enter into a relationship as an equal partner. If there is any dependency, it is more likely that your lover will lean on you. This may be flattering, but you should help your lover outgrow this dependency, for without it you will have a much easier and richer relationship. In any situation, your inner strength will buoy you up, so despite any difficulties that arise, you are assured of a relatively happy ending.

MOON SEXTILES THE ASCENDANT

(1013'48'' ¨) Æ Ž (1120'34'' ¦)

These aspects denote harmonious relationships with the general public and with close associates. This person is able to create a receptive emotional climate under most conditions unless the Moon is badly afflicted or in its detriment.

You Probably Find it relatively easy to communicate your emotions when you choose to, and you are never at a loss for words. In general, you are quite communicative, with a rather easy and open approach to people.

Just because you express yourself well, however, do not assume that everyone

understands you perfectly. People may tend to listen selectively and interpret your

words according to their own assumptions and desires. You may have to reevaluate your friends or partner in this light and attempt to find out how they see you so you can take this into account when dealing with them. That should defuse any jealousies or misinterpretations that have arisen from your honesty, which can sometimes work against you. You do not need to rely on words alone to get your messages across, for you have a natural command of body language; Even when words fail, you can make your responses clear just by the way you move. The emotional ambiance you create subconsciously gives a clear picture of how you feel.

Mercury - The Mental Expression

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From the Earth, the planet Mercury seems to travel about as fast as the Sun. This is an illusion. Mercury orbits around the Sun in approximately 88 days. Its distance from the Sun is 59 million kilometers. With its diameter of 4840 kilometers it is smaller than the Earth. Mercury can be either a morning or an evening star. In a horoscope, it can be at most 28 degrees away from the Sun, so that the only possible aspect to the Sun for Mercury is a conjunction.

Mercury's sign describes your thought processes and projection. It's closely associated with its natural home, the third house of learning and communication. Mercury relates to your general intellectual orientation, and the expression of your thoughts and ideas. In other words, it describes the way you think and communicate, and the way you get information. Mercury also shows how you like to travel through life. Are you a speedster who takes the most direct route, or do you amble and get side-tracked sometimes?

In mythology Mercury or Hermes served as a messenger to the gods, responsible for conveying news. His intelligence and his silver tongue allowed him to become the god of commerce. He enjoyed cheating others so much that thieves and other 'riffraff' honor him as a god. In Astrology he represents our ability to communicate, analytical reason, business sense, common sense and wit. As morning star it is associated with the sign Gemini, as evening star with Virgo.

Your Mercury in Pisces

‚ (2855'11'' «)

Mercury doesn't feel at ease in Pisces. The foggy atmosphere here inhibits clear thinking. You like to let your wishful thinking color your perception of reality and then make decisions which defy logic. Usually you are lead by a feeling. Success and failure depend on how well your intuition is functioning at the moment. You're aware of great passions within you, but these are usually too vague to allow concrete goals to develop. You should find an honest and reliable ‚counsellor', who can get your head straight once in a while. Pay special attention to language, express yourself clearly, otherwise misunderstandings are inevitable. By the way, you don't have to interpret all the events happening around you according to their relation to yourself, some things happen which have absolutely nothing to do with you.

If you are moved by lyric and prose, you should definitely follow up your interest and get your thoughts down on paper. Others may be intrigued by your writing. You will get a better grip on your life when you start taking a hard look at reality, even if you'll never be an Einstein.

You Don't talk about sex very much, Not Because you are inhibited or uninterested, but because words don't seem necessary and can't really express your feelings on the subject. Your style of loving is very tender, and in expressing it you give yourself totally to your lover. All you really need for fulfillment is a quiet understanding of the love you share.

Although giving of yourself is your clearest expression of love for your partner, do not give, particularly sexualy, unless you really feel like it. If yo udo, sex will become a task and an obligation rather than a free and open expression of loving. If you want to be heavily sel sacrificing sexually, express it in bedroom games for that purpose rather than in emotional servitude, which will only hurt your relationship.

You don't necessarily need to be in a relationship all the time, because you are able to sublimate your sexual energies through a variety of other channels when the right lover isn't around.

It may take time and care to find just the right person, but when you do make up your mind, it will probably happen in a flash. Ideally, in such a partnership you both will use sexuality to uplift and transcend your personalities, making your oneness greater than the sum of its parts.

Your Mercury in the Sixth House

Mercury residing in the sixth house produces an association with this house of service and health affairs. This position shows an ability to be methodical and efficient in handling work of a mental nature. You're likely to become involved in work requiring specialized mental or physical skills, such as working with computers or electronic devices. Sometimes you are too precise, and you can easily become too much of a worrier. You may be too concerned with duty, health or proper diet. You have a critical nature that can be upset by disorder in your environment.

You develop your intellect by contemplating everyday life. The planet Mercury in the sixth house, the area where it is at home, leaves you open for disturbances in your environment and cause you to worry excessively and unnecessarily. Begin practicing various relaxation techniques. They will help to compensate for overexertion. Developing a positive attitude toward yourself will improve your health and help you to avoid illness.

The planetary positions in the sixth house can tell a lot about the way you use time and plan your day. Mercury in this house may indicate that you expect too much of yourself because you try to be a part of everything.

It would be good if your profession included a higher intellectual level or accommodated your need to move freely, this can also protect you from your colleague's mobbing, which may arise if Mercury should have challenging aspects. You will probably react to them the same way you respond to your brothers and sisters.

Depending on how flexible you are, your carefully considered approach to sex can be either a help or a hindrance to you and your lover. In terms of sexual technique, you cannot become too skilled--every new idea that might enhance lovemaking is worth learning for future enjoyment. On the other hand, do not become too technical about lovemaking and lose sight of the open communication that is at the heart of every

successful love affair. You find it quite natural to analyze your feelings and emotions about a relationship,

which is necessary up to a point; it can help you understand what you are doing and thus avoid many pitfalls. But do not let your analysis get in the way of spontaneity or keep you from expressing your natural feelings for fear of upsetting the situation. Better to follow your true emotions and let the relationship restructure itself accordingly. This is important, because you have a natural inclination to go out of your way to

please your partner, even bending over backward to make everything come out right. This is very laudable and gives you a real sense of accomplishment, but don't neglect your own pleasures and desires. Repressing your own needs will only backfire later, but if you express them to your lover, it will warm and further develop your intimacy.

Mercury Square Mars

‚ (2855'11'' «) Â „ (2426'9'' ¢)

The square formed between Mercury and Mars produces an overactive, energetic mind. You can become overheated, argumentative, and highly partisan in view. Guard against coming to conclusions before giving careful consideration to all the facts and viewpoints. You enjoy arguments and debates. You need to bear in mind that your judgment is not always infallible. Even when your reasoning is correct, you may have not received all the facts needed to arrive at the correct conclusion. This aspect may cause frequent headaches and also can produce nervous disorders. The virtues of patience and verbal restraint are necessary to learn, as these are not natural traits.

For you, unclear communication can be a real source of irritation, and you may be overdemanding of your partner when he or she doesn't say exactly what is meant or what you want to hear. You should resist the temptation to argue just to make your feelings known and exercise as much restraint as possible. In the short run this may mean considerable frustration from resisting the urge to contradict your partner when you believe he or she is wrong.

However, in the long run you will have a much clearer view of the truth, and you will see where you and your partner have strayed from it. Practicing restraint will also teach you the inadvisability of haste, and you will learn to be far more patient, controlled, and accurate in your speech. One way to work toward this goal is by employing self-awareness techniques, such as leaving a tape recorder on when you and your lover are together and later reviewing what was recorded. This will show when to check your tongue and wait patiently for the problem to resolve itself. Basically, these problems will fade Gradually as you continue to mature emotionally.

Mercury square Saturn

‚ (2855'11'' «) Â † (2922'36'' ¢)

The square between Mercury and Saturn suggests mental restraint and strong ties to traditional ways of thinking. Mental processes are on the pessimistic side. You worry too much, often about unimportant details. You have much concern about succeeding or failing to succeed. Your education may have been rigidly disciplined and conforming to traditional doctrine. There is a tendency because of this, to uphold the established order and resist change.

You may have some difficulty in communicating your needs in love to your lover. This may be because you lack verbal talents, but more likely it is because you feel inhibited about your desires or worried that your lover may not approve. Usually, if you say what you mean in spite of your doubts, you will be rewarded rather than scorned, and the more often you do this, the fewer communication problems you will have. Your ideas may sometimes be rather heavy, but love has room for a wide range of emotions and needs, not just hearts and flowers. However, you should resist the temptation to criticize your partner repeatedly in love matters. If your lover won't deal with a problem after you have mentioned it several times, it may go deeper than you realized. To keep on attacking it from the same point of view will be counterproductive and seem like nagging. When you do have an important criticism, say it and be done with it, but let the details iron themselves out without harping on them.

Mercury Opposed Pluto

‚ (2855'11'' «) Á ‰ (53'5'' ¦)

When Pluto and Mercury meet in dynamic aspects, there is a real possibility for ideological obsession met with strong confrontation. As the individual finds himself compulsively trying to dominate others, the Plutonic Forces will most likely ensure his or her growth by the types of ideological confrontations/difficulties the individual will face. The interesting thing is that this "beam" if intellectual and psychological activity can in some cases be turned inward, thus preventing confrontation and actually allowing for such deep self-analysis that the individual may gain tremendous insight onto himself.

The depth of such insights can indeed favor great positive transformations, or at least initiate a chain reaction of self-awareness. The capacity of the individual to probe and continuously examine the self and others under this transit is formidable. The challenge is to use this energy to transform the self, to confront the self, to gain insight into the self, rather than confronting the world with obsessed analysis and preconceived ideology of any kind. If the individual does choose the later, most likely than not he or she will be met by strong, and intense opposition.

The thematic material of Pluto and Mercury interchanges always deals with issues of communication, as Mercury's archetype is one of such vein. The opposition however presents an interesting aspect on the manipulative form such interchange can assume. Mainly, that conversations are bound not to be spontaneous in their true and inner motives. The individual with such aspect tries to manipulate the conversation, either by imposing in a variety of ways his or hers views (obsession), by controlling the material allowed in the conversation (censorship), or by leading the conversation, although unaware of the consequences of his or hers words (compulsion). Such patterns or verbal communication bound by control are learned from the family, from childhood experiences. There is no reason why the simple awareness of such patterns cannot break them. This is an intellectual issue of Pluto that can be resolved with awareness.

The opposite positions of Mercury and Pluto shows mental tension. You may become the repository of confidential information and problems of a personal nature by persons with whom you associate. This is a difficult aspect because you have a tendency toward harsh and abrupt speech. When challenged, you become emotionally and intellectually arrogant, as if your credibility is being questioned. You are impatient with yourself and others, demanding that projects get done immediately.

You may have a wide range of basic beliefs about love that encompass seemingly opposite views. Or you may have gone through a series of radically different stages of belief, each of which has transformed you. You may fear that you can't keep a firm grip on what is right and wrong in your beliefs, but you do understand that everyone's needs are different, and that's that. Because of this attitude, you are a very understanding and tolerant lover who can get along with someone who feels very differently about life than you do. But resist the

youthful temptation to entirely grasp whatever belief system you have at the moment, rejecting all others, particularly those you held previously. Going to such extremes does you no credit and can be instrumental in breaking up a perfectly good relationship.

By going through such phases, however, you will eventually broaden your view of the world and stabli]ize your concepts of love. You will be able to embrace and enjoy myriad contradictory views.

MERCURY SQUARE NORTH NODE AND SQUARE SOUTH NODE

‚ (2855'11'' «) Â Œ (2237'50'' ¨)

These aspects place the individual at an intellectual disadvantage in the areas activated by Mercury, the North Node and the South Node. Ideas are either ahead of or behind the times. Misconceptions arise because of the inability to correctly phrase thoughts.

MERCURY SEXTILES THE PART OF FORTUNE

‚ (2855'11'' «) Æ (053'0'' ¢)

This sextiles indicates success through the utilization of intellectual abilities. The ability to communicate with persons involved in the affairs influenced by the sextile opens the doors to opportunities in those areas.

Venus - The Way of Loving

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The planet Venus requires about 224 days to orbit the Sun. It is about the size of the Earth. We can often observe Venus with the naked eye because it shines like no other planet. Like Mercury, it can be either a morning or an evening star and can be maximally 48 degrees away from the Sun, producing the only possible aspect to the Sun, a conjunction.

The planet Venus has an influence centered on the expression of emotions in personal relationships. It is especially associated with love, marriage, and the ability to attract others. Its placement in the chart shows how you express yourself in romantic relationships and marriage. In mythology, Venus is the goddess of love, and in astrology that link is the same. The planet placement suggests your sense of esthetics, and how you perceive art and beauty. In the various signs, the nature of how you deal with people is modified and clarified by Venus. Venus is often in the same sign as the Sun since it can never be more than 45° from the Sun. When it is in the same sign, there is a consistence in behavior that extends to dealing with people and in romantic situations. When Venus is in a different sign, the character of the Sun is often overcome by the romantic tug of Venus.

The radiant beauty of this celestial body caused Venus or Aphrodite to be honored as goddess of beauty and love. After Zeus threw his sperm into the sea, she arose having been born of foam. Her beauty did not only bring harmony, but provoked the Trojan war. In Astrology, Venus stands for everything which we find beautiful and desirable. Its place in the horoscope tells us about our requirements for peaceful, harmonious surroundings, our love life and our ability to sacrifice. The arts, especially music are associated with Venus, as is our sense of aesthetics and our preferences in the art of seduction or being seduced. As evening star Venus is associated with the sign Libra, as morning star with Taurus.

Your Venus in Pisces

ƒ (424'44'' «)

If Venus is in Pisces in your chart it may show a very compassionate and tender-hearted nature. You have a strong need for love and understanding, and without this you can feel lost. Thus, you may much of your time falling into and out of love. No one can experience the extreme highs and low lows faced in the love life of the Venus in Pisces. This emotional sensitivity marks you as a most understanding person, but one who is highly dependent and in need of a caring partner. This vulnerability is a very attractive and attracting trait. With your warmth and graciousness, you have little trouble establishing close relationships. You are inclined to become somewhat emotionally dependent. If this is not the case, then you may attract a partner who becomes emotionally dependent on you. This sign, more than any other, is called on to make sacrifices for the sake of loved ones. You are more likely than most to be attracted to people who take advantage of you. Your heart rules your head, and there is little that can be done about this. You have a talent for collecting those who are downtrodden, unfortunate, or in some sort of need. Using good judgment in matters of the heart will have to be a learned trait, as it doesn't come naturally. Extreme sensitivity can leave you open to hurt. There is a tendency to suffer in silence and become very reticent. When affairs don't go well for you in a relationship, you act and feel like a martyr, and you may sometimes push this attitude a little too far. You have a fear of rejection that can make it hard to express feeling that are so deep in this placement. Strong emotions sometimes cloud reality. Your intuition is highly developed, and you relate deeply and emotionally to art, poetry, nature and music. You may have special talents or just a wonderful sense of appreciation.

With Venus in Pisces you may be one of those people who are in love with being in love. You are sensitive, compassionate, and romantic. Relations with others provide you with much happiness and fulfillment. You are extraordinarily empathetic. Your emotions are so real and powerful to you that you may have the tendency to see only what you feel, and miss or ignore the more objective realities of the relationship. You are easily hurt, possibly due to your eagerness to give and receive a very soulful kind of love. For you, love must contain elements of spirituality. After all, what is love but complete transcendence and bliss? You are expressive and sincere, but you may generate confusion because you can easily deceive yourself, and then express this to another person. You will be happiest in relationships with others who appreciate your tender, often misunderstood soul.

In Pisces Venus can unfold a love which can hardly be equaled. When you look at your lovelife you may be reminded of old Hollywood films where good taste gives way to ‚kitsch'. You are also capable of a pure, selfless love, never expecting recompense for your efforts.

What you would like the most is to melt together with your beloved or to dissolve in your emotions. You are prepared to give yourself completely and expect the same of your partner. Romance plays an important role in your relationships, you want to chase and be chased. If you haven't yet found your center you will want constant confirmations of acceptance making yourself more vulnerable than you are.

You are very sensitive and have great understanding for other peoples' burdens. If you are able to help someone out, it makes you feel good. You can let yourself be used, because you don't always see the interrelations realistically. You can get involved on all social levels, running the risk of overloading yourself. Take care that the strain doesn't affect your health.

You are probably a creative person with an active imagination, inspired to actively create. If you haven't done anything in this area, it's high time to let your hidden talents come to the light. Don't forget to take care of yourself too, and don't give up your dreams. You could lead an emotionally satisfying life.

You most enjoy the attentions of a lover who gives the utmost in love and devotion and holds nothing back from you. Under such conditions, you can acheive a total communion in love that is matched by nothing else. Sex in itself is not so alluring to you, but with the right lover, it can be a powerful vechicle for deep communication.

Because you prefer not to be too verbal about your needs, you appreciate a lover who can intuitively plumb your feelings and discern your most intimate desires without asking. But that is alot to expect of anyone all the time, so try to meet your partner halfway and help him or her get to know you well.

Your sexuality may become mixed with religious feelings and to that extent may elude physical manifestation entirely for periods of time. There is some advantage to being able to attatch the power of sexuality to higher spiritual goals, but unless you are careful , this tendency can degenerate into sexual confusion or religiosity without trancendence. Doing this successfully requires considerable self awareness, and you should think very carefully before turning your sexual energies in this direction, it takes great strength of mind to make abstinence pay off spiritually and not simply end up as frustration.

Your Venus in the Fifth House

Venus in the fifth house produces an attractiveness to the opposite sex, a very appealing romantic nature, and a general love of life. You are popular and well liked. This Venus position gives a deep love of children, and you should make an excellent parent or child advocate. You are likely to gain through dealings with young people in some form of service or occupation; teaching, psychologist, etc. Creative talent in the performing arts is often associated with this placement.

You long to express your perceptions and ideas in a creative medium and should go ahead and do it in order to preserve your inner harmony. In unpleasant moments, following your imagination and artistically expressing your emotions especially helps to clear your thoughts. Unless a challenging aspect to other planets prevents it, the expression of your individuality and your radiance should touch those around you.

Love may be the most important thing in life for you. You can take pleasure in romance like no one else, although it may include tragic situations. Sometimes you don't take it as seriously as you should because the fifth house is the house of play.

You also like to go to cultural events such as exhibits or concerts, because you can meet people and like to be seen.

A harmonious aspect to the planet Venus in this house can allow you to have fun with children even if they aren't your own. As a parent you will always encourage your children's talents. Just don't make the mistake of projecting your determination onto your children.

Sex can be a source of limitless entertainment for you, if you have a lover who is active and energetic enough to provide the variety and delight you desire. For you, love is a happy, joyful experience, and your partner should share your optimistic approach.

You also prefer to get right down to business, so you would be impatient with a lover who insists on elaborate social courting rituals and the like. Whatever you want, you want it then and there. You will be happiest with someone who doesn't beat around the bush.

Although you value close personal communication with a partner, you feel that it is better achieved on a mental plane rather than through sex. Lovemaking is pure joy and recreation and need not be burdened with extraneous meanings or motives other than the simple pleasure of physical contact.

You enjoy an artful lover, but one who retains a sense of youthful innocence, for whom experience and technique are not ends in themselves. Love must always have the purity and beauty of a flower. Therefore, many of the more compulsive and unusual forms of loving in which others find pleasure are of little interest to you. Anything that taints the sunny radiance of love is to be avoided, and anything that furthers it is a joy.

Venus Conjunct Jupiter

ƒ (424'44'' «) À … (726'40'' «)

A conjunction of Venus and Jupiter produces an optimistic and generous disposition. You display a friendly and cheerful attitude toward those with whom you come in contact. You can be indulgent of others, even when they don't deserve it. You are orderly and artistic by nature, possessing a sense and appreciation of beauty in everything. You are very open-handed in your aim to help your fellow man. If there is a negative side to this aspect, it's that it can create too much of a sense of ease. You become indolent and fail to attain as much as you should.

You probably have considerable sexual capacity, and you do not appreciate a lover who is stingy with affection. You regard sex in a very positive light; in a love affair, you feel, the more the better. You are a very giving person and will go out of your way to please a lover who gives you the kind of love you appreciate. You may find, however, that when you are without a lover for an extended period, sexual desire may be sublimated into

compulsive eating. Then, if you gain too much weight, it will be more difficult to attract a lover, so watch it.

In general, sexuality is a source of real happiness and delight for you, and you are likely to be luckier in love than most. Your positive attitude toward your desires enables you to engage in sexual experimentation with good results, even in areas where others might be emotionally hurt. In most cases your good will brings you through when things go awry.

Remember, however, that your lover may not be as stable or optimistic as you are, and you may push your partner further than he or she is ready to go. Make a special effort to be sensitive to your partner's insecurities and sexual inhibitions, even though they seem foolish or puzzling to you.

Venus Trine Saturn

ƒ (424'44'' «) Ã † (2922'36'' ¢)

The trine between Venus and Saturn shows that you have good judgment about people, and you know who to turn to when you need help. Because of this understanding, you refrain from projecting yourself toward others unless you are sure of being welcomed. In a romantic sense you are very cautious. You evaluate the object of your affections in a reserved manner, assessing the adjustments you must make in the relationship. You are so self-sufficient that your emotions are always controlled (in some individuals this aspect creates the appearance of being cold). Good, sound business judgment is shown by this placement.

Your views about what you want from a relationship are quite clear. Your style is not flamboyant and you may lean toward the conservative, but you are sure of your pleasures and derive much long-term satisfaction from them. You are not usually taken in by passing fads or trends in love. In general, you get the greatest enjoyment from

tried and true methods. This approach makes love a very easy and mellow experience, from which you derive a

great deal of security. However, you should make a special point of observing whether your partner is getting the same satisfaction. It's quite possible that your lover will want some variety now and then to liven things up. Although you may not be that interested in experimentation, you will certainly not find it harmful in moderation, and both your lover and your relationship will benefit. In this area, you have the ability to help your lover choose successful directions, avoiding any that might be frustrating.

It is a good idea to plan your experiments together ahead of time, rather than trying them out without warning. The more thought that goes into developing them, the more successful they will be in providing you both with a maximum of new pleasure.

Venus Square Neptune

ƒ (424'44'' «) Â ˆ (922'50'' ¨)

Venus is square Neptune in your horoscope. This aspect may show subconscious difficulties in close interpersonal relationships. It's hard for you to maintain close relationships because of defense mechanisms that go up when you sense that you are being challenged. Rose-colored glasses or blinders may affect your judgment in matters of the heart, and perhaps also to your financial affairs, as well. You are likely to be shy and retiring with the opposite sex, at least more so than shown by other indicators in your chart. Often this aspect shows a lack of direct or a degree of dishonesty or subterfuge associated in marital affairs.

You should make a particular effort to examine your motives in your sexual and emotional desires before pursuing them actively. This is not a question of honesty or morality but of making sure that you really want what you think you want and that you will be satisfied ff you get it. It is really important to stand back and take a second look at relationships or partners that seem, at first glance, to promise everything you want. You would be wise to look every gift horse in the mouth. By examining an affair realistically, you can avoid wrapping your lover and the affair in your own dreams and wishes, bestowing on them much that is not really there, which will subsequently prove disappointing to you.

This does not mean that every seemingly golden situation is rotten underneath, but that you should be aware of that possibility. More than most people, you would be likely to miss it until too late, unless you are careful. By being scrupulously honest with yourself and by asking the opinions of trusted friends, you may gain a much more realistic viewpoint and avoid becoming enmeshed in affairs that will surely go awry. This is especially important, because once into an unsatisfactory situation, you find it quite difficult to extricate yourself, and your efforts to rectify the situation frequently make it worse.

Mars - The Will to Survive

„

Mars orbits the Sun in 687 days. It's smaller than the earth and has a diameter of 6800 kilometer. It is known for its red color which has always been associated with aggression. For this reason Mars is honored as the god of war, called Ares by the Greeks, was renown for his courage and bravery and threw himself into every battle. Traditionally, Mars symbolizes the warrior who has to till the fields in time of peace to feed his family. Mars symbolizes the male and Venus personifies the female energy. Fortunately it's becoming increasingly difficult to work with these outdated concepts in Astrology. It makes more sense to equate Mars with our energy drive, which both men and women posses in some form. Mars rules the sign Aries as well as together with Pluto the sign Scorpio.

The sign in which Mars resides in the birth chart shows the expression of energies. Mars suggests the projection of self. This planet is linked to the sex drive, so its placement shows the approach to matters of pursuing the opposite gender. The key element of Mars is assertiveness, and its placement in the different signs qualifies and quantifies this trait. Because of this, Mars has much to do with the projection of personality. The Mars position suggests whether your energies are going to be largely physical (fire signs Aries, Leo, Sagittarius), material (earth signs Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn), mental (air signs Gemini, Libra, Aquarius), or emotional (water signs Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces).

Your Mars in Gemini

„ (2426'9'' ¢)

In Gemini, Mars produces mental assertiveness. You have an active and critical mind that may be inclined toward going off in many directions at once. You love to debate and engage in all types of intellectual contests.

A satirical wit is often a hallmark of this Mars in Gemini. Frequently, this placement attracts persons to careers as reporters, journalists and critics. Periodic job changes or handling a variety of jobs simultaneously, are not uncommon with this placement since there is a much restlessness in your nature. Since so much energy is channeled into mental and verbal activity, you are apt to be quite a talker. You may make use of this strength by becoming a teacher, a lecturer, or a related field that takes advantage of your ability to express yourself. You pride yourself on your intelligence and verbal dexterity. To you, a persons worth is based on their intelligence, and you want to be respected as a formidable thinker. Several your romantic relationships may be superficial. You eagerly pursue new experiences in romance, but it may be difficult for you to remain constant to any one special partner. You're apt to be an incurable flirt. Your mind, however, is your most active erogenous zone.

It's no problem for you to approach strangers. You always want to know what is going on because you have learned that knowledge is power. There is hardly a topic which doesn't interest you and about which you don't have something to say. You love a heated discussion and don't back away from conflicts. A good fight can even bring you into your best form. Your quick retorts make you unbeatable in discussions, you should listen to the arguments of your opponents more carefully and not resort to unfair means such as sarcasm. You may say things which you regret later. Some things can't be fixed with an apology. It's better if you keep your tongue in check.

You spend a lot of Energy collecting information for your general education. If you work in the media, your creativity will make you very successful. It would do you good to reduce your interests to a single area, at least for a limited time, otherwise you may end up tired, out of breath and with nothing to show for your efforts.

You are quite sensitive, and you learn the delicate art of lovemaking very quickly. For that reason you need a lover who responds to a rather gentle touch, who is ready to search for every possible means of sexual expression. You easily translate thought into action, and therefore you can become quite an expert with a minimum of physical experience as long as it is backed up with a maximum of knowledge.

However, you can be too knowledgable, trying to pack too many diffrent techniques into one night of love so that each individual expression is less meaningful. Better to savor each technique and reserve some for later enjoyment. Theres alot of life and love ahead of you.

On the opposite side, however, although you value the emotional communion of love, you grow bored if the physical expression is always the same. Your lover should be willing to experiment or at least go along with whatever you devise for varietys sake.

You may enjoy using props and mechanical embellishments in lovemaking, particularly in acting out sexual fantasies. Such expression can be quite fuilling, as long as it is not a substitute for emotional communication.

You are quite sensitive, and you learn the delicate art of lovemaking very quickly. For that reason, you need a lover who responds to a rather gentle touch, who is ready to search for every possible means of sexual expression. You easily translate thought into action, and therefore you can become quite expert with a minimum of physical experience as long as it is backed up with a maximum of knowledge.

However, you can be too knowledgeable, trying to pack too many different techniques into one night of love so that each individual expression is less meaningful. Better to savor each technique and reserve some for later enjoyment4there's a lot of life and love ahead of you.

On the opposite side, however, although you value the emotional communion of love, you grow bored if the physical expression is always the same. Your lover should be willing to experiment or at least go along with whatever you devise for varietys sake.

You may enjoy using props and mechanical embellishments in lovemaking, particularly in acting out sexual fantasies. Such expression can be quite fulfilling, as long as it is not a substitute for emotional communication.

Your Mars in the Ninth House

The Mars ninth house placement in your chart shows an active interest in travel, outdoor sports and religious or philosophical causes. You always have the courage of your convictions and a forceful approach to promoting your ideas. You can sway others to your beliefs with sheer enthusiasm, and you become very upset and impatient when you can't. When it comes to travel, you are adventurous, and if the means are available, you will spend a good deal of time traveling abroad. You are aggressive in your pursuit of education and personal development.

The ninth house represents the area of ethics, philosophy, travel to distant lands and education. You invest all your energy in these areas. You have firm ethics and defend them vigorously. At worst, you tend toward religious fanaticism or completely reject contrary opinions. You should exercise tolerance and approach the search for truth more relaxed. Don't forget that everyone has a claim to their own truth, as long as it isn't misused as a legitimization for hurting people.

You love to travel and sometimes decide to change your destination spontaneously. Foreign people exercise a great erotic attraction on you. You may find yourself in a relationship with a foreign person. Professionally, you may be a writer, work in publishing or in education. You will always devote some of your energies to learning and probably won't have any negative experiences because your vitality comes from your immense curiosity.

You may have developed a rather externalized approach to sexuality in which you decide on your moves and expectations ahead of time; then physical fulfillment depends upon each partner properly playing a predetermined role. This is one of the surest roads to sexual satisfaction if both you and your partner understand each other's expectations beforehand. If you share the same general concept of how sexuality should be externally expressed, then there is much ready-made enjoyment in store for you and your partner.

However, you may find that much-played roles become less interesting after a while, and then you both should decide upon a new direction before launching into it. In this way you can find endless adventures in the realm of sexuality, limited only by the creativity and imagination you put into it.

You may become a connoisseur of special sexual roles, developing a number of fairly well-defined relationships through which to express myriad forms of sexual communication. It is a kind of sexual adventurism in which you retain control of what is going on so that you have both variety and the security to express yourself freely.

Mars Conjunct Saturn

„ (2426'9'' ¢) À † (2922'36'' ¢)

The conjunction of Mars and Saturn shows that you can use your energies constructively. Any tendency shown elsewhere in your chart to act on impulse is tempered with restraint. You rarely waste energies on unproductive activities. You are a physical person, but you know how to control and use of your physical energies. This aspect produces the capacity for hard work, enduring strength, and resourcefulness. Often this conjunction marks a tendency toward anger or hard feelings that you must control, if you can. You must avoid the negative attitudes and resentments that sometimes develop.

You may be slow to make the first move in love, but once you have committed yourself to action you will not give up until you have achieved your goals. To this extent it is good to have an encouraging partner who lights a fire under you, actively drawing you into sexual expression. Once lit, you burn more steadily and continuously than most people. Try to avoid feeling obligated to please yourself or your partner. Sex should not be a duty but rather a spontaneous occurrence that gives pleasure to both partners. Total spontaneity may be difficult at times, but in that case it can be just as stimulating to plan ahead and, in a manner of speaking, make an appointment for sex. Stepping up the anticipation has a heightening effect on your pleasure and also gives you a sense of security, which may be desirable at certain times. But if this approach leads to anxiety about performance, it should be discontinued. In general, however, it may be best for you to plan ahead for sex without letting your

lover in on the plans, which will allow you both to have your cake and eat it, too.

Mars Trine Uranus

„ (2426'9'' ¢) Ã ‡ (2558'25'' ¦)

The trine formed between Mars and Uranus shows originality and enthusiasm in your actions. You are very energetic and freedom loving. You are an impatient person who always has several irons in the fire. Your impulsive and restless nature needs to concentrate more on moderation. In fact, you may demand freedom to exploit your potentials, and you actually feel sorry for those that are trapped in limiting circumstances. This is not a good aspect for someone with a boring 9-5 job. You do need to focus on learning moderation, and especially in romantic affairs, you need to be less restless and impulsive. The limiting ties of marriage and convention may not be your cup of tea.

You have a native talent for sexual innovation that needs to be actively tapped. You tend to be quite open and free in your approach to a lover and to loving in general. However your sexual creativity may come to be based on habit, instead of on true and exciting departures from the norm. Once involved with a partner, however, your happy, positive energies will sweep the two of you into an affair that bubbles with enthusiasm and joy. Because opposites attract, you may be involved with a more moody or melancholy person. Although you can teach such a person a great deal about loving life, the relationship could be a drain on your resources. It might be better to share your creativity with someone who will augment rather than sap your energies.

MARS OPPOSITE THE NORTH NODE AND CONJUNCT THE SOUTH

„ (2426'9'' ¢) Á Œ (2237'50'' ¨)

These aspects motivate willful actions that defy socially accepted standards. These people deliberately flaunt the rules of society; in so doing they stir resistance and animosity that hinders development in the areas influenced by Mars and the Nodes.

Jupiter - The Guide to Higher Insight

…

The planet Jupiter requires almost 12 years to orbit the Sun and is the largest planet known to us. Its diameter is 143,000 kilometers, making the Earth seem tiny in comparison. Its size and brilliance lends itself to comparison with the Roman father of the gods of the same name, called Zeus in Greek mythology. He takes care of the lesser gods and those people, who submitted to his levying ample expression of respect. He was also known to be furious or arrogant on occasion and had numerous affairs, thus his wife, Hera, was not to be envied.

It is the largest planet in our solar system, and in mythology, Jupiter was the king of the gods. The dominate theme and its size may account for the theory of expansion associated with the planet. The nature of Jupiter in a horoscope relates to the expansion of horizons or growth in higher understanding. The sign placement of Jupiter helps define ones higher level of thinking. Since Jupiter stays in the same sign for about one year, many people born while Jupiter is in a given sign will have similar views on ideas and beliefs of that period. Often this placement gives clues as to your views of the weightier issues of life such as religion, philosophy and social issues of the day. Jupiter also rules optimism in living, prosperity, and growth, both mentally and physically.

In Astrology Jupiter signifies higher religious, philosophical moral and ethical knowledge. Its position in the chart tells us how to expand our horizons, because it represents expansion in all areas. Justice, Law and doctrine also belong to this field. In addition Jupiter can offer a little luck. Wherever Jupiter appears, one should be careful not to become dogmatic, arrogant or excessive. The sign Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter as well as the sign Pisces.

Your Jupiter in Pisces

… (726'40'' «)

Jupiter is in Pisces in your chart. This position suggests that you are in some ways a good Samaritan type, wanting to help others in some quiet and unassuming way. You are more or less a behind the scenes player, not really wanting to be in the spotlight. You are easygoing, but at the same time sensitive. You do not possess much worldly ambition, but you are the type that doesn't ever seem to need much to be content. Mystical tendencies or emotional religious convictions often accompany this position. You tend to champion the underdog and may be too compassionate for your own good. You have a need for periodic seclusion

You are prepared to be active for your beliefs and often sense vague longings. You may be very religious and actively participate in your religious community. You would love to be able to work on realizing your dreams of a better world and devote your time helping people who aren't as well off as you are. Your concern for others due to your unusual sensitivity leads you to place priority on social work. If you don't consciously keep yourself thinking prudently, you run the risk of letting your altruism be abused and then getting depressed about it. You should help people develop the capacity to stand on their own and not become dependent on your help. Don't make a pair of rose colored glasses to a staple part of your wardrobe. Take them off once in a while and be careful not to drown in your emotions. If you want to truly offer useful assistance to others, you must be able to maintain some distance.

You have a lot of powers which can also be used for meditation. Perhaps you have some type of sixth sense or telepathy. You should make an effort to avoid drugs and set concrete goals for yourself in order to make regular progress in realizing your dreams and ideals. Your sensitivity and imagination can bring you success; especially in the arts.

If Jupiter's aspects in Pisces are challenging, you will have to be wary of false gurus out to exploit your naivety. You may not achieve independence until later and have problems getting a grip on your life.

You are happiest when love follows its own course and takes you along for the exhilarating ride. Questioning or examining your motives in an affair tends to interfere with its natural rhythem and direction. Such close examination may cause you to lose the thread of your affections.

Although you are happiest when you follow your intuition and feelings, do not act entirely blindly. Set certain limitations, then stop to take a second look before going on. This procedure still encourages spontaneity but at the same timeprotects you from occasional predatory lovers who may try to take advantage of your easygoing nature and generous style.

Do not be suprised if letting yourself go leads you into unusual or unexplored areas of the imagination. You should not restrict yourself sexually on the basis of other styles or moralities. Your criterion should be whatever gives you and your lover the most enjoyment.

You may enjoy letting yourself be carried along in a love experience, taking emotional and psychic inspiritation from your lover. Your sexuality is not actively aggressive but subtle, uncovering the little known hidden areas of sensuality. These secret recesses are a reminder to both of you the infinite complexities to be enjoyed when body and spirit are entwined in the physical and emotional act of love.

Your Jupiter in the Fifth House

Jupiter in the fifth house shows that the planet plays an important part shaping an ability to proceed through life very much on the strength of your character. You are apt to live a privileged life, which you are able to accept as your rightful due. You have much good fortune, and you enjoy yourself as a result of this planet, known as the greater benefic. While life is essentially an enjoyment for you, Jupiter is also a planet with a higher purpose, and you are apt to feel an inner drive for personal expression and the need to make a contribution to society. Jupiter in the fifth house often produces success in teaching, politics, the ministry, or in the entertainment business. Often, this placement denotes a rather large family or a significant association with children.

The fifth house is a suitable stage for Jupiter's performance. It can tear around and turn life into one big adventure. It is constantly in search of anything new, which will inspire creativity and expand its horizons. It takes on every challenge and doesn't let failure bring it down for very long.

You keep yourself active, without taking life seriously. Your playful nature will engage your creativity and imagination to creatively stage countless love affairs. You don't live by the dry, serious and philosophical Jupiter principle, but prefer to give in to all the pleasures which life has to offer. Your art reveals signs of openness and joy, which is why good humored people show appreciation for your works. Naturally you are in danger of becoming decadent, but you could deal with dying from a heart attack at 40 for a satisfying life up til then.

At sports you give everything and you like to compete. You are good with children and are more than prepared for all sorts of childish nonsense which they are likely to think up.

You are a natural entertainer who can turn any social gathering into a party just by your attitude. As a result, your happiest times with a lover are probably when you are in the company of good friends. You tend to diffuse your feelings of love for your partner and share them with others. Conversely, you draw on the good feelings of others in your crowd to enhance and heighten your love for your partner. Your loving style is not overly serious but fun-filled and jovial. For you, love is an experience that is closely linked to comradeship. Its nature is spreading and sharing rather than concentrated and all-consuming. There may be a close relationship between your love activity and your external creativity, with one encouraging the other. A profitable, active day leads you into a happy, loving night, whereas an argument with Your lover slows you down the next day. When there is a hiatus of creativity in your life, loving seems somehow fruitless. You may have considerable talent in the creative arts, and you will certainly surround yourself and your lover with beautiful music and gracious surroundings. These enhance your relationship and are really quite necessary to maximum fulfillment. both for your own sake and for the pleasure of your partner.

Jupiter square Neptune

… (726'40'' «) Â ˆ (922'50'' ¨)

The placement of Jupiter and Neptune form a Square aspect in your chart. This aspect shows a tendency toward exaggeration and confusion. There is a likelihood of being deceived or deceiving others. In any event, there are emotional excesses and impractical behavior. This aspect is often associated with religious idealism lacking discipline. There is a degree of self-indulgence associated with this placement, and this can result in a failure to attain potential success.

You should try not to cling to illusions within a relationship but to enjoy them while they last and be willing to move on when reality intervenes and dissolves them. Essentially, you must learn the difference between knowingly living in a fantasy world and chasing endlessly after impossible dreams that can lead only to continuing disappointment. The key concept is learning to let go willingly and start anew. At times this may be quite difficult, because your inclination is to doggedly pursue your image of a relationship in an attempt to make it real through the force of will. Unfortunately, such efforts usually fail when reality intrudes, and you find that you have wasted much emotional commitment, time and energy. In a long-term relationship, therefore, you should learn the art of self-observation and be willing to change your views now and then to sustain it. As time passes, you will have a clearer and clearer view of what you and your partner mean to each other, which will make the relationship increasingly solid. However, in a short-term affair, you can feel quite free to fantasize in any pleasurable manner, as long as you are willing to let go of the affair when the fantasy is over.

Saturn - The Necessity of Responsibility

†

The planet Saturn has a diameter of approximately 110,000 kilometers and circles the Sun at a distance of 1426 million kilometers. Its orbit takes an average of 29 years, which causes it to travel slowly through the Astrological chart. Mythology reports that Chronos (Saturn) ate his children because he thought their power hunger would drive them to murder him, as he dethroned his father by killing him.

Saturn is associated with restrictions and obstacles. These frustrating or inhibiting aspects of life are expressed through the sign that Saturn occupies in your chart. Since the planet remains in each sign for two and a half years, these are traits you may share with most of your contemporaries. The traits described become more pronounced when Capricorn is on the Ascendant or when Saturn is in the first house of the chart. Saturn is the natural ruler of the tenth house of the professional life, honor, fame, and success in the eyes of the world at large. Thus, the placement of Saturn denotes the approach to climbing the ladder of success, or the difficulties encountered on that ladder.

In Astrology Saturn is considered the karmic planet. Karma is the law of cause and effect. Saturn makes sure that we are confronted with the consequences of our actions. This is especially true of the Return of Saturn, around the age of 29, when the natal Saturn forms a conjunction with the transiting Saturn. This is the time to reflect on life with all its mistakes and regrets, which may force some corrective actions. Saturn is the past, tradition, the father and restrictive principle. Where Saturn is found, there are regularly problems to be solved, as challenges can be found in every horoscope. We have to overcome fear and inhibitions. As seen positively, Saturn brings consistency, perseverance, diligence and responsibility. It rules the sign Capricorn.

Your Saturn in Gemini

† (2922'36'' ¢)

Saturn in Gemini shows adaptability, and a systematic and logical approach. You face problems with a cool and rational sense of control. Reasoning and problem solving abilities are exceptional, and this placement is excellent for the scientific or mathematical fields. Many with this placement experience problems with their early education of with some aspect of communicating. Saturn is Gemini may make if hard to learn lessons, but retention is good when the lesson is learned. Speaking before groups is especially difficult, so you don't waste words. Despite the difficulty you may have in learning, you have a common sense head for business. You cut through detail and get to the facts. You produce tangible results with little discussion.

Quite possibly, you are excessively working yourself up to sense an unhealthy distrust of everyone. You always look for depth and the sense in something and are not capable of laughing over a simple joke. Social circles where people just play around and enjoy each other don't interest you. This makes it difficult for you to meet people and leaves you feeling frustrated. Problems with neighbors and siblings can prove to be inevitable because you haven't mastered the art of light conversation. This may be due to a speech disorder or you may not feel confident enough to say a lot in a group. You think of yourself as uneducated and admire people who have lots of friends and get to know people easily.

No matter which problems arise, your experiences won't be in vain. The lessons of life will discipline your thinking so you can solve the most complicated problems. Logical thinking is one of your strong points, enabling people to trust your judgment. Because your knowledge was acquired through a lot of work, it would make sense for you to put it to sensible use. The natural sciences, teaching or bookkeeping may interest you. Continuing education could give you the confidence you need to relax when approaching people.

You tend to be succinct in telling your partner about your needs and problems in a relationship. Your few words have great intensity and impact, conveying the essence of your thoughts with no need for elaboration.

Depending on how perceptive your partner is, this approach may solve the problem immediately, or it may overwhelm your lover with the intensity of your message. You may even miss your mark entirely by choosing the wrong words to touch your lover's understanding. Therefore, when you realize that your words haven't had the effect you intended, elaborate and define the problem more clearly. On the other side, you may take your lover's remarks too seriously, interpreting them as being as intense as your own. Before deciding on the seriousness of a criticism, wait to see if it is repeated; that is a more usual expression of emphasis than your intensity.

You tend to ponder matters in a relationship and spend much time clarifying the aspects that seem most critical. Therefore you may be the one who makes the long-range decisions, while your partner handles more of the day-to-day matters.

Your Saturn in the Ninth House

Saturn in the ninth house of higher education, philosophy, religion and travel denotes a stable and practical philosophy of life. The placement explains the chief reason that you are probably not one who can easily accept concepts such as astrology. You are highly orthodox in religion, education, and business. You hold to both the letter and spirit of the law. You are very exacting and focused, possessing very strong administrative skills, especially in the fields of religion, education, publishing, or the law. You are likely to be politically conservative.

When you look into religion, philosophy or higher education, you have a dogmatic approach. That can go so far that performing a specific ceremony may be more important than its actual content. You would make a good fanatical missionary, who wants to spread the faith without considering the consequences or who finds fulfillment in ascetic behavior. Never forget the principle of brotherly love, which in one way or another is a part of every religion.

Your convictions could lead you to push your outdated morality onto yourself and others, because you reject our present social development and its accompanying individualism. You may have never come to know the spiritual freedom which is associated with the ninth house, because your parents had fixed ideas about how their child should go through life. Unfortunately, you have a tendency to see future developments in a negative light and deny yourself opportunities.

Possibly you have developed in the opposite direction and reject belief, moral, ethics and law, because you live by your own rules. It would do you good to clear your head and address the basic questions of existence, whereby the character trait, tolerance, would suit you well.

You are not likely to rush into new sexual territory until you have thoroughly explored the old ground. In this respect you know how to conserve your love energy and experience, treasuring every ounce of pleasure from each lovemaking technique. At the same time, you may be reluctant to move into new areas of technique while you are still enjoying the old. This does not mean you will turn down a sexual experiment; indeed, with an active lover you may enjoy many new approaches to sex. A real, in-depth appreciation of them, however, may come slowly as you climb the ladder of love. Once you understand the pleasure potential of a particular method, you perfect it in order to bring yourself and your lover to special heights of fulfillment. For this reason,

you are most comfortable with a partner who doesn't try to rush you from one experience to another. Such frantic activity could leave you frustrated, missing the depth of experience that you want and need. While others may become bored or jaded from shallow dabbling in many varieties of sexual experience, your own relationships will continue to grow in depth and intensity. As life goes on, they will become even more rewarding, giving you youthful vitality when others are losing theirs.

Saturn Trine Uranus

† (2922'36'' ¢) Ã ‡ (2558'25'' ¦)

You are courageous and resourceful. You tend to take full responsibility for what happens, and are confident that you can improve them. You feel free in a simple atmosphere, and feel more restricted and inhibited in crowds.

You are able to feel comfortable with any form of sexual experimentation that you choose, and you choose those that have real substance, not just passing whims. Once you have decided on a new direction, you stay with it long enough to derive the maximum pleasure.

Your lover should let you choose new styles and techniques, because your judgment is so good about which ones have the most potential. You need a partner who will go along with you in your explorations, even though it may take some time and practice to get the most out of each one. Very often, sophisticated sexual techniques require some time to master physically before your minds are free enough of technical distractions that your emotional communication flows easily and without interruption. Although you do not seem like a sexual adventurer, your style is quite innovative. It is just that your pace is slower, but in time you will have covered as much ground as many

others. You do it much more thoroughly, so you know in great detail just what pleasures may be found in the varieties of sexual expression.

Saturn Square Pluto

† (2922'36'' ¢) Â ‰ (53'5'' ¦)

You must make a point of never trying to force your lover's hand or impose any form of expression that he or she is not definitely sure about. You should discuss this quite clearly, because you may be very tempted to physically or emotionally blackmail your lover into doing what you want if you feel that you are being deprived of some sort of sexual expression. When you feel that your partner is neglecting you, bring it out into the open verbally and leave it up to your partner. Often this amends the problem instantly. However, if your partner does not want to move in the direction you indicate, you should not on any account try to railroad your lover into it, assuming that it will turn out to be pleasurable after all. The chances are it won't, and almost certainly your partner will resent and distrust you.

You must make a point of never trying to force your lover's hand or impose any form of expression that he or she is not definitely sure about. You should discuss this quite dearly, because you may be very tempted to physically or emotionally blackmail your lover into doing what you want if you feel that you are being deprived of some sort of When you feel that your partner is neglecting you, bring it out into the open verbally and leave it up to your partner. Often this amends the problem instantly. However, if your partner does not want to move in the direction you indicate, you should not on any account try to railroad your lover into it, assuming that it will turn out to be

pleasurable after all. The chances are it won't, and almost ce. rtainly your partner will resent and distrust you.

If this situation arises often, the two of you may simply be sexually incompatible and should end the relationship. The only occasion where force should exist in sexual expression is in playing out a mutually agreed-upon fantasy that is pleasurable and exciting to both partners.

Uranus - The Process of Emancipation

‡

The planet Uranus was first discovered in March 1781, at a time when in Europe old structures were breaking down and France stood on the verge of revolution. Its diameter is 49.000 kilometers and it takes 84 years to orbit the sun, taking about 7 years to cross through an astrological sign. In Mythology Uranus was Saturn's father, who castrated him and produced many terrible children.

The characteristics of each of the outer planets are social rather personal, and you are linked to those contemporaries born in the same Uranus time span. Its influences appears in the way that the group born during a period display their rebellious spirit, desire for freedom, and need to effect change as they grow older.

In Astrology Uranus denotes a break with tradition as well as new development, it is spirit, intuition and spontaneity. Its position in the chart tells us about our relationships with our friends as well as our attitude toward authority. Uranus can also bring about a revolution and can destroy that which it can't improve. The sign Aquarius is ruled by Uranus.

Your Uranus in Libra

‡ (2558'25'' ¦)

With the planet Uranus in Libra, you belong to a generation of people who formulated new concepts of relationships and coexistence. You make useful experiences with various partners. A marriage license is no longer important. One belief which is becoming more common is that a man and a woman no longer need a bureaucratic blessing in order to be permitted to love each other. You also accept other forms of sexual preferences because your parents have begun to put taboos to rest.

To get a more individual interpretation of Uranus, consult its house position and its aspects to other planets in the chart. Your generation is between 21 and 27 years old today and is interested in alternative living cultures. Some of you live in communes and most have equal relationships.

During this position of Uranus there were great changes in popular music. Computer software has largely replaced orchestras and new styles of music, for example Jamaican reggae, which is oriented on the values of Libra (justice and equality) have come up in this area (Bob Marley is better known today, years after his death than ever before).

You will probably find that personal self-discovery lies in understanding and becoming involved in other people's lives, either directly or indirectly. That is quite evidently the direction taken by many others of your age, at any rate. In general, relationships tend to be quite volatile and not very private, resulting in less stability than might be desired. You must decide whether you want to go along with this view of life and how much of yourself will be on view or open for change by others. Your contemporaries are likely to be somewhat active and changeable in love, which may not fit your personality.

But whether or not it does, you should explore and understand this view of life, so that a lover's changeableness or curiosity will not be seen as fickle or prying, necessarily. Conversely, you will find it particularly rewarding to try out various social and sexual roles in relation to your lover. You can gain considerable insight from learning about your partner's personality and motivations in detail. Indeed, it may be important for your development to understand that an emotional situation can have many facets. Learning to stand aside and see yourself as others see you can be most beneficial.

Your Uranus in the First House

Uranus resides in the first house exerting its erratic behavior in the personality. This placement suggests that you may often be said to "march to a different drummer." Individuality is very strong in your nature, and you want freedom in your personal behavior. People may view you as eccentric, very unusual, or preferably, somewhat advanced. You are eccentric in many ways, and common sense doesn't always figure in your actions. The positive side of this placement is that you are very inventive. Yet all too often, a willful nature and impulsiveness restrict your progress and effectiveness.

Doing almost everything differently than everyone else has become your trademark. You always seem to be on the go and are constantly thinking up crazy new ideas. How many of them are put into practice is another question; which doesn't have anything to do with Uranus in the first house. Being very unconventional and always conspicuous, traditional ties like marriage and family don't especially attract you. It would be best if you were allowed to find your own way and not have to suppress your individuality. The technical fields are where your greatest talents lie. Because Uranus is associated with electricity, you will also be able to repair an iron. Sometimes you aren't able to see lurking dangers. Some people can be hurt due to your fear of responsibility. In spite of which you have high ideals and run onto the battlefield with flags flying under the motto, "freedom, equality and brotherhood". Your ideas concerning cohabitation should be decidedly modern and you have mostly good intentions. If you manage to give in some situations without providing commentary, at least once in a while, you should have no social problems.

You have a flair for the original and unusual, and through your dress or attitude you often appear rather different from the people around you. Similarly, your approach to the opposite sex is not ordinary, and you can expect that potential partners will consider you something of an enigma. Your energies may be rather irregular; either you throw all your effort and attention into a relationship, or you neglect it entirely. Although this means that you are capable of great intensity at times, it would be better to make your energy cycle more even to avoid alternately overwhelming and neglecting your lover.

In lovemaking you are often the one who initiates and invents new directions; certainly you will leap at them when presented. But you should avoid pursuing originality for its own sake. Use new techniques primarily to heighten the excitement of love and intensify the resulting communication. It is easy sometimes to become preoccupied with the newness of an idea and to lose perspective of its effectiveness in a relationship. You will probably leap into and out of relationships quite suddenly and spontaneously. This taste for variety creates stimulating affairs, particularly in the beginning, but be careful not to duck out of an affair too quickly. You might look back and realize that you have lost a good thing forever.

Neptune - The Cosmic Consciousness

ˆ

Neptune was first discovered in the year 1946 by an astronomer in Berlin who noticed that Uranus often deviated from its orbit. The cause had to be an unknown planet, which was then called Neptune. Neptune orbits the Sun every 165 years and has a diameter of 47,000 kilometers. It is invisible to the naked eye.

The sign in which Neptune resides may perhaps denote the depth of imagination, the intuitive faculties, and the mystical leanings of a whole generation of individuals.

In mythology, Neptune or Posidon, the god of the sea and lord of the water, the element which forms the basis of all life. The depth of the sea often distorts vision creating the illusion of a surrealistic world. In Astrology Neptune represents deception, mysticism, imagination, dreams, extra sensory capabilities, a foreboding and inspiration. It symbolizes creative energy. With Neptune's help creative abilities can find expression. Neptune stays in one sign for 14 years, therefore its individual interpretation, house position and aspects of other planets should be considered. Neptune is assigned to the sign Pisces.

Your Neptune in Sagittarius

ˆ (922'50'' ¨)

In order to interpret this planet position for yourself you should consult its house position as well as its aspects to other planets. Neptune resided in Sagittarius from 1970 until 1984. Its generation is today, in the year 1997, between 13 and 27 years old.

At the time of your birth the tourism industry began to boom. Long trips were within almost everyone's reach and the world was rapidly getting smaller. Contact to people in foreign lands was made possible, even though many people today still don't take advantage of the opportunity to broaden their horizons. Far Eastern philosophy made its entry into people's minds and enjoyed more popularity. At the same time dubious cults or sects came into existence which held their victims captive.

Your generation will increasingly integrate fields like Astrology into their lives. You have understood that it provides a context for people to envision themselves within larger relationships. It is possible that this will lead to an increased respect for our environment.

You have grown up in an age group that has fairly uncomplicated, simplistic ideas about love and sexuality. But these ideas may not apply to you personally if you are involved in a very complex or subtle relationship. Love cannot always be approached directly and straightforwardly, but you may subconsciously feel that something is amiss in an affair that gets too tricky or involved. The problem is that it does not fulfill the relationship ideal that you have grown up with.

Thus, you Should think quite carefully about your peers' idea of a good relationship and then decide whether that suits your personal style. If it does not suit you, reject it; otherwise you will be striving to achieve what is impossible for yourself. However, you may be very much in tune with the feeling of those around you in this

respect. The straightforward notion of enthusiastic and exciting romantic love may be rewarding and uplifting to your relationships. In that case you should find a partner of like views rather than someone who will slow you down with too many extraneous details or causes for self-doubt.

Either way, you should carefully compare your own Style and expectations in love with those of your peer group before judging your own relationships.

Your Neptune in the Third House

Neptune in the third house imposes an influence on your mental processes and your communication with others. This placement shows a very intuitive mind, and sometimes, an ability to communicate on a higher plane. It often suggests involvement in some way with mass media or with advertising. In your youth, your mind may be subject to drifting and wandering, and a practical channeling of ideas and information must be developed and maintained. Insecurities in the early part of life are likely.

Use your intellect and reason for greater goals. The challenge for you is to integrate your limitless imagination into your thought processes and still come up with clear, logical conclusions. If you manage to avoid getting caught up in clouded thought patterns, you will develop an intuitive understanding for latent changes in your environment.

Expressing yourself by means of conventional information transfer has proven itself to be problematic for you. Artistic expression better lends itself to your impressions and inner turmoil, as you find the apparatus of language too restrictive. Maybe you have already had enough problems stemming from disturbances in communication. Accept the fact that language is the number one means of communication and you have no other choice but to work on alleviating any deficits you may have in this area.

Poetry should make you capable of beautiful expression, because it allows you to describe your dreams and fantasies without being restrained by closed structures. Possibly psychotherapy would be a good profession for you, or work with learning disabled children because you intuitively grasp the meaning of a word and are sensitive enough to understand body language.

You put a great deal of emphasis on understanding love intellectually, even to the point of overlooking the non cerebral aspects. As a result, you may take a lover who talks knowingly about love but is somewhat disappointing when it comes to physically realizing it. In fact, because of the nature of love, with this placement you are not likely to find any concrete answers, although you will expend many words in the attempt.

This intellectual approach may be a problem if you try to explain why a specific form 0f sex is arousing, particularly if it is an unusual form. It is far better simply to accept the fact that it is enjoyable; if you debate it at length, you are likely to kill the enjoyment.

The best way to handle this inclination is to simply experience love without question in a sexual situation, and then intellectually explore the details. The subject of sex lend itself to all kinds of fascinating discussions, but preferably after the fact.

NEPTUNE SEXTILES PLUTO

ˆ (922'50'' ¨) Æ ‰ (53'5'' ¦)

This sextile, the only major aspect formed between these two planets in the twentieth century, concerns the spiritual development of the generation born while it is in effect. It represents opportunities that, if utilized by society, can produce the highest level of spiritual development.

Under the influence of this aspect, high-minded concepts transcend base human desires. If Neptune or Pluto occupies the first house, rules the Ascending sign or disposits the chart ruler, the Sun or the Moon this sextile has personal significance in the natal hororsocpe.

Activities that are influenced by this aspect provide opportunities for personal spiritual development. These people are able to promote idealistic movements through the affairs governed by Neptune nd Pluto. If other factors in the horoscope confirm, this aspect generates interest and some ability in science, metaphysics and the occult.

Neptune Sextile Ascendant

ˆ (922'50'' ¨) Æ Ž (1120'34'' ¦)

In communicating with a lover, you may find words unnecessary, relying on your intuitive feelings to make communication flow between you. This will make for very

easy love affairs, as long as your partner shares this ability. Otherwise, your own needs may be virtually ignored, while you intuitively sense how to satisfy your partner's needs and desires. For this reason, you should not become too dependent on your intuitive ability, because the more complex problems in a relationship must be dealt with in clearly spoken words. Although intuition is probably the best way to deal with the positive aspects of loving, it may only confuse the situation when difficulties or conflicts arise.

You may not require sexual expression in order to become quite close to semeone. A

long-lasting platonic relationship may prove richly rewarding and in some ways much

closer than any sexual relationship that you are involved in at the same time. Friends of your own sex or brothers and sisters may be much dearer to you in a special way than the person whom you are living with. Whatever the nature o£ your relationships, in the long run you will have the most success if you let your inner feelings and intuition guide your decisions in love.

Pluto - The Unavoidable Change

‰

With 2400 kilometers of diameter Pluto is the smallest known planet. It was discovered on the 18th of February 1930 in Flagstaff, Arizona. Pluto requires 247 years and 7 months to circle the Sun. It remains in each sign about 20 years. It is circled by a moon, Charon, which according to Greek mythology, brought the souls of the dead across the river to Hades the antique underworld. Pluto is the Roman god of the underworld which everyone will meet someday. In Astrology it symbolizes the masses and stands for sudden change, destruction, regeneration and transformation. It can be interpreted in context with the actual happenings in the world. In personal horoscopes one should concentrate on the position of its houses and its aspects. Together Pluto and Mars rule the sign Scorpio.

Your Pluto in Libra

‰ (53'5'' ¦)

Pluto should be interpreted for individuals by its house position and its aspects to the other planets because it moves very slowly. It was in the sign of Libra from 1972 until 1984.

Pluto was first discovered in 1930 in Flagstaff, Arizona. During its stay in Libra, the sign of harmony and justice, people started seriously reconsidering their ideas about human relationships. People discovered that consensus is more effective than armed conflict. To avoid destroying all life on the planet, made possible by atomic weapons, new ways of reaching agreements have to be developed. Hopefully, the consciousness developed during this era will prove to meet the demands of the future. The world needs standards which can be accepted by everyone, human rights for example, which in many cases were formulated for the first time during this era. Strangely enough, a third world war could be prevented with the aid of weapons of mass destruction. The principle of deterrence has in turn left us with atomic waste which has proven very difficult to get rid of. Political groups, which are working to reestablish the ecological balance of our Earth have drawn enough attention to themselves to establish themselves in our political landscape. Many people have recognized that the only way our civilization is going to survive is if we manage to increase our willingness to compromise.

Your generation may seem to be obsessed with relationships that change continually. Constant change may make you more creative in dealing with changing roles in life, but it can be rather unsettling for those whose style of loving is more regular and consistent.

Certainly, it is possible to gain greater equality and wider experience, both emotionally and sexually, in this way. However, if you prefer fairly direct and steady communication with your partner, with unchanging images of each other, the pressure to change your way of relating may be unnecessarily trying. You will encounter this attitude quite generally, so you should either learn to enjoy it or simply avoid it. This generational point of view is not one that can be easily resisted. You are part of a generation that is making the greatest possible contribu'tion toward

real balance and equality between the sexes. Although that is not an easy or always pleasant task, it will make relationships far easier and more fruitful for generations to come. If you are heavily involved in this movement, you will eventually derive much reward and credit for being in the vanguard, reforming the nature of male-female

relationships for generations of future lovers.

Your Pluto in the Twelfth House

Pluto is in the twelfth house denotes a preoccupation with the mysteries of life and death, and matters relating to a higher consciousness in life. This placement sometimes shows association with social outcasts or subversive elements. At its worse, it can show force your will upon others, while at its best it may make you a champion of people who are very unfortunate. Karmic influences over which you have little control may affect your life

Pluto in the twelfth house demands you to confront your inner conflicts and to learn how you can overcome yourself and detach from material possessions or even your own life. Delve deep into your subconscious and ask how you can conquer your inhibitions and live out everything currently slumbering within you. Maybe you are afraid to admit to your less positive side and fear being overwhelmed by emotions and passions. If placed under pressure you tend to escape into isolation and will never get to know yourself and miss a lot of opportunities. Become aware that the potential for many creative acts is hidden within you and could have a positive influence on the people around you.

The way to this consciousness leads you to the dissolution of out dated behavior and personality structures. Go after greater ideas and forget your ego in order to tap into energy sources. Maybe you are suffering from an overpowering fear of death as an eternal sign of your fear of self annihilation, this offers an approach to the task of clarifying yourself and bringing your hidden qualities to light.

Like no other, you are capable of learning through pain and crises and arising like a phoenix out of the ashes.

It is quite important for you to be completely honest in a relationship, for if you or your pertner keeps secrets from each other, your relationship will be damaged much more than someone else's would.

You both may have to make a considerable effort to understand each other's personality in depth, for some areas of your character or your partner's may be unintentionally hidden, coming to light only after the harm has been done.

Similarly, you may deliberately hide something from your partner in order to spare him or her harm or embarrassment, but in your case that is not wise. When the secret is r~vealed, as it eventually will be, its negative impact will be even greater.

However, you will develop excellent personal insight into your own and your lovers character, as well as into people who are not quite so honest with themselves. For this r~ason, you can help those who cannot resolve their problems because they can't see the hidden roots of their difficulties.

Just be careful never to use your knowledge of others' weaknesses to take advantage of them. In your case, they would be likely to turn around and do the same to you. If you cannot actively help someone, just enjoy your special knowledge as a widening of your experience.

Pluto Conjunct Ascendant

‰ (53'5'' ¦) À Ž (1120'34'' ¦)

Your personality has a strong impact on others in one-to-one situations, which can be a tremendous asset if you are careful in the way you use it. You can overwhelm people

quite easily, which will not lead to successful relationships unless you learn when to pull back and give your partner freedom for personal assertion and communication.

The lesson you must learn is to use the power of your personality for the good of both partners in a relationship and not merely to serve your own goals. You may need to watch yourself carefullly, for it is easy for you to step in and take control of the situation, especially if a less assertive partner seems to accept it at the time. But you may be stepping on your partner's toes without realizing it. The unspoken resentment that builds up will eventually explode and destroy the whole relationship.

You must be very careful to give your partner plenty of room and enough time to make decisions uninfluenced by you, even ff you feel an urgent need to step in and make the decision yourself. If power games or attempts at domination must exist in the relationship, it is better to fulfill this need through bedroom fantasies. In that way both you and your partner can learn more about your inner needs and drives without interfering with the external course of the affair.

Chiron - The Social Attitude

Š

Chiron is a relatively small celestial body discovered on the 1st of November, 1977. Its orbit lies between Saturn and Uranus. Chiron takes between 50 and 51 years to orbit the Sun. Its elliptical orbit causes it to spend a varying duration of time in each sign. Chiron travels through Libra in no more than 18 months while it remains in Aries for eight years. Some Astrologers let Chiron rule the sign Virgo, others opt for Sagittarius.

The preliminary interpretations of Chiron have understandably not progressed too far. Its Astrological exploration is just beginning. As with all the planets discovered in modern times, the general mood and the situation of the entire human race at the time of the discovery are taken into account in Chiron's interpretations. Chiron's symbol resembles a key.

A second indication to its interpretation is its role in ancient mythology. Chiron was a Centaur, half human and half horse. He was a healer, Astrologer, teacher, musician and warrior in one. The great heroes like Heracles. Achilles or Orpheus where all taught by him. He also founded the Asclepeion, a center where the sick were healed and medicine was taught. Interestingly enough, Chiron was wounded by an arrow shot by Heracles, which was dipped in a poison he himself discovered. Chiron suffered great pain, but him being immortal, could not die. He withdrew to a cave and wasn't freed from his agony until he willingly ascended to the underworld, Hades, in exchange for Prometheus' freedom.

As mentioned above, Chiron orbits the Sun between Saturn and Uranus; between the last inner planet and the first outer planet. This key position has granted Chiron the role as a bridge between the inner and outer planets. Through Chiron's experience the mysterious planets, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto, become more accessible. The collective energies of these planets can be experienced and utilized with Chiron's help.

A closer look at the time since Chiron's discovery reveals an intensive search for meaning. More and more individuals have come to understand the necessity of united insight and action. Thus Chiron appears to be an inner guide offering light in the midst of darkness, opening the spirit for experiences beyond daily routine.

The development of a positive collective consciousness which alone can bring about the necessary upheaval to create a peaceful and secure future may, due to the discovery of Chiron, not remain merely a dream.

If you are interested in learning more about this topic, its best to start thinking about the position of Chiron in your own horoscope. You may discover key experiences which altered your thinking and perception. Special attention should be paid to Chiron's square aspects while in transit, which, according to the position of Chiron in the natal chart, may take place at different ages.

Lilith - The Supressed Femininity

‹

Lilith is not a planet but a calculated so called 'sensitive' point. Its position on the chart is determined by the elliptical orbit of the Moon around the Earth. First the points on the Moon's orbit furthest from the Earth are connected by an axis. Lilith is found at the point along this axis directly across from the Earth at the same distance from the center of the ellipse. Next to the Earth, this point is the second focal point on the Moon's orbit. Lilith's orbit takes 3232 days, about 8.9 years.

To interpret its position in the chart, it is important to know Lilith's history. She was Adam's first wife and was thrown out of Paradise because she refused to surrender to him on the grounds of her sex. She then lived with demons, with whom she bore innumerable children at the Red Sea. The angels sent from God eventually found her and demanded that she return to Adam. Lilith refused. As punishment one hundred of her children were killed each day. Lilith went mad with grief and commenced killing others. Her victims were women in childbed, small children and men, who she first seduced and then killed. Apart from that, she was also supposed to have appeared as a serpent in Paradise and offered Eve the apple from the tree of knowledge, which led to their expulsion from Paradise.

Also an additional name for Lilith offers insight into its meaning in the horoscope: Lilith is also called the Black Moon (and is illustrated as such) becoming the other, unseen side of femininity. She is not only the creator of life but also brings death, pain and disaster. She played an important role in the ancient Astrology of Babylon and Assyria, which was rediscovered as women in the sixties and seventies emancipated themselves, demanding the rights to regulate their own sexual behavior, birth control, abortion and demanded equal treatment. It is not surprising that women were attracted to Lilith nor that the literature on Lilith-interpretations was written mainly by women.

In light of modern psychology, interpretations of Lilith's position tells us about unfulfilled wishes, the suppressed shadow-side of our personality, painful experiences, privation and darkness. As with Pluto, the processes triggered here should lead to self-recognition and the acceptance of our dark side. Good and bad shouldn't be differentiated from each other, but human existence should be seen as many-faceted.

In a man's horoscope, Lilith can reveal what type of woman he fears most and which type of woman can drive him to despair.

The Moon's Nodes - The Carmic Component - Where Do I Come From - Where Am I Going To?

Œ

The Moon's Nodes are points where the moon's orbit around the Earth crosses the Earth's orbit around the Sun. The points are calculated and lie directly across from each other. When these two points are connected, the Moon Node Axis crosses the entire chart. It runs backwards, from Aries into Pisces, then into Aquarius, etc.

The Moon Node Axis can travel through the horoscope in 18.5 years, which leaves 1.5 years in each sign. The people our own age have their Moon Nodes in the same sign as we do, but not necessarily in the same house.

The rising Moon Node is referred to as the northern Moon Node or Dragon's Head. The falling Moon Node is called the southern Moon Node or Dragon's Tail. In Indian Astrology they are called Rahu and Ketu.

The meaning of the Moon Node Axis is tied closely to Karmic Astrology and is easier to understand in this context. It begins with a premonition that we are not on planet Earth for the first time, but that we have brought experiences from previous lives with us. In a horoscope the principle of reincarnation is described by the Moon Node Axis, whereby the falling Moon Node shows where the soul is coming from while the rising Moon Node describes where it is going to and our goals in this life. The Axis is the path we walk in this life. It can also be seen as a horoscope compressed into one line, which is expounded on by the remaining factors.

The rising Moon Node contains the sum of all the experiences from our past lives. This is why it seems more familiar to us than its complement. It represents all our favorite habits, which we can't manage to free ourselves from but which hamper our development, in other words our personal 'way of least resistance'. It is our duty to overcome our inner obstacles and pave the way for new experiences which go in a completely different direction, as we see on the opposing sign. We should endeavor to free ourselves from the chains of habit and look forward to unexplored harbors. The houses containing the Moon's Nodes tell us which areas we should further develop and where we are caught by transmitted behavior patterns.

One of the most interesting ways to see the personal horoscope is to look at how far we have come and then image what may lie in store for us.

NORTH NODE IN SAGITTARIUS AND THE SOUTH NODE IN GEMINI

Œ (2237'50'' ¨)

The North Node in Sagittarius and the South Node in Gemini point out ethical action based on high-minded principles as the key to growth. Clever or cunning habits that stand in the way of honesty must be overcome.

Your task in this life is to overcome your indecisiveness and take a firm standpoint. Before, you approached strangers and freely exchanged ideas with them. The problem arose when you tended to let yourself be convinced too easily, and ended up repeating what was being said to you in order to gain approval. That was no problem for you because you were unable to establish a personal relationship to the contents of the conversation. Thus you earned a reputation for being superficial, never taking anything seriously. You suffered from your own inner conflicts and your ability to see everything from every perspective. Frequently, you had no idea what you actually wanted, searching for your own well being in a multitude of activities. Still you were unable to commit yourself, always choosing to remain on the sidelines.

Now is the time to begin your search for truth. Silence is preferable to joining a discussion with an offhand comment which you may regret later. If you want to gain deeper insights, you're going to have to be more honest with people. It may be necessary to withdraw for a while until you have found yourself. Expand your horizons and don't be satisfied to occupy yourself with trivialities. Better alternatives would be to take a long trip or to study sophisticated literature. You will learn your lessons and develop firm opinions through patience and determined effort.

NORTH NODE IN THE THIRD HOUSE AND SOUTH NODE AIN THE NINTH

The North Node in the third house gives a selling flair based on fluid personal contacts, persuasiveness and high articulateness in expression, but it requires the backing of a solid formal education (South Node in the 9th) or its equivalent in reading and other forms of self-improvement available to the intellectually curious.

The flaw is to generalize about people and affairs based on superficial knowledge.

Occasioally, disrespect for formal educational procedures can make school dropouts out of intellectually gifted people. Or he may go for way-out cults and unconventional moral standards.

In a positive reading of the S node in the 9th, it could mean that the person might be a student all his life, always seeking meaningful solutions and answers, with an open mind, rejecting all forms of bigotry. He may be easily taught and have a curiosity about faraway places.

Think about how you get along with the people around you. Don't allow yourself to become distant to friends, neighbors and family, especially brothers and sisters. And don't give in to the temptation to lose yourself in long winded theoretical explanations. The challenge is to communicate on an everyday level and present your knowledge in a way that can be utilized. Don't believe that you are intellectually superior to others, but be willing to consider their ideas and suggestions.

In relationships, your need for freedom gives you a feeling of being chained or even oppressed before very long. It's important to be able to find workable compromises to reconcile your concept of freedom with the needs of your partner. Get down to the fundamentals of spiritual reality; don't let anyone convince you that spiritual development is only possible in distant places.

The Ascendant - Gate to The External World

Ž

The Ascendant is the rising sign in the East at the time of birth. It metaphorically channels our expectations of life. The first impression stays with us throughout the day, influencing each contact and every event. The Ascendant channels all the other energies in the chart actively working to express themselves. It describes the way we live our natal chart and how we confront our environment, making up an important part of our identity.

As to the question of the differentiation between the Ascendant and the role of the Sun keep in mind how difficult it is for us as well as for others to differentiate the expression of our personality from our personality itself. This question can therefore only be partially resolved. It is much more important to live the positive aspects of your sign and to bring it into harmony with all the other energies and influences.

Your Ascendant in Libra

Ž (1120'34'' ¦)

Your Ascendant point is the image or personality that you project ot the world, a picture of your temperament, physical appearance, bodily vitality. It is the third most sensitive point in tyour chart. Libra was rising on the day you were born, and this endows you with its coloration.

You have a Libra ascendant which gives you a highly developed sense of justice, honor, and peace. You can be deceptively easy going and have a good sense of humor and an easy wit.

You do know when to make points by your own courteous manner (especially if Venus, which rules Libra, also rises.) You

are endowed with grace and charm.

You are a orn diplomat, with a way of utilizing words that take any sting out of criticism.

You are likely to be socially oriented. You certainly have a strong need for partnership. There is a balance here you have to maintain, between the need for other people and self direction.

You have a natural reasonableness. You do have to be careful to avoid the extremes of accomodation always to what others want. Under affliction, you could vaccilate back and forth, and this others may find annoying.

Sometimes this causes an internal conflict, caring too much what others want or think, and this frustration can be overcome by seeking help to channel your energies into positive directions, trying assertion, which is not aggression, and compromise without becoming to compliant.

Therefore being direct and charmingly impressive, as well as diplomatic, you are capable of being exactly who you are, and not what you may feel someone else would like you to be.

Your Libra Ascendant gives you a pleasant exterior and a friendly, charming personality. You decorate your surroundings tastefully. It's no wonder that where ever you go people are glad to see you and so many people, especially the opposite sex, are attracted to you.

You're actually seething under this pleasant facade. This is because your high ideals demand a tranquil environment. You are making it difficult for yourself. You don't realize that you are chasing a dream and are preparing yourself for more and more frustration. You must learn to accept certain unpleasant truths. Consider how much you do for others to gain their acceptance and to raise your own self-esteem.

To achieve contentment with your life, you need to balance your needs with those of others, as the symbol of the scale suggests. Don't simply compromise with your bad feelings but examine their cause at its root. Become aware of your own needs to avoid assuming the needs of others as your own. You can give with astounding selflessness, once you have learned to take just as naturally. Remember that you don't have to make amends to anyone.

When trying to reach a goal, you shouldn't battle frantically, but wait it out calm and collected. Unity and harmony cannot be forced. When you have realized this, you will become the most valuable gift you can give to anyone. Your willingness to sacrifice will leave no one untouched.

You are very social, have many friends, and will take advantage of any excuse to talk. You always give the other person the benefit of the doubt and will avoid an argument if at all possible. Fairness and equality are strong traits also.

With your Ascendant in Libra, you have almost an addiction to physical beauty and

grace in sexuality. You are happiest when surrounded by all the props that make

lovemaking more sensual and beautiful -- fine clothes, incense and perfume, elegant

sheets, anything to set the stage for a ballet of love. If there is a disadvantage to this position, it is that you idealize love so much that it is difficult for any partner to live up to your expectations, both physically and emotionally. Ocasionally you must come down to earth, for otherwise you may set your sights too high for any realistic relationship. In most relationships, you are the one who develops ideas rather than the one who thinks of them. Your talent lies in turning a love affair into an artistic mode of self-expression for both of you. However, you must give your lover plenty of room for personal development and avoid the temptation to be manipulative in order to get your way. Although you may modify and refine the relationship, you cannot choreograph it all yourself; that requires an equal effort and contribution by both partners. If the relationship is well balanced, you can shape and articulate it to the point that others will see you both as "beautiful people."

Libra rising produces a personality that is naturally diplomatic and sociable. Graciousness, compatibility, and sociability are your obvious personality traits. This is the sign of the scales of balance and justice. The primary quality associated with Libra is a strong sense of fair play. You can see both sides of nearly any issue, and there is always a demand in your nature that justice be served. Perhaps because of this latter trait, an amazing number of the world's most famous political leaders have had Libra on the rise. With Libra on the rise, you are good at debate, but you are not likely to be too argumentative. You strive to win your points in ways that are shrewd and politically careful. Your fixed nature

is well hidden by your cooperative demeanor. You don't function well in discordant environments as there is an overwhelming need in your nature for harmony. Neatness

and order must be maintained if you are to remain comfortable in any situation. You may constantly find yourself readjusting to align yourself to the forces around you to get an inner sense of balance. You have such an even disposition, and so much charm, that you can usually please nearly everyone. You usually try to do just that. You are one who reacts to others, and you are better suited to making your way by being agreeable and taking what comes your way almost naturally.

On the negative side of Libra rising is the tendency to maintain the status quo. You want to avoid the disruption of change and avoid making waves. You may give in sometimes to the temptations of indolence. You may have a natural tendency to say what you think will please others, rather than what you really feel. The object being to hide your true feelings for the sake of winning approval and maintaining

order and harmony. Because of your inborn peace-loving and diplomatic tendencies, you are sometimes prone to fail in the primary job of taking care of number one. You are not very good at aggressively advancing yourself. You need to concentrate on learning how to stick up for yourself and realize your identity..

The MC (Midheaven) - The Societal Position

The Medium Coeli also called MC or Midheaven refers to the highest point on the chart. It is the point of culmination where the planets reach the point on their apparent orbits highest above the horizon. This point also forms the summit or the beginning (cusp) of the tenth house. Directly across, the lowest point of the chart is found at the beginning (cusp) of the fourth house, the Imum Coeli or IC. The MC generally symbolizes the consciousness while the IC represents the subconsciousness.

The position of the MC on your chart can reveal how you conduct yourself in the outside world. This includes your role in public, your professional career, your social position and in some cases also your rate of success. The MC describes your professional orientation, where your talents lie and how you go about planning your career. There is also information about the relevance of other people's opinions and tells if you are persistent and/or determined.

A precise interpretation of your professional ambitions must include the positions of the planets in the tenth house and the aspects between the rest of the heavenly bodies.

The interpretation contains a listing of professions associated with the MC in classical Astrology. Whereby you shouldn't consider the name of the profession as it appears in the list, but the abilities which are relevant to each of the professional fields.

Your Midheaven (MC) in Cancer

(134'32'' £)

You will choose your profession by feeling it out. Planning and strategy aren't your style. You bear the responsibility for everything you do and want to devote yourself to it with all your heart and soul. Of course you greatly prefer working with people to working with machines. You do your best to avoid competition. If you don't feel accepted, you simply leave your position. Not pursuing any particular goal, your career may well be marked by interruptions and changes of direction. The most important criterion is that you feel at ease with the atmosphere at work, the career is secondary. You may not have enough energy for career goals because your private life takes so much out of you. You also suffer from a lack of confidence.

If you should get into a leadership position in spite of all this, you'll have to be careful not to let your moods confuse your employees and cause frustration. On the other hand your convictions and your inherent sense of responsibility will always motivate you to find time for the embetterment of humankind. With the MC in the sign Cancer you could be a successful nutrition consultant. Work with children, nursing or the food industry would probably also interest you.

Take a closer look at the position of the Moon and the Aspects between the other planets in your chart to determine the influence of these character traits.

The Part of Fortune - Your Personal Key for True Contentedness

Everyone asks themselves once in a while what they can do to be happy and finding an answer to this question isn't as easy as it may seem, because many people have wrong impressions about their real needs. They might be convinced that they need something, are oriented on inappropriate role models or let themselves be influenced by other people's ideas while possibly they are already on the wrong path. Usually they aren't aware of it until it's too late. If you know how to make someone really happy, usually you are prepared to make an effort or to make difficult decisions. This makes the Part of Fortune something like a personal code of ethics, which has to be remembered in every circumstance. It is one of the sensitive points and is derived from Arabic Astrology.

The Part of Fortune is calculated by subtracting the Sun position from the Ascendant position. We add the number of degrees of the moon to this result. A simple formula would look like the following:

Part of Fortune = Ascendant – Sun + Moon

The position of the Sun, the Moon and the Ascendant are not randomly used for calculating the Part of Fortune. It's is based on the consideration that the energy of these three bodies are what characterize people and gives them their individual personalities:

The Sun as the symbol of identity and ambition, the Moon for its emotionality and its conscious and subconscious reactions, and finally the Ascendant as the visible personality, which expresses the energies of the Sun and the Moon. The position in the horoscope where Sun, Moon and Ascendant are most harmoniously working together is called the Part of Fortune. The energies of a sign and the affairs of the astrological house concerned will show you how to reach a state of true happines.

Your Part of Fortune in Gemini

(053'0'' ¢)

To you life means always adjusting to new circumstances and observing them out of varying perspectives. You need movement, intellectual challenges and to be surrounded by people, who constantly provide you with new insights. This is why you need to communicate, keep yourself well informed and think about everything which is important to your existence and society. You are happy when you can communicate, discover interesting fields or analyze situations. Maybe you aren't very adept at understanding the emotional side of people, but have no problem follow their way of thinking.

It may sound paradox, but you like to be in the center of things without being so intimately involved that you can't easily withdraw at any time. Your consciousness of reality tells you that it isn't very useful to place a lot of importance on something you have no control over, and so you are often the observer who draws conclusions which make everything a little clearer without putting you in danger of being hurt. You feel intimacy not through emotional but through spiritual closeness, which is why your partner can only make you happy by creating an atmosphere in which interesting and practical conversations are possible.

The Part of Fortune placed in Gemini gives one great joy through communication and learning, and the connection with people these engender. This person is seeking and gleaning new understandings from everyone he meets. The people in his life are more important for the ideas they convey than for who they are. Here, too, there is an attempt to keep things on a light level without becoming enmeshed in emotions. Many people come and go in his life, and he receives stimulation and information from all of them. As such, he becomes a veritable walking encyclopedia of data and knowledge culled from the experience of others. The more he gathers, the more he comes to realize the many different facets of life that often contradict each other.

This person tries to be non-committal, not because of a fear of commitment, but because he would rather not be the judge of which idea or thought is better or more correct. Thus he attempts to straddle two positions. If there were ever an individual who wanted to have his cake and eat it too, it would be the person with the Part of Fortune in Gemini. He seeks to reap the benefits of two camps, without truly forming an alliance with either. Sometimes he succeeds. This allows him freedom of movement, which adds scope and color to his life. He is able to act and react swiftly to each change of "wind" in his life. Great joy and genuine pleasure is experienced as the individual revels in the multiplicity of ideas, theories and impersonal observations. This is augmented by the Sagittarius IC that seeks to find the common thread or basic principle that links them all together.

Through the Sagittarius Part of Impersonal Consciousness, he sees truth in its brightest light. Seeing this truth allows him to relate to all people and situations freely with the joy and gusto of the Jupiter ruled IC. The chameleon like Mercurial energy allows him to change in an instant, as the situation makes a new demand. He knows there is a need for an expansion of consciousness, but if he over-emphasizes this he will lose the close contact to life and people he needs. He is happiest when intimately involved with everything going on around him, without personally judging the duality of situations.

Negative use of the Sagittarius Part of Impersonal Consciousness can cause one to become judgmental. One must learn to not identify with the authoritative attitudes that lead to this. The more one judges, the sooner one will lose the companionship so strongly sought. The Mercury/Jupiter axis relates to the power of observation and wisdom. Positive expression of the IC here will allow one to remember that to be human implies certain temporary limitations. The point of view must be wide enough to allow for the greatest expansion on the mental level, and at the same time allow for the understanding of the present human condition.

The greatest joy in the Gemini Part of Fortune comes from an ability to deal with immediate reality. If the individual permits himself to be swept along with the distant callings of the Sagittarius IC, there is a strong Possibility of losing the ability to function in the here and now. The very clear sense of presence, and the idea of the present, inherent in the Gemini Part Of Fortune is the most fulfilling source of joy to this individual. Their very personal pot of gold comes from knowing how to live with that which is temporary.

Your Part of Fortune in the eighth house

As opposed to those who have their Part of Fortune in the seventh house and find happiness through giving, you will be able to take joyfully, which is actually a quality which isn't so common. You are able to appreciate the true value of what is given to you, without feeling guilty about it and becoming obsessed with finding a way to repay it. Frequently you are occupied with thoughts on how to put the resources at your disposal to the best use. We can say that it makes you happy to make good use of the energies or materials which you acquire through professional contacts or your partner. This provides motivation to keep up the relationships which are most important to you, whereby you make an effort to notice what various people close to you value in order to behave likewise.

Possibly it won't be easy for you to restrain yourself and accept that your moral standards aren't the only ones. In the course of your life, you will experience that people's hopes and dreams are similar, regardless of whether they are material or spiritual values. The only difficulty is recognizing true values, as opposed to useless possessions which eventually take possession of their owner. Once you can differentiate between the two, you won't hesitate to draw the consequences and get rid of that which is worthless, because the eighth house and its attached sign, Scorpio, represent transformation.

In the end it will make you happy to discover for yourself that you are capable of letting go and developing yourself further, of coming to terms with life's cycles and sensing a deep connection to life on this planet.

This house generally refers to rebirth and regeneration. But it deals as much with the use being made of the energies which are born out of all types of relationships, and particularly with those which result from contractual agreements--the later being the very substance of "business."

Our modern world is basically resting upon contracts made by individuals, and/or groups; but these contracts are frequently changing, made, dissolved, remade. This applies even to modern marriages and to those partnerships of work which, in the past has a permanent character.

The person with the Part of Fortune in the eighth house may be greatly involved in problems of management; but this term, management, has gazined an immense field of application, that of many levels, mundane, spiritual, etc.

This individual will reach his greatest joy through what is bestowed upon him by others. Here, value systems, which are seemingly beyond the personal framework ultimately, show themselves as the best. This person is continually shown "another way." Each time there is an opening up to try another way, there are new, personal discoveries. This person examines the values of others, desiring to know what it is that other people treasure so much. The more he can discover and apply these external values to his personal life, the richer his experience becomes. His own values, particularly those that seemed to have outlived their usefulness, can be re-examined and given new life and meaning in the light of these external stimuli. This person now learns the great virtue of flexibility.

In order not to hamper this growth, the Second House Part of Impersonal Consciousness must be allowed to show that all of the values believed to be personal are not one's own. Instead, they are an impersonal expression of the desire nature to acquire and possess. The Second/ Eighth House polarity is a powerful tug of war between that which one must hold onto, and that which must be released. The dearest possessions for this individual should be values, which are real and everlasting. That which has outlived its usefulness and meaning must be released. This is not an easy lesson to learn.

Through the Eighth House Part of Fortune people in this person's life show him all of the things, which weigh him down as well as the values, which transcend the temporary qualities of momentary desires. All that is of no value will be destroyed by those who love him, leaving room for the Second House Part of Impersonal Consciousness to express the real values and possessions which the Divine nature has intended for man.

Perhaps more than with any other zodiacal position, this individual must surrender much of his ego in order for his Eighth House Part of Fortune to work to his best advantage. He is seeking a personal legacy. Whether it comes in the form of money, ideas, new values, enrichment of sexuality or the conscious fulfillment of the essence of his being, he must come to understand that he is not an island unto himself.

Because his greatest personal fortune will always come through another person, he must learn humility and know that the values he chooses to express may ultimately be less valuable than those given to him by others. For this reason he should not be possessive of his own values. Rather, he should allow himself to be open to a flow of value systems and ideas which may seem foreign to his principles, but which in fact give him the joy of regenerating his soul.

Don't

2009-12-14T09:23:00.000-05:00

You dont have to hold me close
And whisper in my ear
How you love how I do certain things to you.
You don't have to speak
When I ask you a question
Dodge the bullet
Divert to something else.
You don't have to look at me
And listen to my ramblings
Or acknowledge that I am here
Except to pass the blunt and Absolut.
I asked if you love me, you said yes

Now it is me that has to show it.

The spoils of war are seldom great

A Life passes that needs forgotten.

Deep in the selfish hands of reality

Lies truth and understanding

A thought that flashes in a single moment.

Please don't, It is more then can be handled.

Please Join as a member. The blog will be closed to readers only soon

2009-12-14T09:16:00.002-05:00

I will be switching to invite only soon so please register a user account.

Thank you.

Me according to my doctors.

2009-12-14T09:07:00.002-05:00

I am, Bipolar Type II with Psychotic tendencies, massive depression disorder, agoraphobic, paranoia disorder, anxiety disorder with extreme panic.

My Meds now are Xanax, Klonopin, Lamictal, Lexapro, Lithium, Seroquel. Oxycontin and oxycodone.

This is according to my doctors.

Pain

2009-12-14T09:02:00.001-05:00

Fuck the Phony
Ride the pony
The dog is in the house.
Bitches Fuckin blow me.
Don't hate me while I stay behind and cry.

Just For You.....Trying to Heal the Wounds, Erase the Scars and Get the "F" on with it....So, let;s do this....

2009-11-15T03:41:00.000-05:00

We heal each other,

Slowly, we move along

But the only thing that could reopen that wound

Is the dust you hold in your palm...

Fixing me, as I fix you,

Together, with fingers laced -

and heads down,

We kiss as we consume.

Looking only for the sunshine now,

I'll try to push those clouds away

Shine the sunlight on your visions

Because now is here now

And today is your day

Let's clear our heads

And open the door to the road that lies ahead

Nothing dismal in the future for us

Keep our eyes open;

Head Clear

and mind; focused

And prove (just because we can)

That we'll rise above all the mess....

Fuck the Valley, let's build a house next to Chris :)

You know that I got you

At your side, and holding your back.....

All My Love,

Trix

Back From Chris' house.

2009-11-05T12:10:00.001-05:00

Had an awesome time, can't wait to go back, I miss my brother. I miss my job at TEA, also, winter blues are already hitting me. I need to figure out what to do. I get jimmy tonight so that is cool. Grandma H Died today in 1998.

Page from a notebook

2009-10-30T11:51:00.000-04:00

Got up and screamed fuck the world

2009-10-28T10:39:00.021-04:00

Feeling odd need to go take my meds. Cant seem to stay awake during the down swings. Going to see my little Hommie tomorrow I should be happy. I have a little anxiety but all will be well. Depressed today, need it to be summer and warm again, Winter Sucks. I'm going to see if Kerri will let me use her car. I need to get out and clear thoughts to 2PAC. I am Cramped and loosing air. I need to get outside. Maybe walking is better like I did in Mt. P, who knows. Blunt to the head, maybe take the gun out to target shoot.

Peace,
The Mentor
Sutdog 69
-4- Whoresmen.

Demon Twist

2009-10-14T08:57:00.001-04:00

Up inside of me the demons twist
the ful moon bright
to you, you must die tonight.
Hold Strong. Prepare. The uncharted lies ahead.
From Demon toungs to Sutdogs Brain. we are one, seething.
In Exstacy for loving ever more.

Painted Face

2009-10-03T13:02:00.001-04:00

Each phone call beneficial to the one on the other end. Who does the rock with the weight of the world on his back lean on. Happy voice and the positive attitude is just the paint on the face of one devestated. I built myself to adapt, but hate what I created. Miles seperate those who need to be close, yet I'm more distant from those in the next room. My heart aches when I can't heal a friends heart ache, it's pain I learned to consume. A costume of success covers a soul so depressed, so I excell while I regress.

Day 2

2009-09-23T12:01:00.001-04:00

A little girl, in a window, pounding to get out, How many times had Jimmy done that to get his moms attention? Day 2 is psychotic. The thoughts of the day are bleek, court with Crystal, my deadly thread. Bound together to her by Jimmy, yet she keeps me away. I am Tense, tense with anticipation about the day, the night, will I live, another day.
The Spiral continues, dragging me down like a bathtub ejecting water, a spiral tornado, sucking the life. My mind, open, to the heavens, asa if my head was split open, I sit to see the sun, my spiritual connection lingers on. I search the plains, I look to the 4 corners, I tempt faTE one more time, To bring me closer to you. I love you Jimmy.

The Donward spiral

2009-09-22T14:43:00.000-04:00

I'm starting the spiral of depression that goes with my Bipolar. Major depressive disorder I guess. It just sux, I want to be alone, do nothing, I have no ambitions, no feelings, nothing that matters when these strike. I had a panic attack the other day. Trix66 helped me out awesome, she just grabbed me up and held on to me tight telling me it was all going to be ok. That is what I tried to tell Kate back in the day, it works really good, Kate just didn't give a fuck I guess, she never acted like she Was doing it to help, it was more like she felt obligated, or it was a burden to her. I guess I learned lessons through it all though. I am in a better place, I am close to Jimmy, and She never really knew me anyway. T^he plan to jet, so calculated. All I miss from Iowa is my job.

Hanging out with Trix is awesome, she feels me, she understands, and is there for me.

Crystal is a bitch. I haven't talked to my son since August 5th, his birthday, except for 2 times. Another major trigger for the downslide. I notice it already, all I want to do is sleep, be in quiet places and not think, emotionless, white paper is all I think of. Trix will see a major swing, I guess we will see how she handles it compareds to my past experiences. Someone has to accept it and help me. I can't take having everyone from crystal to my family not understanding what I'm going through. The Manic stage ended yesterday with me buying 2 instruments with money I shouldn't have spent. Its all downhill from here!

My new instruments.

2009-09-22T14:27:00.000-04:00

I just got a new Bass and a new Acoustic Guitar, awesome!

Leg Cramps at night.

2009-09-22T14:15:00.000-04:00

I got switched up on Meds and now I get leg cramps in my calves almost every night. They wake me from sleeping and hurt like a bitch. Has anyone ever had this happen? It really sux. the meds are called symbrax. But, I was getting them before the change to so I'm not sure what the problem is. I take vitamins, I eat. All I know is they are so bad it hurts in the daytime after the cramps in the night. I looked on the web. Maybe I just need more water.

My Song to the past. Lyrics to a Limp Bizcut song says it all.

2009-09-22T14:11:00.000-04:00

Fuck you.

it's not my mind -repeat x6
not my mind -repeat x6

yo J

and I get a little bit

your veins flow with poison
please acknowledge my present
this precous gift I behold disgaurded like trash
to dominate, it's in your nature, you selfish brat

--chorus--
I can't believe you had me strung out all over you like that
one minute you're sweet the next minute you're sour
I taste the envious predictions, change with each hour
well, i've seen this before you even decide to step into my little world

strange things occuring
happening over and
over and over again
now bitch you are cruelty
you bark your orders with such a degrading dialect

--chorus--
I can't believe you had me strung out all over you like that
one minute you're sweet the next minute you're sour
and I taste the envious predictions, change with each hour
well, i've seen this before you even decide to step into my little world

gonna funk it up

one minute you think you're all this
the next minute you think you're all that
but your playin' with a nova momma didn't show ya
how to take gettin' canned by the man when it's over
I'll be hunting you down
waiting for the payback, your frown
begging me for your mercy
I ain't down with the sympathy you see
and I always remember your tender love
wipe me under the rug
just so you can step on my spine
I'm gonna get mine -repeat x2

(?) inflicted reminds me
I'm gonna get mine
(?) was wasted behind me
I'm gonna get mine
behind these walls of chain you find me
I'm gonna get mine
I'd like to rearrange your face
I'm gonna get mine _please don't make me_ -repeat x2
you're so sweet -repeat x3
I'm gonna get mine -repeat x3
so (?)was wasted behind me
I'm gonna get mine
(?) behind these walls of chain you find me
I'm gonna get mine
I wanna rearrange your face
I'm gonna get mine
I wanna rearrange your face
I'm gonna get mine
you're so sweet -repeat x3

you're always right and I'm always wrong
not my mind
that's why you love me so much
not my mind
you're so sweet
not my mind
I love you
you're so sweet
I love you
not my mind -repeat x4

Broken Spirit

2009-09-15T10:30:00.001-04:00

My spirit is falling.
I get drunk and stoned to make them go away.
It masks the problems, too hard to handel.
Broken spirit, my broken self with my broken spirit.
Bend me, shape me, anyway you want.
My spirit is broken, the hustler, Broken.

Untitled

2009-09-10T22:02:00.000-04:00

All I ever needed was for you to love me.
All I ever needed was for you to hold me,
All i ever wanted was for you to hug me.
All I ever wanted was for you to love me,

I sit in the 4 walls, blood runs down as I slit my wrists, pain, a sense I feel no more.
I see the otherside, still watching the ground fill with blood.

All I needed was you.

My walking Papers

2009-09-08T11:29:00.000-04:00

Major Depressive Disorder.

2009-09-08T08:45:00.003-04:00

Fuck the phony, Ride the pony
The Dog in the house
Bitches fucking blow me.
Don't hate me as I stay behind and cry.

Trip Pic from the other night. Goes w/ From Kerri

2009-09-08T08:38:00.001-04:00

I Drew this. It is astrology symbols for the moment of my feelings flowing to paper. I guess you could Say Its coded.

From Kerri, The First Chapter

2009-09-08T07:44:00.002-04:00

I Sit Upon the stones and see the creatures up,
Inside of me. Daemons twist, the full moon bright.
See you, you must die tonight. The Demons up inside of me, they tell me what to do.
Hold strong, prepare, the uncharted lies ahead.
From demon tongues to Sutton brain, we are one, seething the Ecstasy and loving ever more.

Snaps

2009-09-08T07:34:00.004-04:00

The twisting and turning, space and time.
My head about to explode, pulling my spirit from my body.

I feel it twist through the synapses, along the serotonin levels of time
to begin to make me "Normal" The label I heave been given.
Electric shocks, bolts of lightning from my brain, fire rapidly.

A pain and despair I cannot help. For fire lights my spirit, and electric is my sword.
Remove from me this crown of hate for it binds in the lightning, and may not strike, but only myself.
I am one.

A synapse.

Link

2009-09-04T20:31:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n61Du5lhWio

BiPolar Information

2009-09-04T16:21:00.001-04:00

Bipolar Disorder Overview

Bipolar disorder (BD) is a type of mood disorder. Bipolar disorder was called manic depression in the past, and that term is still used by some people. It is a psychiatric illness that causes major disruptions in lifestyle and health.

Everyone has occasional highs and lows in their moods. But people with bipolar disorder have extreme mood swings. They can go from feeling very sad, despairing, helpless, worthless, and hopeless (depression) to feeling as if they are on top of the world, hyperactive, creative, and grandiose (mania). This disease is called bipolar disorder because the mood of a person with bipolar disorder can alternate between two completely opposite poles, euphoric happiness and extreme sadness.
Symptoms of both mania and depression sometimes occur together, in what is called "mixed state."
The extremes of mood usually occur in cycles. In between these mood swings, people with bipolar disorder are able to function normally, hold a job, and have a normal family life. The episodes of mood swings tend to become closer together with age.
When a person is in the grip of this disease, chaos can occur. Bipolar disorder can cause major disruption of family and finances, loss of job, and marital problems.
Severe depression can be life-threatening. It may be associated with thoughts of suicide, actual acts of suicide, and even acts of homicide in some cases.
Extreme mania can lead to aggressive behavior, potentially dangerous risk-taking behaviors, and homicidal acts.
A number of people with bipolar disorder may turn to drugs and alcohol to "self-treat" their emotional disorder, resulting in substance abuse and dependence.

Most people start showing signs of bipolar disorder in their late teens (the average age of onset is 21 years). These signs may be dismissed as "growing pains" or normal teenage behavior. On occasion, some people have their first symptoms during childhood, but the condition can often be misdiagnosed at this age and improperly labeled as a behavioral problem. Bipolar disorder may not be properly diagnosed until the sufferer is 25-40 years old, at which time the pattern of symptoms may become clearer.

Bipolar disorder occurs in both men and women. About 5.7 million people in the United States have the disorder. There is no racial group that is more afflicted by this disease.

Because of the extreme and risky behavior that goes with bipolar disorder, it is very important that the disorder be identified. With proper and early diagnosis, this mental condition can be treated. Bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that will require proper management for the duration of a person's life.

Bipolar Disorder Symptoms

Mania and depression are the opposing phases in bipolar disorder.

Mania: A person in the manic phase may feel indestructible, full of energy, and ready for anything. Other times that person may be irritable and ready to argue with anyone who tries to get in the way.
- Unrealistic plans, spending sprees, an increase in sexual affairs, or other reckless behavior, such as wild driving, also may occur.
- Less sleep and food than usual are needed.
- The person with mania can stay up all night but may find that not much was accomplished because he or she was easily distracted.
- The person in a manic phase may talk very quickly and jump from subject to subject. They often exhibit pressured speech during mania.
- Self-esteem may be inflated.
- Decisions regarding business and finances are often made hurriedly and without careful consideration; poor choices may be the result.
- Clothing choices may also change, and the person in a manic phase may start wearing brighter, more flamboyant clothes.
- These behaviors, which can be quite upsetting, usually prompt a family member to take notice and try to get the person help.
- Most people who are going through the manic phase of bipolar disorder deny that anything is wrong with them and refuse to see a medical professional.
- They are grandiose and may have delusions (false ideas) of grandeur (greatness).

Depression: Although mania is said to alternate with depression, most people have more depressive episodes than manic ones.
- Sadness and crying spells are common.
- People who are depressed may not care enough to wash or comb their hair, change clothes, or even get out of bed in the morning.
- These people may sleep too much (hypersomnolence) or have difficulty getting to sleep (insomnia).
- Many of these people have no interest in food or have no appetite and lose weight. However, some eat excessively.
- People with depression have trouble thinking; they may forget to do important things such as paying bills because they feel so down.
- They withdraw from friends.
- Hobbies that used to bring pleasure suddenly hold no interest for people who are depressed.
- Depression brings feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, pessimism, and worthlessness.
- Some people may develop chronic pain or other bodily complaints that do not actually have any physical cause.
- People who are depressed may not see a point in living anymore and may actually think about ways to kill themselves.

Some people with bipolar disorder cycle between the two extremes every few months or weeks. Other people with bipolar disorder may cycle several times within the same day.
Signs of mania
- Increased activity and gestures (pacing, tapping feet)
- Inflated self-esteem
- Poor judgment
- Racing thoughts
- Decreased need for sleep
- Poor temper control
- Irritability
- Pressured speech: The person speaks very fast, as if his or her mouth can't keep up with the rapid thoughts. The person may be unable to respond to social cues to stop talking.
- Increased activities with high risk of painful consequences (sexual affairs, gambling, risky investments)
- Psychotic symptoms
  - Delusions (false beliefs)
  - Hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren't real)

Signs of depression
- Excessive worry
- Excessive guilt
- Sadness, crying spells
- Loss of energy
- Change in sleep pattern (insomnia at night, daytime sleepiness, or excessive sleeping)
- Major changes in appetite or weight
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Trouble concentrating
- Social withdrawal
- Lack of interest in previously enjoyable activities
- Thoughts of death or suicide: Untreated bipolar disorder has a 15% risk of death by suicide.
Many conditions may co-occur with BD such as substance abuse, conduct disorders, eating disorders, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, migraine, and anxiety.

Cry

2009-09-04T16:16:00.001-04:00

Fuck the Phony
Ride the pony
The dog in the house
Bitches fuckin blow me
Don't hate me while I stay behind and cry.

Writings in The notebook from Kerri

2009-09-04T16:11:00.002-04:00

From Kerri,
I sit upon the stones, and see the creatures
Up inside of me, Demons twist, the full moon bright
To you, you must die tonight.

The demons up inside of me, tell me what to do
Hold strong, prepare, the uncharted lies ahead.
From demon tongues to Suttons brain we are one
Seething, The exstacy for loving ever more.

Page 1`

2009-09-04T00:53:00.000-04:00

....breathe....

2009-09-02T16:32:00.003-04:00

Still remaining still
Clear sky expanding overhead
Loud madness echoes
from in between dreams; the walls in my head
Waking
As I am exasperating
Trying not to die
Gasping for a breath
Wind blowing coolly revives the resuscitated efforts
Feel alive again
A dying soul, filled with guilty pleasure
Demands are meek
Found I'm falling, fast and deep
Jumping from the ledge
of the door,
overhead
Vast blue blanket of atmosphere
Overhead
Clear as the process of thoughts in my head
Hum-drum conundrum
Know what I have to do
Paces and steps and
shoots and ladders
Climbing slowly to the top
with a different breed of family
beside me
walking the line that trips me again
and again
No longer will happen.
The past, has come to an end.
Lifted, gifted, thoughtful and thorough
I break these chains for new ones
Bound down
But won't hit the ground
Because the past is over.

Everyday Normal....Valley (mothafuckas)

2009-08-23T22:49:00.003-04:00

NoOne says:

bout to watch a scarrrrrry movie
bout this boy who had a mom that lived by the high school
and he had a friend named The Dog
that would always come over to play
and cut grass
and cool shit like that
While all the time, he's banging moms ass
(Love, Sutton)

dik-4 says:

HAAA
sounds epic

NoOne says:
yeah

dik-4 says:

wait till u see the end

NoOne says:

I got your boyfriend

dik-4 says:

we were both banging her
that's good
romantic movie night

NoOne says:
Then, his uncle came over...
And the farm sheep broke through the fence
And all was good in Connersville

dik-4 says:

THE END

Blast

2009-08-11T23:12:00.001-04:00

Blast on me homie, lets see the last stance
A Mental ass Killer alone in the sand
I draw the line, just cross it and see.
I'll fuck you up fagot as easy as can be.
Maybe I'm crazy gives me strength under fire
I'll blast with my fist leave you body in tires.
Vickey redmens is calling I ready lets go, stand on my feet and like lightning I throw
My face is all bloody It must be the mind
this war in my head made me cross the line.

Too bad it was against myself. Mentally insane, Sutdogs fucked up self.

Words to my killer

2009-08-11T00:45:00.001-04:00

Hey baby whats going on?
I love you is your day going good I hope?
I logged into the bank account, I see you made two new accounts only in your name and moved all the money?
Whats up honey? Did something happen? Why is my name not there? I know I'm in Chicago, thats why I'm calling there. Why is this turning into a screaming match while Im here. Im far away your say things I'm not tryin to hear. I'll take the plan back tonight, fuck the test I'll be alright. I dont give a fuck about a job My girl, my love is tripping.
I need to get home quick to see what has happened. You broke up with me? what the fuck do you mean? We been together 3and a half years, we were supposed to get married in Nune, oh wait, thats why you kept trying to push the wedding, you had this all planned. You stay away from home at a friends I never even get to say a word. I try to text you, but there is no answer. My son is calling, I'm crying trying to tell him. Yes buddy, Iowa is off, Kate broke up with daddy the weddings off. I still want to take you to the water park it will be ok. We will just have to do it alone, I don't know what to say, my worlds falling apart in front of a 4 yr old, asking the questions hopin he has the answers. I love you son run off to bed. Daddy will see you soon If its here or if its there.

I cant sleep the night I stay awake till down. Away for 4 days from work, I have to try to go on. I walk into some bullshit, Kate showed them my blog, said I made threats to her, Now I'm called to HR. Fired I know its all I can get, not 2 words from me no one cares about my side. I grab all my personals a few side items too, leave the building go back home and see the uhual moving things. I pull in they all leave so I try to help them out. I take all inside throw it in the street so they dont have as far to walk. Next thing I know 2 cops arrive, to make me come with them, no warrant, no nothing takes me by ambulance to the mental ward. 48 hr judge ordered stay. Seems Kate told the cops I was going to kill myself so she could unload as I sat in the jacket, begging to get out. All that runs inside my head is her words I cant take it. So much drama in your life, with crystal, your family, yourself, or the courts. Well fuck you bitch, my son was molested. You tun on me in my time of need no one there to catch me. I sat Alone in a ball on the floor waiting for family to take me back home. Back to ohio I keep up the meds, A psychotic Bi-polar Acrophobic, I got the panic disorder and drug problems to boot, hitin the pain pills the immortal sin. Ill pay for it later now I cant move, all I can do is sit in the dark. I get the order, sherif at the door, I'm served with the papers, a no contact order. How the fuck can this happen? all in 3 days, now I'm back in ohio, mind in a haze. No one to talk to, live in a hole. My moms house is calling, jimmy come home. I'm flipping in my head, talking to voices inside, images of death. I wrap my arms around it and cover it with drugs, for 2 and A half months months I have my world, Make sure he is alright. Now he's gone, I'm back alone this hole in the ground, my life revolves, never an end. Some one to help, dikkie calls keeps me better, but I'm still fucked inside, no one understands, my life was crushed in 3 Days.

Just so everyone knows, The following posts

2009-08-10T23:47:00.003-04:00

About Kate were copied from another blog and posted here. So they are really from early may except for the timing one.

Oh well, I'm seeing more and more how that bitch burnt me, but that a whole other story that will be coming, its a BIG part of whey I am now, sitting in the valley, fucked up, with only my 4.

4-54 Crowned King $UTTDOGG

Please join and create a Profile.

2009-08-08T23:44:00.000-04:00

Shit, Its been so Long....

2009-08-07T21:50:00.003-04:00

With no way to get a hold of her without calling her work, which will get me in legal trouble I'm sure. With Jimmy here for the summer, Dr appts, court, everything, its been so long since I talked to Kate or heard her voice. I miss her so much which is odd because she walked away so easy, like she didn't have feelings, like it was all planned, it hit me so hard. from sending me to the hospital, (i'll post the complaint from her and police report later, it all seems so planned and like a fuck you. I though we were in love, I though we were going to be married, our families were intertwined, Jimmy spent the summer here talking about he wanted to go to Iowa and see Kate, he wanted to go to the water park she showed him. How do I explain to a 5 yr old? I though I was doing everything ok, except I realize now I did become a little detached, but she did too, it got to where we wouldn't do anything because every day became packed. I just can't believe its been 4 months.

I Miss her.

Kate, The Book I gave you.

2009-08-07T21:38:00.002-04:00

I never meant for you to take it bad, its crazy 1 word in a title changes a life. (not directed at you but) I lost my job, house, cat, finance everything for 1 word, well and a fight I'm still trying to figure out. I'll post the whole story and see if I was wrong, just lost her interest, pissed her off, what? P.s. Kathryn Miller... If your reading this, I miss you, I wish I could talk to you, I still have your stuff, I am sending (you know me with mail) I'm just still looking for your daughters power cord. I'll send without for now. You know my email address, please email me if you read this.

Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart

It was a NY Times Best Seller on relationship help so Don't take it offensive.

Synopsis

Make him chase you...Until you catch him.

Never shy and always laugh-out-loud funny, Sherry Argov's Why Men Marry Bitches is a sharp-witted manifesto that shows women how to transform a casual relationship into a committed one. With the grittiest of girlfriend-to-girlfriend detail, Argov removes the kid gloves and explains why being extra nice doesn't necessarily mean he'll be more devoted. The guide shares real-life "no holds barred" interviews with men who answer the following in raw detail:

* How do men manipulate a relationship to keep it casual?

* Do men deliberately push women's emotional buttons?

* How can she convince him commitment was his idea?

* How can she invite a proposal without saying a word?

Whether you are single, married, recently separated, or just fed up with your family members telling you to fetch a husband because time is running out, Why Men Marry Bitches is the must-have guide that will show you how to exude confidence, win his heart, and get the love and respect you deserve.
Library Journal

Freud may have wondered what women want, but these two authors let readers know the wants and desires of most men. Argov (Why Men Love Bitches), a radio personality and contributor to the Fox News channel, holds that men want competent women who can think for themselves, handle most situations, and keep their men in line. She busts the myths that a woman has to be perfect, be his sex toy, and be whatever he wants her to be, before spending the bulk of the text advising readers on how to obtain a commitment without even having to say the word. Her 75 relationship principles cover everything from sex to finance and apply to readers of all ages. E! News anchor DePandi also delves into the male psyche, letting women know what turns men on (having aspirations and career goals) and off (nagging them to validate the relationship). Her 66 tips fall in line with Argov's principles but involve more nitty-gritty advice, such as hiding the astrology books and taking the yeast-infection cream out of the medicine cabinet when one's date comes over. Both authors emphasize the importance of a woman's having self-confidence, developing her own life, and learning to perceive herself through a man's eyes. Recommended for all libraries. Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.

Thank Yous to Kate

2009-08-07T21:26:00.005-04:00

Thank Yous

The Reality of what happened is starting to sink in, we are pretty much done no going back. they got my meds pretty good so far, doubled everything, and added 600 mg of litithum.

I just wanted to thank/tell you some things I miss and appreciated:

1) Im in the valley again, so I am the valley trash, thats are there is, I have some govt papers and law papers going on so there is no move to get another job right now. That sux, You turned me to non cheap, now I'm yard salling and hitting the dollar store, that sux. Thank you for showing me the other side of life.

2) I came back to all the valley Hos, including crystal all trying to get with me, I can't even look at them, its ike get the fuck out of my face your a skank, Like seriously Ponderosa is a good dinner to them. I miss The High maintenance girl that made sure her nails and hair were done, wearing $500 dresses, or outfits. Here its like the girl in the hospital, thats the only way to explain.
Thank you for showing me valley trash is just that, maybe eventually I CAN HAVE ANOTHER HIGH CLASS WOMAN LIKE YOU.

3) Places here suck like bars / food. Places I'll miss especially with you:

Burbon street
Voodoo
The Casino
All Downtown
Peppers
Becks, (we had some good times, Karaoke, just early on alot of fun)
Cedar Falls .
The Water Parks
The Trails for biking / hiking
Pacos
Ferraries
Our 2 Shitty Malls
Hyvee
The Place we saw The Piano Man Show
The Cedar Rapids Airport - Lots of memories both happy and sad from leaving or coming.
The Mall Of America
The Deck
The Back Yard, _ I bet its starting to look nice now
The Living Room - I felt safe there
High Class Food and entertainment, Now its all Low class, as far down as Mc Donalds is a date - seriously.
I'm sure I missed some but you get the idea,

4) I wanted to thank you for trying to help me, you were there for my panic attacks alot and would walk with me or rub my head. Thank you for that, not many people care, No one here has yet to do anything but make my attacks worse. It was Odd I never had hardly 0 out there, you know in a while, but here, I've had a few so far, but its been a rough time so maybe thats why. Anyway taknk you for putting up with that part of me.

5) All the firsts you either had me experience or experienced with me. Flying for the first time, Going further west then ever, then again to vegas furthest ests, Vegas itself as my first. My first ever tailired Suit, my firdt $100 pair of Jeans, My first taste of fashion, multi products to get ready, My first cat, I hope he is ok I miss him so much. My first self owned Business, My first Self Owned Condo, First trip to Mall of America, First 3 some, first woman that was exactly that, a woman through and through, Well dressed, well mannered, Well Presented compared to what I'm used too. Lots of Firts for events, likr the Jsmres Tye party, the Party at the country club where we met Paco, etc. All those things I was never used too.

6) Thank you for scheduling to have the pictures taken, They turned out awesome.

7) Thank you for the things you did for me when I lived there like Laundry, cleaning, etc. I should have cooked more. I miss those dinners like at convair with the steaks and crab on top beranaise!

8) Thank you for teaching me the fine points of wine. I never liked it at all befor coming out there. I am glad I actually got involved and tried wine with you. We had some fun parties, and fun Wine nights just watching TV.

9) I miss playing cards, and making up our own games. That was fun.

10) Thank you for the good excercise habits, I'm down below 200 now. :)

Kate, Thank you for evertyhing. I know you say you dont hate me, and maybe you don't but I feel that you do, I mean you filed a restraining order, won't give me your phone number, I can't have your address, to send you anything. Thats all fine, but don't tell me you don't hate me when thats how it is, I gave you my cell and Address as soon as they changed. I understand we are over period. So I know why wou wouldn't want me to have it I guess, you don't even log on IM, or you changed addresses.

Anyway I'm posting thins on the blog also, that you still never even looked at.

Kate Thanks for all the high class things and that side of life so I got to see it. I would never have seen it here before I left, aand really wont see any of it now so thank you for all those things.

Kathryn (Kate) Miller I Miss You

2009-08-05T19:56:00.003-04:00

I wish things didn't end the way they did. I'm still not even sure what happened.

I miss you Kate Miller

Jimmy Just left from summer break here to go back to his moms

2009-08-05T19:50:00.001-04:00

More after I quit Crying...

I added a poll to The Right

2009-07-25T00:40:00.002-04:00

It is about how long you have been off meds either on purpose or by other problems, Lack of insurance, away from home and forgot, etc. Please post your answers so we can discuss the effects of quitting abruptly and the effects it has.

A letter after my breakdown, keep in mind I ran out of meds and went for days before I had a psychotic depressive episode.

2009-07-25T00:19:00.003-04:00

Since Everyone seemes to have a misunterstanding of what is and isn't what I have been diagnosed with so far here you go. Lisa I think you have differnent symptoms or problems then I have, I can not be off my meds without flipping out, I also need time to build them back up in my boday after a 5 day swing. Yesterday all I could see as I was crying at the computer with my arms folded and my face to the floor was a slowed down world where talking, walking and everything slowed, all all I saw was visions of blood. I was definatly in a psychotic state becase 5 days of an anti psychotic will do that. Everyone thinks I should just go through life and be normal, sorry, I have changed in and since Iowa, alot in Iowa, Because I was so far from jimmy half the symptoms showed up, the other half were dormant from taking tons of LSD when everyone told me it would be "great for me to come home instead of being in columbus" All the drugs I ever did was in that period. And then depression I have had for life. So before you judge me. Read the 6 that I'm dealing with so far. Not saying I'm worse off thaN any one else just different.

Here Read my blog, once Jimmy leaves I'll update all I have let go through the summer, but you can go back and read.,

sutdog.blogspot.com

Bipolar II disorder

Definition

In the United States alone, bipolar disorder afflicts an estimated three million people. According to a report by the National Institutes of Mental Health, the disorder costs over $45 billion annually.

Bipolar, or manic-depressive, disorder is a mood disorder that causes radical emotional changes and mood swings, from manic highs to depressive lows. The majority of bipolar individuals experience alternating episodes of mania (an elevated or euphoric mood or irritable state) and depression.

Bipolar II disorder is characterized by major depressive episodes alternating with episodes of hypomania, a milder form of mania. Bipolar depression may be difficult to distinguish from unipolar depression (depression without mania, as found in major depressive disorder). Patients with bipolar depression tend to have extremely low energy, retarded mental and physical processes, and more profound fatigue(for example, hypersomnia—a sleep disorder marked by a need for excessive sleep or sleepiness when awake) than people with unipolar depression.

Anxiety Disorder

Definition

Anxiety is an unpleasant emotion triggered by anticipation of future events, memories of past events, or ruminations about the self.

Description

Stimulated by real or imagined dangers, anxiety afflicts people of all ages and social backgrounds. When the anxiety results from irrational fears, it can disrupt or disable normal life. Some researchers believe anxiety is synonymous with fear, occurring in varying degrees and in situations in which people feel threatened by some danger. Others describe anxiety as an unpleasant emotion caused by unidentifiable dangers or dangers that, in reality, pose no threat. Unlike fear, which is caused by realistic, known dangers, anxiety can be more difficult to identify and to alleviate.

Major depressive disorder

Definition

Major depressive disorder (MDD) is a condition characterized by a long-lasting depressed mood or marked loss of interest or pleasure (anhedonia) in all or nearly all activities. Children and adolescents with MDD may be irritable instead of sad. These symptoms, along with others described below, must be sufficiently severe to interfere significantly with the patient's daily functioning in order for a person to be diagnosed with MDD.

Description

Major depressive disorder is a serious mental disorder that profoundly affects an individual's quality of life. Unlike normal bereavement or an occasional episode of "the blues," MDD causes a lengthy period of gloom and hopelessness, and may rob the sufferer of the ability to take pleasure in activities or relationships that were previously enjoyable. In some cases, depressive episodes seem to be triggered by an obviously painful event, but MDD may also develop without a specific stressor. Research indicates that an initial episode of depression is likely to be a response to a specific stimulus, but later episodes are progressively more likely to start without a triggering event. A person suffering major depression finds jobrelated responsibilities and such other tasks as parenting burdensome and carried out only with great effort. Mental efficiency and memory are affected, causing even simple tasks to be tiring and irritating. Sexual interest dwindles; many people with MDD become withdrawn and avoid any type of social activity. Even the ability to enjoy a good meal or a sound night's sleep is frequently lost; many depressed people report a chronic sense of malaise (general discomfort or unease). For some, the pain and suffering accompanying MDD becomes so unendurable that suicide is viewed as the only option; MDD has the highest mortality rate of any mental disorder.

Disturbed mood (sad, hopeless, discouraged, "down in the dumps") during most of the day. Loss of interest or pleasure in activities. Change in appetite nearly every day, leading either to weight gain or to loss of 5% of body weight. In children, this symptom may appear as a failure to make normal weight gains related to growth. Insomnia(waking in the middle of the night and having difficulty returning to sleep, or waking too early in the morning) or hypersomnia(sleeping much more than normal). Psychomotor retardation (slowed thinking, speech, body movements) or agitation (inability to sit still, hand-wringing, pulling at clothing, skin, or other objects) that is apparent to others. Sense of worthlessness or unreasonable guilt over minor failings. Problems with clear thinking, concentration, and decision-making. Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or making a suicide attempt.

Agoraphobia

Definition

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear related to being in situations from which escape might be difficult or embarrassing (i.e., being on a bus or train), or in which help might not be available in the event of a panic attack or panic symptoms. Panic is defined as extreme and unreasonable fear and anxiety.

According to the handbook used by mental health professionals to diagnose mental disorders, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition, text revision, also known as the DSM-IV-TR, patients with agoraphobia are typically afraid of such symptoms as feeling dizzy, having an attack of diarrhea, fainting, or "going crazy."

The word "agoraphobia" comes from two Greek words that mean "fear" and "marketplace." The anxiety associated with agoraphobia leads to avoidance of situations that involve being outside one's home alone, being in crowds, being on a bridge, or traveling by car or public transportation. Agoraphobia may intensify to the point that it interferes with a person's ability to take a job outside the home or to carry out such ordinary errands and activities as picking up groceries or going out to a movie.

Description

The close association in agoraphobia between fear of being outside one's home and fear of having panic symptoms is reflected in DSM-IV-TR classification of two separate disorders: panic disorder (PD) with agoraphobia, and agoraphobia without PD. PD is essentially characterized by sudden attacks of fear and panic. There may be no known reason for the occurrence of panic attacks; they are frequently triggered by fear-producing events or thoughts, such as driving, or being in an elevator. PD is believed due to an abnormal activation of the body's hormonal system, causing a sudden "fight-or-flight" response.

The chief distinction between PD with agoraphobia and agoraphobia without PD is that patients who are diagnosed with PD with agoraphobia meet all criteria for PD; in agoraphobia without PD, patients are afraid of panic-like symptoms in public places, rather than full-blown panic attacks.

People with agoraphobia appear to suffer from two distinct types of anxiety— panic, and the anticipatory anxiety related to fear of future panic attacks. Patients with agoraphobia are sometimes able to endure being in the situations they fear by "gritting their teeth," or by having a friend or relative accompany them.

In the United States' diagnostic system, the symptoms of agoraphobia can be similar to those of specific phobia and social phobia. In agoraphobia and specific phobia, the focus is fear itself; with social phobia, the person's focus is on how others are perceiving him/her. Patients diagnosed with agoraphobia tend to be more afraid of their own internal physical sensations and similar cues than of the reactions of others per se. In cases of specific phobia, the person fears very specific situations, whereas in agoraphobia, the person generally fears a variety of situations (being outside of the home alone, or traveling on public transportation including a bus, train, or automobile, for example). An example of a patient diagnosed with a specific phobia rather than agoraphobia would be the person whose fear is triggered only by being in a bus, rather than a car or taxi. The fear of the bus is more specific than the agoraphobic's fear of traveling on public transportation in general. The DSM-IVTR remarks that the differential diagnosis of agoraphobia "can be difficult because all of these conditions are characterized by avoidance of specific situations."

Definition

Generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD, is a disorder characterized by diffuse and chronic worry. Unlike people with phobias or post-traumatic disorders, people with GAD do not have their worries provoked by specific triggers; they may worry about almost anything having to do with ordinary life. It is not unusual for patients diagnosed with GAD to shift the focus of their anxiety from one issue to another as their daily circumstances change. For example, someone with GAD may start worrying about finances when several bills arrive in the mail, and then fret about the state of his or her health when it is noticed that one of the bills is for health insurance. Later in the day he or she may read a newspaper article that moves the focus of the worry to a third concern.

A manual commonly used by mental health professionals is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,also known as the DSM.This manual may also be identified more specifically by edition, such as the DSM,fourth edition text revised, or DSM-IV-TR.The DSM-IV-TRclassifies GAD as an anxiety disorder.

Generalized anxiety disorder

Description

Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by persistent worry that is excessive and that the patient finds hard to control. Common worries associated with generalized anxiety disorder include work responsibilities, money, health, safety, car repairs, and household chores. The ICD-10,which is the European equivalent of DSMIV-TR,describes the anxiety that typifies GAD as "free-floating," which means that it can attach itself to a wide number of issues or concerns in the patient's environment.

DSM-IV-TRspecifies that the worry must occur "more days than not for a period of at least six months"; ICD-10states only that the patient "must have primary symptoms of anxiety most days for at least several weeks at a time, and usually for several months." The patient usually recognizes that his or her worry is out of proportion in its duration or intensity to the actual likelihood or impact of the feared situation or event. For example, a husband or wife may worry about an accident happening to a spouse who commutes to work by train, even though the worried partner knows objectively that rail travel is much safer than automobile travel on major highways. The anxiety level of a patient with GAD may rise and fall somewhat over a period of weeks or months but tends to become a chronic problem. The disorder typically becomes worse during stressful periods in the patient's life.

Patients diagnosed with GAD have a high rate of concurrent mental disorders, particularly major depression disorder, other anxiety disorders, or a substance abuse disorder. They also frequently have or develop such stress-related physical illnesses and conditions as tension headaches, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ), bruxism (grinding of the teeth during sleep), and hypertension. In addition, the discomfort or complications associated with arthritis, diabetes, and other chronic disorders are often intensified by GAD. Patients with GAD are more likely to seek help from a primary care physician than a psychiatrist; they are also more likely than patients with other disorders to make frequent medical appointments, to undergo extensive or repeated diagnostic testing, to describe their health as poor, and to smoke tobacco or abuse other substances. In addition, patients with anxiety disorders have higher rates of mortality from all causes than people who are less anxious.

In many cases, it is difficult for the patient's doctor to determine whether the anxiety preceded the physical condition or followed it; sometimes people develop generalized anxiety disorder after being diagnosed with a chronic organic health problem. In other instances, the wear and tear on the body caused by persistent and recurrent worrying leads to physical diseases and disorders. There is an overall "vicious circle" quality to the relationship between GAD and other disorders, whether mental or organic.

Children diagnosed with GAD have much the same anxiety symptoms as adults. The mother of a six-year-old boy with the disorder told his pediatrician that her son "acted like a little man" rather than a typical first-grader. He would worry about such matters as arriving on time for school field trips, whether the family had enough money for immediate needs, whether his friends would get hurt climbing on the playground jungle gym, whether there was enough gas in the tank of the family car, and similar concerns. The little boy had these worries in spite of the fact that his family was stable and happy and had no serious financial or other problems.

GAD often has an insidious onset that begins relatively early in life, although it can be precipitated by a sudden crisis at any age above six or seven years. The idea that GAD often begins in the childhood years even though the symptoms may not become clearly noticeable until late adolescence or the early adult years is gaining acceptance. About half of all patients diagnosed with the disorder report that their worrying began in childhood or their teenage years. Many will say that they cannot remember a time in their lives when they were not worried about something. This type of persistent anxiety can be regarded as part of a person's temperament, or inborn disposition; it is sometimes called trait anxiety. It is not unusual, however, for people to develop the disorder in their early adult years or even later in reaction to chronic stress or anxiety-producing situations. For example, there are instances of persons developing GAD after several years of taking care of a relative with dementia, living with domestic violence, or living in close contact with a friend or relative with borderline personality disorder.

The specific worries of a person with GAD may be influenced by their ethnic background or culture. DSMIV-TR'sobservation that being punctual is a common concern of patients with GAD reflects the value that Western countries place on using time as efficiently as possible. One study of worry in college students from different ethnic backgrounds found that Caucasian and African American students tended to worry a variable amount about a wider range of concerns whereas Asian Americans tended to worry more intensely about a smaller number of issues. Another study found that GAD in a community sample of older Puerto Ricans overlapped with a culture-specific syndrome called ataque de nervios, which resembles panic disorder but has features of other anxiety disorders as well as dissociative symptoms. (People experience dissociative symptoms when their perception of reality is temporarily altered— they may feel as if they were in a trance, or that they were observing activity around them instead of participating.) Further research is needed regarding the relationship between people's ethnic backgrounds and their outward expression of anxiety symptoms.

Definition

Brief psychotic disorder is a short-term, time-limited disorder. An individual with brief psychotic disorder has experienced at least one of the major symptoms of psychosis for less than one month. Hallucinations, delusions, strange bodily movements or lack of movements (catatonic behavior), peculiar speech and bizarre or markedly inappropriate behavior are all classic psychotic symptoms that may occur in brief psychotic disorder.

The cause of the symptoms helps to determine whether or not the sufferer is described as having brief psychotic disorder. If the psychotic symptoms appear as a result of a physical disease, a reaction to medication, or intoxication with drugs or alcohol, then the unusual behaviors are not classified as brief psychotic disorder. If hallucinations, delusions, or other psychotic symptoms occur at the same time that an individual is experiencing major clinical depression or bipolar (manic-depressive) disorder, then the brief psychotic disorder diagnosis is not given. The decision rules that allow the clinician to identify this cluster of symptoms as brief psychotic disorder are outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fourth Edition Text Revision, produced by the American Psychiatric Association. This manual is referred to by most mental health professionals as DSM-IV-TR.

Brief psychotic disorder

Description

Positive symptoms

The person experiencing brief psychotic disorder always has one or more "positive" psychotic symptoms. The psychotic symptoms are not "positive" in the everyday sense of something being good or useful. Positive in this context is used with the medical meaning: a factor is present that is not normally expected, or a normal type of behavior is experienced in its most extreme form. Positive symptoms of psychosis include hallucinations, delusions, strange bodily movements or lack of movements (catatonic behavior), peculiar speech and bizarre or primitive behavior.

HALLUCINATIONS. Hallucinations involve experiencing sensations that have no corresponding objective reality. Hallucinations can occur in various forms that parallel the human senses. Visual hallucinations involve the sense of sight, or "seeing things." Auditory hallucinations generally involve hearing voices, and are the most common of the hallucinations. Sometimes, a hallucination can include both voices and some visual experience; mental health professionals describe this as an "auditory-visual hallucination." Smelling non-existent smells or feeling things on or under one's skin that do not actually exist are forms of somatic hallucinations. Somatic comes from soma, the Greek word for body; thus, somatic hallucinations are bodily hallucinations.

DELUSIONS. Delusions are also a classic psychotic feature. Delusions are strongly held irrational and unrealistic beliefs that are extremely difficult to change, even when the person is exposed to evidence that contradicts the delusion. The layperson typically thinks of delusions as being "paranoid," or "persecutory" wherein the delusional person is excessively suspicious and continually feels at the mercy of conspirators who are "out to get" him or her. However, delusions can also be unjustified beliefs that are grandiose, involve elaborate love fantasies ("erotomanic" delusions), or extreme and irrational jealousy. Grandiose delusions are persistent irrational beliefs that somehow exaggerate the person's importance, such as believing oneself to be a famous person, or having an enviable position such as being the Prime Minister or President. Often grandiose delusions take on religious overtones; for instance, a person might become convinced that she is the Virgin Mary. Furthermore, delusions can be somatic. Somatic delusions are erroneous but strongly held beliefs about the characteristics or functioning of one's body; an example is a mental health consumer who refuses to eat because of a conviction that the throat muscles are completely paralyzed and that only liquids can be swallowed, when there is no actual physical reason to be unable to swallow.

OTHER PSYCHOTIC SYMPTOMS. Other psychotic symptoms that may occur in brief psychotic disorder are strange bodily movements or lack of movements (catatonic behavior), peculiar speech, and bizarre or child-like behavior. Catatonic behavior or catatonia involves both possible extremes related to movement. Catalepsy is the motionless aspect of catatonia—a person with catalepsy may remain fixed in the same position for hours on end. Rapid or persistently repeated movements, frequent grimacing and strange facial expressions, and unusual gestures are the opposite end of the catatonia phenomenon. Peculiar speech is also seen in some cases of brief psychotic disorder. Speech distortions can involve words mixed together in no coherent order, responses that are irrelevant and strange in the context of the conversation in which they occur, or echolalia, the repetition of another person's exact spoken words, repeated either immediately after the speaker or after a delay of minutes to hours. Bizarre behavior can range from child-like behaviors such as skipping, singing, or hopping in inappropriate circumstances to unusual practices such as hoarding food or covering one's head and clothing with aluminum foil wrappings.

Next Time Just Leave me Alone.

BiPolar Type II Manic Depressive

2009-07-24T23:59:00.001-04:00

All that had any part of my crash yesterday and had no concern, compassion, or didn't just leave me alone, FUCK U.

Today

2009-07-23T18:33:00.002-04:00

All I want is to see blood... Doing 180 on the freeway ready to die, i'm taking mother fuckers with me, straight to hell test me, try me 4 in the are 1 for my loved ones the 4 that will ride 2 for my brothers the ones with which Ive cried 3 for every door slam society throws at us and 4 for your life cause I'll end it watching snuff.

I added some new posts today from aprial and may.

2009-07-23T17:56:00.000-04:00

All about Kate.

Complete Breakdown Today

2009-07-23T17:34:00.002-04:00

I ran out of Lexapro, Lithium and Lamictal about 5 days ago and couldn't pay for it so I went 5 days crashed really hard, the psych gave me a bunch of samples so hopefully they are building up in my system again. Right now it sux, I feel like shit mentally and physically.

Sorry I haven't wrote, I will dump tons as soon as my sons mother gets him back, it will be a very hard time so I will write real time backwards into things that happened in the summer like his mother hitting me in the face while I was holding him so she got arrested for domestic violence. good times.

Peace all.

Trying to catch up on face book too.

Holes

2009-07-14T09:04:00.000-04:00

I,m Down in a hole
With no where to go
Locked in this trap
Inside my mind.
Let me ask my inner self
When no one is around
Talking to shadows
For answers unsure
Pick like the game show
But pick the right door.
If not you will end up
Among the shadows,
Down in a hole.

Site is up anonymous Public

2009-06-27T22:14:00.002-04:00

All Web IDs, Employees, 3rd Party Consultants or any representative may few this blog. Preceding acknowledges your are not a TEAM, any Entity employee or shareholder, owner or board member.

all content on this site is copyrighted

2009-06-06T15:32:00.000-04:00

It is protected by international copyright laws and may not be copied, reproduced or reconstructed in any way. This site may not be used by law enforcement officials, or in any court case. Many user IDs are used by multiple people.

Anyone that violates these terms of services will be prosecuted.

Woke up crying for no reason

2009-05-22T08:20:00.004-04:00

I must be wayyyyyy down. My UE claim was denied which I expected, and SSI meeting is next week. I have to give the lawyer the paper to appeal UE now. I Juts sat on my floor and cried by the heater, Thats what I'm still going to do.

testing to see if this works

2009-05-20T17:29:00.001-04:00

Had to shut dow except for invited members

2009-05-20T15:35:00.002-04:00

My work is trying to dig whatever they can from my blog so I made it no public. That way if they use it it hurts them even more.

Yesterday.

2009-05-20T15:23:00.003-04:00

Very Manic, need to add text messages to crystal. very out of it manic, paranoid, Compulsive, felt like everyone is watch me and I just needed to get away. I was walking in Mt. Pleasant. small town. I asked crystal for help but she didn't call back, said she fell asleep which is ok, she tries to be there when she can.

Listining to the end by the doors

2009-05-19T01:25:00.002-04:00

Another sex song, and another dwelling songs, I hear it 3d it gives me chills out my back.

Im Hypo Compressive Type 2 Panic attack too 2 xanax on top to stop it. took normals also.

Garabge Milk Massive Attack

2009-05-19T00:59:00.002-04:00

Talk about sex. This song is perfect lyrics, perfect music. If your looking for a sex song use Massive attack milk.

Meds

2009-05-15T01:18:00.003-04:00

I forgot to tell everyone my Meds got doubled. I feel all weird now. I'm dizzy left to right and I've been tired a lot.

Sorry

2009-05-15T00:49:00.002-04:00

I've been away, My meds got changed. well doubled and now I'm a zombie. I sleep till 5 PM and wake up then try to go for a walk to get out of the same 4 walls. I have a call for Unemployment tomorrow, I'm sure they are fighting saying I had done something wrong. I didn't though, I gave a book, then K gave my blog to all the execs to fire me saying she was scared. Funny thing was the blog date was April, and it was written by chris. If it was really per the rules of TEAM then Kate would be fired also. I put in 3 requests to move her starting on Saturday and Nothing was done. I never signed any paper cause I don't believe in the way I was fired. They filed me for bring Bipolar.

So I'm sitting in the basement

2009-05-11T23:43:00.002-04:00

4 walls, a set of bunks, a desk. Like A cell. All from what I had. The Fiance the House I owned, the Cat I owned, a little girl used to me being there 3 years, a 4 yr old son that totally misses the daughters and her mother and I have to explain he will never see them again. I jumped ahead. So my Girl Friend broke up with me, set up 2 bank accounts and started transferring money from our only other accounts our joint accounts. All while In in Chicago on the second day of a 3 day trip. She breaks up with me while in Chicago, with a co-worker, can't wait till my lawyer says I can start saying names legally so I can call these bitches out. Any way, A new trainee makes about 45K to Start in any location but one. Where was I, oh yeah the bitches that want to be my friend then act like you don't know me. Fuck all of you. Bomb first bitches. Oh so the girl breaks up with me, so the next day I go give her one of the 8 books I ordered on relationship building. She took that and my blog to Sr Management, They had it up on the screen when I went into the office they were firing me. so its the COO and corporate Layer. No asking what happened days I did it 3 times, well if thats the case so did she so She should be fired too. The cool thing now is Nancy Grace on CNN, as soon as my mom has all the facts shes getting Nancy to corner it on national TV, Publishing in the Iowa news papers, etc. I can't wait till I can say names. I feel bad for the innocents, there was one. But when this all goes down and its shown who wrote whatever, the timeliness, the psych reports both wondering why I was there, A false police transport, the had no papers nothing followed me through my house wouldn't even let me piss with the door closed. In A normal state of mind I would have said arrest me, show me a warrant or get the fuck out. I was down and kinda shocked so none of it made sense. They put me through hell walking trough everywhere, saying I had to go, they could leave till I got on an ambulance they were there for an hour or two, I Kept telling them I didn't want to go, said i DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE AND Called an ambulance. Part 2 coming shortly... Hint, Mental ward is involved.

Jada

2009-05-11T23:36:00.001-04:00

You are the omega of my heart
the foundation of my conception of love
when i think of what a woman should be... Read More
its you that i first think of

You will never fully understand
how deeply my heart feels 4 u
i worry that we'll grow apart
and i'll end up losing u

You bring me to climax without sex
and You do it all with regal grace
You are my heart in human form
a friend i could never replace.

-2PAC RIP

Dog's Out of the Cage!!

2009-05-11T23:19:00.001-04:00

Sup homie. Glad to see your back. I hope to hear some new shit, and maybe even drop sum more myself. (We all know how that end's up!!!!) Keep you head up and thumb tucked. -DIK

Fuck It Im opening The Blog Back Up

2009-05-10T21:31:00.002-04:00

I shut it down for awhile except for contributors, see the s, that means more than just me. So anyway I got fire from work after my X went to the bosses (right after we broke up) and gave them my blog, and said I gave her a book which I did. It was ordered the week before we broke up. I ordered 7 relationship building books to use together to work on problems we had, and 1 I ordered for her called why Men Love Bitches. A NY Times Best seller. I sat it on her desk, she gave my Bipolar blog site and says she feels threatened by "Hate" written by Hook Knows, AKA Dik, AKA Chris. So now the entire company is hitting the blog cause I got the IP's logged, I get dragged into the COO's office with their lawyer to tell me I'm fired while he has my blog site up on the screen. Well now I got a lawyer working the case so Fuck Them.

Email

2009-05-06T01:09:00.001-04:00

I know you said your hurt and loosing weight, I'm hurt too. I didn't want it to be this way, I'm standing in the line trying to get foodstamps. It was a total shock to me. Your crying anfd hurting and so am I so why did it end this way? Why did you get a place move all your stuff out, break up with me? I loved you kate, all I wanted to do was marry you and have the fairytale dream, the problem became my problem, which if I could take the hurt and depression out of the picture from you, I am a lot better, I was back to where I wanted to be and where you needed me to be. 1 more Dr visit. Now I sit here with nothing but time wondereing everything from another guy to you just didn't love me. So you say your not with a guy so its you didn't love me. I tried everything Any time you were down and out, I wanted to make you happy. I was on the wrong meds for 1 and I needed a new one.

I tried to explain that. I don't eat either. I lost about 20 pounds so far. I know your trying to move on, It really hurts that I can't have your Phone number. And I'm not sending anything out until I have your Address, I just don't think its fair or respectful for some that was supposed to be you husband in 45 days. The worst part of this is as I sit alone upset because I can't talk to you, or I cand get a hold of you at night, I think to myself. I would still msrry you today. And I still love you even though itd crossed the line of more than breaking up this time.

I'll leave work out of every conversation, you think I think your cold, well thats just cause I sit and cry when something effects me so bad like this, but you dont, you get to the point black and white defensive, (in my eyes, maybe not to other people) so I assume it just doesn't bother you. Point I guess is you hated me sitting in the basement by myself, Thats all I have to do here

Thank Yous

2009-05-03T05:50:00.001-04:00

Thank yous

The Reality of what happened is starting to sink in, we are pretty much done no going back. they got my meds pretty good so far, doubled everything, and added 600 mg of litithum.

I just wanted to thank/tell you some things I miss and appreciated:

1) Im in the valley again, so I am the valley trash, thats are there is, I have some govt papers and law papers going on so there is no move to get another job right now. That sux, You turned me to non cheap, now I'm yard salling and hitting the dollar store, that sux. Thank you for showing me the other side of life.

2) I came back to all the valley Hos, including crystal all trying to get with me, I can't even look at them, its ike get the fuck out of my face your a skank, Like seriously Ponderosa is a good dinner to them. I miss The High maintenance girl that made sure her nails and hair were done, wearing $500 dresses, or outfits. Here its like the girl in the hospital, thats the only way to explain.
Thank you for showing me valley trash is just that, maybe eventually I CAN HAVE ANOTHER HIGH CLASS WOMAN LIKE YOU.

3) Places here suck like bars / food. Places I'll miss especially with you:

Burbon street
Voodoo
The Casino
All Downtown
Peppers
Becks, (we had some good times, Karaoke, just early on alot of fun)
Cedar Falls .
The Water Parks
The Trails for biking / hiking
Pacos
Ferraries
Our 2 Shitty Malls
Hyvee
The Place we saw The Piano Man Show
The Cedar Rapids Airport - Lots of memories both happy and sad from leaving or coming.
The Mall Of America
The Deck
The Back Yard, _ I bet its starting to look nice now
The Living Room - I felt safe there
High Class Food and entertainment, Now its all Low class, as far down as Mc Donalds is a date - seriously.
I'm sure I missed some but you get the idea,

4) I wanted to thank you for trying to help me, you were there for my panic attacks alot and would walk with me or rub my head. Thank you for that, not many people care, No one here has yet to do anything but make my attacks worse. It was Odd I never had hardly 0 out there, you know in a while, but here, I've had a few so far, but its been a rough time so maybe thats why. Anyway taknk you for putting up with that part of me.

5) All the firsts you either had me experience or experienced with me. Flying for the first time, Going further west then ever, then again to vegas furthest ests, Vegas itself as my first. My first ever tailired Suit, my firdt $100 pair of Jeans, My first taste of fashion, multi products to get ready, My first cat, I hope he is ok I miss him so much. My first self owned Business, My first Self Owned Condo, First trip to Mall of America, First 3 some, first woman that was exactly that, a woman through and through, Well dressed, well mannered, Well Presented compared to what I'm used too. Lots of first for events, like the James Tye party, the Party at the country club where we met Paco, etc. All those things I was never used too.

6) Thank you for scheduling to have the pictures taken, They turned out awesome.

7) Thank you for the things you did for me when I lived there like Laundry, cleaning, etc. I should have cooked more. I miss those dinners like at convair with the steaks and crab on top beranaise!

8) Thank you for teaching me the fine points of wine. I never liked it at all before coming out there. I am glad I actually got involved and tried wine with you. We had some fun parties, and fun Wine nights just watching TV.

9) I miss playing cards, and making up our own games. That was fun.

10) Thank you for the good exercise habits, I'm down below 200 now. :)

Kate, Thank you for everything. I know you say you donut hate me, and maybe you don't but I feel that you do, I mean you filed a restraining order, won't give me your phone number, I can't have your address, to send you anything. Thats all fine, but don't tell me you don't hate me when thats how it is, I gave you my cell and Address as soon as they changed. I understand we are over period. So I know why wou wouldn't want me to have it I guess, you don't even log on IM, or you changed addresses.

Anyway I'm posting thins on the blog also, that you still never even looked at.

Kate Thanks for all the high class things and that side of life so I got to see it. I would never have seen it here before I left, aand really wont see any of it now so thank you for all those things.